Hey guys! Update update :) thank you for all your support and for understanding my situation. Like what I've promise I'll update once or twice a week if I can. Please enjoy this one! And please don't forget to vote and comment!
PS
Sorry in advance for the wrong spellings and grammars! And yeah.
Cara's POV
After almost ten minutes of not saying anything and just letting her make herself ready, while staring out of the blue. She finally turn her head to look at me.
Those beautiful brown eyes of hers.
I thought that she will already start to talk but to my dismay, she did not. Instead, Kendall just intently stared at me. As if telling me something by the connection being made by our eyes.
It's piercing through my soul. I said to myself as my heart began to race so fast.
It's making me nervous. There is something in that look.
When I cannot stand the wierd look she's been giving me anymore, because its giving me goosebumps all through out my body and add up the silence that is so defeaning, my ear started to ache, I decided to just break the awkward atmosphere and tried to start the conversation.
"So, are you ready to talk about it?" I asked her as softly as possible, because I don't want to give her an impression that I'm forcing her to talk or open up. If she's not yet ready then, I'll give her more time.
I can wait until forever, just for her.
After hearing what I said, Kendall turn her gaze up the dark clouds above us and sighed heavilly, as if her life depends on the word that will come out from her mouth. "I have so many things in my mind." She stated and I can hear uncertainty in her voice.
I looked at her for a moment and take a good look at my bestfriend.
She seems so lost.
"I feel like, I was back at being the Kendall who entered her first day in highschool, where I was just so confuse about everything." She continued and I can see sadness in her eyes.
I was trying my best to keep myself from hugging her, because I don't want to interrupt her from finally expressing her feelings.
Oh God! Help me to control myself.
"Then tell it to me Kendall. I'm more than willing to listen." I said to her with all honesty.
Even if this talk would take a whole day, I would gladly do it for you.
I just heard her whisper something in the air and even laughed frustratedly at herself as a reaction to what I just said.
"Hey love, what's wrong?" I asked and tried to get her attention back at me. I take a hold of her hand and gently squeezed it, thinking that it might help her ease the tension that she's feeling inside.
She looked at me for a moment, then sadly smiled at me before saying, "That's the problem Cara, I don't even know what's wrong with me." She told me and afterwards, she sighed so deep, that I think I would drown just by hearing it.
"I don't know where to start..I'm having this wierd kind of feelings since.." She spoke again but didn't finish her sentence as she shake her head, as if what she's about to say is just not the right one that should come out from her mouth.
"Since when Kendall?" I can't help but to pursue asking again, as confusion already started taking over me.
She wasn't acting like this last night. Even the day before. I said to myself and true to replay everything that had happened this fast few days.
"I don't know Car, I don't know." She answered back and even covered her face with her palm.
"That's impossible Ken. Ofcourse you know. Just tell it to me. Open up Kendall. " I said to her before trying to remove her hands from covering her face.
"I have so many questions in my mind Cara! And I don't even know where to start!" She exclaimed at me, and she even took her hand away from mine before looking away.
She's frustated Cara. Don't be sensitive. I whispered to myself as I got a little hurt on her action.
"Kendall.." I called out for her, as I tried to take a hold of her hand again and I'm glad that this time, she gladly accept it and even turn her gaze back at me.
"Questions are made to be asked and meant to be answered." I told her as I gave her a reassuring smile.
She sighed heavily before opening her mouth. "If I asked you a question, would you answer it with all honesty?" She asked at me and I can totally see a worried look plastered on her face.
I can't help but to get my eyebrows furrowed at her question, but nonetheless answered it, when I felt Kendall's hands are shaking.
She's getting nervous, every second that pass us by.
I smiled at her whole heartedly. "Ofcourse Ken." I told her as I intertwined out hands together.
She looked away for a moment and I can't help myself but to get more and more curious, about where this conversation is going.
"So..you and Suki.." She started to speak but stopped in the middle of it.
"What about me and Suki?" I asked back, when I saw that she's not going to continue her sentence anymore.
"How are things going between the two of you?" She simply asked at me as if this is just our typical bestfriend conversation.
What would I say? Ugh! Suki and I are in good terms right? And I'm glad that I saw her again after how many years. So I guess we're good?
"Good? I think so." I answered and manage to smile at her. Even if deep inside, my mind was already getting more confuse on the questions she's throwing on me.
She just nodded her head after hearing my answer and silence took over the both of us again.
Shit. I don't know what to say. Why is she asking me things about Suki? I was silently talking to myself when Kendall suddenly said something that made me turn my focus back at her.
"So you guys are dating, huh?" She asked me in a mocking tone and she even nudge me on my shoulder.
I was so caught up with her question that I didn't even got the chance to answer it, when she throw me another compliment. "You look good together." She said and even smiled at me.
Is that sarcasm? I asked myself as I noticed a hint of sarcasm in her tone.
"Uh-" I was about to say that there is nothing going on between us, when she cutted me off.
"When?" She bluntly asked at me.
What does she mean when? I asked myself as I can't help but to be confused on what she's trying to ask me this time.
I looked at her with confusion before opening my mouth again. "When..what Ken?" I questioned back at her, because I don't have any idea of what she's talking about.
Kendall then turn her head to look back at me and gave me that wierd pointy look. And this time she's also trying to intimidate me because her left brow is almost reaching up the sky.
"When did you start dating her?" She directly asked out of nowhere and I instantly felt that my throat almost dried out.
Bloody Hell. Suki Waterhouse, is this your plan?! I was silently cursing Suki in my head, when Kendall repeated her question again that made me more nervous than I already am.
"When did you start dating her, Cara?" She impatiently asked again, still with the same expression on her face.
I coughed a little to gain my voice back and try to calm myself a bit, before answering her question. "I don't know what you're talk--" Before I could even finish the first part of my explanation, she already butted in again.
A very serious look sitted on her face before saying, "I thought we're bestfriends? I mean minutes ago you're telling me to open up to you, because your my bestfriend." She sarcastically said to me and I can totally see all the shade she's throwing at me.
This escalated quickly.
"Yes we are. But I really don't have any idea of wh--" I was about to explain everything, that this is all Suki's idea and I don't have anything to do with it. But then just like earlier, I was again interrupted in the middle of my sentence.
"Stop lying." She snapped out at me and I can hear the disappointment. She even let go of my hand again, as her her tone got a little louder than the usual.
Woah?! I didn't see this coming. Why the hell are we arguing about me dating Suki?!
I was starting to get pissed about the situation but I controlled myself and tried to just explain my side again.
"I'm not lying Kendall. For Christ sake I do--" But then again, she never let me to.
"Just answer my question then and start being my bestfriend." She firmly said and I can hear anger rising in her voice.
What the fuck is going on? How come that this conversation turned out to be about my issue? And she even started questioning our friendship?
"I'm your bestfriend Kendall. I didn't know that your doubting me. My God!" I sadly said to her, as my heart got hurt on what she had just stated.
All this time, I was trying my best to be her bestfriend, even if I wanted to be more than just that and now she's questioning me?
I'm trying to be the best bestfriend that I can ever be for her, even though deep inside, its breaking me into pieces. Because what I'm trying to do right now, is like slapping myself with the reality that, that is all I could ever be to her.
Her BESTFRIEND.
"I am not! I just want you to be honest with me! When did you start dating her?!" She asked back at me and now I can confirmed that she's angry. She even stood up and placed her hands on her waist while raising her eyebrow at me.
I am being honest!
I can't help but to frustratedly stood up too, as I massage my temple before answering back at her.
"Why are you shouting? Why does this conversation turned out to be about me? You're the one who's crying earlier Kendall. Not me." I said as calmly as I could, because I don't wanna add up another fire to this already burning conversation.
"Why can't you just answer my fucking question?!" She shouted again for the hundred time and I can see the tears falling in her eyes, as her face began to reddened.
"I've been trying to answer it Kendall. But you're always cutting me off. What's wrong with you?!" I asked back and I can't help but to match the tone of her voice.
Don't get me wrong. Although I'm hurt because of the words that she's saying. But I'm still not mad at her. I'm just upset about the situation we're in and disappointed at myself as I made the love of my life cry.
"You!" She snapped at me and right after it, she turn to her back and started to walk away.
Me? I am her issue?! When did I become her problem?
I immediately take a hold of her hand to prevent her from totally walking out from me. Even though talking when you're both upset is not the greatest idea, I know that we needed to settle all of this.
I won't be able to sleep, if we won't fixed this.
I sighed deeply, as I take some of the tensions away from my body and also to calm myself down to prevent further more heated exchange, before opening my mouth again.
Keep your calm Cara. I reminded myself.
"I'm your problem? What did I do?" I tried to asked as calmly as possible. Although deep inside I'm getting curious as hell.
"Because you started dating her and you didn't even remembered to tell it to me. BESTFRIEND!" She said and even emphasized the last word, as she rolled her eyes on me.
That's her issue?!
"You're angrily yelling at me because you thought that I'm dating someone and I didn't even tell it to you? Did I have this kind of reaction when you started dating him and I just learned it from a news paper?" As much as I want this to stop I just can't take it anymore. Every word that's coming out from her mouth is hurting me and plus the fact that she even started doubting me.
"So now you're throwing this back at me?!"
"No! I just don't get all of this!" I can't help but to exclaim, as I let a tear of frustration escape my eyes.
This is just so, I don't know what to say anymore..This is the first time that we fought like this.
Yes we argue about things but not in this kind of way. Right now, we're just both upset, sad, disappointed, frustrated and irritated about the situation we're in.
"Just answer me then, Cara!" She yelled at me again which really brought me to my limits.
"I'm not dating her! Okay?! I mean how can I date her if I'm madly inlove with.."
I started to answer back, in an angry tone on my voice. But as I get to realize what I'm about to say, that tone immediately died down. I stopped myself from talking and immediately turn my gaze away from her, because my heart started to beat so fast that I think, its almost peeking out of my chest.
"You're inlove with who, Cara?" She asked with in an interogating tone in her voice, but knowing her for years I can also sense nervousness in it. Her voice even almost cracked when she said my name.
I looked at her in the eye and when I met her brown ones, I can totally see the different emotions in it. Right then and there, I know that she will not let this topic go, Unless she'll hear my answer.
What now Cara? Why didn't you just keep yourself relaxed, instead of matching the tension she's releasing. And now you end up saying things that you shoudn't have said in the first place. My brain questioned me.
I just got frustrated! I'm human! I also have feelings! And you're not helping me right now!
Right! Your human! Then you better use your brain and decide on whether you'll tell her the truth or just continue living with that little secret of yours.
I felt my knees getting weak, as my mind debated whether this is the right time to tell her everything. All the fears and doubts came rushing back at me.
What if she wouldn't understand?
What if she'll get angry?
What if this is the end of everything?
What if I'll lose her after this?
What would happen to us?
What would happen to our friendship?
All of the what ifs and fears had began to hunt me down, Until a voice suddenly appeared inside my head and made me remember everything that Poppy had told me.
If Kendall trully consider you as her bestfriend, she would never shut you out of her life whatever the situation might be.
All you need is to tell her the truth and accept everything that will happen after.
My sister is right. I need to free myself from this secret. I need to tell her the truth. I need to be free, for me to be happy.
Maybe this is the right time that I've been waiting for, besides I have no choice but to tell it to her.
It's now or never.
But what about your what ifs Cara? Your doubts? What about your fears? The negative part of me questioned.
That's why I want to tell her everything. I don't want to live with what ifs, doubts and fears anymore. I want to be brave once and for all. I answered back.
But you are afraid of losing her Cara. Aren't you? How can you be brave, if your afraid of losing your bestfriend? That part of my brain butted in again to demoralize me.
My father once told me. Being brave doesn't mean, not being afraid. Being brave is not letting your fears stop you from doing something that will make you happy. And being free would make me happy. So fuck off.
I gathered all the strength that I have inside my body. I felt liquids building in my forhead and my knees were already shaking hard. I tried my best to look at her and meet the eyes of the person I love the most.
I stopped for a second to memorize everything that the beauty infront of me have. Thinking that this might be the last time that i'm gonna have the chance to look at her this close.
I will always love you Kendall . I whispered to myself, as I finally got all the courage to admit the feelings that I've been hiding for almost a year now.
"I just wanted to know..who are you inlove with, Cara?" Kendall asked again, but this time, I don't see anger in her eyes anymore. Instead, I saw something that I can identify as fear.
This is it Cara. Just say it and you're free.
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Breath in.
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Breath out.
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What if..
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Just fucking say it Cara!
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"It's you Ken. I'm deeply, madly and crazy inlove with you."
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Cliffhanger again guys! Thank you for reading! Please vote and comment and continue to support me and my story. You are all my inspiration.
I'll update as soon as I can! Love lots!
P.S
My CaKe heart is aching. Cara and Kendall are both in Paris but still there are no Cake moments 💔
But I still love them both though! Cake forever 😊