Waking up in an unfamiliar bed is the worst thing ever. You feel disoriented when you first open your eyes and subsequently try to piece together how you got there. I can now say from experience, that waking up in a hospital bed is even worse.
I jolted awake and freaked out when I realised. The first thing that hit me was that smell. Too clean, too sterile. My head was pounding and my mouth felt dry.
At first, I thought I was having a nightmare but then I remembered. I had fainted in Nate's arms. What time was it even? It was light outside the window, so it must be the next day.
I looked around for a call-for-assistance button and hesitantly pushed it. I was on a ward with a couple of other patients, who were all asleep. I could see a jacket that looked exactly like one Nate owned flung over the chair besides my bed. He must be here somewhere.
"Oh good, you're awake," said a nurse, who walked through the door. "How are you feeling?"
"Thirsty," I said, though I'm sure that was not what she meant. My throat felt like sandpaper.
"Of course," she said and disappeared momentarily to return with a paper cup of water shortly after.
I gobbled it down hungrily.
"Where is Nate?" I asked and looked to the discarded jacket.
"Your boyfriend? He's down at the canteen getting a coffee. He should be back any minute. He's been very worried about you and has refused to leave your side."
That sounded like Nate. I wondered what I had made him miss of important deadlines and meetings.
"What's wrong with me?"
"I'll call for your doctor to explain the details but you collapsed due to exhaustion and lack of food and water if I recall correctly."
The way she spoke to me made me feel small and uncomfortable. My stomach twisted because she looked at me like I was a child incapable of even feeding myself at an age of 21 years old. To be fair, maybe I hadn't. I mean who forgets to eat because they are busy?
"Abbs," Nate said surprised when he walked in the door. His eyes lit up with happiness and he swiftly stashed his coffee on the table and ran to me to envelop me in a hug. My whole body felt sore and tired but I hugged him back as tight as I could.
"I'll give you two a minute. The doctor will be by when he has the time," the nurse said and excused herself. Nate held onto me like he was worried that I would slip through his fingers.
"It was just a bit of exhaustion," I said, trying to downplay what had happened. For his sake and mine.
I gave him a once over and if I wasn't mistaken, he was wearing the same outfit that he had come home in yesterday and his eyes looked so bloodshot. He almost looked worse than I felt.
Nate shook his head, having none of it. "No, that was serious. Your body told you to stop in the only way it knew how; to shut you down. You've been working way too much."
I shook my head, still a bit in denial. "You have a more busy schedule than me."
"I know but I also have been doing this for a while. You just jumped in, trying to be a full time blogger, photographer, YouTuber, manager and student at the same time. It's insane. And I know how to turn it off. I leave my work out of my mind when I'm not doing it and remember to wind down, you carry yours with you all the time."
His sincerity made me realise he was right. I liked to think of myself as a capable young woman but maybe I had bit off more than I could chew. But I loved every single thing I did at the moment. I was having such fun with it, though it was a lot of work too. I didn't want to give up any of it.
"Oh," Nate said. "I need to call your parents."
"Huh?"
"They're staying at our flat. Apparently, Your dad is petrified of hospitals but he was here last night. They're both very worried."
"My parents came up from Brighton?"
"Of course, they did. Abbs, you collapsed. Do you know how serious that is?"
"I feel fine," I lied as just moving my limbs hurt and it felt like someone was swinging a hammer into my brain repeatedly.
"No, you don't. I can see that you don't," Nate said.
"Wait, what about the collab with Emma? Did it go live? What time is it? I have a meeting at 1. I should have been working at Gleam all morning," I said, suddenly remembering my calendar.
"You don't have any meetings. I've cancelled everything."
"You did what?" I exclaimed and bolted forward with my upper body, which hurt so much it caused me to groan.
"I've cleared all of your calendar for this week. Some have been rescheduled and other cancelled all together. You need to slow down."
"You had no right to do that," I hissed at him. "That's my schedule, my life. You wouldn't want that if the roles were reversed."
"Maybe not but I wouldn't get myself to the point of exhaustion either," he spat back, now sounding more angry than worried. I could work with that. Worry was my least favourite emotion on Nate.
"Reset it," I demanded.
"No," he said coldly.
A knock on the doorframe alerted of us another ones presence. It was a doctor.
"Is this a bad time?" he asked and glanced between Nate and I.
"No," I said while Nate said "yes."
"It's a fine time. Mr Hayden was just leaving," I said and though it twisted my heart I didn't recant on my words.
"What?" Nate said and looked so hurt.
"I want to talk to my doctor in private, Nate and frankly I don't feel like listening to more of your judgement."
Nate's mouth hung open when he lifted his arms over his head in a defeated manner. He whispered something to the doctor on his way out the door.
As soon as he turned his back, I felt sick to my stomach and wanted to take it back. To tell him that I needed him and I really wasn't mad. I was just scared. But words cannot be unspoken no matter how much you wish they could. Their effect is irreversible.
Nate turned around and looked at me for a beat before seeing himself out. If I didn't feel so tired, I would probably have leapt out of the hospital bed and staggered after him. Why did I have to say that?
"Miss Clover, is it?" the doctor asked and I responded with a silent nod.
Turned out that Nate was actually right and I was wrong. The doctor made it sound much more serious than I had realised. He called it a wake-up call from my body. It had given me hints for weeks, such as headaches and general tiredness, until it finally did the only thing it could to stop me. It forced me to rest no matter if I wanted it or not.
They had sedated me once I first got to the hospital to make sure I had a sound night's sleep. I would recuperate fully but the doctor warned me that it would happen again if I didn't make some serious lifestyle changes. And on doctor's orders, he made me take at least a week of doing nothing. Just like Nate had suggested.
I felt stupid and I wanted to call Nate but I didn't even have my phone with me. My parents and Emma showed up within the hour, Nate must have informed them that I was awake.
My father absolutely hated hospitals and I could visibly see his discomfort though he tried his best to hide it from me.
"Where's Nate?" Emma asked me when Mum and Dad had both left the room, Dad to get some fresh air and Mum to get snacks from the canteen.
"I made him leave," I said shamefully. Neither of my family members had brought up Nate's absence until now.
"What?" Emma said and looked just as surprised as I would have expected. "That boy stayed with you all night even though the nurses tried to kick him out. They told him you were sedated and wouldn't wake for hours but he made such a fuss they eventually just let him stay. He's hardly gotten any sleep because he wanted to be there for you when you woke up."
"Go on and make me feel more guilty," I huffed.
I was so tired now and just wanted to go to sleep. Or I mean I wanted to get out of this bed and chase after Nate to explain myself but the nurses wouldn't let me leave until later today.
"Did you guys have a fight?" Emma asked, clearly concerned.
"Kind of. I was mad at him because he cancelled everything in my calendar for a whole week," I said and when it came out like that it did sound a bit ridiculous.
"Abbey..."
"I know. I'm so stupid but I love everything I do. I love my hours working as a manager at Gleam, I love writing blog posts, I love taking photos and I love filming videos. Hell I even love going to university. Why do I have to pick between them?"
"Because you're just one person, Abbey. You can't do all that, especially when you work the way you do."
"What are you on about?"
"You're a perfectionist. You work on a thing until it's perfect or as near to perfect as can be. You spend an insane amount of time on the things you produce. You don't know how to turn it off and just relax. Your brain is on all the time. I think you've forgotten how to not work 24/7."
I didn't tell Emma she was saying pretty much the same thing as Nate. Hearing words like that from the two people I loved the most, cut right into my core. They knew me so well and I knew they only wanted the very best for me.
"When I get discharged tonight, can I come stay at yours?" I asked Emma. I didn't want to crawl back to Nate.
"You sure?" Emma asked. "You know you're always welcome at mine but don't you want to go home? Mum and Dad will be leaving for Brighton as soon as you get discharged, so it'll only be you and Nate."
"I'd like to stay at yours," I said and snuggled up in the odd smelling duvet that covered me. "Right now I just need to close my eyes for a little while," I said with a yawn.
"Of course, Abbey. I'll be back to pick you up when it's time to leave. Have a nice sleep," Emma said and pressed a kiss to my forehead. The familiar gesture with unfamiliar lips made my stomach tense.
In hindsight, going to Emma's to sleep was a mistake. I knew it as soon as I woke up in the middle of the night in cold sweat and with a racing heart. I had sneaked a peak at my calendar and surely enough everything had been wiped away for a whole seven days.
I was so anxious and stressed out about everything I was missing and the people I was letting down that I had fallen asleep rather on edge.
I got up from my bed and paced the room. Emma had been right. I wanted to be home. I needed to be home.
"Abbey?" Emma called out sleepily. She was standing in the doorway rubbing her eyes. She's a sound as sleeper as I was normally so I couldn't quite understand how pacing would have woken her up. Maybe she was still worried about me.
"I need to get home," I told her in a hoarse voice. "I need to get home."
"It's the middle of the night, Abbey," Emma said in a hushed voice. Her two roommates were asleep in the adjacent rooms and she didn't want to wake them. They had looked at me funnily when Emma had told them I'd be sleeping on their sofa tonight but neither had protested.
"I need to get home," I repeated, not really giving a damn what time it was.
"Okay, I'll call you a taxi. Calm down, Abbey. I'll get you home," Emma said and went to her room to retrieve her phone.
It felt like ages but in reality it was just about fifteen minutes until the taxi arrived. Emma walked down with me. Both of us where in some of her pyjamas clothes and received odd looks from the taxi driver.
Emma told him my address and I was on the way. I kept fidgeting with my phone wondering if I should call Nate. I had my key as I still had had them in my pocket when I collapsed, so I didn't need him to let me in.
I decided against waking him with a phone call and instead let myself into our building after the taxi driver had dropped me off and I had paid him.
I twisted the key to our flat's door and before I was fully inside, Nate came stumbling from the bedroom wearing only his boxers. His hair was tousled and he still looked worn-down but it was so good to see him.
I dropped my bag with my clothes by the door and slammed it close behind me. Nate looked like he wanted to open his mouth and say something but he didn't. I just walked over to him and he immediately opened his arms to welcome me into them.
I buried my nose in his neck and breathed in his scent. This flat was my home but in reality Nate was more of a home than a flat could ever be. I felt safe in his embrace no matter where the geological location.
Neither of us said a word but we walked to our bed, hand in hand and lied down besides each other. I snuggled up close to him, burying my face in his chest.
I turned off all the voices in my head and only focused on Nate's calm breathing. It lulled me to sleep and I fell asleep soundly with his arms around me and slept more peacefully than I had in months.
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*pats self on back for managing to upload on schedule* I hope you liked this chapter though it had Natigail fighting. They almost never fight so when they do I feel so on edge as I'm writing it. I'd love to hear your thoughts on the matter and I hope you have a lovely day/night! xx