~Troy~
The midnight sun was shining brightly on the corn feilds we passed. Stars shone in the night like God had dropped a shit load of glitter in the sky. But it was a cloudless night, and I was sitting here on this truck, with Suzanne's hand in mine.
She had her head on my shoulder and was playing with one of the new tears in my jeans. Maybe it was entertaining, maybe it wasn't. I don't know. But she was too preoccupied with pulling the little strands of fabric to notice me staring at her.
I wanted to know what she was thinking. I wanted to know what was on my friend's mind. I wondered if she was thinking about me, or if she was just thinking about what happened to her in the past fourty-eight hours. I wondered if she was thinking about her mom, or even the father she never met.
I wondered what it would be like to kiss her. Like really kiss her. Passionate, intimate, secret kiss. Not the lust filled, primal, tounge thrashing stuff we did last night, though it was pretty hot. But not that. I wanted to know what it would be like to just hold her safe in my arms. To kiss her and keep her safe from all of this.
"What the hell are you doing to me?" I said in a barely audiable tone.
"What?" She asked, looking up at me with those almond brown eyes. "Did you say something?"
"Uh...," I wanted to ask her what she was thinking about, but I didn't know how to do it. I wanted to ask her if she was okay, but I couldn't find the words for it. I wanted to kiss her, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. "Nothing. Leave me alone you asshole."
"Whatever jackass." She repositioned her head on my shoulder and went back to playing with my jeans.
Well that was stupid, I thought. I started feeling annoyed. But why? I was fine this morning, when we did this sort of name calling, but now, it was like...I don't know. It kind of...hurt that she called me a jackass. I mean, even though I knew I was, and I knew that's what she thought of me, I didn't want her to think of me like that.
I wanted her to get to know me, even though I pretty much showed her everything that there was to me last night and this morning. I was an ass. There was no doubt about it.
But I could make up some really deep character that has this really fucked up life and that would explain why I acted like an ass.
I sighed and shook my head. That would never work. "Are you okay?" She asked me.
I stared at her, and she waved her hand in my face, kicking me out of my trance. "What? Oh. I'm fine." Troy if you don't take this fucking chance... "But how are you doing? I mean like...are you okay and everything?"
"Besides loosing my mother and basically everybody else I knew and loved, and having you as a friend, I'd say I'm doing great."
At least she thought of me as a friend. "I feel the same way."
"No you don't." She said simply, and went back to my jeans.
We stopped after hours of driving, and the soldiers hopped out of their spots. "We're here," one of them said. "Come on everyone. We'll get you in there. Just line up so we can help you down."
Everybody let the elderly people stand first. There were about three of them in our car, and they were all taking up whatever they had left of forever to get up. I was getting annoyed. A lot more annoyed than before.
I grumbled and started tapping my knee. "Hurry up damn old people," I murmured.
A hand firmly grapped my tapping legs and squeezed it. "Stop it," said Suzanne. "Be patient. We'll get there. It's not like they're running out of spaces for us."
I stared at her, and she just gave me this look that said, "Don't make me repeat myself".
So I just sighed, and closed my eyes. Why was this happening to me? Me? I mean, she could be with anybody, and she was with me. By choice. I gave her the option, multiple times for her to go away from me. Telling her she didn't need to be around me at all. And yet here she was, with her hand reassuringly on my thigh and other hand squeezing mine tightly.
I wonder where I would be without her. I wondered if I would be here. I wondered what I would do, how I would react if she just suddenly got taken.
"Hello sir-"
"Suzanne?" I reached out to the lady, but she backed away, obviously frightened by me. I realized this wasn't the girl that I had befriended. I murmmered an apoligy and told her to continue.
"Sir the war is over," she said, still weary of me.
"What?"
"Yes, the war is over and we won, the aliens are gone. But that was five years ago. You've been here for fifteen years, saying something about this Suzanne girl."
"I have?"
She sighed. "Sir, just look at yourself." She handed me a mirror and I looked into it. A hobo's beard was growing out of my face, and my dyed blonde hair was replaced by matted brown hair that came down to my shoulders. My face was pale, and sunken in, espically around my eyes.
"What do I do?"
"You can do your best to go back to the life you were living now. Whatever...sad lonely life that is."
Well that was disturbing. It made me shudder. If that was my life with out her then...Goddamn I'd stay with her until I died.
I was definitely having feelings for her. Ones I've never had for any girl before. For anybody for that matter. I liked her. She was cool, fun to be around, and she wasn't grabbing for my attention either. She actually seemed more annoyed with me than I was with her, which only made me want to vomit out apoligies.
But I didn't. I just hopped off the truck, and landed in the beat down path made by many trucks ahead of us. I dusted myself off before reaching up to help Suzanne down. I put my hands on her waist as she put hers on my shoulders.
"Okay hop off," I said. She didn't weigh anything. I couldn't believe how light she was.
Her feet hit the ground, and my hands slipped down. My face got hot as my felt her ass in my hands. But it was a nice feeling. I gave a smrik as she moved my hands away. "Nice try," she said. Giving me a sly smile, she shook her head. "But you aren't getting this for a long time."
This girl...I really liked her. She was doing something to me. It wasn't like I was falling in love with her, but it's just that nobody really ever knew how to treat me before. Nobody knew how to deal with me. They either tried to change me, or they gave up and let me do whatever, or even tried to be like me. But Suzanne....
I just kissed the air in her direction and said, "Doesn't mean I can't try." I winked and grabbed her hand. "Let's go."
~
Standing in that line was worse than waiting on those old people to get off the truck. We weren't moving in anyway at all. It would've been irritiating, if Suzanne hadn't made herself comfortable leaning her back on my chest.
She wrapped my arms around her shoulders, went to playing with my fingers. She lifted one, and dropped it while lifting another one. Pointless, but something to keep her busy I guess. I was just enjoying the silence between us. It wasn't awkward or anything. It just was.
I took one of those deep, long relaxing breaths and plopped my head ontop of hers. I closed my eyes and listened to the noise around us.
Soldiers were yelling at each other, the occasional gun shot would go off, making the people in line flinch and the babies cry. There was a lot of chatter, a lot of prayers going on, and of course the Christians who never "lived" were drinking, and the alcoholics who never atoned for their sins had their nose in a Bible.
It was crazy, and I was just glad I had the tiny weight of Suzanne leaning on me to keep me sane. Someone said something to her, and she lifted my middle finger at them, before going back to making them do a dance.
"Why do you do that?" I asked her.
She looked up at me, forcing my head to move from hers. "Do what?"
"Play with stuff on me. My jeans, my fingers, my dic-"
"Oh shut up!" She squealed, slapping my arm. I laughed and pulled her closer to me. "And I don't know. I think about a lot of stuff when I fiddle with things. Other than your privates which was a one time thing."
I was about to make a joke about how she would be "playing" with my junk again, but I was more interested in what she would be thinking about. So I asked her. "What do you think about?"
Her chest caved a little into sadness and I instantly knew the answer. "My mother. My friends. How I got to live to today." She unwrapped my arms and turned around to face me. "Don't you think about your parents? Your friends?"
Honestly, I couldn't give two shits about my parents if my life depended on it. My dad was always out working somewhere, and my mother was always out "working" somewhere. They constantly cheated on each other, and fought nearly 24/7. The only time they didn't fight was in their sleep.
It was sad really. That they stayed together even though they hated each other. Some people said that was a sign of true love. That they could just by-pass all of that nonsense fighting and go back to loving each other at the end of the day.
That's bullshit. My parents only got married because my mom was pregnant with me, and they never got along. I used to tell myself they'd be perfect for that Teen Mom shit if they were younger.
It took forever, but we finally got to the front of the line. They were checking out people, taking weapons from them, making me think about the gun I picked up yesterday. Oh wait, I thought. I left it at that apartment we slept in last night.
A wave of sudden nervousness filled my body as we were two people away. It was a mix of nervousness and excitement. I couldn't believe we were going to be safe. Together and safe.
"Next," the soilder ordered. I pushed Suzanne towards him, but she backed away.
I noticed that she was clinging to me for dear life, and kind of hiding behind me like a kid. She was scared. I hid a smile of amusement and looked at her. "How about I go first?" If she was acting like a kid, I'd treat her like a kid. "That way you'll see there's nothing to be afriad of."
She nodded, and reluctantly let go of me. I walked towards the soilder, and lifted my arms. He scanned the metal detector over me. Nothing. I was used to it going off near my pockets or my shoes, but this time, there was nothing.
"You're good son."
I turned to Suzanne and lifted my arms in a shrug. "See? It was nothing."
"ALRIGHT!" The soilder boomed. "THAT'S IT! WE AREN'T LETTING ANYMORE IN!"
"What?" I spat. Did he just say he wasn't letting anymore in? "No wait. You still have to get her in."
"Sorry kid," another soilder said, grabbing my shoulder. "You're the last one. Come on we have a nice bed waiting on you-"
"I don't want a fucking bed," I snapped, shaking his hand from my shoulder. "I want my friend. Why can't you let her in?"
"I told you kid," he grabbed my hand firmly and started pushing me towards the doors. "You're the last one. Now let's go."
Panic started washing over me. "No. No! I'm not going in there!" They kept pushing me towards the door, more and more soilders forcing me to go inside. "I'm not going! Let her in you fuckers!"
I looked back at her. Crying, wailing, reaching out for me while more soilders held her and the others back. "No!" I shouted. "Don't make me go in there!" The doors shut in front of me, with such a heartbreaking sound it made me flinch. "SUZANNE!"