I thought being brought back to life was bad before, but this time it was unbearable. I knew it was my own fault. I had agreed to it and made the sacrifice but there were thousands of agonising moments, which seemed to last forever, and only the sound of Conrads voice gave me something to focus on. He wasn't allowed to help ease the pain, numb or sooth me but he could talk to me. I just wish he wasn't singing 'The lion sleeps tonight'! I'm in agony and he is 'Wimbowehing' his demon face off.
I rolled around, electric pulses shooting through my body with nowhere to go and no one to ground me.
"Cannnn you feel the loooove toniiiggghhhttt!"
Oh great now he was onto the 'Lion King'. Following it up with 'Circle of Life', he was quite good at that one but Hakunamatata was the best. By the end I was trying to join in, he told me to shut up as I was ruining it but I didn't.
"Every song a lion song," I moaned hours later.
"Torturous demon at your service," he smiled.
"You are beyond torture."
"They said I couldn't help you. So I tortured you with songs that would make you remember why you are doing this and not take any of the offers they made."
He was referring to the moments I was tested. Uncle and some of the other healers offered to help me if I gave up my request to help Lee. There were several times I nearly did it. I felt ashamed now but at the time I was ready to do anything to be rid of the pain. Thank god I didn't fail him.
"How is Suri?"
"Scared but she is tucked up in bed with my mother so she will feel safer. My father took the memory from her but she still has the fear as it is an instinctive reaction and will fade with time. She hasn't snuggled with my mother since she was three. I think she has missed it... my mother I mean. She had a real soft spot for Lee and loved to babysit when he had to go chew someone... well you know defend the realm."
"Don't worry I was there for the whole troll chewing thing. I know what he does and yes now I know what it feels like but that is history. I am not going to dwell."
"You have just been mauled to death, the least you can do is be in a huff with him. Murder has been known to end a marriage you know."
"So has sarcasm," I retorted. I didn't have the energy to be angry and what was the point he was going through hell at the moment so why add to it. Regardless of what happened to me, for Lee to hurt Suri that would destroy him. For him to 'cage' himself that must have took control and that meant he fought against it. I would fight for him. I needed to know what happened and if not being angry with him was the best way to piss off whoever expected me too, tough shit. Take another swipe at me because I may not be a lion but I have your scent now and I will recognise it when I see it again. A shimmering sky blue thread, with a twist of purple. It was like following a ball of wool. I would find the end one day and use it to strangle them with.
"Did they do the... you know," I said nodding.
"Yeah. I don't know why they didn't do that in the first place and save all this shit from happening," Conrad sighed.
His tummy grumbled.
"So what is on the menu tonight?" I asked him.
"A war criminal," he said patting his belly. "No you are awake I can go chow down."
"Ohhh yummy," I said trying not to think about it.
"If you want I will swallow him head first and then nip back here so you can tickle his feet, that would freak him out," Conrad laughed.
I grimaced at the offer, "I think being scoffed by a demon would freak him out more."
"Yeah but not as much as digestion."
"Oooo god shut up!" I said feeling sick.
"Are you going to be ok?" he asked raising an eyebrow.
"Yes, as in alive. No in relation to everything else but I will take it a day at a time."
"You're a brave but stupid human," he said leaning over to kiss my forehead.
"Not full human," I reminded him.
"You are more human than you realise. Get some rest."
He disappeared into a porthole shouting 'Honey I'm home', and the sound of his children all screaming 'Daddy' echoed through as it closed.
Tears filled my eyes as I envied him his life, even if it did mean eating baddies. I wished Lee would have walked into the cottage just once when I was there with the children and said those exact same words as I cooked dinner after a day of running after them and rushing to get the house clean. I imagined him walked towards me as I mashed the potato and kissing my cheek as the kids attacked his legs and he went off with them to watch TV whilst I dished up. It was stupid daydream but a beautiful one.
Rema appeared and gave me a sorrowful look. I knew she had shared my daydream, it happened sometime when I lost control. She rushed over and gave me a hug.
"It was a beautiful dream," she said wiping away my tears. "I know you have agreed to leave here but if you want I could speak to Uncle about allowing you to stay in the cottage."
I shook my head. My time here was over. As soon as I was on my feet I would be on my own. I know it was letting my sister down but I was in no fit state to care for the children yet and they were better off with their grandparents. I would still see them when I could and in time I may be able to handle them. Suri was going to be enough of a handful if she decided to come see me.
"The Grayson's have an apartment in town. They have offered it to you," Uncle said appearing in the room without his usual smile and welcoming air. He wanted me out of here as soon as possible.
I nodded grateful for somewhere to go.
"Bowdie will escort you this evening. Carla and Rema have packed your things," he announced. In other words 'get out'.
"Thank you for your hospitality and everything you have done for me. I will be out of your hair as soon as Bowdie is ready," I replied trying not to cry again as I struggled to look him in the eye without feeling a failure.
"Good luck," he replied and left the room.
Half an hour later I was helped to the car by Bowdie and driven into town. No one came to wave us like they used to. Bowdie didn't speak or maybe I didn't but the silence was agreeable and not uncomfortable. When we arrived at the apartment it was very posh like a hotel. Bowdie nodded to the doorman who fetched my bags. Bowdie nodded to someone ahead of us in the foyer and left without a goodbye. He just walked out of my life as agreed.
In the foyer stood Lee's father, he looked exhausted and emotionally drained to the point I couldn't feel anything from him but pity. He extended a gentlemanly arm to help me into the lift. We arrived at the 4th floor and when the door opened it was the hall way to an apartment. I heard the sound of someone inside and Lee's mother appeared. She seemed flustered for the first time in her life.
"I've had little clean up, just to tidy the place as Lee stays sometimes and makes a mess..." she struggled as a wave of emotion crushed her. "I put some food in the kitchen for you and there is tea and coffee. Erm, I put fresh towels in the bathroom and the others are in the wash. If you need anything else my number is on the side..." she started to falter again and her husband walked over to move her towards the lift. The man who had carried my bags through returned and pressed the button. The lift doors opened immediately as though it had been waiting there.
They all walked inside and just as the doors were about to close, the bell hop made eye contact and wished he hadn't. I followed the smell of fresh coffee into a large kitchen with more chrome than any I had seen before. I managed to find a cup easy enough as she had set it out ready. My lip trembled as I felt the emotion she has left in the room. She was devastated, grateful, and all sorts of other things rolled into one.
Oh the table was a mobile phone with a note, 'If you need anything call. Even if it is for a coffee." It was top of the range and no doubt would be able to do far more than I would ever use it for.
I poured the coffee and found my way to the lounge area. A large suite was in the middle, a television on the wall, a feature fireplace with flames licking the air and a table to place my drink. I noticed there was a pillow and a blanket on the end of the sofa so I headed over and got myself comfortable. I would find everything else in time. I was too tired now to take a tour.
I struggled with the blanket and didn't hear the lift as Lee's father arrived and scared the life out of me.
"Sorry, I forgot to leave the key," he said looking at me holding the blanket. "Let me help you," he said taking it. "Why don't you lie down and I'll drape it over you."
He helped me lie down and draped the blanket over before passing me my coffee.
"Do you want me to fetch you anything from the kitchen? Are you hungry?" he asked looking concerned.
I shook my head.
"Would it be ok if my wife drops by to check on you tomorrow?" he asked keen to get her an answer.
I nodded.
"Do you need any pain medication?"
I shook my head.
"I'll leave you be. We will see you tomorrow. We will call and check you are up to visitors first," he said nodding to the phone.
I smiled and whispered 'Thank you' as I fought the urge to ask after Lee.
He surprised me by leaning forward and pressing a kiss to my head, in a very 'Lee' fashion. "Welcome home. If you need anything call," he said nodding to the phone again before passing me the TV remote, putting the keypass on the table and leaving.
I sat there staring into space, trying to work out what to do with my new life, how to cope and how to handle living here. I'd moved around so much lately that having a place to 'stay' usually was temporary.
"Usually you have to turn the TV on to see the pretty pictures," Conrad said appearing at the side of me.
"How was the war criminal?" I asked.
"My dad ate him," he moaned. "That stupid wife of mine, let him."
I tried not to laugh.
"It is not funny. It is like being promised steak and then being given bacon. Bacon is delicious but is shit compared to steak."
My tummy grumbled.
"You haven't eaten?"
I closed my eyes as his sudden concern hit me and wasn't ready for it.
"How about I go see what I can rustle up?" he disappeared closely followed by the loud banging of cupboards in the kitchen. "Aha!" he announced.
When he returned he had proudly made me cheese on toast. I knew he hadn't used a toaster or grill. The marks of his tail were still burnt into the cheese but they had been a firm favourite when I lived in the box for a while so I tucked in as he turned on the TV and flicked through the channels.
"Oh my god," he squealed. "Hannibal is on! Now there is a man after my own heart! Well at least you don't look as bad as that guy who had sliced his face off and ate it."
"Like that is going to cheer me up. Stupid demon," I said and nodded to my coffee. He morphed into his demon form and stuck his tail in my cold coffee to heat it up.
"Hot Demon," he said with a grin before snagging a piece of my toast.
When I finished I made my way to the bathroom with Conrads directions. He had been here before. I used the toilet and looked around at the marble interior. It was lovely and very relaxing. My reflection on the other hand was not. They may have healed me but part of the deal was I would wear the scars of my attack. Claw and teeth marks covered my body. My face was unrecognisable, with teeth marks down one side and tearing up the other. My hair line was a mess as it bore the scar of a cracked skull and even the fingers that touched my face were covered in cuts from where I had unknowingly tried to prise apart his teeth, nearly losing fingers in the process. Some I couldn't even bend on my left hand.
It was beauty and the beast in reverse but it had been my choice. As had the decision to allow them to use Lee's sperm to create the child they wanted. With any luck I would be pregnant in a few weeks with Lee's baby. A Grayson baby.