*Anthony's POV*
As I opened the door to Ian's bedroom, I saw him lying on his bed, holding a book in his hands. I couldn't see the title on the front page - neither an image. "What are you reading?" I asked curiously, wanting to know the topic of the mysterious book.
Ian winced and shut the used-looking book he was holding, hectically putting it in a drawer of his bedside table. "Knock the next time, you idiot! That scared me."
I shirked. "Okay." I pointed at the drawer he put the book in. "So, what were you reading?" Ian was just scratching his stubby beard without answering my question, so I decided to start talking about the topic for which I came in my friend's room.
"May I have a seat?" I asked, not wanting to have to stand the entire time.
"Erm.. Yeah, sure!" Ian replied with a smile, moving a little bit and making space for me to sit on the bed. As I went to the bed and sat down, he pulled himself together and sat up, so that we were face-to-face.
"What is it?" he asked, looking not that sure if he should be serious or not.
I looked at him for a few seconds before I decided to talk. "It's about... you." I started. "Well, in fact, it's more about us. I have the feeling that you avoided me the last few days, could that be right?" I decided to not tell him that it really hurt me, though. Anyways, I was pretty sure that he was aware of it.
"I didn't.", Ian replied with a played cold, emotionless voice. "How did you come up with that anyways?"
I ignored his question, knowing that he was lying. "Is it about the kiss?" I asked carefully, looking away from my friend's gaze.
This will probably sound very weird for people who don't know what happened a few day ago, when we were shooting the friday-video for this week. I played my character Antoinette and had to 'accidentally' kiss Ian on the lips. That’s what was in the script, but instead I kissed him on the cheek. Nobody complained when I told them that I did this, because otherwise we could probably get bad comments. But in reality I didn't care about the comments at all. It was just so weird, having to kiss my best friend, while all the other people stare at us. And then having it in the video... I just couldn't stand the idea.
"So, is there something wrong about me, or what?" Ian suddenly asked. His voice was loud, but I heard that he was frightened of the answer. "Why didn’t you kiss me, like it was is the script? I remember you writing this part! Tell me." he added when I didn't reply.
I shirked from his look and twiddled my thumbs. "Why do you think that there is something wrong with you?" I asked him, honestly wanting to hear the answer. "I just thought it would be better this way."
"Well yeah... But you refused to kiss me, and that really... hurt." I heard him swallow after confessing this to me. "It’s not like this would've been our first kiss."
I felt my cheeks blush, when I remembered the few kisses we exchanged when we were younger. 'Nothing serious, just experimental. ' - at least that was what my mom said, when she saw us kissing in my bedroom. There was a strange feeling in my stomach, when I thought back to it. Was it really just 'fun'? A joke? It felt like so much more to me, but I always kept sure that Ian wouldn't find out my opinion. To be honest, I thought that my friend forgot those memories, or at least tried to delete them from his memory. The fact that he is still aware that we had some sort of relationship once made me nervous.
I looked up from my hands and saw that my friend closed his eyes. His mouth was a little bit open, as he wanted to say something. And after a few seconds he did: "I know that you are not feeling the way I do, Anthony. For me our relationship was always a bit to intimate for 'just best friends'." He took a deep breath and continued. "Which isI weird, because I'm in an... How do people always say this?... healthy relationship. I don't know why, and I don't know how to explain it, but... I really like you Anthony. I always have."
He hadn't to explain anything to me, because suddenly everything made sense. I always thought it was just me, when he acted gay.'I just think that, because I wish it was true.' was what I always thought. This was probably a good moment to finally tell him.
"Ian..." As I said his name, he buried his face in his hands, taking another deep breath. "Ian" I started again, carefully speaking with a soft voice, so he won't be scared of what I'm saying. "I thought so. I really did."
My friend didn’t react in any way, so I continued.
"But a few years ago, I became very unsure about it. You being together with Melanie, you joking about being gay, but eww-ing at the whole 'Ianthony'-thing. And when I realized, that I wasn't right about you... You know being gay and stuff... I became sad." I had to grin when I continued talking. "I really don't know why, but I remember thinking to myself, that I never had a chance with you now. I tried to move on..." Suddenly my voice died. My stomach turned around when I saw Ian slowly raising his head and looking at me.
We sat there a few moments, then I heard Ian's voice. It was scarcely audible, but I could hear a sad undertone.
"Why wouldn't you kiss me then?"
I thought about his questions and decided to finally tell him everything.
"Well, first of all, I thought that this was... not good for a video. I mean... Our viewers would maybe be a little... confused." I took a deep breath. "To be honest, I thought that they maybe... had taken it seriously or so."
I decided to continue, because Ian didn't answer. He just stared at his feet, biting on his bottom lip.
"Second of all, it would be very weird if our first kiss since almost... eight years would be on camera. It would have been acting for a video. A lie." I hoped that Ian answered now, because I had nothing to say anymore. And - thank god - he did:
"You could kiss me now. Camera's off." He raised his head and looked into my eyes, waiting for an answer.
I didn't expect something like this, and when I realized that he was totally right, my heart skipped a beat. It would be a perfect moment for a kiss, wouldn't it?
I stared at him, thinking about what to do. After a few moments I pushed myself to doing something. I slowly moved my head to his, so close, that I could feel his breath. I remained like that for a redicioulasly long time, being aware of how much my next move could turn my world around.
And then I remembered them again: all the silly little kisses of our childhood. How I wasn't able to think, when he touched me. How we were both so confused about all of this. How we got drunk to not feel that way. How we slept next to each other, with our fingers interlaced.
Everytime I thought about it, it was like I didn't remember if it was real or just a dream. I wanted it to be that easy again, but i knew that it'll never be.
And then I pressed my lips against his regardless.
The kiss was very different to the one's of our youth. We knew what we were doing, we knew what it meant. I was aware of the consequences this act would bring, but I didn’t even think about breaking the kiss.
I didn't know what to do with my hands, so I raised them and touched his face. I stroke with my fingers over his soft skin, and then over his beard, which - and I realized that just now - had always turned me on a little bit. I noticed his astonishment as I did so, but soon he did the same. He slowly opened his mouth for a more powerful kiss. And I answered him.
I wanted to run my fingers through his hair, so I slowly rose my hands over his head, but in my current position that was rather uncomfortable, so I wanted to lean over Ian a little bit. But when he noticed what I was doing, he seperated his lips from mine.
We both breathed heavily, and I rested my forehand on his. I still had my eyes closed, but I opened them as soon as Ian leant back. He was directly looking into my eyes. After a few more breaths he began to talk.
"And now what? We both have girlfriends."
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TUMBLR: http://imagine-ianthony.tumblr.com/fanfiction
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