22. My Trigger: Xander's Pov
QOTC- Baby names? (Could be boy or girl)
"SWEETHEART, WAKE UP!!" I excitedly bang my fists on the wooden door. I would've woken her up earlier,but I know that she didn't get much sleep last night. "Get dressed! The ultrasound is in an hour!"
I look down at the note that Charlotte left on my desk a few days ago.
"We have an ultrasound appointment with Dr. Kale next Sunday at noon. Just wanted to let you know, I hope you see this note.
-Char"
It was short and blunt, but it's the only thing that I've heard from my mate. I'm going to use this opportunity to prove to her that I can be more attentive and that I'm already trying. "Good morning." I greet when she opens the door. Only she isn't dressed up yet, she's still wearing her sleeping clothes; a pair of leggings and a t-shirt that I thought went missing.
"You read the note?" she asks, her voice extremely quiet as if she doesn't think that I read her note. I've been watching out for signs that she wants me to notice, that note was one of them.
"Of course I did." I answer, hoping that I'll get to hear her voice again. She probably won't allow me to touch her yet, so I don't push it. When she doesn't say or do anything, I state with a frown, "You didn't think I would care about the ultrasound."
I know it's true when she lowers her head. "You should get some rest." I say, looking at the bags under her eyes. She has a blanket wrapped around her and she leans against the doorframe for support. "I can call Dr. Kale and reschedule-"
"N-No." Charlotte shakes her head. "I'm fine."
"You need to sleep, sweetheart. You look more tired than I am." I tell her. I'm extremely tired myself, but she seems exhausted. Her head jerks up every few seconds because she can't even keep herself awake right now.
"No." she mumbles shaking her head to wake herself up. The job is done when thunder booms outside, causing Charlotte to jump and step a little closer to me. I want her to step into my arms and allow me to hold her but I know none of that will be happening any time soon.
Things were going so well until I ruined it. We were getting closer to each other, we completed the mating-bond, and I thought that things would go uphill from there. Only it didn't.
Even though Charlotte has started speaking to me again, life if starting to feel like how if used to be before she woke up in the hospital. Before she came back home, everything was a routine that never had any excitement in it. I would wake up, eat, hit the gym, do pack work, eat again, then go to sleep. The most exciting thing I did before Charlotte arrived was hand out with Brody.
"Go get some rest, sweetheart." I say after a few moments of silence.
"But the ultrasou-"
"I'll call Dr. Kale to reschedule." I cut her off. "You need to rest, I know neither of us slept well last night. I'll be in the office when you wake up."
I stay to make sure that Charlotte makes it back to the bed without collapsing before heading downstairs to the office. Quickly mind-linking Dr. Kale to tell her that we can't make it to the ultrasound appointment, I reschedule for tomorrow instead. 'Mate was scared last night.' my wolf tells me.
'I know.' I reply. Just like all of the other nights that she slept in the guest room, I laid outside of the door to be close to her. I heard her sniffles and whimpers all through the night; it was horrible knowing that she was scared and that I couldn't hold her.
Charlotte can be extremely stubborn sometimes.
Not that it's a bad trait to have. She may not openly voice her opinions, but I know what she's thinking about whenever we go to pack meetings. Plus it's fun to watch her argue with certain people.
Putting aside the pack work that I've already completed, I shift to a mind-links comfortable position on the couch and close my eyes.
*** (one nap later)
Sparks; something I haven't felt in a while.
"Charlotte?" is the first thing that comes out of my mouth as I open my eyes. I wrap my arms tighter around the small body under me and sigh at the comfort it gives me. Looking down at my mate, I cup her cheek and run my thumb over the dark circles under her eyes, trying to make them go away. She leans into my touch and clutches onto my shirt as if I'm going to disappear at any moment given.
"It's okay." I whisper when she stirs and open her eyes. Charlotte shivers from the cold and naturally grips my hand, but freezes when she realizes that I'm awake beside her. At first I think that she's going to get up and go back to ignoring me.
"I-I'll get off." she slowly moves to push herself off of me.
"No, don't." I shake my head and pull her body against mine.
"I couldn't sleep." she admits, looking mad at herself for not being able to sleep without being in my arms. I don't blame her for feeling that way though, I can't sleep with having her in my arms. "So I-I came down here and saw you laying d-down."
"Are you feeling better?" I ask, looking into her blue orbs. She nods, but doesn't say anything.
Knowing that I'm the one who will have to keep the conversation going, I say, "Let's go to the kitchen. I'll make you breakfast."
Before she can protest, I stand up, carrying her bridal style to the kitchen. I notice her slightly leaning away from me, but smile nonetheless.
'Pancakes. Blueberries. Bananas. Cherries. Whipped cream. Orange juice.' I chuckle at all of the foods and drinks that she's thinking of. She pushes away from me and stands on her own two feet as she looks at the food that we have inside the pantry; I'm not sure if she's fully forgiven me yet.
"Sweetheart?" I call out, watching as she explores the refrigerator and searches for ingredients. She still drags her feet a bit as she walks and her shoulders are still slumped, but she isn't nearly as tired as before. "I heard all of the things that you thought about over the last two weeks."
She stops in her tracks once she registers my words. "What kind of thoughts?" she asks, not turning around to face me. She doesn't need to though; just by the way she tenses up, I know that she was thinking about certain things.
"The ones about how you only have one job in the pack and it's to provide an heir." I answer, saving the other topic for later in the conversation. "It's not true. None of it is."
"You don't understand, Xander." she raises her voice a bit, but still doesn't turn around to face me. She doesn't stand as close as she usually does, today she's more... distant.
"Understand what, sweetheart?" I'm unable to keep the frustration out of my tone. For so many months I've let her get away with doubting our relationship. It's not even her fault why she doubts it; it's certain pack members that cause rifts in our relationship.
I know that part of Charlotte believes that we are equals and that I love her just like she loves me. It's the girls who I've let get away with dissing us that have been causing Charlotte emotional pain. I've tried to lessen the punishments given for the sake of the fear that Charlotte once felt because of me, but I won't let anyone disrespect either of us anymore.
I am Xander Reynolds, Alpha of the Lunar Shadow pack and mate to Charlotte Beck. Supernatural creatures around the globe know me for my ruthless acts, merciless punishments, and low tolerance for bullshit.
My mate is the only reason why I don't kill anyone in public grounds anymore. She believes that it will scar the children of our pack and cause trouble throughout the rest of the wolves. Only it does the complete opposite.
In reality, showing everyone that I'm not afraid to punish is a good thing. No one will disrespect Charlotte and she won't have to think so lowly of herself. Things were going perfectly fine until certain wolves started saying things to get in her head. What bothers me most is that most of the wolves who mess with her aren't the teenage girls that we've dealt with earlier, it's the men of our pack who need to be punished now.
"You let people say things about you and be disrespectful, but you never tell anyone about it. I only find out about problems when they become a safety hazard for you. Please explain to me why you don't do anything about it sweetheart." I remember all of the days where Charlotte stayed cooped up in the room, thinking about the things that the men said. I've only witnessed one situation where she was being disrespected and I've handled that already.
Flashback (five days ago)
I don't pay attention to the people around me trying to make conversation. I keep my eyes trained on my mate, no shame whatsoever. She notices my stare, but doesn't say or do anything indifferent besides look at me for a couple seconds.
She walks further into the crowd of wolves and disappears from my sight. "Shit." I curse when I try to follow her, but get her scent confused with the perfumes and colognes that other people are wearing.
Knowing that she's probably heading to the bathroom or something, I stay put in the nearly vacant hallway and wait for her to emerge. "She'd be a pretty good fuck." a voice down the hall laughs. My wolf and I both let out a low growl at the possibility that the two guys are talking about our mate.
"Slender legs, nice face, she looks pretty innocent too." another male voice comments. I stand around the corner and listen in on the conversation. "Alpha won't let anyone touch her though."
"Which is why he doesn't have to know." the first man says, lowering his voice. "If we scare her enough, she won't tell anyone. The Luna-"
"SHUT THE HELL UP!" I roar, swiftly stepping around the corner and grasping the first man's neck. The second man tries to run away to avoid punishment, but I step on the loose fabric of his jeans to stop him from going anywhere. The blonde tries to pull his jeans from under my foot, but fails to do so.
"What did I do, Alpha?" the man that I'm pinning to the wall tries to sound confident, but fear is evident in his gray eyes.
"Both of you know what the punishments are for disrespecting the Luna." I growl, squeezing his neck a little bit harder. The man on the floor tries to pull his jeans out from under my foot again, but I reposition to step on his knee; any movement will result in a severe injury.
"We didn't say or do anything to her-"
I twist my foot and tighten my grip on the first man's throat, cutting off his words. It's sickening how two guards that Brody and I have thought about assigning to protect Charlotte think of her this way.
Through gritted teeth, I growl, "Think or touch her in any way and I'll fucking kill you."
Flashback Over
"I'm not taking shrugs for an answer anymore." I state, lifting her chin with my finger and forcing her to look at me.
"It's..." Charlotte trails off, biting her lip. I hold in a groan as I her do this and wait for her to find the right words to say. "Complicated."
I know how to get answers from her. Charlotte trusts me enough to answer the things that I ask, but she'll only answer if I ask specific questions. Yes-or-no questions always tend to veer off-topic.
"The females don't harass you anymore do they?"
Charlotte replies, "They d-don't say anything t-to my face anymore." That means that females are still disrespecting her.
"What about the men? If somebody hit you, you need to tell me." No one should've laid a hand on her in the first place, especially someone in our own pack. If people start thinking that Charlotte will keep quite about the things that happen to her, she and our baby could be in danger. All it takes is one push or shove and they both could end up in the hospital.
"Nobody did anything." her words come out slower than normal, but I can see the truth in her eyes.
She nervously plays with her fingers, obviously feeling my intense stare. "Good." I state, remembering the two men from the pack house. Ever since then, the dirty talk about Charlotte has stopped. What really bothers me is that wolves in our pack think of her in that way. She's the Luna for fucks sake!
"I've been hitting the gym in the basement everyday." I say. Charlotte cringes at the word 'basement' and sharply inhales. "I'm sorry for not listening to you. I should've paid more attention, sweetheart. I should've been a better mate."
I clear my throat, not forgiving myself for being so clueless to Charlotte's pregnancy. The blank stare she gives me just worsens my guilt. "I'm not even going to lie." I wait for a reaction, but I get no response from my mate. "It's pure torture not being able to hear your voice, sweetheart. You walked around the house like ignoring me isn't a big deal. It killed me inside."
No response.
"All of the people who said things about you, all of the things that they said to you... I made sure that it all stopped the last time we went to the pack house." I inform, hinting that all of the disrespect will stop. I've told her that I would fix the problem months ago, but I never noticed that people will still do things to Charlotte and think that I won't find out about it.
"I love you, sweetheart. I'm sorry."
Once I finish my shitty apology, Charlotte opens her mouth to speak. I notice the distant look in her eyes as she asks, "If... If I w-wasn't your mate, would you st-still love me?"
I'm taken aback by her question, but my immediate response is, "We are mates. You are mine just as much as I am yours. No one can change that."
Then I realize that this isn't about our mating bond. She thinks that if we weren't connected by a mate bond, that I wouldn't even associate myself with her. "Charlotte, if we were both humans who didn't have mates, you would still be the only girl in my life." I tell her with a candid smile. "There isn't anyone else in the universe who competes with you."
'Something else is bothering mate. Someone fucking said something to her again.' my wolf growls, knowing that Charlotte wouldn't just randomly ask that question.
"Who's the unlucky asshole I'm beating up today?" I ask, cracking my knuckles. Charlotte tenses up at the sound and I mutter a quick apology. I'm sick and tired of all the disrespect that Charlotte received from our pack members. She fights her own battles with the females, I've seen her do it before; it's the men who's she's afraid to stand up to.
"You don't understand." she whispers, tears forming in her eyes.
"What don't I understand?" I ask, wondering why that's always her answer to everything. "Tell me and I'll understand."
She gives me an unreadable look and shakes her head. "Sweetheart, I want to understand. You have to let me in."
For roles were reversed and I was the one saying that she "doesn't understand", Charlotte probably would've left me alone and waited until I was ready to tell her. Only thing is, my personality is a lot different than Charlotte's.
While she seems to never get angry and is extremely patient, I'm hot-tempered and won't wait for answers. I'm a stubborn and naturally mean person; my mean side usually diminishes whenever I'm near Charlotte, though.
"I won't judge you, sweetheart." I whisper to remind her that no matter what she tells me, I won't make anything bad out of it.
"I'm still not used to living like this." she begins with that same lost look in her eyes. She doesn't look me in the eyes, and don't force her to either.
"Like what?" I ask, urging for her to elaborate.
She hesitates, but eventually tells me what's been bothering her. "The nightmare are c-coming back." she tells me. I clench my jaw, knowing that I wasn't there to hold or console her while she was suffering. People get nightmares all the time, but Charlotte's nightmares are based off of memories; she wakes up with a scream and always has tears running down her face. I didn't hear anything, so she must've forced herself to be quiet the entire time.
"Sweetheart, you know that I'm here for you. I won't force you to sleep in our bedroom..."
I stop speaking when I see the broken look on her face. "My nightmares are getting worse." she tells me. "I wake up, a-and I don't know the difference between what's real and what's n-not."
"What are you saying?"
"I don't know what my trigger is."
Without a word, I step forward and pull her into my embrace. I hold her as she lets down her walls and breaks down in my arms. "I'm not going anywhere." I whisper in her ear when I notice her holding onto me as tightly as she possibly can. She had an anxiety attack last night... Because of me.
"I love you too much to leave." I hold her close and allow her to freely let the tears fall. As much as I hate to admit it, I can't stop all of her nightmares and I'm unable to end her panic/anxiety attacks. The only thing that I can do to help my mate is be by her side as she faces these problems.
*** (a couple days after the ultrasound appointment)
Charlotte's Pov
I work in the office while Xander's in the gym that we have in the basement. It's not because I don't like him, it's because he's trying to give me the space that he thinks I want.
My wolf and I can both feel how sorry he is and how angry he is at himself for not listening. The main reason why I kept leaning away from him these past couple days is because he smells really, really bad. He smells like he hasn't showered since being in the gym this morning and he hasn't been shaving either; that's why I haven't leaned in for a kiss yet.
Sleeping without Xander in the mornings is impossible. With all of the nightmares that I've been waking up to, sleep is the last thing that I want to do. Despite the way that he smelled, I still curled up in his arms to fall asleep... After drenching him and the couch in Febreeze and Axe of course. Mixing all of chemicals probably wasn't the safest idea, but if Xander caught on fire, at least he wouldn't smell like sweat.
I put the completed paperwork on the shelf and do a little bit of organizing. Usually Xander is a neat-freak, but this is my first time going into the office in two weeks. It takes about twenty minutes to organize all of the papers before I make my way to our bedroom. I don't know if I'm going to sleep here tonight, it really depends on what my wolf thinks.
The doorbell rings and I quickly make my way to the front door. Looking through the peep-hole, I recognize the two men standing outside the door as guards who work with Xander.
"Hi." I greet opening the door with a smile. "Xander's busy, do you want me to get him?"
The man with gray eyes returns my smile and shares a look with his blonde friend.
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"Damn Daniel!"
-basically everything in my Instagram feed right now
QOTC- baby names? (could be boy or girl)
I finally posted a chapter ON TIME!!! (the update notification on Thursday morning wasn't supposed to happen. I accidentally uploaded the chapter... Again) It's a shorter chapter, but I really want to get back into the Friday morning updates. The next update should be a lot longer.
I've been trying to develop Charlotte and Xander's relationship since its sorta the middle of the boom right now so bare with me. I'm not very good with "feelings" and lovey-dovey stuff.
Here's a little short featuring Xander.
Journeys with Xander: (age ten)
"Is there anyone special you boys like around the pack?" my Dad asks my brothers and I. His eyes meet all of ours and he says, "If you have a crush on someone, it's okay to tell me. Nothing leaves this room, understood?"
"I like Bryanna." Collin states, walking out of the room. Being sixteen years old, he already met his mate and she's his girlfriend right now. My fifteen year old brother, Alan, leaves too. They're both uninterested in the conversation that Dad wants to have with us.
"Let's go spy on Collin and Bryanna." Theo drags our youngest brother, Vincent, out of the room and sends me a wink.
'You're the only one left. Dad's gonna embarrass you!' he snickers through the mind-link.
"I like Charlotte." I state with no hesitation. "I like her a lot."
"What do you like about her?" Dad asks, encouraging me to explain what I like about this girl. I have to be careful with my words though; Charlotte's dad, my dad, and Brody are all super protective when it come to boys. But I'm a man.
"What's not to like about Charlotte?" I counter his question with a broad smile on my face. "She's beautiful, she's funny, and I love watching her laugh, Dad. Her smile is like, the best thing ever. And whenever she hugs me or talks to me at school, its even better."
Dad is taken aback by my words; he didn't think that I would feel this way about someone yet. "Dad, Charlotte is my mate. You know that already." I remind. "She's the best-"
"XANDER LIKES CHARLOTTE!" Collin childishly yells outside the room, pointing a finger at me. "I'm telling her!"
"Go ahead." I shrug, not caring if he tells Charlotte the obvious. Everyday after school, I walk to her class and give her grass, she should know that I like her already.
"Hmmmm." Collin puts a finger on his chin and tries to think of something that will actually effect me. "I'll go tell Brody then."
Horror makes its way onto my face as I think of what Brody will do to me. Not only will he try to hit me, he'll do everything he can to make sure that Charlotte and I add never alone together. Which means no more hugs.
"DON'T DO IT!!!" I shout, grabbing a sharp pencil from Dad's desk and running towards Collin.
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xoxo Priscilla