Jana-
"Hey Jana?"
Looking up, Jana stared across the table as a man sat down dressed in doctor's scrubs and a white coat. Immediately, he knew that he was Emmet's replacement. Why he was there at that moment, he also felt like he knew. The man had sent him several invitations to meet him anywhere he felt comfortable over the past several weeks, but Jana never felt comfortable anywhere, and definitely didn't want to deal with a new person trying to get under his skin.
He wished, at that very moment, that the man had never come out of his infirmary. No doubt. He's Emmet's brother. He thought sourly, not wanting to believe it, but not being able to deny it, either. The man, while very similar-looking to his brother, older or younger, did nothing for Jana's cold heart.
"Go away." He said before looking back down at the apple he hadn't touched yet. Jana barely ever ate, which made it twice as hard to keep up his body. That meant he needed to do more work, though, and he loved it.
When the man refused to leave and instead took out a folder and set it on the table, Jana clenched the fist he had sitting on the seat beneath the table. He didn't want to get in trouble again after the two days of isolation Tommy couldn't get him out of for attacking Domino again. Granted, it was supposed to be a full week, so he was grateful, but he couldn't go back again. He wouldn't be able to keep from hurting himself, straight jacket or not.
Staring the blond-haired, brown-eyed man down across from him, Jana knew that he would have to bite his tongue and keep his fists from flying if he wanted to accomplish his goal.
"So, part of the deal where you only got two days in isolation is that you talk to me. While I have sent several requests through your guard, they've all come back negative. That has led me to come and seek you out. Jana, I'm only going to say this once, as I need to get back to my job, and while you were notably an important inmate to my little brother, you are just like everyone else in this prison to me. I offered to see you as a favor to his memory, in order to make your punishment easier on you. If you would like to meet right now in one of the side rooms or in the infirmary, as it's my lunch hour, then we can do that. If you refuse again, I have to report it and you will likely need to finish off your full week of solitary."
Leaning back in his seat, Jana felt his whole body shake on the inside. He was angry. Furious, that the man who wore such a similar face to his Emmet, treated him in such a way. Yet, he could do little against him. If he refused to talk, he went to isolation again. If he did talk, he'd probably try to kill himself when he got back to his cell.
"Fine." He said before getting up, leaving the apple on the table.
The man was smart and hurried to his feet, then turned and lead Jana from the quiet lunch room. Before the door had even closed behind them he could hear people beginning to talk about what had just happened. They were always hungry for gossip, but lucky for them, they knew when to keep their mouths shut... which was basically any time Jana was around.
"Alright, we'll just go in here." The man in front of him said as he stopped near a door and, after taking out a set of keys and unlocking it, stepped inside.
Jana slipped inside through the door the man held open, then moved to the far corner and stood, leaning back against the wall and crossing his arms over his chest. The doctor eyed him for a moment, then moved around the metal table and took the seat that was supposed to have been Jana's.
"Alright. I know you hate talking so we'll get this done fast. First, my name is Christopher. I told your guard that I would escort you back, too, whether you agreed to talk or not, so you don't have to worry about him looking for you."
Jana didn't bother replying, and instead just rose a brow. Christopher pursed his lips and nodded, then flipped open the file he'd taken from the table and pulled out a pen.
"Alright. Jana Alaric. So far the only information I've got on you is what the prison has. Your conviction and pleas. That you're twenty-eight, Irish-American, and have some anger issues."
Ignoring the man's comment about his issues, Jana shrugged and waited. When the man didn't get anything out of him, he leaned back in his chair and crossed one leg over the other.
"How was your home life, Jana?" He asked calmly, pen poised in his fingers, ready to write.
Jana thought over the question. He knew that it would be asked. It always was, but now something was actually on the table... yet each time he tried to open his mouth and answer, he felt his gut tighten and his heartbeat stutter painfully in his chest.
"I need an answer, Jana." The man pushed, making Jana grind his teeth. After another moment of silence he hissed out, "It was what it was." Which was true. He really wasn't sure what normal was, in that type of situation. He grew up getting screwed by his father and ignored by his mother. Was it different in other people's homes? Likely, but he didn't know how much so.
The man thankfully nodded and scribbled down a few things, then looked back up at Jana.
"Okay. Did you like living with your parents. Did you hate it. Or was there some sort of middle ground that made you happy some time?"
The simple questions caught him a little off-guard. He expected him to pry much harder, like the judge and defense attorney had.
"I hated it." He stated quietly as he stared down at his bare feet. They were dirty from his morning run with Tera, but he really couldn't care less. At that moment, the dirt smoothed into his skin was a relief. It was something to focus on when he felt like digging his nails into his chest and arms.
After the sound of the pen stopped scratching on the paper again, the next question was asked. "If you were to be let out today, and you could live any way you'd like, what are some simple things you'd get for your home?"
What kind of question is that? Jana thought as he stared at the man, confused and a bit annoyed. He wasn't mad any longer, but he still didn't like the questions.
"I would get food and clothing." He replied, unsure if there was anything he would really need. Sure, a bed would be nice, but that was a luxury, even when he had lived with his parents. He refused to sleep in his bed after the first year of his father's nightly visits. Just the thought of them made him withdraw suddenly, taking his mind away from the person that had made the memory come up.
He didn't come back until he felt a hand gently press against his shoulder. It took every ounce of energy he had to keep himself from attacking the doctor. If he hadn't looked like Emmet, he would have probably been bloody already. Thankfully, he let him go and stepped back, clicking his pen closed before slipping it behind his ear and offering a small smile.
"That's all for now. I may send you another request to speak in the next few days, so please don't decline that one. Until then, I'll walk you back to your cell." Christopher said calmly before turning and guiding him from the room.
Jana felt like he was in a haze as images of his father continued to flash before his eyes. He normally didn't have so much trouble pushing them aside, but then again, he normally attacked whatever triggered the memories, and right then, he couldn't. God only knows what would happen if he went after the new doctor. He would be in solitary for weeks. Maybe even months.
No. He thought bitterly as they stopped in front of his cell and Tommy unlocked it, having known to wait there for them. He spoke with the doctor for a moment before the man walked away, quickly followed by Tommy. He, no doubt, likely wanted to get what little information the doctor had managed to get from him, but Jana didn't care right then. He stumbled to the back of the cell, ignoring Tera and Domino as he slumped in the corner.
He didn't need to think as he leaned back and slammed his head into the concrete wall. The hit hadn't been hard enough to break the skin, but his next one would have if a hand hadn't stopped him. It pressed against his forehead and forced him back against a chest he knew had to be Domino's. He really, really didn't want to deal with the man right then. He had more important things to do, like slam his head into the wall until the physical pain numbed the mental pain.
"Do you need it again? The pain?" Domino asked as he slowly moved his hand from Jana's forehead to the wall. He could still feel the man's breathing against his back, but was able to relax slightly without him touching him skin to skin.
Jana slowly let his head fall until he was staring at his fingers, splayed between his legs, holding up most of his weight. "I need it to stop."
He looked over his shoulder, meeting Domino's eyes with his own dark ones. Silence hung in the air around them as the memories tried to push further into his mind. "It won't stop. It never really stops." He said, his voice cracking on his whispered words.
Jana expected Domino to laugh at him, or hit him. He didn't expect him to reach up and gently rest his palm against the bottom of Jana's jaw and lean forward slightly. "Jana, if pain will stop whatever is bothering you, let me do it, please. I've seen your scars, and they're dangerous. There are ways to safely hurt, and there are ways to cause serious damage."
The thought of actually harming his body had never occurred to him. Or, at least, it had never mattered. No one had ever cared for him besides his father, and that was just as a sex toy. Except for Emmet, and look what happened to him. Jana thought sadly, unable to keep from hunching and looking down again.
He hated looking weak in front of someone else. Especially his cellmate, but he couldn't keep the memories away and Domino wouldn't let him hurt himself the way he needed too.
Looking back up, he met the man's eyes, trying to decipher anything hostile in them. Many inmates would pay good money to get their hands on him. To hurt him, like he'd hurt a good amount of them. Even Domino, having dodged a good deal of damage, had nearly been drowned weeks ago. Yet... Jana couldn't see any malice in the man's cold eyes.
There was no affection or even a hint of caring, but there was a calmness that Jana craved. He probably isn't haunted. He probably doesn't see all of the things I have to everyday. He thought, almost jealous of the man sitting before him. His frustration ebbed, however, when he felt the hand cupped beneath his jaw tighten just-so.
The gesture had his eyes slipping closed as a small amount of pain radiated through his jaw. Soon he felt fingers from Domino's other hand weave into his hair and, almost seemingly strategically, delve into a specific spot before constricting the strands there. The sudden headache that the gesture caused made Jana gasp and tilt his head back slightly.
The images flickered in his mind, drawing a quiet sigh from his lips a moment later. He felt the hold on his jaw tighten more, then a few pressure points were added, likely from Domino's fingertips massaging painfully into the muscle there.
"How does it feel now?" Domino asked, sending a shock through Jana's system. His eyes opened, and while clouded from the pain, he couldn't help but stare at the man looking down at him. Instead of answering, Jana slowly let his head tilt down, then leaned forward until he felt the top of it rest against Domino's firm chest. It felt the same as always. The images were starting to fade, but they'd be back. The pain only temporarily blocked the silent movie continuously playing in his mind.
"Don't worry anymore about being alright, okay Jana?"
Don't worry? But isn't that what people want? For me to be 'okay'? Jana thought as he felt a gentle tug pull another ache from his scalp.
"I've never been the type of guy to give a damn about someone else. To care, but for once in my stupidly-selfish life, I'd like to offer you an observation I've come to realize."
When Jana didn't respond, Domino continued.
"No one is ever truly alright."