The light was streaming through the little mesh window of the tent and illuminating Sara’s body with a golden glow. She looked beautiful. Dark curls cascading down her back to about the middle of her shoulder blades. She was lying on her stomach, leaving me to admire the slope of her back. The sleeping bag rested on the small of her back, hiding her lower half from me. A lone curl fell across her cheek and I almost brushed it back, but I stopped myself out of fear of waking her.
She was beautiful, but it was more than that. She was…Sara. There was no way to describe it. She was more than sexy and attractive, she was smart and fun and she was cute. I couldn’t remember the last time I called a girl cute who wasn’t under the age of thirteen. Sara was a different cute. A sweet cute. Like with the schedule of our first date as her bookmark. She would blush when I caught her looking at me, which was a lot. She was Sara.
“Why have you been looking at me like that for twenty minutes?” Sara mumbled as she cracked an eye open.
I smiled and looked away. “What do you mean?”
She sat up and those green eyes found mine. “Like you never want to leave.”
“I wasn’t looking at you like that.” I protested weakly.
“Then what were you thinking?” She cocked her head to the side, suddenly curious.
I was trying to figure out what I feel for you. “Nothing really. I thought you looked beautiful. I thought about how much I enjoy being around you. I thought about lots of things really.” It wasn’t a lie.
She smiled and kissed me softly, her hand brushing along my cheek as she did so. “What are we doing today?”
“I was thinking we could take a hike. I could take pictures and we could have a picnic. It’ll be nice.” My lips tingled from her kiss earlier. She always had that effect on me, whether it was passionate or just a peck.
“Sounds fun. It’s beautiful out here.” She yawned and grabbed a set of clothes from the bag and a towel, plus her toothbrush and all of that other good stuff. “I’m going to shower. Feel free to join me.” She smirked a mischievous grin and unzipped the tent.
Who am I to deny her good shower sex?
In my defense, we didn’t just screw, I also washed her back, and other various parts of her body.
She was soon wrapped up in a towel, too soon for my taste. Her hair was dripping and her lips were lilted up in a smile. She kissed my cheek and walked out, leaving me to dry myself off.
I was pulling on my clothes while she brushed her hair and teeth. I walked up behind her and wrapped my arm around her waist. I took a deep breath, knowing exactly what I’d smell.
Vanilla and lavender.
I loved how she smelled. I loved how she seemed to melt into my touch. I loved her smile. God I loved her.
What?
No.
Love doesn’t exist. You can like traits, I even think you can say that you love a trait and that makes sense. People? No. People are tolerable. You tolerate people. You don’t love people.
You crave people.
Which was what this was. I craved Sara, I just called it by the wrong name.
Love.
What a stupid word.
“What are you thinking about now?” Sara’s voice jerked me back to reality.
I smiled and let her go. I shrugged my shoulders and said, “Nothing. Just thinking about what I need to take for the picnic.” I started brushing my teeth and avoided making eye contact with her, afraid she’d know what I was thinking. I didn’t want anyone to know about my slip up.
She gave me a curious look, but eventually she grabbed her stuff and left the bathroom. I stayed there for a few minutes after I finished getting ready, scolding myself for such a stupid thought. I wasn’t sure what I’d do if she told me she loved me. I hoped she wouldn’t say it, at least not for a while. It would be nice to know that she thought she loved me, but it would screw up everything we had. She’d expect me to say it, she would want to say it more, it would make us vulnerable, and it would hurt more in the end.
I sighed and finally grabbed everything and went back to the tent. Sara pulled on a pair of socks with Angry Birds on them. I couldn’t help but smile. She had this thing with socks, she couldn’t wear plain white ones, they always had to have something on them. She thought regular socks were too boring for her. I thought it was cute.
“I like them.” I said as I sat down beside her.
“Really?” She smiled down at them. “I got them the other day.”
“When you were buying sexy bras and panties I assume.”
“You would be correct.” She kissed my cheek again and unzipped the tent again. “Come on, we have to pack a cooler for lunch.”
Potato rolls, ham, cheese (she apparently needs other things on a good sandwich than bread and meat, but whatever, I still…craved her), chips, grapes, a few apples, and a couple sodas. We left the beers for tonight, because alcohol and fires mixed well together. I treated my alcohol around the fire the same way I did driving, if I’ve had too much I don’t do it. I guess it’s a good thing I’m not a big drinker, one for the night and I only finish it half of the time.
It was light, and on wheels, so I didn’t mind walking with it as we hiked. Sometimes she’d just stop and look around in awe. It was beautiful. We were already on a mountain (Washington has a lot of those), and we were hiking up it, giving us an even better view of the world below. It was gorgeous. And most other days, I would have marveled at it more, but here with Sara…I found myself watching her look out at everything else more than looking about. I’d seen it plenty of times, so I wasn’t missing much I guess.
We found a spot with the perfect view and I spread out a blanket that I had brought along. Our food was laid out on it and I was lying on my side with an arm propping me up beside Sara. How many ‘movie moments’ would I experience with this girl? It felt like it would never end.
Then again, nothing ever feels like it will end until it does.
I didn’t want to think about that now. I wanted to watch Sara. I wanted to see her face light up when she saw a bird or when she looked over the edge. I wanted to feel her hand in mine. I wanted to see those green eyes grow wide when she was amazed. I wanted to hear that laugh. I wanted to be happy right now, I didn’t want to think about an end or anything. I just wanted some more happiness with my girl.
My girl.
I hadn’t really thought too much about it, but that’s what she was. We didn’t talk too much about it, but it was there. She was mine as much as I was hers. The thought made me a little dizzy. I was someone’s. I had a girl. I wasn’t sleeping around, in fact, I hadn’t even thought of another girl since I met Sara. That one quickie that made me nauseous didn’t count. I didn’t want her. I didn’t want anyone except Sara.
It was terrifying.
And then I looked back at Sara, and it wasn’t so utterly horrifying. I had Sara. I had great sex, but that was beside the point. I had Sara. I had someone to fall asleep with and wake up to. I had a girl to take on dates.
I had someone who was there for me.
“Sara—” I stopped myself. I didn’t even know what I wanted to say. What would I have said if I kept talking? Something stupid probably.
“What is it?” She looked over to me with that sweet smile and my stomach did back flips.
I had to think of something. What should I say? What would someone else say in this situation? What would Jan do? Bad question, she’d say I love you. Luce? She’d hint at it. Caleb? I don’t know what he’d do. I guess we still didn’t know each other very well. Shit. She’s still looking at me. Quick, say something. Anything.
“Marshmallows tonight?” What. The. Hell. That’s it. I quit. I’m just done. I am an idiot. A true, pureblood, idiot.
“Sure. I’m still going to burn mine though, and there’s nothing you can do about it.” She stuck her tongue out at me and bit into her sandwich with cheese.
“You can make up for it later.” I said with a grin, trying to pretend that I didn’t sound like a complete moron.
“I dunno, I may be pretty tired, you may have to suffer in silence tonight while I sleep.”
“How do you know I’ll let you sleep? Maybe I’ll keep waking you up as punishment. You don’t know.”
She shook her head at me. “I do know. Devon Raines would never wake me up. She may stay awake and watch me sleep like a creepy stalker for fifteen minutes and then fall asleep too, but she wouldn’t wake me up.”
“I don’t watch you.” I mumbled.
“Yes you do, I don’t mind though. You’re my girlfriend, I think that’s one of the privileges you get.”
“Oh, so there are privileges. I was beginning to think I wasn’t going to get anything out of this.” I popped a few green grapes into my mouth and watched her narrow her eyes.
“There’s about to be a lot less privileges if you say things like that.”
I laughed and moved close enough to wrap my arms around her waist. She tried to pull away, but I quickly pinned her beneath me and stole a kiss. “I’m happy just being around you, privileges or not.”
She looked up at me with this weird look for what felt like ever. She just looked up at me, not smiling or frowning, just thinking. I wanted to remember this look for a long time. I liked the way the sun caught those green eyes and how her brown hair spilled out on the blanket.
And then she whispered, almost too quiet for me to hear, “Devon, I think I’m in love with you.”
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Short chapter, but let me explain. My day was: clean house, tumblr, discover league of legends, play LoL, babysit, clean house, watch So You Think You Can Dance, make cookies. In between batches, I would sit down and write. I WROTE THIS CHAPTER IN ALMOST EXACTLY 30 MINUTES. I have to be up at five tomorrow. Ugh.
I'll still be writing when I go looking at colleges and stuff, and even posting hopefully, so keep an eye out.
Anyways, Sara drop the L bomb, and not the lesbian L bomb.
What's Devon gonna do? I HAVE NO CLUE. I guess I'll find out tomorrow haha.