-Jaime-
I folded the last of my shorts and put them neatly into my dresser drawer, next to all my plain t-shirts that won't fit into the closet which had all my Rebel8 shirts and jeans. The rest of the closet was consumed by all of Jessica's clothes and shoes, not to mention her shit load of purses that I've only seen her use once.
Mason was fast asleep on the bed lightly sucking on his pacifier, Jessica had left earlier to have lunch with her friends and I stayed here to unpack the rest of our boxes and watch Mason, in turn I get to spend the night out with the guys while the girls left on a girl's trip for the weekend.
I carefully picked Mason up from the bed and took him to the living room with me, which was smaller than my old living room but it'll have to make due for now.
I turned on the TV and switched channels to see some college football, I had Mason cradled in my arms and looked down at him, his eyes shut gently while his breathing was soft and slow, I took in his features and for the first time looked at every little bit of his face, seeing Jessica's mouth, her ears, and her face shape. Not her nose, he has mi- wait a minute.
That's not my nose.
I furrowed my eyebrows and concentrated on his nose, definitely not mine and I'm almost certain it's not Jessica's.
Don't overreact, don't over think.
I shook my head and averted my attention back to the football game, taking a few glances back down to Mason and back to the TV, I can't over think little things.
Another hour later Jessica came home and happily took Mason out of my hands while I got dressed to have dinner with the guys.
I threw on a black, but of course, Rebel8 shirt and some black skinny jeans leaving my red vans for last, God I'm so predictable. I straightened my hair upwards in its normal spikey way like usual and sprayed a little bit of hairspray on it to keep it on point for the remainder of the night.
I exited the bathroom and found Jessica laying on the bed with Mason watching the Kardashians on TV, getting an eye roll from me in the process.
I sprayed a generous amount of cologne on and wrapped my gold Raymond Weil watch around my wrist, the same one I've worn every day since Christmas day over two years ago.
"You should really change watches babe." Jessica says from behind me.
I turn to look at her as she gives me a light smile, "Whatever happened to the Rolex I got you?" She asks making me break a sweat almost, at the thought of what Arianna and I did to that watch.
[Flashback]
"So what are we going to do with this?" I ask Arianna holding up the Rolex box Jessica got me for Christmas.
"Umm I have a lot of ideas for what we can do with that." She laughs, God I love her laugh.
"Well why don't you share your brilliant idea with the class." I laugh back acting as if there were others in the room waiting to hear her thoughts.
She smirks and walks over to me, grabbing the box from my hand and opening it up to reveal the gold Rolex sitting on a black cushion inside.
She walks past me and down the stairs, I follow her curiously and watch as she goes into the kitchen and begins raiding the drawers for something in particular, until she finds exactly what she's looking for.
"A meat mallet?" I ask with a tilt to my head.
She turns slightly to look at me with an evil grin, clutching the metal object in her hand tightly, "Who gets to go first?" She asks.
I smirk and walk over to stand next to her, "Me." I say taking the mallet from her hands, she lays the watch down on the wooden cutting board and I quickly slam the mallet onto the watch busting it into pieces, "Ooh me next." She says excitedly.
Within five minutes we completely destroyed the once gold and beautiful watch, Arianna grabbed the box and brushed all the pieces inside and closed it up, I took the box from her hands and made plans to mail it back to Jessica.
"Well that was fun."
[End Flashback]
"Uh what watch?" I ask, acting as if I never received one in the first place.
"I sent you a Rolex for Christmas when you were dating that monster who broke us up." She says cruelly.
I felt the heat rise up in my blood but pushed it aside, "Never got one." I say adjusting my watch.
"Oh well, that's weird." She says slowly dropping the subject.
"Well I'm going already, I'll see you later tonight." I say going to the door.
"Wait, no kiss?"
I roll my eyes and turn back around to face her, I quietly walk back to the bed and lean down placing a soft kiss onto her lips, no spark, no racing heartbeat, no need or want, just simple and dead.
I wave a bye and exit the room grabbing my keys from the key hook by the door and quickly leaving to meet the guys at our favorite restaurant.
I pulled up to the old Mexican restaurant, the same one we all go to so many times a year, and parked the car. I made my way inside and found the guys sitting at a table in the back, "Yo!" Mike calls out as I get near. I laugh and shake my head then give each of them a fist bump.
"What's up guys?"
"What's up with you? Haven't seen you in like two weeks man?" Vic asks while dipping his tortilla chip in the red hot sauce.
"Moving is crazy business." I simply reply.
"Why did you guys move in the first place? There was nothing wrong with the old place." Vic continues to ask.
"She didn't want to be there."
"That's some bullshit." Tony mutters.
I give him a 'don't start' look, "What? I'm saying the truth, she moves because she doesn't want to be in a house that you and Ari left so many memories together in." but he wasn't lying, that's why she made me move. It wasn't a mutual decision, it was forced.
"Tony man..." Mike says noticing the obvious tension.
"No, he's right. It wasn't a mutual decision, she made me move." I confess.
"But it's the past and we moved so let's just move on from it." I say wanting to stay away from any conversation that involved Arianna.
We enjoyed our dinner and sat talking for a little while longer, I was on my second beer and was finally feeling more uplifted than I was at the beginning.
"If I tell you guys something, you promise not to judge my thoughts." I say staring at the half empty glass of Tecate beer.
"When have we ever judged you Hime?" Mike questions.
"Never."
"Exactly, so go ahead and speak your thoughts."
I think for a second about what I noticed this afternoon and find words to say that won't make me look stupid, "So I was watching Mason this afternoon while Jessica was at lunch and when I was looking at him," I was using all sorts of hand gestures to explain what was going on through my head.
"I just started noticing that he doesn't have any of my features, like I saw a lot of Jessica, but the things that weren't Jessica wasn't me either." I spill out, I look at the guys who look at me with confused faces as if I just spoke to them in another language.
"Wait wait wait, what are you trying to say?" Mike asks breaking the silence.
"I'm saying that Mason looks nothing like me."
"So you could be saying that-"
"Mike, don't help fill Jaime's head with thoughts that could make him over think." Vic stops Mike from going on.
"Yeah but I mean, you just never know." Mike rebuttals.
"You guys shut up," Tony quiets them both down.
"Jaime, you don't know what's true and what's not, maybe just point it out to her and see what she says." Tony suggest.
I take his suggestion into consideration and drop the subject for now.
"How about we go to a bar and get fucked, we're chick-less for the weekend." Mike says pounding his fist on the table.
"Yeah where did they go anyway?" I ask genuinely curious.
They all stiffen and look away from me, "Umm I think Catalina." Vic answers.
"Oh yeah, yeah that's where they went." Mike agrees.
I furrow my eyebrows at their sudden awkwardness but push it aside and quickly agree to go to a bar and get a few things off my mind.
We were at a local bar and club, Mike had ordered us two rounds of shots, Fireball, my nemeses. I downed each of them down quick like a band aid and felt the burning sensation slither down my throat, I winced at the feeling but chased it down with my bud light.
Halfway through the night I had already began to feel all the alcohol in my system settle in and make my senses fuzzy, couldn't complain though, I felt like I was on cloud nine and there was no coming down soon.
"Hime, yo Hime we gotta get you home." Tony says.
"No I don't have my car." I slur.
"I rode with Mike so I'm going to drive you to my house, you're staying the night." He says telling me his plan before walking me out the bar door where the cool February air hit me like a thousand bricks sending me down to the ground in an instant.
With the help of Tony and who I'm assuming was Vic, I got off the ground and was placed against the cold brick wall of the club while someone went to grab my car and drive it around to me.
Tony helped me into the passenger seat and the next thing I knew, we were driving to I think Tony's.
"Ah man, what did I do?" I mumble.
"What are you talking about Jaime?" Tony asks.
"I fucked up. Do you think she'll ever forgive me?"
I feel the car swerve to what I'm guessing is the side of the road and come to a halt, "Okay Hime, I'm over this." Tony spits out with annoyance laced in his tone.
"Over what?" I hiccup.
"All this moping around, it's been what, over two years already? You need to stop."
"But," I try to get a word in but am immediately cut off.
"No Jaime, this is ridiculous, you need to move on, whether it's with Jessica or not, you need to stop thinking about the past and quit letting it get to you all the damn time. You did what you did and this was the consequence. I'm sorry Hime, you're my best friend but I need to say this for your own good because the others won't, move the fuck on with your life."
I let his words sink in as I feel the car pull back onto the road and speed off into the direction of his home, I might be feeling drunk but what he just told me, sobered me up quick, but once again tonight, he's right.
-Arianna-
Today was the day, all the planning and running around looking for the matching colors, sending invitations and getting cake made perfectly and it was finally time to enjoy it all, Lilah's first birthday.
Luckily I had the girls here to help me, I couldn't be any more grateful for their helping hands, and when I say girls, I'm including Austin in there too.
I watched as Austin and Leo carefully placed the cake on the table, it was a soft pink with aqua fondue lining, an L topper covered with glitter and the cake sprinkled with edible glitter sprinkles as well. Our theme was mermaids, Lila has been fascinated by them since I began putting on the movie The Little Mermaid for her every day, when she sees the opening scene she immediately stops crying and focuses on the colors.
She's still one, so I'm not sure if it's a fascination or just the colors on the screen that attract her but the theme is mermaids and it's too late to go back now.
Lilah was fast asleep in her car seat while we all scrambled around to make everything in this hall we rented look decent.
After everything was decorated the girls and I went back to my apartment and got ready while my step mom and grandma watched over the hall since they were already dressed.
I had everyone close to me, friends and family dress in the theme colors, pink and aqua blue, it was not a choice, it was a demand. After many gripes from Leo and Austin I bargained with them to wear baby blue flannel shirts since "Pink and baby blue are girl colors." What a bunch of babies.
I removed my running around clothes which consisted of yoga pants, a PVRIS crew neck and some black and white Nike's and hopped in the shower to rinse off. I tied my hair into a bun to not get it wet since I washed it last night and began scrubbing my entire body with my pink loofa that I bought last week.
I heard shuffling around in my bathroom cabinets and quickly peeked my head out from behind the curtain to see Alysha raiding the cabinets under my sink. "What are you looking for?" I ask with my eyebrows knotted in curiousness.
"Your hair dryer." She says not even looking at me but continuing to rummage around the cabinet space, I whistle to get her attention, "Up here." I say pointing to the towel cabinet above my toilet.
She quickly gets up and goes to open the door and spots my black hair dryer then turns to give me a smile, "Thank you." She says before walking out the door shutting it softly behind her.
I take a few more minutes to finish bathing then shut off the warm water, grabbing my black towel hanging on the towel hook and wrap it tightly around my body. I exit the bathroom and walk over to my bed where my outfit lay neatly and drop the towel, quickly putting on my matching black lace bra and panties.
I then grab my black high waist jeans and pull them up my legs then fasten them close, next was my shirt, it was a pink crop that read 'Raised by mermaids" I know it was cold out but still decided to wear it and put a black cardigan over to keep me somewhat warm. When I was done with putting my clothes on I decided to do my makeup keeping the pink theme going on me, I put soft pink eye shadow across my eyelids then blended in some black on the corners all before drawing on my winged eyeliner and putting on at least two coats of mascara.
I ran my curler through my hair quickly to make loose curls around my face then made two braids on the side before tying them in the back together to make a half up half down hair do, which I thought looked super cute.
"Hey are you almost done it's getting close to the time we need to be there!" Spencer yells into my room.
"Yeah give me a sec!" I say spraying some perfume on myself then going to my room to tie on my pink converse.
I threw on some pink rings, bracelet, earrings and a necklace that said 'Mermaid' on it then grabbed my phone and purse form the bed and quickly went to the guest room where Danielle had Lilah in her arms fast asleep. Luckily I had changed her before I got ready, only because I knew I would take long, good thinking Ari.
We all piled into my black Lexus and began our way to the hall where everyone awaited Lilah's arrival.
We walked in and saw all my family and friends sitting around and talking to one another, but as soon as they saw Lilah she was quickly taken out of my hands and passed around as if she were a shiny new toy.
We enjoyed the rest of our day, laughing with all my friends that stopped by to see Lilah of course, those friends included the girls I work with at the café then Lynn from PVRIS who I got acquainted with when I went to one of their shows here in Cleveland with Leo, Lynn recognized me because of Jaime and invited me backstage to hang out, that's when we began hanging out when she visited and became real good friends.
Others included the rest of the dorks from Of Mice and Men, then other band friends. I looked around at all my friends and felt a slight pain in my heart when I realized the other three missing guys from this circle, Tony, Vic and Mike.
I hated not being able to have them here, of course I invited them but there was no way of them coming without Jaime finding out, and I just couldn't deal with that right now. I sat thinking about what it would be like having him here, of course he would be interactive with everyone, watching Lilah carefully and helping me open her gifts, I tried to push away this thought but it kept haunting me.
"Yo earth to Arianna!" Alysha's snapping fingers broke me out of my thoughts as I shake my head and turn my attention to her.
"Are you ready to clean up, the rental time is almost over." She asks.
I see people already throwing away their things and nod my head in agreement, "Yeah let's clean."
We begin cleaning up, most of my aunts and friends helping throw the plastic table sheets away along with plates and cups. Austin and Alan took all Lilah's gifts to their SUV and offered to take them to my apartment when we were done here.
The girls and I again piled into my car, the only difference being Danielle got shotgun this time instead of Alysha.
When we got back to the apartment all of us including Austin and the guys carried all the leftovers and bags up the elevator and to my apartment, putting all the gifts in my room and food in the kitchen to be stored in the fridge.
Once everything was finally finished, we all sat around the living room, including my cousin Spencer who brought her twins and put them to sleep in my bedroom with Lilah.
"Cards against humanity?" Alysha suggests.
"What are you waiting for woman, pull out the cards!" Alan demanded playfully.
Two and a half hours later we finally had a winner, and it was me thank you very much, "You're a cheat." Alan says pointing his finger at me.
"Don't hate the player baby, hate the game." I say sticking my tongue out at him.
Everyone finally filed out of my home except for the girls of course excluding Spencer who had to take the twins home since her husband was home already from his business trip and wanted to see her.
I still felt upset about not having the guys there but disguised it pretty well as the girls didn't notice at all, until I sat on the couch and apparently drifted off into space and had to have Alysha pull me out by snapping her fingers in my face again.
"What's going on with you, that's like the second time you've sat quietly in your own world today, are you okay?" She asks taking a seat next to me, while Danielle and Spencer find a spot on the other sofa next to us.
"Yeah, I'm fine." I lie with a small smile.
"Oh no, I know that lie, spill it." Spencer says with seriousness written across her face.
I let out a deep breath I didn't know I was holding in then look down at my fingers, "It's the fact that I couldn't have the guys here. I hate that they can't come spend time with Lilah because I'm too afraid to deal with Jaime. This is beginning to be too much and I know I don't say it all the time but I miss him, every day is just another day that I miss him more." I let it all fall out on the table, theoretically of course, the girls staying quiet knowing there was more coming, and they were right.
"I know I need to move on, and I've tried but I just can't seem to find someone without comparing everything they do to Jaime, which is wrong but I can't help it. It's getting so frustrating but I just don't know what to do." I confess, feeling the tears fall from the brim of my eye and down to my leg.
I feel Alysha move closer and rub my back, "You'll move on, it might be taking a bit of time but you'll get there."
"Yeah, she's right," Danielle cuts in.
"You and Jaime have a lot of history together, and not to mention a child, of course it's going to take a while to move on, but you're going to need a push so we're going to give you one." She says, the last part coming out with determination.
"Yep, tomorrow we're taking you out, whether you like it or not, we're going to have fun." Spencer finishes.
I laugh and wipe away my tears nodding my head in agreement to their plan, "God I missed you guys." I say.
"Hey we may be miles apart but we're still best friends." Danielle smiles.
I smile in return, their right, it's time, I need to forget the past and move forward, no matter how hard this will be...
=,w