Just a warning.
I'm so sorry for this chapter.
When you get to the end of it you'll know why I'm sorry.
I'll actually be sorry for the next few chapters.
Sorry in advance.
Chapter 14: Cupid's Chokehold
~Carmen Silvers POV~
For the next three or four days, my worry has been increasing steadily. Austin was worse now; he coughed less often but it was stronger, chest wracking coughs now, sometimes he coughed up blood and sometimes he didn’t, as well as after he coughed the strange, different smell would appear. It bothered me; I knew that smell, I did, but I couldn’t place it. And for some reason I knew that whatever that smell belonged too was the key to this whole problem.
But it wasn’t just coughing and the weird smell that was strange, Austin was stumbling more and looked even more uncoordinated and awkward than before. His light silver eyes darkened a lot as well and he was frequently in a bad mood and snapping at people. When ever he snapped at me though I either gave him ‘the look’ or snapped back at him and he usually calmed himself down before apologizing.
He also looked worse; more tired and sluggish and the bruises under his eyes were almost black, giving him a haunted look.
We agreed that Austin slept more and better when he slept with me so he started spending the night again, but even that did ease my worries. He slept agitatedly, twitching and jerking and calling out my name and for me to save him and not to leave him and I’d have to keep waking him up and holding him until he calmed down again from the fear of his nightmares.
Normally, I feel better when he’s around but if anything, having him around so much was making me antsy. I don’t know why but sometimes when I’m around Austin I just feel….uneasy, creeped out, as if it wasn’t even Austin that I was with anymore since he was so different now. I knew it wasn’t his fault that all this was happening to him, but I couldn’t help the restless feeling I get sometimes when I’m around him.
There are other times though when everything feels normal again and we’re happy and relaxed and doing what ever we normally do and everything seems fine…until he coughs again or for some reason his eyes start to darken and he starts to snap or get tired.
I kept playing with Alex at lunch and that was usually one of the better parts of my day, when I got to relax and have fun. But sometimes we’d both be worried about Austin and our rehearsals were somewhat…tense and distracted.
So by the time it hit Wednesday night I was once again wishing the week was over, that this thing with Austin was over.
Today had been a particularly bad day; Austin had tripped twice, had to be excused from Science class from coughing so bad and when he came back he smelt like blood and that weird unidentifiable scent again as well as the fact that he fell asleep in English class.
Obviously, tonight was going to be bad night.
When he slipped in through my window he stumbled but caught himself before making his way sluggishly towards me.
He peeled off his shirt and slid into bed next to me, pulling me against him. I tried to relax against him but I couldn’t. That same unease, that same nagging feeling in my gut set me on edge.
Austin lifted my head and kissed me, “I’m sorry,” he whispered, looking at me with those beautiful silver eyes of his.
He knew that I was starting to get freaked out and uncomfortable and I knew he was trying his best to stay normal and calm around me but some days it was harder than others.
“It’s not your fault,” I whispered back, feeling tears prick my eyes as I looked at his crushed expression. He hated seeing me like this, he hated making me feel that way, but we didn’t have any other choice.
I kissed him again, hoping to show him how much I still loved him and cared about him even though I was scared out of my mind that I was going to lose him. I was already starting to lose him.
I kissed him hard and he kissed back just as urgently. And I felt it then, the desperation, the fear, all of it as we kissed. A whimper sounded at the back of my throat and tears pricked my eyes as he pulled me on top of him. I tangled my fingers in his hair, clinging to it tightly.
“Austin,” I said, feeling a sob rising in my chest. He sat up and I was straddling his hips as he crushed me to his chest, stroking my hair with one hand while he held me tightly with the other.
“Shhh,” he rubbed my back, rocking me back and forth as I started to cry.
My fingers tightened around his hair, “Don’t ever leave me,” I begged, staring up at through my tear filled eyes. I know he was thinking about not coming over anymore since I was getting uncomfortable having him around sometimes. But I couldn’t not have him around anymore; I needed him. He was like my drug and I couldn’t live without him.
“Promise me you won’t ever leave me,” I cried silently, “Promise me.”
He stayed quiet, looking so sad and broken, as if he wanted to promise me but he couldn’t.
He wouldn’t do it.
I knew he wouldn’t.
After he hurt my wrist I knew that that had been the first strike, the second strike had been all the fighting and snapping at each other. One more strike and he was gone. I knew that, but I still hoped.
“I can’t,” he said finally, cupping my face with his hands, “I’m sorry, Carmen but I can’t.”
“Why not?” I asked, even though I already knew the answer. I wanted to hear him say it.
His face took on that same pained expression, “I wouldn’t be able to bear it if I hurt you,” he said, leaning forward, his eyes begging me to understand, “If it gets too dangerous than I won’t endanger you or put you at risk of getting hurt.”
“I can deal with the pain,” I said but he shook his head, kissing me firmly on the mouth. I sobbed into the kiss and he pulled away, cradling me against his chest as he rocked me back and forth.
“No, I won’t put you through that,” he said firmly, “I want to protect you, Carmen. I really do. But the only thing I have to protect you from is myself.”
I shook my head furiously against his chest, “No. That’s not true!”
“Yes, it is!” he argued, holding me at arm’s length. His silver eyes blazed as they darkened, “I hurt you already and every day I keep getting worse and worse!”
“You’ve always kept yourself in check around me,” I reminded him.
“But what if I slip up? One time Carmen, that’s all it would take. One stupid mistake and you could get hurt,” he said bitterly.
“You won’t,” I said firmly, “I know you won’t.”
“How can you know that, Carmen? Anything can happen,” his voice was low now, low and harsh.
“I trust you,” I said softly, reaching up to touch his cheek. He flinched slightly as I drew the back of my hand across his cheek.
“You don’t understand,” he said, his voice rough as he pulled away from my hand, “You may trust me but that doesn’t mean anything. Like you said before, accident’s happen.”
“Exactly, Austin. Accidents. They aren’t your fault and they can happen whenever. What if you weren’t sick and none of this was happening? What if everything was back to normal and you hurt me by accident?” I shot at him, “Would you still want to get up and leave?”
He winced, “No, but that’s different.”
“How?” I asked impatiently, my irritation growing as I inhaled his mixed up vampire scent and that new smell that was still driving me crazy because I couldn’t figure it out.
“If things were back to normal and I hurt you by accident then I’d feel bad but I wouldn’t want to leave you,” he picked up my hands, holding them in his as he looked down at them, our fingers entwined together perfectly, “But this is different. I know that I’ve been lashing out lately and I should have left the first time I hurt you because if I do it again then it will be my fault for not leaving when I knew I would probably hurt you again.”
He took a breath and looked up at me, squeezing my hands tightly, “But it’s not just that. It’s the fact that I know I don’t have full control of myself anymore. I know there’s something there, something that’s screwing me up and making react differently.”
“But-”
He shook his head, “No ‘buts’ remember?” he said, joking feebly.
“You don’t understand!” I burst, “You leaving me would hurt more than anything you could ever do physically to me.”
His jaw tightened, “Carmen, leave it alone.” His eyes darkened slightly but I barely noticed, “Please.”
“No!” I protested, my head getting fuzzy as I inhaled his screwed up mixed scent.
“Carmen, drop it now,” he said, his voice rising.
“Don’t tell me what to do!” I snapped, yanking my hands out of his as I scrambled off his lap and off my bed.
He stood up, glaring hard at me.
“Don’t touch me,” I hissed at him, my fists clenching as I felt my nails pierce the flesh on my palms, “Don’t even come near me.”
He strode towards me, eyes darkening even more, “Don’t tell me what to do!” he mocked me, getting in my face.
I shot back further, my back hitting my bedroom door, “I said don’t come near me!” I growled, my body inching down into a slightly crouched position.
Austin’s face contorted, as if he was struggling to retain his anger, “Don’t do this, Carmen. Please don’t,” he said, his breathing heavy.
My teeth ground together as I inhaled, his scent flying back up my nose again, clouding my brain further. Pain shot up and down my arms and legs and my breathing grew quick and uneven.
“Don’t do what, Austin?” I spat at him, “This is your fault! You won’t listen to a single thing I say!”
His eyes flashed before darkening even further, “Don’t tell me it’s my fault, Carmen, we all know who’s to blame!”
“Who? Let me guess, me right?” I said sarcastically, “It’s all my fault, isn’t it?”
“No, that’s not-”
“Save it,” I snarled, “We both know you meant me.”
“No!” he cried, striding forward again so his face was inches away from mine.
I pressed firmly against the wall, a part of me wishing I could tear his throat out while another part of me wished he would go away so he wouldn’t get hurt.
“It’s not all your fault!” he said, his eyes turning back to their light silver color before flashing back to a dark, stormy grey, “It’s-”
“Don’t even say it’s your fault! Stop blaming yourself for everything Austin.” I snapped, pressing back against my door firmly as a shudder passed through me, pain flashing through my limbs, “You can’t help it if you hurt me!”
“Stop it Austin, please stop it!” he said, a wild expression on his face that terrified me to my very core. I had never ever seen him look this way; so horrifying, so in pain, so angry.
“No! I won’t stop it until you understand! It’s not your fault!” I shouted.
“Stop!” he cried
But I couldn’t stop, I wouldn’t stop, “It’s not your fault!” I shouted again.
His eyes flashed and before I could even process it his hand suddenly shot up, grabbing me by the throat and lifting me clear off the ground.
I gasped, my hands shooting up to try and pry his fingers off my neck but he only tightened his grip, cutting off the oxygen to my lungs as he pressed me painfully against my door.
My eyes shot to his face as my heart pounded erratically in my ears.
His eyes.
They weren’t his anymore. They were flat black with no iris, no pupil, nothing. Just a bottomless blackness so filled with hate that my stomach twisted.
“Caleb,” I gasped, and suddenly everything made sense.
The nightmares about Caleb, seeing it through Caleb’s eyes, the mood swings, the coughing, the mixed scent. It was all Caleb.
“Caleb!” I gasped again, white spots dancing across my field of vision as he tightened his grip on my throat.
Something sparked in those empty black eyes and like a light switch they flashed back to silver. I felt myself starting to go limp as my heart beat double time in my ears, the blood roaring so loudly I couldn’t hear anything.
My eyes were transfixed on Austin’s silver eyes, his eyes not Caleb’s. They were unfocused, staring at me as if he didn’t know me before the recognition sparked up.
He suddenly let go and I hit the floor hard, gasping for air as I tried to get oxygen back in my lungs.
I struggled to breathe properly as my vision cleared and my heart rate started to slow, as soon as I could see again I turned my head to see Austin stumbling backwards horror on his face as he looked from me to his hands and back again.
Deja vue washed over me; the image of me backing away from Austin, looking at my hands and at him after I slammed him into a tree. I remembered how I felt; the pure hate and disgust I had for myself and knew it had to be ten times worse for Austin.
“Austin,” I croaked. As soon as I spoke he whirled around, snatched his shirt and jumped out my window.
I tried to get up to go after him but I couldn’t, my body was too weak to hold me up. Anger flowed through me; I couldn’t just lie here until I felt better. Austin needed me.
That thought was enough to get me onto my shaky legs. The anger at myself for not being able to run after him was enough to give me energy to do exactly that; run after him.
I leapt out of my window and crashed to the ground in a crumpled heap since my legs still couldn’t support me well enough to absorb the impact. Thank God there was loads of snow on the ground.
I picked myself up off the ground, thinking of all the things that made me angry, trying to trick my body into almost Changing since when I start to Change I get large bursts of energy, speed and power. I needed all three and just the thought of Caleb hurting Austin, ruining him, was enough to get me to sprint down the street after Austin’s mixed up scent.
My lungs burned and protested since I hadn’t given myself enough time to recover after Austin- I mean Caleb, strangled me.
But I couldn’t stop; I kept running after him as fast as I could but it still wasn’t fast enough for me.
As soon as I started to slow down, I thought of Austin again, the haunted look on his face, the pain and fear as he had nightmare after nightmare.
Carmen, save me.
I got it now, my own nightmare of when I had hugged Austin but he turned into Caleb. And Austin’s voice echoing begging me to save him.
It all made sense now and I was stupid for not seeing it sooner; that thought gave me another burst of energy.
I ran full out, the cold wind whipping at my cheeks and bare legs and arms but I didn’t notice, my only thought was Austin.
Suddenly the trail stopped and I skidded to a halt, nearly going sprawling when I hit a patch of ice. I doubled over, gasping for ever as my legs trembled and threatened to buckle beneath me. My heart was beating so hard and fast I feared it was going to stop all together. I panted for a moment, eyes closed before I straightened up and doubled back on shaky legs. I found where the trail ended and looked to where it continued.
I swallowed hard.
It was the same forest by our school, the same one where I had done the treasure hunt, the same one where I found Rhinnatta, the same one where I ran away from Austin after I shoved him.
The same one where Caleb had tortured me and had been killed.
Or so we thought.
I tried to step into the forest but my body stopped, remembering every single horrifying image of that forest.
I growled, restlessly prowling back and forth along the edge of the forest before I tried to step in again. Again the images flashed and I balked.
I took a deep breath to calm my growing frustration, grit my teeth and walked into the forest. Everything in me was telling me to turn around and go home, that Austin was fine but I refused to listen. I couldn’t let him run off like that and not know how he was.
So I made my way through the forest, eyes darting around wildly for anything suspicious as I continued to follow his scent. The more I walked the stronger it got until finally the dark trees and opened up into a small clearing that I recognized well.
The same place where I had found Rhinnatta and Caleb had been watching from the bushes before Austin burst through and found me.
Even though it was winter and had been snowing heavily for a while now, tonight the sky was clear of any clouds and had only the bright full moon and stars that could be seen.
The moonlight fell on Austin’s hunched form on the ground, his chest heaving as he panted. I saw all the tense lines of his body as he convulsed once then froze.
I took a hesitant step forward, still in the cover of the trees. Just my luck, I stepped on a twig.
The quiet snap was like a gunshot and Austin’s whole body jerked.
“No,” he breathed shakily, “No, no, no.”
I took another step forward and pushed a branch out of my way.
“Austin?” I asked softly.
“Don’t!” he screamed and I stopped short, my heart jumping into my throat in fright.
“Leave me alone,” he sobbed, his back still to me while he stayed hunched over. I saw his hands splayed out on the ground, his fingers digging into the frozen earth. “Leave me alone!” He shouted.
I licked my dry lips, struggling to stay calm as I took another step.
“Carmen, stop it! Stay away from me!” he screamed at me, not once turning around to face me.
I didn’t move a muscle; the only sound that could be heard was our heavy breathing and his sobs.
“Just go away,” he whispered so quietly I had to strain to hear him.
I hesitated, unsure of what to do.
“Please,” he whispered, his voice cracking on that one word.
As much as it hurt to know he didn’t want me here, I wasn’t going to push him when he was already so broken.
So I nodded once and backed up silently, keeping my eyes on his back as he shuddered.
“Just go way,” he whispered again, body tensing as he convulsed once more.
I did.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
:(( THERE RELATIONSHIP IS RUINED BECAUSE OF CALEB! -.-
Question " DO YOU THINK CALEB WILL POSSES HIS BODY SOON?"
And here are some Infrotmation :)
Demons can rarely die. They have a power that allows them to control their own death. They don't die unless they want to. It is their choice. If they do die though, it is just like Angels, they will come back. But quicker. Sooner than the angels do. Demons are said to be stronger than angels. They kind of basically are. Demons come to life quicker than angels because angels like to die. When you die as an angel you will be in another body for a while, while the body-soul owner is switched to go to heaven until the angel leaves the body and than doesn't know a thing and just acts casual.
Demons they just see pitch black.
:)
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