OUR LOVE WILL BE REMEMBERED...
Chapter 30
My thirteenth and last love… it had taken me a while to realize it to be honest… and to think I had always considered myself smart.
The Coraline episode had taken its toll on me and I was tired. I have to admit it, all my loves, all those previous women; they had tired me, but not only in the physical sense, in the mental too. I was exhausted, in every way possible, strained.
But Juliet wasn’t straining, Juliet was… perfect.
She helped me fix myself, probably without even knowing it herself. Her joy and innocence were so refreshing… and they healed me.
One day, I was walking into one of the many rooms at my aunt’s house, one that wasn’t painted or decorated and there she stood, my Juliet, completely covered with flour
“What are you doing?” I had asked her, smiling in utter disbelief.
“I’m blowing fairy powder,” she had almost squealed in delight and then took a handful from the bag and blew it all on me.
Laughing, I grabbed and handful too and a flour war had begun. It quickly turned into a tickling war, legs giving out from too much laughing.
We ended up on the ground and I kept tickling her, our clothes covered and our hair filled with flour and Juliet was laughing hysterically, struggling to get out of my hold, barely breathing.
“Stop stop,” she was pleading, still laughing. “You’re going to kill me.”
And it dawned on me.
I was going to kill her. I would kill her someday. I loved her too much already. Our love would be tarnished at some point. Something would destroy its beauty and I had to end it before it happened.
But could I?
I had looked at the laughing girl that was laying under me, with her warm smile and her now white face, but pink cheeks underneath it, her silky brown hair and tried to picture it. Tried to see me, closing my hands around that cream smooth neck, that peachy skin turning cold and dead.
Could I?
Everything about Juliet made her perfect.
Every good aspect from all of my previews loved ones, she had.
She held that sense of forbidden I had felt with Fay. She was instructed like Margaret. I argued with her the way I had with Wendy and I needed to work for her the same way. She found happiness on the simplest things like Ursula; she was kind and happy, even though life had been so harsh on her, like her. She captivated me and mesmerized me the way Darya had. She had that homey feeling to her, that comforting feeling, like Lucie had. She had that magic feel to her like Gwen. She was funny and playful like Hayisa. There was a calm wisdom to her and innocence, like Maria. Like Jane, she felt right. I had taken care of her when she was wounded like I had taken care of Irene. And she was the one I had loved while I had tried being with Coraline…
I would have like to believe that all the girl before her were just a practice. All my other love, they were so dim compared to her. She was perfect! She really was!
She was everything I had looked for, everything I wanted. Even then, our love was still impossible to one point because what I had done made it impossible for us to ever truly be honest with each other. Our love was still impossible. Hell, I didn’t even know if she actually loved me!
And for one instant I wished for a normal love. I wished to take the one that tarnished over the years, the one where we would fight and argue, but one where it never would have to end by my hands. One where I could have her and be with her.
And then that instant passed. And I remembered who I was and what I believed in.