JAY POV:
I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL I'M DOING!
I've never been on a dinner date before an I have no idea what to do. I gave my self some tips before today like: Don't bombard her with a whole load of questions about how she's been, that's not cool. And, don't argue with her about anything or be negative. I'm trying, I honestly am but it's been so awkward since the moment we walked into this place and it still is. You don't believe me? Then why is it that since we got our food we've just been sitting here in silence not sure of what to say to each other, every so often I would take a quick look at her and find her already looking at me but it's not that same. This isn't us. Our relationship is completely based of endless conversations, trust and dependence. We need each other, that's how it has always been. From the moment I met her she needed me and I needed her but here we are at dinner with no idea what to do. Our conversations are informal, light hearted and beautiful but this place is romantic and formal, it's the opposite of what we are. And I know it, she's sitting up perfectly straight even though she'd usually slouch or lean on me whenever we're together. We were holding hands for a while but it wasn't the same because we always interlock our fingers but didn't today. She's eating slowly and carefully but I can't remember a time where we've ever ate and not fed each other at some point. We're not feeding each other. We're barely looking at each other. Our conversations have been short and awkward, we haven't really kissed or touched much at all.
I finally built up the courage to talk, to say something on this silly situation.
"This sin't working is it" I pointed out, she shot her head up at me. She didn't smile but she didn't frown, she understood what I was saying. She agreed with what I was saying as she placed her fork down on the table and rested her hands in her lap.
"It's not the same" She replied, I knew it wasn't just me. I know I'm not exactly Mr Approachable but I can tell when situations are awkward and unusual. This was deffinately awkward and unusual but I wasn't sure on how I could make it any better. Maybe we just weren't ready to date. Maybe we needed more time with each other outside of the room we turned into a sanctuary for the both of us.
"no, It's not the same" I agreed with her, she smiled up at me and I just looked at her. She stood up but I had no idea what was going on, was she leaving? I knew it was bad but I didn't think It was bad enough for her to want to leave. She smiled at me again, it didn't look like a goodbye smile but you never know. She grabbed the chair and lifted it up causing me to frown. What the hell is she doing? She then put the chair back down but instead of it being where it was across from me, it was right next to me so there was no space at all between my chair and hers. I'm guessing she lifted it up because she hates the sound of people dragging chairs on the floor. She told me that before. "What are you doing?" I asked her, unsure of why she felt the need to move her chair next to mine if she was leaving.
"We never sit away from each other, we always sit right next to each other. That's what we do" She explained before sitting down on the chair and looking down at my hand as it rested on the table. I looked at hers, I always found her hands fascinating for some reason. They were soft, elegant, warm and light- not made for manual labour at all but instead care and affection. We interlocked our fingers, the way we had done it when we were laying on the floor in the room and I looked down at her as she rested her head on my shoulder the way she had done many times. The way we were comfortable. The position we both loved.
"I don't think Dinner is a good date for us," She suggested and we both laughed lightly, she was probably right.
BACK IN TIME...
Bey POV:
"Make yourself comfortable" He said pointing to the bed, I walked over to it and sat on the edge with my legs crossed tightly. Okay I will admit it, I was scared. Scared he may turn on me and rape me in his room or beat me or something, what if he hurt me? what if behind all of his kindness he was evil like his uncle? "Here's the remote" he said handing it to me, I took it in my hand and looked at the TV then back at him and gulped a little. What should I do? Should I use the TV or is he distracting me? I can't even remember how to use it. Is he going to hurt me like Curtis? I can't tell and I'm so confused.
"Are you not going to watch it?" he asked confused as he sat in the chair at his table and looked to me.
"Umm you chose" I said handing the remote to him, he shrugged and put on basketball.
NORMAL TIME:
Jay POV:
"We could go to basketball games" She suggested with a laugh, "Maybe over time I'd learn what was actually going on" She laughed some more. I leaned back in my chair so that the two of us were more comfortable and smiled thinking about her sitting awkwardly on my bed with basketball playing on the TV.
"and galleries, I know you love art. So do I" I added, she told me she liked to paint sometimes. I remember her saying that. She would paint something beautiful then mess it up, at first I didn't understand why but then I took it and made my own interpretation. I thought it represented her life, that her life was beautiful and picture perfect as if it had been painted by the most beautiful woman in the galaxy but then it got messed up and ruined. That's how I took it anyway, I might have been wrong. You never know but I guess I love that about her, that just because something is beautiful that doesn't make it valuable to her, just because it looks good doesn't make it mean any more than anything else. That's something I love about her and that's how I realised that beauty was completely different to her than it was to a lot of other people.
"And museums" She added, I wanted to say that I'd go anywhere with her because it's true. But then we'd be stuck how we were before, in silence not sure of what to do. What do we do?
"we could lay on the floor talking, like we usually do" Was my suggestion, what better way to get back to normal than to do the things that became normal for us? I would stand in the bathroom while she takes a bath any day if that's what she wanted because it's what she became used to. I would give her my clothes to wear and I would go to the store and buy her tampons again. I would.
"Dinner dates are not for us" She shook her head then sat up and looked at me excited "how about the zoo?" She's such a big child. But so am I.
"Yeah, and go carting" I matched her excitement. We just looked at each other for a while after that, just gazing into the others eyes for a while. It wasn't awkward because we were both smiling very hard and she was biting down on her lip the way she did if she was either about to cry, excited or deep in though. I sure do hope she wasn't about to cry.
"And we could just drive around in the new car together, alone" She spoke with a much softer voice then she previously had, before it was excited and bursting full of ideas but now she was content and calm. Her voice was deeper, more sensual and grown. Because of that, when she said 'alone' I couldn't help but wonder why she felt the need to point that out in such a sensual voice. That's unlike her, but then again she has grown up quite a bit. After my thoughts I decided to contribute more to the list of things the two of us could do together that wouldn't result in a shit date.
"And sometimes, not all the time but sometimes we could go to a party" She rested her elbow on the table then placed her head in her hand and slouched. See, she's slouching, things are getting better. I knew it would.
"Because parties are fun" She said sarcastically making me laugh just a little as I copied what she was doing and placed my face around 6 inches away from hers leaning on my hand.
"Because we don't really like parties much" I pointed out, we didn't. She didn't like parties an awful lot and I didn't like people an awful lot. That combination meant that parties would only occur once in a while for us and I didn't mind that, I don't think she did either.
"No, we don't" She nodded her head causing some hair to fall from behind her ear in front of it and into her face, I took my free hand and gently pushed it away and put it behind her ear again before leaning over and placing my lips on her cheek. I'll save the lip on lip action for later, for the best moment. This is a special day for us. Similar to the first time we cuddled on the floor, the way I wanted to again.
"Then we'd leave and cuddle on the floor again" I let thought fall out of my mouth but she didn't seem to be phased by it at all. Instead she smiled very lightly and licked her lips,
"And fall asleep" She continued,
"Then wake up and do it all again" I finalised. We looked at each other again before intertwining our fingers and looking down at our hands for a little while. Then she looked back up at me and I looked at her before we were laughing. Just laughing, well I was laughing at her because she started laughing out of no where and her laugh always makes me laugh. I have no idea why she's laughing but I guess that just makes it funnier.
"Do you wanna leave?" I asked her, no more mushy stuff. We had sat up and were no longer talking in those quiet soft voices but instead we were just normal and typical. Just two people, sitting strangely at a table with one chair where it shouldn't be, a rapper and the most beautiful woman in the world. Typical.
"where would we go?" She asked as she ran her fingers through her hair and looked back up at me after that.
" have no idea, maybe I should just lift you up and run away." I joked with her,
BACK IN TIME...
Jay POV:
I stood in front of her and placed my lips on hers but she didn't kiss back. She's not kissing me back, I could feel the wetness of her tears on her face as she put her hands on my chest and pushed me away. I looked at her and she grabbed the necklace. I couldn't do it. I can't. Gosh that silly necklace. She held it trying to remind me of what I promised, I didn't need reminding. I held the bottom of her shirt and placed kisses on her neck. Her warm soft neck.
"stop" She begged pushing my hands away and pulling the shirt down, "Please" her voice shook and I went up to her ear.
"Trust me" I whispered to her, she shook her head to say no and I repeated it, "I promised, trust me" I whispered again. She closed her eyes and gulped, trust. Did I still have her trust, I sure do hope so. "I need you to wrap your arms and legs around me when I say so" I told her, I pulled off her shirt and she cried while shaking her head.
"No, I hate you" She told me, What a way to crush a man.
"Please" I begged her. She nodded her head probably just wanting to get this over and done with,
"Now" I told her, she quickly wrapped her arms and legs around me, I placed one hand under her ass and the other on the back of her head and began running.
NORMAL TIME:
"Well then it's a good thing I trust you enough to let you run away with me" She said, we laughed a little before some light bounced off her necklace catching my eye. I looked down at it, the small golden circle with engraved pinky fingers. The same necklace I got for her 21st birthday, that was the day she called me her baby, then I kissed her. Oh gosh that kiss was magical. "Jay, let's run away" She said to me, we were back in our soft mushy voices again but I didn't mind.
"How far do you want to go?" I asked her, I knew she was joking. I could tell by her face, our idea of running away wasn't the same as running away to a different state or country it was just leaving on place and going to the next as long as me did it together. Like leaving that house and going outside, that was us running away.
"To the next place we can be together without it being shitty. To wherever we can go but make sure I'm home by 11" She chuckled and I laughed to before pushing her slightly, I wasn't going to object. I knew how she felt about her father: his approval and pride meant everything to her so she wasn't going to go against him. But just like Mama Tina I can see it coming. For now what they have is going to work but at some point she's going to crack at some point she will realise that she's not daddy's little girl any more and that he can't keep controlling her. Until then, she's going to be daddy's little girl and I'm not going to go against that but as soon as she realises she can't do it any more I will be right there beside her. All the way.
"How about we go to the studio?" I asked her.
"I'd love to go to the studio" She smiled.
BACK IN TIME...
BEY POV:
"I wrote a song for you" I whispered hesitantly.
"I wrote a rap for you" He answered, I turned over so I was on my knees between his legs and placed my hands on his shoulders.
"we should hear them when Curtis isn't here" I nodded my head and gazed into his eyes as he placed his hands on my waist and smiled at me.
"Yeah, let's sleep" He suggested as he lay our bodies down comfortably and I rested my head on his chest.
"Good night, love you" I said softly.
"I love you too" He answered.
Now that we can say. I love you, to each other I don't want to stop saying it. I never want to stop saying.
NORMAL TIME:
JAY POV
"Bey, I wanna introduce you to some guys" I said looking over as she sat in the booth holding on to the head phones and I opened the door.
"Who?" She asked excited, this girl is always so excited.
"Just some co writers and producers" I informed her as they began walking in . The studio was pretty big but then again I owned it and I didn't own anything small any more. The walLs were burgundy with a maroon leather couch and a black carpet. The soundboard had way more buttons than I had ever touched in my life and behind the glass was the booth. It looked pretty much like any other booth but It was filled with state of the art equipment.
"Bey, this is Errol McCalla and Just Blaze" I introduced as she walked out of the booth to come and shake their hands.
"remember when I said I wrote a rap for you?" I asked her, she looked over from Blaze who she was shaking hands with and smiled at me,
"Yeah I remember" She said, Errol and blaze sat at the soundboard as she walked over to me in her heels. She must have been tired of them by now? Shouldn't her feet be hurting or something?
"Well, blaze actually produced the song for me, you can hear it now and I thought you might like to work with Errol today because he's done a lot of work with female singers and he's a fan" I explained to her as she looked back over at them and smiled before turning her head back to me,
"I'd love to. We'll all work together" She walked back over to them to get started and I shouted one last thing,
"I'm also gon' bring in my friend Mary!" I shouted over to her even though she wasn't really that far.
FEW HOURS LATER...
"thank you for tonight Jay, I really like it and I think that was probably the first song I've recorded for my album. I'm not sure about the others yet" She stood in front of the door to her suit and smiled at me holding her purse in her hands and leaning against the door.
"No problem, thank you. For everything" I told her, I didn't want her to go inside but it was 10:50 and so she only had 10 minutes left before Mathew declared us dead.
"Jay, will you come inside. Spend the night with me, like we used to" She suggested but I wasn't sure. She has a meeting tomorrow and I didn't want any of her parents t get the wrong idea about what we were doing and I was supposed to be getting on my flight to the next destination of my tour tomorrow too. "Please" She begged before pouting a little, she looked adorable. I couldn't say no.
In no time we were in a position we both knew very well, we had asked room service to bring up some extra sheets and pillows then placed them all on the floor and now we were laying on the floor in each others arms the way we used to. The way we did back in the room.
"Good night" She whispered with her head stuffed in the crook of my neck. She had gotten changed into her pyjamas and Mathew surprisingly let my borrow some of his even thought he still hates me. He's deffinately not getting that Rolex though.
"good night, I love you" I whispered back to her.
"I love you too" She replied, by now her voice was raspy and unclear because she was tired.
"Bey?" I asked her as I shook her slightly to make sure she didn't fall asleep first.
"Yeah?" She lifted her head and looked up at me,
"be my girlfriend" I told her, I didn't mean for it to come out like that but it did. Instead of a question it was more like a command, a very confident command. She sat up then leaned her head down to mine before placing her lips on mine gently. we moved our lips slowly, slower than we had ever done before and pulled away a number of times to peck each other on the lips and she bit down gently on my bottom lip. Something she's never done before but I loved it.
"Be my boyfriend" She said back.
1) Thoughts on the awkward dinner?
2) what do you think about their date suggestions?
3) Do you think the flash backs worked well in the chapter?
4) do you like how the songs came in?
5) Jayonce
6) What will they do next?
SORRY FOR ANY MISTAKES !!!!
VOTE AND COMMENT
Just in case anyone was confused by CHAPTER 18:
So ages ago Jay said he couldn't officially ask Bey to be his girlfriend without a proper date and until that time they would have to remain "Very friendly friends" which is why this date was a really big deal for them because in a way it marks the beginning of their official relationship in the outside world. It starts with Jay explaining how awkward the dinner is because they are both finding it very awkward and unfamiliar. Their relationship started because the two of them needed each other desperately, Jay wasn't good with people so he was often alone while trying to please Curtis and Bey was being held captive. As well as that, the conditions they were in (meaning the small room, emotional damage and risk of being caught) forced them to have an extremely intimate relationship where they were constantly touching, hugging, holding hands. If you remember those chapters where they were laying together on the floor, sitting together on the floor, Jay with his arm wrapped around her, just being very close in general. Things like that which they felt a little unable to do in that restaurant. Their relationship was built off all the conversations they had while in that small room, conversations which were very personal and sometimes light hearted but the restaurant was nothing like that. The restaurant was just not the right atmosphere to support the relationship they had developed.
Because of that, they came up with a list of things they could do together which weren't awkward, these things- unlike the restaurant- were not awkward for them because they are all routed from conversations or memories they have from when they were in Curtis' house together. Where, their relationship was built. Things that reminded them of their true relationship and it's origins. For example: Basketball. You can tell they all come from the house because Jay constantly said "I remember her saying that" Or "Like we used to" things like that.
Another reason why the restaurant was so weird for them was because every memory they have with food also included them feeding each other which they felt as if they couldn't actually do in a restaurant. Their relationship is extremely natural to the both of them but the feeling of being in such a formal and restricting place wasn't. This is one of the reasons why they decided to go to the studio because music is something that both of them could relate to and is the reason they are where they are now, music was with them from the moment they met each other and has been a huge factor in their time line. Then after the studio he took her home and they did something they were used to doing which was laying on the floor together because back at Curtis' house Beyonce refused to lay on the bed because of bad memories so almost every night she would lay with jay. THEN... he asked her to be his official girlfriend (Although you could say that in ways they were already that far in the relationship) and she basically said yes.
This all leads to the following chapters which are more about business and building careers. Up until this point they have had no reason to not do all the things that stopped them from enjoying dinner. They didn't have a reason to hide their intimacy or be less intimate but they soon realise that they want to keep their relationship out of the public eye. This is hard for them because as we have established they love being close and in love but they need to be a lot more discrete in public. That means they can't hold hands the way they want to bla bla bla. This restaurant was just to show you the struggles that they are going to face when hiding their relationship because obviously they're not very good at.
If you have any questions about this book at all feel free to comment or inbox me