I remember the feel of the sun on my skin, the wind in my hair, his hand on my knee as we drove in his red Mustang along the seaside drive. I remember the salty scent in the air, the water lapping at my painted toes, my lime green bikini wet with ocean water. I remember the blue sky, the birds flying overhead, the trees and mountains tall above. That was my life for twelve years. Beaches, mountains, ocean. New Zealand was so beautiful. And then it was all taken away from me.
His name was Austin. He was from California, and moved to New Zealand when he was six, just like me. I first met him when waiting in line at the ice cream parlor. As time had worn on, we had loved each other more than family, more than just friends. Of course, he was my best friend, but he was also much more. The word "boyfriend" doesn't seem to describe all the things he was to me. I remember the kisses in the sand. Walks on the beach late at night. Long hikes up the mountains.
I found out we were moving just four days ago, and now here I sit on the plane back to Oklahoma, where I spent the first six year of my life. I was in my room texting Austin when my parents called me to the living room for a family talk. That's when I found out about the move. I couldn't help but cry, knowing that my perfect, beautiful life was soon to change. I thought about Austin. How could I tell him? I kept it from him until the next night, when I asked if he could go to dinner and a movie.
He met me outside of the restaurant, taking both of my hands in his and kissing me, right at first. Tears welled up in my eyes.
"What's wrong, gorgeous?" he asked.
I shook my head. "There's something I need to tell you."
"What? What is it?"
"I'm moving the day after tomorrow."
Austin raised his eyebrows. "Where to?"
I squeezed my eyes shut. "Back to Oklahoma."
And I remember his reaction, knowing that our days were so limited...knowing that in less than three days I would be on the other side of the world. The rest of the night was spent somewhat sadly. I wouldn't see him for a long time. Most likely, I wouldn't see him ever again.
He came to see us off at the airport this morning. He squeezed my hand, his eyes red and puffy like he'd been crying. But to me he was still the most beautiful person in the world. He took me in his arms, and I hugged him like I never had, knowing that this was the last time I'd feel the touch of his warm skin, smell his sweet scent, hear his loving voice. Knowing that after this, it would be all over. I kissed him, knowing that it was the last time I'd feel his lips on mine.
I bit my lip to keep from crying. "I love you," I whispered. "I'll never forget you."
Austin tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear. "I'm going to miss you so much," he said. "I'll even pay for the long-distance calls and texts."
I smiled weakly. Behind me, my mom called my name, telling me that we should get in line.
"I have to go," I whimpered into his shoulder. "Promise me you'll think about me."
"I'll never think about anything else ever again. I love you, Lex."
I took a step backwards, distancing myself. "Bye, Austin."
"I'll see you again, Lex," he told me. "I know I will."
I nodded, though I knew that it was very doubtful. Beginning to walk away, I waved at him when I reached my parents, already feeling too far from him. And before turning the corner, I chanced a look back...it was the last time I would ever see Austin, so tan, and his sandy hair, and his muscular chest...and he was staring after me.
•••
"Peanuts?"
I jerk my head up from the tray.
"Sure," I tell the flight attendant. She tosses them to me, and then I close my eyes.
My mom sits next to me, her face in a book like always, her brown hair falling in front of her eyes. She just finished telling me about Oklahoma, the things I don't remember. So far, I'm not looking forward to my new life.
"There are hardly any mountains, and none where we're going," Mom told me. "And no beaches, either, except for the ones at the lakes, but they're small and muddy."
Well, at least there are lakes. There are lots of lakes in New Zealand. But no mountains, no beaches...she said the weather constantly changes. That one day there could be a blizzard (a blizzard! there's never snow in New Zealand) and the next it could be eighty degrees. Fahrenheit, of course. In our twelve years of living in New Zealand, we only visited Oklahoma once, when I was ten, and we only spent a week there. I don't know why, just that I won't recognize most of my family, because now I'm eighteen and it's been a long time since then.
A long time later, the plane lands in New York. I've never been here, either. We have a five hour layover, so we leave the airport and go outside to spend a few hours in the city. It's incredible. The skyscrapers are so tall, and the streets so busy. I've never seen anything like it, and I love it.
"Why can't we just stay here?" I ask, while eating lunch in a cafe. "It's so cool. I mean, if we're moving back to America, we might as well live somewhere cool, right?"
Mom smiles. "Maybe we'll take a vacation here sometime," she says. "I love New York, too."
•••
We're back at the airport now, and I'm waiting to board the airplane. Next stop: Houston, Texas. And then we'll be home. Or at least, my parents call it home. My home is New Zealand. My home is wherever Austin is.
Out of all the U.S. states, I've been to about four: Oklahoma, Texas, Arkansas, and now New York. But out of all the world's countries, I think I've been to about twenty-five, because while we lived in New Zealand, we were also traveling the world, going places like Australia, South Africa, Thailand, Malaysia, Argentina, Kenya, Indonesia, Germany...we went all over the place.
My mom nudges me on the arm. "Hey," she says. "We can't get on the plane for twenty more minutes. But there's a wall phone over there, and it says it can call long-distance. Want to try to call Austin?"
I immediately perk up. No matter what time it is there, Austin will always be willing to talk. Walking over to the phone, I dial his number.
"Hello?" I hear him answer after a few rings. I get chills at the sound of his warm voice, and I realize how badly and how much I want him here with me.
"Hey babe!" I exclaim, excited to talk to him.
"Lexi? Hey, what's going on?"
"I'm at the New York airport. We have a while before we have to get on the plane, so I thought I'd call."
"I'm glad you did," Austin says sincerely. "I haven't even gotten up from my bed today, I miss you so much."
"I miss you, too," I tell him. "New York is so cool, I've never been anywhere like it."
"I've never been to New York. Or if I have, I don't remember it."
"Hey, I just realized that only, like, four people know I'm leaving. Will you fill everyone in so they don't think I died?"
"Sure, gorgeous. So has your family told you what Oklahoma's like? I've never been there, either."
"My mom said that there's hardly any mountains and beaches. But apparently, there are a lot of lakes. And she said that the weather is really unpredictable. And that there's also a lot of farmland."
"Sounds cool, I guess. Where are you moving to?"
"A suburb called Edmond. It's right by the capital city. And there's this town called McAlester that some of my family lives in, so we'll be visiting there, too."
Austin and I chat like this until my mom says it's time to board the plane. I shut my eyes.
"Austin, I have to go. Our plane is boarding."
"Alright. Thanks for calling. I miss you already, love."
"I don't want to go," I whisper into the phone.
"I don't want you to go, either. I love you."
"I love you too," I murmur. "Bye, Austin."
"Bye baby."
I hang up, wondering when the next time I hear his voice will be. His loving voice that always has the sweetest and kindest things to say to me.
•••
The plane ride to Houston feel longer than it really is. I spend most of the time sleeping, or staring out of the window. I didn't realize how exhausted I was until I sat down. I'm always fascinated with airplane windows. How high up they are, and how small everything else is below. I like watching the people and cars shrink in size until they're no longer visible as we rise in the sky. I like how the streets look like dividers and the land like squares. I also write and listen to music.
The plane is landing now. I wish to stand and stretch my legs. Once everyone is dismissed and leaves, I turn to look at my mom. She smiles at me.
"Just an hour layover, and then an hour plane ride...and then we'll be home."
I almost correct her, and say that Oklahoma isn't and never will be my home, but she looks so genuinely happy to be near Oklahoma that I can practically see the glow radiating from her. It's like she's waking up now that she's closer to her home. This is where Mom spent most of her life, after all.
At the airport, we eat and then board yet another plane. When it takes off, I clench my eyes tightly closed and grip the armrests.
In just an hour I'll be beginning my new life.