What if?
What if this could all just end? This whole life, this struggle? What if at the press of a button I could be happy? But what if this is my faith? Faith to never be happy again? What if Gale comes back? What will I do then?
What if? What if? What if...
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When I reach victors village the movement of the wind have dried the tears on to my cheeks.I make my way quickly to Peeta's house and knock on the door a little more aggressively than intended. After a minute there is still no answer so instead I open the door.
"Peeta!"
I call his name as I walk through the kitchen to the living room. No sign of him, no noise. The only thing filling the silence is the sound of my heart beating. The loud and fast thumping surrounding my ears.
I check all downstairs. Nothing, no one. Then I realise
He's gone to Haymitch's.
My feet react before my mind and within seconds I am slamming his door behind me whilst making my way over Haymitch's. My breath is fast, my heart still pumping rapidly as I run up the steps to his door. I run in whilst shutting the door behind me. I then come to a halt at the door into the living room. And there he is. Standing before Haymitch, Effie and Sophie with a look of shock and disbelief across his face. And then all eyes fall on me .
I see many things in their eyes. In Haymitch's confusion and shock, in Effie's the same and then my eyes settle on Peeta's. His face is confused and shocked still, his expression hasn't changed since I came here. My eyes shift to Sophie who sits on Effie's lap, silent and uncomfortable. She looks at me with her bright green. She grasps her hand on Effie's sleeve. When Peeta glances at her she buries her face into Effie's shirt. She begins to nap silently, not bothering to take anything in around her.
She doesn't know what to make of the situation, she's never seen me cry and never met Peeta. It's overwhelming her and I only wish I could scoop her into my arms at this very moment. Tell her it's okay, even though it's not. Of course its not. I pull my eyes back to Peeta's as he says in a dead tone to me
"What is going on here?"
Nobody says anything for a long time. My arms hang by my sides trembling along with the rest of my body. Peeta speaks again, his voice small for the beginning then evolving into an angered yell
"You've been lying to me. Every one of you. I want to know now what's going on here. I don't want lies any more!"
He looks at me for a moment and then shifts his eyes to Haymitch. He says with his voice overlapped with hurt
"This is the arena again. You two are playing a game. You have been hiding things from me, I could tell straight away when I got back"
Haymitch defends that point even though it is true
"It's never been like that Peeta...."
But Peeta doesn't let him finish but instead he interrupts
"It's exactly like that. It always has been. Not any more. I want the truth"
My heart is beating extremely loud now, the thumping is deafening to my eardrums. He looks at Sophie now and asks
"Who's baby is that?"
Everyone remains silent including me. I've never seen him this mad other than when he is under the cloud of his hijacking. At first I question that but his pupils remain normal and his eyes still contain their blue original colour. After a few minutes still no one has spoken he leaves. He doesn't say anything but walks out. I glance back at Haymitch and Effie before following him, calling his name. When I reach him he is halfway to his house. He doesn't turn around but instead ignores me. I grab his arm and pull him to face me. He looks at me with slight anger and hurt still remaining on his face. Suddenly I have been wiped of my words and I stand before him speechless. What am I supposed to say? The truth? It looks like I'm not going to have an option. He says to me
"Tell me the truth Katniss. Please"
His voice is cracking. Tears form in his eyes. I hurt him, I took the secrets too far. I locked him out. And I can't help but slip the words from my mouth
"She's mine.... We'll sort of. Her names Sophie... Peeta I'm so so sorry...."
There is only two things visible in his eyes at this moment that aren't tears. Realisation and Hurt. I open my mouth to defend myself but before I can continue he interrupts me
"So you lied to me? About everything? You never were honest with me when I opened up to you and showed you my life.....You lied"
I feel my chest ache as the guilt settle in .I struggle to contain my tears as they constantly threaten to spill. I tell him
"I'm so so sorry..:"
He yanks his arm from my grasp and says
"I'm done with sorry's Katniss. If you can't trust me then it's over. Whatever 'this' is is over.... I'm done"
I try to grab his arm again. I plead for him listen I can't lose him again
"Peeta please.."
He pulls away viciously and says angrily now
"No! I'm done with lies......I need to figure this out.... I'm done Katniss, it's over. This game of lies is over"
And with those final words he storms off leaving me standing alone, broken.I take a moment to mentally scream, my voice echoing in my head. I tell myself to pull it together, that now is not the time to break down. Not when I have to return to Sophie. I will wait I tell myself wait until that moment when Sophie is asleep and the world is quiet in the darkness of the night and then I will let go. Then I will scream and break down and cry. When I'm alone. After a few minutes I walk inside to Haymitch and Effie who stand waiting for me to tell them what Happened. I just sit down in the armchair silently. One perfect tear slips from my eye and done my cheek.
I have to say something to them, or else they will just wait for one. I exhale a deep and shaky breath before speaking. And it only takes me two words to say it. My hoarse voice is hard to understand but anyone could easily make out the words
"It's over....."
It is over...........Everything's over.
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All of you have been waiting for this so here you go! It was so exciting finally writing this! It's been planned since the beginning! It felt great to finally be writing it! Please comment and vote if you enjoyed it! This chapter was written whilst I was listening to ed sheerans song A team. I linked it above just in case anyone else wanted to listen to it. Of course not compulsory. Thanks for reading guys! Love ye!
Em is out!