"I was born and I met you, and I have loved you to death. My cold heart that has been dyed blue, even with my eyes closed, I can't feel you..."
~Blue-BigBang
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"Checkmate, Taehyung. Would you know about chess? Oh well, I've won Soo-young's stupid little game." The doctor--or Dr. Park, was saying.
They'd shoved Taehyung in the back of a van, after forcing him into a straightjacket, and all he could do was lie there and stare around. They hadn't even had the decency to help him sit up, they'd just let him fall into it and lay there on his back. With his arms restrained, he couldn't help himself up in the current position he was in. And he didn't want to get up. Why should I get up? Why should I even protest? This was how it was meant to be... I've just been damned my whole life, why haven't I seen that before?
The only consoling thing he could think of was the necklace he was wearing that was digging into his skin under his shirt. They hadn't noticed he was wearing it yet, and he liked remembering when Hana gave it to him. The memory already seemed distant, but clear enough that he could remember Hana's small scarred and bruised hands.
"You're going to go where you belong, Taehyung." Dr. Park looked back from the passenger side and smiled.
Taehyung stared blankly back. He just didn't care. He didn't have anything anymore. It was just him. And he felt empty enough that the fear he'd thought he'd have just plain wasn't there. Deep in his heart, he was more in pieces emotionally then scared.
He felt a tear go down the side of his face, staring at Dr. Park. "Why?" His voice dipped an octave deeper then he'd meant with the tears choking his voice.
"Why what, Taehyung? I'm not in the mood for more hysterics, I got enough from that b*tch."
I can't believe Mrs. Park could have ever loved him. She can't have. She deserves so much better. Taehyung looked away. He should know what. Why did he leave Eomma like that? Why did he think Jimin wasn't good enough? Why was he so determined to take Taehyung away?
Taehyung let the rest of the ride to the mental hospital go in silence, besides a choked sob or a deep shaky breath. This is the only think I could think of to stop it from getting worse. But it hurts so much, I miss them already. All he could picture was when he last saw them, which wasn't even that long ago, they were all crying.
Then the van stopped, and Taehyung tried to blink any remaining tears away, since he couldn't wipe them away, his arms and hands restrained as tight as they could be in the straightjacket.
The back of the van opened, light coming in and blinding Taehyung for a second the inside of the van being completely dark otherwise, it was stark contrast. The sun had just risen, and seeing it made it feel like that everything that had happened while he was with Mrs. Park was a dream, something distant that had only happened in his dreams, that could have only happened if he was asleep. But then, it made his current reality like something he wished was a dream.
"Come on! Out!" Someone said, coming to stand in the light, appearing as mostly an outline. But Taehyung could plainly see it was one of them in the white coats.
Taehyung couldn't get up, so he just lay there until two men in white coat dragged him up to his feet and out of the van. They didn't even bother letting him try to walk as they let him stumble over his own feet all the way into the mental hospital. He wouldn't have walked willingly into that place anyway, but he wasn't necessarily protesting either. What's even the point? What good will it do?
Taehyung let them drag him all the way through the hallways, to a room he knew only too well. That white padded room. He shivered involuntarily at the sight of it. I'm not going to be scared, don't be scared, it's just a room, it's just a room...
They threw him harshly into it. The floor may have been padded to a certain degree, but the medicine cart they'd let him crash into hurt like hell, and Taehyung yelled before falling to the floor, closing his eyes tightly and curling up into a ball.
He could hear Dr. Park sigh, "See, Taehyung? Nothing's changed, and nothing will ever change unless you take your medicine."
Taehyung looked up. First thing he saw was an orange bottle of pills. He forgot any pain he felt, his eyes widening as he kicked his feet against the floor to push himself away from Dr. Park. Not those, not those, not those!
"Now, Taehyung..." Dr. Park said, watching him back away with a smile on his face. "You've got to take your medicine, you've been skipping it for a while."
Taehyung shook his head, "I don't need it, I'm not sick, I'm not sick! I don't need them! You can't!" His voice was frantic, he was speaking so fast he could barely understand what he was saying, every word was a desperate plea--that would fall on deaf ears, and he knew it would.
Dr. Park only gave him a empty pitying smile. "Who ever said I thought you were sick? But these are special, Taehyung, you'll see, these are very different." He looked at the bottle, a certain sort of evil seeming to glaze them over for a moment. "You'll like these." He poured one pill into his hand. "How many do you think? Taehyung?"
"None! I don't want it!"
"One? Two? Three? Eight?"
"Stop!" Taehyung could feel tears burning behind his eyes. Don't do this, don't do this, you can't do this, what will your boss say? That's murder, this is murder, you can't!
Dr. Park walked closer to Taehyung, making him back up until he hit the wall. When he did, Dr. Park forced a pill toward his mouth, to which Taehyung clamped his mouth shut and turned his head away.
Dr. Park sighed, then turned and yelled over his shoulder. "I Need someone to hold him down!"
No, please, God no, You can't, you can't! You can't do this, it'll kill me! Stop! Taehyung wished he could do something, that he could stop him, but he couldn't, in a straightjacket, he could barely even find a way to keep sitting upright, and no one was going to stop him. Dr. Park could do whatever he wanted, and there was no one to help, no one to argue. Taehyung had known this when he agreed to go, he'd known how it would be, what kind of hell he'd be living in, and he'd agreed to it. Because of Mrs. Park, because of Jimin, because of Jungkook, because of Hana. I can't let them ruin their lives by fighting for me. This is my fight, this is my hell.
A pair of men in white coats came into the room, lifting him to the plain white bed in the room, and Taehyung kicked and screamed, though that didn't stop them or even make them pause.
He glanced at the leather straps on the bed. Thick strips of leather with heavy metal buckles for restraining patients. They weren't touching them yet, instead holding him down by hand for the time being.
Dr. Park came over and held Taehyung's chin, making him look at him. "You're making this very hard, Taehyung, it doesn't have to be."
Whether he said that or not, Taehyung still kicked and fought, he wasn't going to just let him, he was never going to just let him do that. He couldn't win, but he'd fight for as long as he could.
~~~
And it lasted like that for hours it felt like, it might have been twenty minutes, but it was long enough that even the men and white coats were sweating and tired from holding him down, and Dr. Park was yelling at them for not holding Taehyung down properly.
Taehyung couldn't hear a word they said, only thing he could hear was his heartbeat, and breathing, which sounded rough and raspy while he kept his mouth clamped shut.
"Enough." Dr. Park said eventually after he was done chewing his assistants out. "You're goddamn impossible, Kim Taehyung."
"Go f*ck yourself, you son of a b*tch." Taehyung said through his teeth, still out of breath.
Dr. Park's eye twitched. "We'll see about that." He said, then pinched Taehyung's nose so he couldn't breathe.
He was already out of breath, though he tried to keep his mouth closed anyway, his resolve couldn't last long. He had to breathe. His heartbeat sounded like a loud freight train rushing by in a circle around him, like a tornado, it was almost a constant beat, it was going so fast. And it felt like it pulsed through his whole body, and a steady panic was rising in his brain. Breathe, idiot! Just breathe!
And it didn't last long. Soon enough, he took a breath, and Dr. Park shoved the pill into his mouth.
Taehyung choked and gagged, having taken a deep breath right as he shoved the pill in. not one person in the room cared as he kicked and suffocated, the men in white coats just taking this opportunity to make use of the leather restraints on the bed, strapping his ankles down with them.
"Now, Taehyung, you're being overly dramatic." Dr. Park said, shaking his head. "Soo-young taught you all this, didn't she? You used to be so calm... And then there's that ridiculous orange hair..."
Taehyung was trying to catch his breath, making all sorts of gasping noises in an effort to regain the ability to take a breath. She taught me to not take bullsh*t lying down. His chest hurt, he kept taking halting, incomplete breaths, most of them not even voluntary, just a panicked reflex.
Dr. Park smiled at him, "Maybe you need a little time alone." He gestured to the two men in white coats. "A little time by yourself should set you straight for once."
Taehyung watched them leave, still gagging and gasping. At least it was just one pill, at least... And when that white door closed and locked, the silence of everything set in, and all he could hear was his own struggling to breathe, and the only thing to look at was either the camera in the corner of the room or the white ceiling.
So he closed his eyes and thought of anything else, of Hana's cute laugh, of Jimin's teasing, of all those happier times he used to have when he was a child with Jungkook at the orphanage. I hate this room, I hate it, I hate it. Someone get me out of this room. But no one was going to come, no one was going to get him out, and that made him scared and relieved at the same time. They won't go through hell because of me, it's alright. It's okay...
Taehyung took a deep, shaky breath, or at least tried to, his chest felt unusually tight, he couldn't take a very deep breath at all. Tears had started to form at the corners of his eyes, and when he blinked they fell down his face. I'll miss them... If everyday is going to be like this, I...
He coughed, his chest feeling even tighter then it had a moment ago. Then he found he couldn't stop coughing. This couldn't just be from the crying, it was worse then that. What did you give me? This isn't like the other medicine, what did you give me?
He looked over to the metal cart to the left of the bed that he'd crashed into when they threw him in eariler, a meter or two away, filled with all sorts of tools and medicines and a box of surgical gloves, usually they wouldn't leave it in the room, but with Taehyung restrained, Dr. Park hadn't bothered to take it out.
On the top of it, there was only one orange bottle filled with pills, which had to be the same one Dr. Park had had, and had to be the same type of pills that he had given him.
Taehyung squinted, trying to read it. Most of the words on it made no sense to him, but he knew he didn't recognize any of them, and he'd come to know what a few of them were called, lurasidone, asenapine, haloperidol, it wasn't any of those. He'd never seen these before. And the pill was a different color, not even sort of like anything he'd taken before. What had Dr. Park said? That these were different? Very different? How different? What did you give me?
His eyes widened and he leaned over the side of the bed as far as he could with his ankles restrained, trying to gag himself enough to throw up. That was next to impossible with his arms completely restrained with the straightjacket, but he'd try.
What did you give me? Would you want me out of the way enough to...? It doesn't feel right... Dr. Park, what did you do to me?
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A/N:
I'm lame, I always listen to Overdose when writing hospital chapters, and I honestly don't even mean to O.o
Also, I did a brief studying of Antipsychotic drugs, so if I got those names, "Lurasidone, Haloperidol, etc." wrong, please educate me~ ^-^)/
I think if my dad spies on my search history, he's about to be like "e.e what is this, Neri??" ....actually, he's bound to be like that anyway with my search history~~~ xDD
3 (Or 4, idk, depends) chapters lefttttt~~~ WHoAAaAAaAA! O_O" I'm scared.
~Neri~