The following day was lovely.
Darren and I spent the morning and evening together with one another. We didn't do anything special, mostly just staying in his home. In the morning, after breakfast, we watched a few shows on T.V. and then went out for a walk along his property. When we came back we were welcomed with hot chocolate and fresh baked cookies and scones. The warmth of the meal drove out the chill and I couldn't help but sigh. This was bliss. We played card and board games until it was time to have dinner with the family.
When the time came for me to pack up my belongings I found a strange heaviness weighing my heart. I was going to miss being here. Returning to normalcy was not an easy thing to swallow. I hugged everyone goodbye, getting an especially long hug from Nina, before Darren and I were off and back to Pennsylvania.
When I got back to my apartment, I was welcomed by a stack of bills that had piled in the mailbox and a number of things I had to get done for my mother. So, the peacefulness I'd felt began to wear off and was definitely gone by the time I was heading for work the day after. But being back home had its benefits. It was nice knowing I was in the same state as my mom. And I also got to be back with Jora.
Jora and I are at a cafe, along with our mutual friend Helen. Helen worked with us a while before she got transferred to another location. Still, we all get together once in a while when we get the chance. We are sitting now in a cafe, me sipping on a cappuccino, Jora an ice-tea, and Helen is munching on a muffin. Jora is fidgeting in her seat, trying to become as comfortable as possible. But how comfortable can you be when you look like you have a basketball under your shirt?
We had all pushed our laptops aside, taking a break from business. Jora wanted help with last minute research about delivery - what to expect, pain management options, etc. Jora was just into her ninth and final month of pregnancy. I thought it was exciting. Jora did not agree.
"I am in over my head." She says, opening one eye. "Don't you think?"
"You are juggling a lot." I reply.
She was.
Helen nods her head, agreeing. Jora had tried to work, prepare for an impromptu baby, and plan a wedding all at the same time. Though she was now off work for maternity leave, things hadn't gotten any easier. For the past few months I'd seen her, Jora seemed tired, stressed, and plump. Howie catered to her every need, trying to be the supportive fiancé , while also picking up more shifts at his work. Darren and I tried to help up as much as possible. We helped put together their nursery and I helped Jora with with maternity registry for her baby shower. It helped too that Jora had a large family and they were offering lots of love and support.
"That is the truth. I just don't know when we're going to have the wedding. God knows I won't be a size 6 anymore." She said, leaning over the table, holding her chin up by the palm of her hand.
"Hey." I say, leaning towards her. "You don't have to get everything done now. You're going to get there. Go at your own pace."
"Exactly. The only timeline you have to follow is your own." Helen adds.
She smiled a bit. She leaned back and put her hands on her protruding belly.
"I just want him to be out now." She said, rubbing her hands on her tummy. "Want to see those ten fingers...ten toes. I'm so nervous. What if something goes wrong?"
"You're going to be at the best hospital for labor and deliveries. Nothing is going to happen but just in case, the doctors and nurses will take care of it. Have you decided on a name yet? I know you last time we chatted." Helen says.
"Yes, finally. James Rudy, after my father and Howie's."
"Aw. Congrats, Jora. James Rudy...he is going to be a cute one."
"I know. How could he not...I mean look at me!" She said with a mock hair flip. I smiled. It was nice to see her in good spirits.
Being along with Jora's maternity process was a blessing. I had accompanied her to a sonogram and remember staring in awe at the black and white blob that was housed in my best friend. I loved the little bitty blob then and the reality that he would be out any day now was so exciting. I couldn't help but smile. She was tired and puffy and I understood that pregnancy had its difficulties. Still, looking at Jora's stomach made me think of having my own little one, hopefully even with Darren?
Jora's entering into motherhood had me thinking more and more of the beginning stages of my life. All I knew was that my mother adopted me from a family at only a few months old. She said that they didn't have the means to take care of me and so I was given over to my mother once they'd turned over their parental rights. The only thing that was asked was that my name remain "Elsa" and my mother obligied. My mother never went into further detail and I didn't ask. However, I saw how much love Jora had for the little cherub even though he wasn't born yet. Howie would greet Jora with a kiss and then bend down to kiss her tummy or rub her stomach lovingly. They picked out nursery furniture, clothing, and equipment with much care and attention. They were devoted. So much care and love went into paving a bright future for their child. Did my biological parents, wherever they were in the world, feel the same towards me when I was just a bun in the oven? Or was I just a burden to be given away? They had cared enough about me to give me a name, a name they wanted me to keep. But why didn't their love ever lead them to look for me?
I never though much about these things but more and more the questions came to my mind. It was unsettling.
"It is so nice out. Thanks you two for coming out with me. I've been cooped up at home."
"No problem." I respond. Jora takes me out of my thoughts.
"How was your time with Darren?" She asks me.
"It was nice. I spent the past weekend with Darren's family." I say, filling Helen in. "I met all his family and they were delightful. His brother and sister are characters, but all in all, they were all very welcoming. Their house is huge!"
"Well maybe I won't be the only one with a ring on my finger." Jora says with a wink.
"Why can't I find a nice man?" Helen says. Jora and I just look at each other. We all know (Helen included) that Helen isn't he commitment type.
"I don't know...maybe." I say, taking a sip of my cappuccino. "I don't want to think about it so much and end up disappointed."
"That man is head over heels for you, Ellie. It's bound to happen sooner or later. My advice though, make sure he wraps it up if you know what I mean. Don't want to end up in my situation." Jora winks.
"No need to worry about that."
"What do you mean?" She inquires.
"Yea what do you mean?" Helen says, giving me a raised eyebrow.
"Well, we haven't done anything."
"Seriously...still? I know you'd mention that a couple of months ago but I thought by know y'all would've gotten...freaky."
"Nope. Still hasn't happened."
"How are you managing?" Helen asks, shocked.
"Well, it's not like I was the most experienced before meeting Darren. Overall I respect his wishes. He just isn't ready...he takes physical intimacy very seriously...and I kind of like that."
She just shook her head.
"To each their own. Me and Howie haven't been knocking boots either. Kinda difficult to do now that we have this wedge between us."
We laugh and I just shake my head.
"But I can't wait to get back to it once this one is outta there." She says with a wink.
"I bet! Come on. If we're all finished up let's go. We can take a walk in the park. No need to waste a beautiful day."
We stand up, gather our things, and head outside.
o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o
I am in the living room of Darren's apartment. I have hooked up my laptop to his T.V. with an H.D.M.I cord. Currently, the yoga D.V.D. I popped into my laptop is playing. I am in black yoga shorts and a tank top, on my back, gazing at the ceiling. I hear the running of water and clattering as Darren finishes up washing the dishes. Sometime between "Downward Facing Dog" and "Child's Pose" I lost my concentration. My mind drifted and I let thoughts swim in and out.
At one moment I was thinking about my mom. I was sitting at our kitchen table, my knees on the chair as I watched her whisk the batter of my birthday cake. I think I was turning six or seven. She had made me every birthday cake I had up until I was fifteen. Then I wanted fancy ones from the bakery. Now I beg my mom to bake me anything when I am planning a visit home.
Then I think about the first time I got my heart broken and how much it hurt. I think about the nights going to bed alone with a twinge in my heart somewhere that never seemed to go away. It stayed there even when I was dating Darren - when I didn't think we could last and the happy moments weren't real. Then that twinge went away forever when Darren, laying in bed with me on a rainy night, turned my head to him and said "I love you". He said it so earnestly, searching my eyes for some recognition, confirmation that I believed him. I teared up and he peppered my face with kisses and I said it back to him - a truth I had kept to myself. And instead of that twinge, there was just this deep amount of longing and affection for Darren that seemed to multiply daily.
And then other thoughts came and went - dreams or aspirations really. I imagine Darren and I on a beach somewhere in the world on our honeymoon. Fast forward and I imagine dark haired boys and girls with brown toned skin running around our feet. Before, I never dared to allow my mind to wander so far. However, I thought about what Jora had said earlier. Darren is committed to me, that I know. And I feel that I can allow myself finally the joy of imagining our future together.
Spellbound by my own musings, I don't notice Darren until he is standing directly over me, peering at my figure on the floor.
"What are you doing?" He asks, bending down to lay down next to me, propping himself up on an elbow.
"Thinking." I say, turning to face him.
"A penny for your thoughts?" He asks, cocking his head.
"Nothing in particular...just thinking about life...love."
He smiles ruefully.
"Oh so you're thinking about me. I hope I have clothes on." He says, skimming the skin of my exposed thighs. He runs his fingers along the edge of my shorts.
"Don't flatter yourself." I say, resisting his flirtation.
"But seriously, good thoughts I hope?" He asks, his brows furrowing and I sense his concern. It's these moments that makes my heart swell, when I realize how much he cares for my well-being.
I take my hand and place it on his cheek.
"Always."
"Good. I was thinking we could go back to visit my parents again. They miss you."
"Already?" I say, surprised. Our time with his family had went great but I didn't imagine that we would be taking a trip to New York so soon.
"Yes...if that's alright with you. Not this weekend but the next, or the one after that?"
I thought about it and let out a breath.
"I guess that isn't a problem."
"Yes." He said, grinning.
"Maybe my mom can come visit to one of these days."
"Sure." He said, "One big happy family."
I smile at him. "You're always so sure of everything."
"Didn't you know you were meant for me?" He says, laying on me now, one leg thrown over me and his chin nestled right between my breasts.
"Excuse me sir but I was going to finish up my workout." I contest.
"It didn't look like you planned on doing that any time soon." He replies, eye brows raise as he ignoring me and making himself comfortable on top of me.
I roll my eyes but relax under his comforting weight, feeling his heat on me and his gentle breaths warming my skin.
A shorter chapter than intended but cute enough to keep you all satisfied. Thanks for the support and Happy Readings :)