Jason's POV
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, Jason." Malarie cries, as I circle around her pissed as can be. "You weren't sorry when you were kissing Cal like there wasn't tomorrow." I yell as loud as can be, pointing sternly at her.
I caught her and Cal making out in his damn bed this afternoon. I didn't know whether or not I was seeing things, or if I truly saw my fiancée and my friend kissing. I wasn't even worried about telling her off when I caught them together, I just wanted Cal's head in my arms. Hm, and that's exactly what I did. I beat the hell out of him, not giving him any chances to explain to me. Clearly there's no explaining for another man kissing my woman. Having a physical fight with Cal isn't ever easy... he's a pretty good fighter. Although today he was fighting like a bitch, making beating his ass easy. When I felt I smashed his face in enough, I kicked him out my house, telling him to never come back.
"I really am sorry, babe. I really am, I don't know why we ki-" I cut off her non irrelevant apology, not wanting to hear her. "It's too late to say sorry now! You kissed him because you were acting like a little whore!" I yell in her face, balling my fists up at my sides.
"I am not a whore you fucking asshole, don't you dare slut shame me!" She screams at the top of her lungs, throwing a pillow at my face. I am for sure my brother and the gang can hear us from downstairs. "Throw one more thing at me, and I swear you'll be sorry." I threaten, having her get off the bed to push pass me.
"I just don't see why we should even marry each other, because we don't have anything in common except for hating each other, arguing, and loving our kids!" She looks in her drawers, pulling out some clothing of hers. "Where the fuck do you think you're going?" I walk behind her I guess too closely for her liking, because she nudges me away.
"I have to go to school, unlike you I want to be something in life. So just be a dad for once and watch Jasper and Ariel." She shouts back at me, beginning to put on some of her clean underwear. "You're not going anywhere, you can go online. I know this, because I remember you sighing up for this online class, so you're a fucking liar." I slam my hand on top of the drawer, with her scoffing loudly.
"The class has to meet in the classroom today, so I'm not a liar, Jason. Gosh, just watch your kids for once!" She storms pass me, going to put her phone on the charger by our bed. "I can't watch them, you're going to have to find someone to watch them. I have very important stuff to do today." I tell her like it is, receiving a shove from her.
"No! No I won't find someone to watch our kids, that's all we do is use people to watch our children! You have to man up and take on real responsibility Jason! Now I'm going to school so watch them." She moves away from me, with me pulling her back into me. "You'll watch them, you'll do whatever I say. I'm in charge of this fucking house, Malarie! I'm not playing with your ass, you are going to be the one to watch them." I hold onto her arm very tightly, just wanting her to understand our plan.
"I am not Jason, I have to go to school. Now let me go, because you're hurting me." Her little ass struggles in my arms, with me laughing at her lack of strength. "I said you're staying here, to be a stay at home mother. I want you to do your schooling from home, I don't like how you want to leave me. I don't need you being a bitch ass slut anymore! You know, since you want to kiss my friends." The next thing I know is I'm clutching my face, due to her back handing me pretty hard.
"Don't you ever call me out of my name, it was an accident. I didn't mean to kiss Cal, it just happened." She keeps hitting me in my chest, pissing me the fuck off. "I know you didn't just put your hands on me! On me? Are you out of your damn mind or something?" Before I could say anymore I am being knocked to the ground, with me clutching my eye in agonizing pain. She just punched me dead in my face... my eye to be exact.
Before I could even stop myself, I jump up to my feet, smacking her in her face, knocking her down on the ground. Not only did she cry out loudly, but she pounced on me like some wild animal, punching me all over. I'm not some punk, and I'm definitely not going to let her just hit me when she touched me first. So I did what anyone else would do... I defended myself.
"Let me go, let me go, Malarie!" I slap her thighs with firmness, wanting her to unlatch her legs from around my waist. "Fuck you, fuck you Jason!" She keeps hitting me in my face, almost instantly making a warm liquid drip from my nose. Great, now I'm bleeding. Her crazy ass keeps punching and slapping me in my face.
"I told you to let me go," I yell, now socking her in her arm... very hard. "Stop fucking hitting me all in my face." Another sock is landed to the side of her head, causing her to screech out in pain.
"Ow! You're such a jerk it's done, it's over. I rather fuck Cal, and kiss all over him, instead of being with you. Fuck you Jason, fuck you." That petty shit she just said, made me enraged in nothing but fury. And I went completely street fighter on her. "You want him? You want to leave me for him!?" Every single word was a hit to the side her head, with her weakly attempting to stop me.
"No! Jason stop it, Jason please sto-" I punch in her mouth, drawing lots of blood, quickly stopping her pleads. Her dramatic begging starts immediately after. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean what I said." She cries, trying to squirm away from my hitting of her.
"You want to leave me?! You want to leave me, and be with that kiwi asshole!" I scream in her face, seeing how she rapidly shakes her head in refusal. "I was just say-" I didn't want to hear it, so I got up off her, although not before kicking her multiple times in her side, crying tears of pain, betrayal, sadness, and pure and utter rage.
Jason... STOP! Stop, you're hurting her, please don't harm the woman you love anymore.
Give us all what we want and kill her, kill her slowly.
Meh. You both could've avoided this bull. Now you both are bleeding.
"Fucking. Bitch. Ass. Slut!" Each word was a kick to her side. "Jason please, you're hurting me. You're going to break my ribs, babe you're going to break them!" She screams out to me, making me back away to pace around the room.
Oh no, Jason.
Oh yes, Jason.
Damn, Jason.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck," I repeat over and over again, tugging at my messy hair. "I don't know what to do, I just hit her. I hit her... I-I hurt her." I speak to myself, walking around mumbling to myself.
"J-Jason," I hear her voice call out to me, yet I ignore her. "Jason." She tried once more, this time standing up next to me.
"Get the fuck away from me, get away." I go to swing, although she dodges it, running away from me. "Jason wake up!" She yells from afar, confusing the hell out of me.
"Wake up? W-what the hell are you talking about, Malarie?" I look at her beaten and bruised presence, with her shakily pointing her finger at me sleeping on the bed... with her right next to me. "What hell is that, are we dead?" I go to step forward, but she shakes her head, stopping me mid step.
"Please wake up, I need you to wake up." I again walk towards her, this time I take a step, falling through a hole in the flooring as I'm at it. Out of nowhere I'm being soaked with water. "Ahhhh!" I scream at the top of my lungs, trying my hardest to grasp on anything to hold on to.
As I continue to sink more downward into the water filled hole, I remain screaming. Letting the water clog my airway, letting the water drown me little by little.
Well, at least before I'm being shaken by gentle, yet firm hands on me. I will myself to open my eyes- to regain conscious of what's going on around me. And that's exactly what I do, I obtain the ability of being responsive again.
"Oh my goodness Jason, oh my goodness! You scared me, I thought you were going to try to kill me like last time." Mal looks at me with watery eyes, holding a spray bottle filled with water, and the taser I got for her a while back. "I was... dreaming?" I come to confusing realization, looking her body over. I don't see any bruises so I know I was in fact dreaming.
"A-are you okay? You're as pale as a ghost." She makes an effort to touch me, though I shove her away, nervously getting out of our bed. "No, d-don't touch me, alright?" As I say this, she looks very hurt by my action... maybe even by my words.
"What have I done this time, what have I done wrong? Let me know, I'm sorry." She just apologizes, and I hate that. She doesn't even know what's going on, yet she thinks she's done something incorrect. "I-you che- I um, I have to go I'll be back later." I scurry into our walk in closet, speedily putting on anything I could get my hands on. My black and white Nike sweatsuit and my new black Yeezy's. I turn around to leave the closet, but Mal is standing right in front of me, looking at me sadly. I avoid her melancholic expression, lightly brushing past her in a hurry. She grabs ahold of my sweater, pulling me in for a quick hug.
"I love you, and I'm sorry for whatever I did. You were cursing my name, and I don't know why. But Jason, please, please be careful." That's all she whispers to me, letting me free to go. "I'll be back a little later." I leave without another word, rushing down the stairs of our house. I need to talk to Carl immediately. I need questions answered now.
:::
Thirty minutes later
"So let me get all of this straight; you dreamt you were abusing Malarie, your fiancée? All because she so called "kissed", or "cheated" on you with her best friend- Cal- who's a male friend you've known for a while now." Carl speaks in concentration, taking off his glasses to look at me for any type of objection. "Yes. It felt so real, I thought I was really harming her." I respond ashamed, feeling nothing but pure disgust in myself.
After I left the house- which was a little after seven in the damn morning; I called and called Carl's phone. I felt bad as hell calling him that early on a Saturday morning, knowing he doesn't work on weekends- but I'm in dire need here. He picked up the phone in the groggiest voice I have ever heard, making me chuckle a little. I guess he realized he sound half asleep- hell I wouldn't even have answered the damn phone. But he did, and I'm quite grateful for that.
He cleared his throat, listening to what I had to say. He informed me he was too tired to meet at the office, so he trusted me to come to his house. I was taken back by his suggestion, and being me I went a little overboard. I stupidly accused him of wanting to take advantage of me, knowing I was raped by a man. He assured me he wasn't interested in me, and that he liked women- that he had a girlfriend. I calmed down at that, agreeing to see him at his place. For a doctor of his kind, he doesn't spend his money on finer things. Instead his house is really plain, and dull.
"Jason?" Carl snaps his finger, bringing my attention back to him. "Yes." I shake my head, looking to him.
"I said, is this the only dream you've had of her so called being unfaithful to you?" He looks at me with concern, pushing my cup of coffee he nicely made for me, forward. "Unfortunately no, Carl. I haven't mentioned anything about this to anyone, because I thought it was just a small case of early cold feet or something." I admit this, taking a shaky sip of my coffee.
"Hm, I see. Do you think this could be a sign of Malarie being unfaithful, or possibly having an affair with someone other than... you?" I can tell he chose is words wisely, but being me I still reacted like me. "She better no be having a fucking affair, or sleeping with any other men except for me... and our sons. Shit, I swear if she is, I'll, I'll- fuck!" I bang my fist down on kitchen table, feeling very agitated at the moment.
"Calm down, Jason, I don't want you to hurt yourself. I'm not saying she's having some adulterous affair, I'm just saying maybe there was something that happened in the past. Or maybe you're just insecure, because you've cheated in the past." He sips on his coffee, staring back at me, waiting for me to say a response. "Hell no Carl, me having these dreams frequently as I'm having them, that definitely means something- shit, it's a sign of something. And you know what? I'm going to get to the bottom of it." I pout, tapping my fingers rhythmically on the table.
I sure in hell will get to the bottom of this. Even if I have to do lots of threatening towards Mal, I will get down to everything. I just- I don't why I keep having these dreams about her being unfaithful. Yesterday I had a dream of her sleeping with my brother, and instead of coming to see Carl, I ignored her most of the day. I feel so bad, she was so confused on why I was giving her he cold shoulder. I just told her I wasn't having a great day. Luckily she kept it at that, and didn't question me anymore.
"Can I give you my own opinion from all of what you've told me?" Carl clears his throat, horribly failing at trying to fix his messed up bed hair. "Yeah, I guess." I sigh, placing my arms on the table, laying my head in them.
"Personally I think you're overthinking these dreams... or nightmares you've been having lately. There's many of possible reasons as to why you may be affected by them," He pauses, causing me to sit up, seeing him sipping on his coffee once more. "Sorry about that, I needed some caffeine in me." He chuckles, taking another sip.
"That's fine, Carl. Please, take as much time you need, I can wait. I will wait, because I need some answers. I know I'm crazy, but me having these dreams hitting the woman I so dearly love, is definitely not a sign of being healthy. I want to be fixed, I want to be well. I'm scared I'll hurt her, Carl. I'm also scared I'll hurt my... my children." Shaking my head sadly, I lay my chin over my folded arms on the table, this time staring back at him for answers. "Okay, first of all, you are NOT going to hurt Malarie, or your children. I know you wouldn't, because you love them so much. Plus, you're a good person, even when you don't see that you are." He gives me such a huge compliment, I had to smile about it. Carl's way too nice to me.
"Thanks man, I appreciate that." He nods his head, getting up from his seat, to walk over to his cabinet by his refrigerator. "Now, I'm going to get us some chocolate chip cookies, because most people like them. Warmed or regular?" He holds up the packet in his hand, pointing to the microwave.
"Definitely warmed up." I can tell he was happy with my answer, because he opened the package of cookies up so fast, eagerly pouring them on a plate. "Good answer, very good answer." He smiles widely, starting the microwave for a couple of seconds.
Within no time, I'm watching Carl shuffling back over to the table, taking his seat across from me. He rubs his hands together, taking four chocolate chip cookies, then pushing the plate my way. I'm guessing so I can take a few myself. I had to laugh at his enthusiasm for the cookies in front of us. Chocolate chip must be his favorite. Psh, chocolate chip is one of my favorites as well. I like Oreo's the best of all, though.
"Go ahead, go ahead and help yourself, Jason." Carl speaks with a mouth full of cookie, motioning me to grab some. I better take some, he looks like he can eat the whole pack. "You're right, I better take me some. You look like you want to eat all of them. Thank you." He nods, reaching over to take some more. I even reach over to take me a delicious cookie, the chocolate filling looking so very gooey and wonderful to eat.
"No problem, Jason. And hell yeah, I love Chips Ahoy!" We share a laugh, as if we were old friends just hanging out. "I'm ready for you to tell me your option about my dreams." Speaking politely, I wait for his response.
"Oh yes, of course," he swallows the last of his cookie, guzzling down his coffee. "Like I said a little while before, there's many of possible reasons as to why you may be affected by these dreams you're having. A few things that may trigger the "cheating spouse dream", may be a sudden change in accessories that your partner uses, like perfume, clothing, his or her interest in keeping themselves fit can also trigger a doubt." My ears perk up to that, with me listening closely.
"Not long ago she's changed the color and length of her hair, she told me she needed a change. She's also been working out with me from time to time, but I just assumed it's because she wants to go back to her weight she was before. She hasn't really changed perfumes, it's more so her wearing lots of makeup now. I hate that- I hate it so much, I found myself throwing some away, or hiding them. But mostly, throwing lots of them away. If she knew I was doing that, she would be so angry with me." I sigh lowly, taking another cookie to nibble on.
"I think she'd be angry with you too, makeup is expensive. Well, that's what my sister and former girlfriends have said in the past." He grins, putting his glasses on. "It's not like I don't give her money, I do. She doesn't have to work anymore, because I'm working for us. I pay for everything- and I'm not complaining, I want to pay for everything. Carl, she absolutely hates it, though. We will wind up having a huge argument about me working, and how she's not. Then I'd have those dreams of her cheating on me, which caused me to abuse her in my dreams." Running my fingers through my hair, I look around his small looking kitchen.
"This could also be a sign of you being abusive to her in the past, which could be triggering these dreams you're having. These nightmares could also have to do with you being abandoned, or mistreated by someone during your childhood." He speaks slowly, watching his wording with me. "I've had a couple of nightmares about my dad physically abusing, and Cyrus harming me in the ways he's done. It's not a pretty sight to see- I tend to fight in my sleep, and I always think one of them is Malarie. I don't know I'm hitting her, or harming her, but I continue to fight anyway. It's just- I just want to kick their ass so bad; which always ends up with me hitting Mal." I hold in my wuss tears, looking down at my hands.
"You have to try to fight that, Jason. You have to know what's real, and what's not. I know you don't mean to hit or hurt Mal, but you have to learn how to control your actions. One day- and I don't want to jinks it, but one day she's going to get tired of being your punching bag, man. I don't ever want to see you coming to my office, letting me know she's left with the kids- that would literally hurt me." He looks at me with a sad expression, breaking his professional look he usually gives off. "I'll really try to control myself, I'll even take my sleeping pills. I don't like my sleep being controlled, but if it will stop the nightmares, I'll take my chances." I admit, helping myself on another cookie.
"That's great Jason, I'm happy to her that," Carl smiles proudly, getting up to refill our coffee cups. "Have you been dishonest with Malarie in any way? Sometimes not telling your partner or spouse something, usually will be another trigger for the dreams you're having. As well as you being the one cheating, or having an affair in the past. These both could be signs, on why certain dreams are being held in your head." He walks back over to the kitchen table, handing me my coffee cup.
"I haven't been unfaithful to her in three years, and I'm most certainly not lying to her. Well, I was... but I finally told her I was back doing my job. She didn't like it, but she sucked it up. The thing is, I'm an unconfident man. Especially when it has something to do with my Malarie. I feel like she's spending way too much time at school; with her so called partner. She says it's just for schoolwork, and refuses for him to come our house, because I have a "jealous possessive" way about me. Is it that bad I care about her so much?" I look at Carl's intense face, seeing how he rubs his chin, thinking about all that I said.
"I think it's a thin line between caring and being possessive. Although, you should be understanding on how she has to have a partner for class. You've both told me before, that she couldn't choose her partner. It was a random pick by the professor." A small growl escapes from my mouth, with me not liking how he's not on my side. "Seriously Carl? Fuck this shit, I'm not possessive... well maybe a little, but I've calmed down A LOT. I used to be worse than this, ask anyone who knows me and Mal." I cross my arms over my chest, pissed at him.
"I apologize if I offended you in anyway, I didn't mean it like that. I'm just saying, have a little trust in her. I mean, she's trusts you, even when you were cheating on her. You have a good woman, and surely she knows she has a good man." Carl gives off a pleasant smile, cracking his knuckles. "That's my baby, and I love her man. I was so afraid and eager to talk to you, that I didn't say I love her back. She looked so sad, and on top of everything, she blamed herself for my fucked up head. I hate when she blames herself for something that's my fault." My conscious starts to feel guilty, and I do what I do best, I begin to pace around Carl's kitchen.
"I'm sure she knows you love her with all your heart. You were scared, and confused about your dream. You did what you had to do, you left. I know it's not right to run away from your problems, but that's okay. She understood Jason, she did." I breathe heavier and heavier, focusing on the words Carl is speaking. "I see it like this; don't do nothing unless your hearts in it. Clearly my hearts in it, that's why I left to see you. To get an opinion on things going on with my messed up head. That girl- I mean that woman, that woman is my life, okay? It's true, I didn't have a life until I met her. And when we were parted for a while, I finally kid- met her again, having my life come back into my arms. It was the best day of my entire life, I love her so much." I let my heavenly emotions spill out about the woman I so badly love, feeling happy I said it.
"Then tell her that, Jason. Tell her what you said to me, she'd look at you as if you were the most important human being in her life." Carl makes me smile shyly, wiping away an escaped tear from my eye. "You're one good shrink, man." We laugh, continuing to talk freely amongst one another.
:::
Two hours later
"Kick the ball Jakey! Or kick it to someone else, you can't ball hog!" I hear Mal shout out to Jacob, as I watch her sitting down on the bleachers at our Neighborhood Park. "Mama be quiet, you messing me up!" He yells back at her, causing her to share a chuckle with another teammate's mom. I love her smile. "Look mama, I'll kick this ball for you!!" Before anyone knew what he was doing, he kicks the ball right at the opposing team members face. Laughing his little ass off. I had to chuckle myself.
"Jacob! Darn it, Jacob you don't do that!" Malarie scolds him, receiving a huff from his small presence. "But mama, you told me not to ball hog, and kick it." He whines, pouting as if he didn't just kick the ball straight at another kids face. Damn, he is so bad.
I continue my observance of my little family, lightly smiling at any of their actions. Shit, I was laughing my ass off at anything Jacob did. That little dude is funny as hell. As creepy and weirdo like as it sounds, I've just been sitting in my car; just watching her and our children from a distance. Not for a long time- well I don't think thirty minutes or so is a long time. They all look happy. Jacob playing soccer like the champ he is, Tasha cheerleading on the sidelines, Joel snuggled up by Mal's side, Jasper and Ariel in their strollers, taking in the sunlight. All that's really missing is... me.
Taking a deep breath, I roll up my windows, turning off the car, and finally stepping out. I lightly close my door, making sure to lock up my vehicle while I'm at it. I slowly start my walking from the parking lot, to Mal sitting next to some lady who's always loud for no apparent reason.
"Oh my gosh Malarie, Natasha is getting so good with her cartwheels!" The woman practically shouts in Mal's face, causing me to clutch my ears. "I know right, she really likes cheerleading. Thank you again for accepting her on the team, Susan." Mal hugs this Susan woman, going back to cheering our kids on.
Taking a deep breath, I walk up to Mal's side, tapping her on her shoulder. Being her, she jumps startled as can be, yet she comes to terms that it's just me. I give her a small smile, taking a seat right by her side. She doesn't say anything to me, she just stares at me with her mouth open wide, and her eyes looking astonished that I'm actually here. I hardly ever go to our children's games, or little events that they do. I'm usually too busy, or too tired from a long day working. I guess she's surprised I'm here. Hell, I'm even surprised I'm here... but I'm glad I'm here.
:::
Malarie's POV
"Hey." Jason whispers, smiling a weak smile at me. I go to say something, though I'm cut off by a happy Joel. "Hi dad, hi dad!" Joel jumps up from his spot next to me, hugging Jason as if he hasn't seen him in years.
"Hi buddy, how are you?" Jason kneels down, kissing Joel on his head. "I'm great! We're just watching the soccer game." He points to the grassy soccer field, crowded with children.
"That's nice, go ahead and sit back down," He helps Joel back on the bench by me, taking a seat on my left. "Hi." He tries again, this time having my full attention and devotion to respond to him.
"Hi." I reply to him, breaking my gaze away from his eyes. My fingers suddenly taking my interest. "No," he lifts up my chin, bringing my gaze back to him. "Don't ever look away from me, not ever. I love you, and I'm sorry I didn't say it back to you earlier." He looks just as sad as I feel, yet I've already forgiven him. I always forgive him, even when he's wrong and I'm right. Which is ninety percent of the time.
I don't know what's gotten into him lately, but today he really scared me. I thought I was going to be forced to use the taser on him. He told me if he ever gotten crazy in his sleep again, to use it on him. Although I hate that idea, I kept my promise to him. I'm not sure why, but if he did start to fight in his sleep, I'd take the beating instead of hurting him. That's utter craziness, but I'm sort of messed up too. One being: I was kidnapped by him, living with him for a whole year. So his manipulation is still going on throughout my head. Two: I'm still very, very, scared of him. Even when I put on being a "strong", "tough" woman... I'm still afraid. Three: Unfortunately he's mentally and emotionally damaged me... yet I still love him. I know I must sound extremely foolish, but I do love him, so damn much.
Even through all of the crap he's put me through, I still find a way to love Jason Andrew McCann. Although this relationship mustn't be healthy; Stockholm Syndrome is a real thing. It's real, because I've gotten it. I've always denied or ignored the possibility of me having it, yet now I know I surely do. My and Jason's love is based off him kidnapping me. He even forced me to love him, and make love with him. So many questions wonder around in my mind, almost making me question our relationship. Am I really in love with him? Do I really love him? Does he even love me? Are we even truly in love?
"Are you okay?" Jason rubs my knee, bringing me from my deep self-thinking. "Y-yeah." I stutter out, looking pass his eyes to our children. They still haven't noticed he's here with us. Except Joel, of course.
"Don't do this, don't start your lying to me. I don't really favor the lies, just be real with me, and tell me the truth." I don't look up at him, but I know he's looking at me. "I can't say it in public, it's personal." I look around us, and sure enough, Susan is being nosey and trying to eavesdrop on our conversation.
"We'll talk when we get home then, and we'll be honest with one another. I'll be honest to you, because Carl said I should. He said I shouldn't keep things from you, and that you shouldn't either." I feel his fingers brush against mine, slowly interlocking them together. "Do you love me? Like really love me?" I blurt it out, not caring if Susan's nosey ass was listening or not. I just need to know the answer.
He doesn't say anything, which answers my question. Causing tears to well up in my eyes. He doesn't love me, he doesn't love me. Not being able to take his intense gaze on me, I go to stand up, with him standing up to. Not waiting a second later, I walk pass him, hearing him talking to Susan. I walk as quickly to my car as I possibly can, knowing at any given moment my tears will burst out. I guess my legs are slow because I didn't make it in time, I begin to cry, I begin to let my emotions spill out. I hear running behind me, but I didn't care to turn around. I'm almost for certain its Jason... he's always chasing after me.
"Malarie wait up, wait up." He runs behind me, grabbing ahold of my arm. "Let me go." I don't even put up a fight or a scene, I simply ask him quietly.
"Why would I let you go? I've told you many of times I'd never let you go, because you're my favorite girl. Malarie I do love you, I do." His voice is filled with empathy while he rubs my arm soothingly. "Well why d-did it take you so long to answer me?" I hiccupped, wiping my eyes.
"You caught me by surprise, a-and it was random. I know that's not an excuse, because when you're asked if you love someone it should be a simple yes or no question. Well our love is complicated, but I still love you, babe." His words come out fast pace, and all jumbled up and hard to understand. "I guess I did say it out of randomness, but you still could've answered faster. I'm insecure, and I'm constantly thinking you're out here cheating on me or messing around with other women. I don't want to think like that, because I do trust you, but sometimes I have to think like that. Or your so called job for instance, I don't want you doing that, I want you to be here, here with me and the kids. I think it's so selfish how you make me worry about you every time you leave to go on a stupid mission. It sucks telling our children that you're at work, but in reality you're out being affiliated with your gang life." I let it all spill out, I let all my bottled up problems go. Not loud at all, but loud enough for him to hear me.
"Babe you know I-" I stop him right there, holding my hand up. "No, don't give me I can't stop, or I have to do this crap! You can stop if you wanted to, you just don't want to! It's either going to be prison or death, Jason. That's all that this is coming down to. Why do you want us to suffer again, why?" It's like my tears can't be seized, they keep spilling out my eyes.
"You want me to change?" He looks at me seriously, having that hard exterior coming off of him. "Yes?" I croak, wiping my eyes with both hands this time.
"Then I'll change. I'll change for you, and the kids?" He says it as simple as that, though I wasn't having it. "No, you have to change for you. You have to change for you, Jason." I turn away from him, shaking my head.
"What do you mean, Malarie? First you want me to change, now you want me to change for me. What do you want? It's like when you nod your head yes, but you want to say no. What do you mean?!" He raises his voice, raising his hands up in my face, drawing a little attention from some people. "I mean I want you to change for you, and change because you want to. Not because I'm telling you to, I'm not your mother." My voice breaks at the end, because I know he's still dealing with his mother saying Alex was her favorite.
"I know, but sometimes I need to be put in my place. You're the only person I'll listen to, when I'm being scolded like a child. But I'll change, and I'll change for me," he speaks from behind me, with us not making any moves. "Come on, give me a kiss." I feel his arms wrap around my waist, nuzzling his head into the side of my neck.
I bring his scarred hands up to my mouth, placing light pecks on them. I try to control my sniffles, but they wouldn't stop. When I'm really upset I sniffle a lot. I also do that hiccup thing when I've stopped my crying. It's like you're out of breath, and your body shudders all over. I don't know how to explain it, I just know I make a weird gasping for breath sound.
"Calm down, you're working yourself up. I love you and I will always love you." Jase turns me around, kissing my trembling lips, while he caresses my arms affectionately. "Y-you better love me, because I haven't t-taken all your crap for nothing. You stole my heart, and I can't get it back, b-because I love you way too much for your own good. Hell, for my own good." I stutter through my heavy breaths, meaning every word I say.
"That's right, you can't get it back... because you've stolen mine as well. I'd be empty without you, my Baby Popsicle Stick." He laughs loudly, with me rolling my eyes at that horrible pet name. "I thought we were done with pet names? And way to ruin the loving moment, Mr. Cotton Ninny Muggins." I try to get on his level, and give him a nickname.
"Hell yeah! I like it, I like it. But I like when you call daddy, way better." His cockiness taking over, with me gagging. "And the mood is gone." I fake a gag, receiving a kiss on my lips.
"Don't act like you haven't said it before," I let a giggle slip out of my mouth, with him nodding his head. "But I love you, and I love you enough to do this." Next thing I know a loud fart comes out, making me gasps, immediately starting to laugh.
"Eew Jase, that's so gross! It's smells really bad." I whine, fanning my nose. "It's gas, it's suppose to smell like shit. Come on, let's go watch our kids." He pulls me along, farting some more, this time passing by an elderly couple as he does so. Eek!
This is the man I love so badly. God, thank you so much. I love him. I cannot wait to go dress shopping... and lingerie shopping for him.
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- This chapter has come to an end. I'm not going to say it sucked, because I know you all hate when I say that. I will simply say, it was okay. A little bipolar at first, but in the end it always works out. Freaking Wattpad hasn't let me upload this chapter, lol you all get off of the website so I can update. Haha. Over capacity always sucks.
- Alexis -