~read the 17th entry in Kay's Diaries before this chapter~
We leave tomorrow but I can’t board that plane until I speak to Kay. I’ve been preparing for all these past few days and I know exactly what I’m going to do. The lads and girls are supporting me, telling that they are proud of me for doing this and they are cheering for me. I have great friends, I’ll never finish apologising for the things I made them go through, but I’ll be around just to make up for the pain in the arse I was for so many months.
Harry helps me by asking Grimmy Kay’s address when I can’t remember exactly how to get to her place —turns out I have horrible sense of direction, that’s why I always get lost— so when I’m ready, I go to her building. It’s a nice place, quite posh, though. Grimmy told Harry that Kay’s parents have loads of money and that was one of the reasons people were so jealous of her in school. This flat was Kay’s father’s gif when she graduated from high school.
I still have so much to learn about Kay and I’m eager to ask her everything. I want to know it all.
I have everything I need and when I’m at her door, I knock. I came before, but she wasn’t in the building so this is my second time trying. I had to bribe the caretaker to let me in without telling her. The lads gave me many advices and I keep them all with me. I know she is inside, the caretaker told me so —by the way he is a nice man, he just asked me for tickets for her daughters—, but even when I knock many times, she doesn’t open the door.
“Kay, I know you’re in there! Open the door,” I call out loud so she can hear me.
“Go away, Louis. We don’t have anything to talk about,” she replies and I smile. She is at the other side, probably with her hands on the door, watching me through the peephole. I feel immediately better knowing she is near and I can’t stop smiling. There’s only the door between us, and a few issues I’ll fix right now.
“Not until you hear me out! I have many things to say,” I state stubbornly. After all, that’s my trait. “Look, I’m really sorry I realised everything so late, but I came here to show you I’m better. You can trust me! I’m dealing with all my shit like a normal human being!”
She doesn’t reply and I take a deep breath.
“Open the door, Kay. Please, let’s talk this.” Again, she doesn’t say anything. “I won’t leave until you open that door and hear what I have to say.”
“Then you’ll die there!” she spats and I chuckle.
She is perfect for me, so stubborn and a feisty, and sassy. Seriously, it’s like she was made to be my perfect match.
“Open the door and I show the video of me dancing hula with a coconut bra!” I try bribing her. Yeah, I lost the bet with Moni so I had to dance with the skirt and the bra in Savannah’s video.
Humiliation level: Moni’s prank.
She doesn’t say anything, but I hear her chuckling and I take that as a good sign. One way to show her I’m better is by making her laugh. I never made her laugh before and she has a beautiful laughter.
“I’m not joking, I did that. I lost a bet with Moni and you don’t mess with that brunette. It’s gonna be on YouTube soon, but I can show it to you first if you open the door.” Still nothing. “Okay.”
The lads have told me that serenates are the craic —Niall said that—, and maybe with that I can touch her heart and get her to open the door. Yeah, I kind of knew she wasn’t going to just open the door and let me tell her all the things I’ve done. I know my little Kay, she is as stubborn as myself. If she had opened the door just like that she wouldn’t be my beautiful Kay.
So I turn on my heels and with my back on the door, I sit on the floor with my legs crossed. I grab the guitar I brought with me —see? Prepared!— and start to strum some chords. “Get comfortable ‘cos I’ll be here for a while,” I warn her and I clear my throat. I spend a whole day looking for the perfect song to sing to her. Turns out I found a few.
She said I won the battle but I lost the war
And now my head is sore
And If I try to sail back in
She's gonna push me from the shore
Now I won't ever get the time of day
No way, no way, no
Not for what I said but for what I didn't say,
What I didn't say, so
I start singing the song the represents the most what’s going on with us. I mean, it’s almost as if she was quoting the song.
If you see Kay
Will you tell her that I love her?
And if you see Kay
Let her know I want her back
If she listens, say I'm missing
Everything about her
Make sure you say I'm sweet FA without her
If you see Kay
I don’t stop here, I keep singing because I want her to know I love her and I’m sure that in one moment she’ll open the door just to make me shut up. Still playing that song by The Script, I change the melody because as I said, there were too many songs to describe what I feel. I couldn’t pick one.
Why do you rub me up the wrong way?
Why do you say the things that you say?
Sometimes I wonder how we ever came to be
But without you I'm incomplete
I think it must be
True love, true love
It must be true love
Nothing else can break my heart like
True love, true love,
It must be true love
No one else can break my heart like you
No one else can break my heart like you
No one else can break my heart like you
Above the chords I play I hear her laughing and I smile as I keep singing, mashing up more songs. Turns out, P!nk is connected to my life, too.
I don't know if I can yell any louder
How many time I've kicked you outta here?
Or said something insulting?
Da da da, da da
I can be so mean when I wanna be
I am capable of really anything
I can cut you into pieces
When my heart is broken
Da da da, da da
Please don't leave me
Please don't leave me
I always say how I don't need you
But it's always gonna come right back to this
Please, don't leave me
I’m honestly thinking of charging them for writing these songs. And I’m singing an awful amount of girls’ songs. This is a low blow to my male ego.
When I met you I didn't really like you
First impression was you were somebody who'd
Walk right by when I waved at you and say 'Hi'
But they say, Hey!
Bad beginnings make happy endings
Now that I know you
I begin to understand things
It's turn around a hundred and eighty degrees
I found my missing piece
There's something about you
That's like the sun
You warm up my heart
When I come undone
You’re like my soul-mate
And on those days
When I hurt
When I break
You are my band aid
And by this moment, she is actually laughing, I can hear her, but I’m not done.
Well I had my ways, they were all in vain,
But she waited patiently.
It was all the same, all my pride and shame,
And she put me on my feet.
They call her love, love, love, love, love.
They call her love, love, love, love, love.
They call her love, love, love, love, love.
She is love, and she is all I need.
Now she is not laughing, but I know… I know she is still listening. I go back to The Script’s song and I made sure to sing even louder this part. I almost shout the first line.
She got me saying sorry through the door
She don't care anymore
She says it's too late now
Should have thought of this before
But I ain't gonna take this as defeat
No way, no way, no
'cause I'm gonna shout it out to everyone I,
Every one I meet
If you see Kay
Will you tell her that I love her
And if you see Kay
Let her know I want her back
If she listens, say I'm missing
Everything about her
Make sure you say I'm sweet FA without her
If you see Kay…
And I finish like that, with the song I think The Script wrote for us. I’m actually thinking of asking them to pay for copyrights or something. I don’t care the released this song way before I met Kay. They are psychics or something. Just like Moni.
Kay doesn’t say anything and I sigh. Come on! The lads sang one song and made it work, I make a whole mash up and nothing? I feel cheated here! Why don't clichés work with me? “Don’t I get brownie points for mixing all those songs? I even had to learn them on the guitar. C’mon, Kay!” I call again, loud enough so she will hear me. “I can sing more if you want?” I’m going to smack Niall’s head. He suggested the whole serenade thing. Cheesy bastard. I should’ve gone with Harry idea and rent a helicopter and jump to her balcony with roses falling from the sky.
Too much?
“You’re insane!” she shouts and I laugh.
“That’s what they say!” I agree and I hear her chuckling. “C’mon, Kay, I even brought a piece offering. I stopped by the nearest Starbucks and brought you something. It’s gonna melt if you don’t open the door,” I try again and wait. “I won’t move until you open the door, Kay! I’ve made myself comfortable already,” I shout the moment one of her neighbours opens the door. “Oh hello, Kay’s neighbour! I’m here waiting for her to open the door and hear me out. It’s a pleasure to meet you!” The man runs, he actually runs. “Kay, your neighbours don’t like me! Anyways, what song do you want next?”
If she doesn’t open, I’ll keep waiting. At one point she’ll have to leave her flat. But what if she uses the balcony? Or a parachute? Or—?
The door finally opens and as I’m resting my weight on it, I fall backwards. I end up facing the ceiling until Kay comes across, looking at me from above. “Louis?” she asks and I smile.
My God, she is so beautiful, more beautiful than what I remembered. I immediately try to reach her although I’m still on the floor, with the guitar on top of me. “Kay,” I breathe out, so happy to see her again. “Did you like my little performance?” I ask with a wink and she looks so confused.
“What do you think you’re doing?” she asks me seriously and I rise up again, putting the guitar aside and standing on my feet. Kay gives me space but then she notices the Starbucks cup. “You drank it! Wasn’t it supposed to be a peace offering?” she reproaches me and I shrug.
“It’s hot and I was thirsty. Sorry?” I offer and she chuckles again. “I’ll buy you another later. I spend a lot of time there now. After so many months with a Starbucks withdraw now I’m more obsessed than ever!” I tell her and she looks at me confused again.
“I don’t think you came here to tell me that, Louis. What do you really have to say?” That’s true, I’m just babbling.
I take a deep breath and organise my ideas again. There’s so much to tell. “I cam here to say I’m sorry, for all what I made you go through. I’m really sorry I was a mess when you met me, but thanks to you I got better. You helped me, Kay, to realise all the things I was doing wrong. To my friends and to myself. You helped me to face my own stupidity.”
“You are stupid indeed,” she agrees and I smile. There’s no denial there.
“Yes I am, but I’m better now.” I see her looking away and losing the smile, so I rush to take her hands and make her look at me again. Her eyes show me she doesn’t trust me, but I need to make her see. I cup her face, stroking her skin tenderly. “I am better, Kay. I know you can see it. I know I still have issues with not being enough but I’m even seeing a therapist. Turns out that this whole problem dates back from when my dad left us.”
“I figured,” she says but doesn’t add anything else.
“I apologised and I’m making amends with all my friends, Kay. I know I’ll never delete all what I did, all the hurtful comments, but I know that I’ll never treat them like that again. And I swear I won’t make a generalisation ever again.”
“That’s good. Your friends deserve that, but we’re not friends, Louis.”
“No, but I want to be more than friends.” Again, she doesn’t say anything. “I know you don’t trust me right now, but I’ll prove you every day that I’m not the same idiot you met. I’m a total different, healed idiot now.” I smile at her brightly and she can’t help herself, she chuckles. “I even talked to Eleanor, Kay. And it didn’t hurt. I told her that I was sorry and that I understand now what happened was for the best. She told me to come after you. I was going to leave you alone, but I can’t. I miss you too much.”
I know she didn’t expect this and that she is surprised that I went to see Eleanor. That’s probably the biggest proof I could ever offer her.
“You talked to Eleanor?” she asks and I nod, bringing my other hand to her face. “Louis.”
“I miss you, I miss you so much. Your teasing, your sassy comebacks, the way you drive me crazy when you touch me. I miss everything about you and not having you around has been horrible. Kay, you told me you fell for me but you never gave me the chance to tell you I love you. You left and I don’t blame you, but I’m here trying to tell you that I will work every day to show you I’m doing better. And I’ll be even better just for you, because if I’m not enough, I’ll do anything just to be enough for you. Please, take me back.”
Kay grabs my wrists and for a moment I think she’ll push me away and I’m afraid. I’ve told her everything, but what if not even that’s enough? What if I screwed things up too much?
“You’ve always been enough for me, Louis,” she whispers with her eyes closed, like she is too tired to open them. “You just never saw that. You didn’t want to see it.”
“And I’m so sorry for that but I swear I’m not that idiot anymore. You fixed me, Kay, but I still need you with me,” I tell her, daring to get my hopes up.
Kay doesn’t say anything, she just pulls me by the neck until her lips are over mine, kissing me desperately. I react immediately, my hands leaving her face just to go to the small of her back and hold her tightly as I deepen the kiss. Nothing holds me back this time. I’ve taken the risk and I’m not saying I’m not afraid, but that assures me that I’ll never take Kay for granted again and I’ll always fight for her, to keep her by my side.
“I love you,” she whispers over my lips, still kissing me.
“I love you, too,” I repeat, kissing her over and over again.
“You still owe me Starbucks. I only opened the door for that,” she jokes and I laugh. I have to stop kissing her to laugh. “Oi! I’m being serious.”
“I know,” I pull back, taking her hands and tangling our fingers together. “Let’s go then. I want another Frappuccino.”
“I hope you don’t end up in a some sorta Starbucks Rehab,” she teases me as I grab my guitar and the empty cup.”
“It may be too late already,” I say and she laughs out loud. This is just perfect, how I make her laugh so honestly and easily. Who can say I’m not better now? I may not be exactly the old me because I’ve learnt many things, Kay taught me a lot, but I’m myself. I’m happy.
I close the door and wrap my arm over her shoulders, bringing her close and kissing her temple as we leave the building. I bet all her neighbours are happy about this.
Some risks are totally worth it, and Kay is the biggest risk I’ve taken, but at the same time, the best one. There are many things I should’ve done differently, but I can’t change the past and all I know right now is that I’m happy again because of her, I’m okay because she helped me. And I’ll prove her every day that she can trust me. I’ll fight for her, because Kay is worth it.
-:-:-:-
And that's it... the final official chapter! Did you like it? Did it fulfil your expectations? Remember there's gonna be an epilogue and it's gonna be filled with #Kouis! All I wanted in this chapter was to show you a better Louis, a healed one. He won Kay back because he made her laugh. It wasn't the serenade, it was his humour, his true self. I hope you saw that.
BTW, I didn't base this story on The Script's song, I realised later how accurate it was and I had to add it.
And if after this story you haven't read Kay's Diaries or Masquerade, this is the time! Only reading those books you'll have the ultimate experience.
Dedication to @feckless because you gave me one of the biggest smiles ever with that comment. Thank you.
Bel, xx