As soon as we reach Gale's house, I fling open the door.
"I'm finally back," I whisper to myself. I can feel Gale walk up behind me, his hot breath against my back.
"I'm glad," I can her the smile in his voise as he speaks those words.
I trun around and let myself walk straight into his awaiting arms. I smile and look up at him. "You smell good," I say. "Like the earth."
"You smell good too," Gale smiles back. "Like soap."
I step out of his grasp and turn to Prim who is standing next to us. I pick her up just like I always did when she was little. "How's my little duck?"
"She's glad to have you home!" Prim says, her eyes threatening to release satly tears.
Just as the first tear falls, I brush it away gingerly. I smile at her and she does the same. Oh, how I missed that sweet, sweet smile. I set her down after a moment and sit down on the floor of the little house. I watch as all of Gale's siblings, including his mother, come sit in a circle around me.
We talk for hours. Not about the Hunger Games, but about what happened while I was gone. Gale, of course, turned eighteen so he now works in the mines. I'm saddened slightly by this. I won't have a hunting partner.
"You know Katniss," Gale said after a while. "You can still say goodbye to Haymitch. You're his neighboor now, remember?"
My eyes got wide at the thought. How stupid had I been? Of course I would be living next to him! After all, we're both victors now.
"Oh, yea. . . ." Now that I realize I'll be able to see Haymitch back into his drunken state doesn't bring me much happiness or relief, for that matter. It was Cinna who I really wanted to say goodbye to. I would actually miss him. I wonder if there was a way I could see him again. . . .
Prim giggles at my expression and snuggles up close to me. She's so close she's almost sitting on my lap, which I tell her to do. She happily obliges. My mother comes a bit closer as well, swinging her arm around my shoulders.
"Will I be treated normally?" I ask no one in particularly.
"What do you mean, honey?" Gale's mother, Hazelle, asks me.
"In the Hob. Around town in general. By the baker. . . ." I fail to find my voice after 'the baker'. How could I face him again? Peeta's mother probably wouldn't care. But his father, he believed in him.
"Nothing will ever be like it was the day before, Katniss. It never has been. You should know that," Gale states simply.
"You know what I mean-" I feel Gale stiffen beside me.
"Yes, I do, and I already gave you your answer. Okay?" Gale's voice quivered with anger.
My face hardened into an unreadable mask. "Well, okay. It's getting late. We had better let all of you get some rest," I say as I glance at Vick who is nearly asleep already in his mother's arms.
"Have a nice night, you three. I'm glad you stopped by to chat with us for a bit," Hazelle gave me a warm smile and my mother, Prim and I all stand and head for the door.
"We have a lot of work to do at out new home, I imagine," my mother says softly as we walk down the dirt path out of the Seam and into Victor's Village.
"I don't know. Aren't they supposed to do that kind of thing for us now?" I reply.
"Who's 'they'? The Capitol?" Prim walks over to me and slips her warm hand into mine.
"Well . . ." I have to stop and think about it for a moment. I thought that I had meant the Capitol, but I'm not exactly sure. "Probably. I'm not entirely sure."
"Oh," is all that she says.
We walk in silence until we are faced with the granduer of our new abode. The lights on the outside are dazzling. We never had electricity in the Seam. Besides that which comes through the battered old television screen from the Captiol strictly for important messages and the annual Hunger Games.
I can hear each one of us all gasp at the same moment. After a moments of simply staring at the vicinity, Prim races forward, giggling.
"C'mon! Let's go inside!" she squeaks and hops up and down, up and down, up and down. For a moment, I want to join her. I could if I want to. After all, there aren't any cameras around, there isn't an audience for me to try non-stop to please, it's just us. Just the three that have toughed out far too many years rather than enjoying life.
All three of us have worked hard, especially in these past few months I've been off entertaining the residents of the Capitol. So why can't I be happy? We're all together now, we're set for life, even beyond that. Somehow, somewhere, I know the thousands of reasons that I can't celebrate with my adorable little sister. I let Peeta die. I let Rue die. I've killed far too many people, I let myself start to like a boy whom I ended up slaughtering, I hurt Gale every single time that I was with Peeta, I left my mother and Prim to survive all by themselves, I never said 'goodbye' to the people who helped me most in my time of need, Gale is still upset with me, and nothing will ever be the same again.
I should have died. I should die. I will die eventually, but it seems as though the clammy, dark hands of death can't steal me away fast enough. I welcome death in, I'd let it take me away gratefully, but only if those who died for or because of me get to come back to all of the people and places they belong to. Nobody should have ever died for me. Nobody should have died by my means either.
No one should have to live in thise world. This place of constant fear, always afraid that someone might take away the ones you love. Always afraid that someone is going to kill you, or you starve to death, or you're beaten to death by Peacekeepers. Nobody should be forced into watching children murdering other children. Nobody should have to deal with the fact that their father was blown into a hundred millioin tiny pieces that won't ever be recovered because he was trying to keep his family alive! Nobody should have to carry the burden of having their best frien hate them because of something they did to keep themselves alive! Nobody!
I open my eyes that I didn't know I had shut. I take the hands which protect my neck as I crouch down to the ground away. I place my hands on the ground of spotless white stone that is deathly cold to the touch. I shiver slightly and notice that I'm panting heavily. I feel dizzy. Too dizzy. The entire world is sideways, the lights on the house going out. I attempt to look at my hands, but it's no use; I can't raise them up. I feel myself falling, falling without ever hitting the bottom of the gaping hole I've fallen into.
"KATNISS. . . !" I hear someone scream before I hit the bottom of the pit with a bang, a crash, and a thud.