Momday February 7
All weekend I have been inside my room. Joe took the weekend off to take care of me. I have decided to go to school today. I have to face him someday so why not today? Besides what else do I have to lose?
I get some black jeans and put on a white t-shirt on. Joe forces me to put on a jacket since it's still cold. I get my big old black jacket on.
As we are getting closer, my stomach start to turn. "Pull over!" I yell. I begin to feel my breakfast traveling up to 50 mph to my mouth.
"What?!" Joe exclaims. We are in the middle of traffic and he can't pull over! Oh gosh!
I quickly open the door and Joe is still driving. I throw up while every passing car seeing my present.
"Eew! Widow!! Yuck!" Joe yells. He starts to slow down but he can't stop. I finally finish and close the door. I have a disgusting taste in my mouth and I feel car sick.
"Don't talk about this," I mumble. "Totally, that was embarrassing." Joe says.
We finally arrive to school, but thanks to that accident I am late.
"You sure you okay?" Joe asks. I say yes and head for class. Before I go anywhere I go to the restroom and wash my mouth. I go to White's and take a long breathe before I go in.
"And what the house means," Mr. White stops and looks at me, "Hello Widow, care to join us?"
I feel the whole class looking at me, except Jackson. I apologize for coming late and sit down. Mr. White starts explaining what today lesson is. I want to see Jackson but stop myself. I go ahead and get with the lesson.
The class ends but it seems forever. I had the curiosity of seeing Jackson, but I know I can't face him without crying. I walk alone to Mrs. Jefferson's but I see Paul waiting for me outside the class.
"Hey," he says. His face tells me everything, he knows what happen. I don't say anything and walk in. I see Rachel next to Jackson, her arm hugging his arm. She is talking to Susana and Jackson looking at me.
His eyes are blank, but his face looks so tired. Rachel turns around and sees me. She just shrugs and kisses him. I quickly walk to my desk and put my head down. I am trying not to yell or cry. How can he do that? He really doesn't love me like he said he did.
I feel a hand on my back, and I hear Paul's voice, "Come on, let's go the nurse."
I get up and see everyone looking at me. I hear some people ask if I am okay. Jackson is standing and looking at me. He actually looks worried and wants to help me.
"Go take her Paul, I already called the nurse she knows Widow is going," Mrs. Jefferson says. Paul gets my hand and walks me outside. "Hope you get better," Jackson whispers.
I want to say something but Paul drags me out of there.
"I don't feel sick, I don't wanna go." I say.
"I know, but that's is the only thing I can think of before you make a fool out of yourself. I told Jefferson you had the flu," Paul says. We go to the nurse, she checks my temperature and pressure.
"Okay well you don't seem to have the flu, have you eaten?" she asks. I say yes and she asks if I took any medicine. "Nope, but I'm okay. Can I leave?" I ask.
"well, if you say you are okay. Let me just give you something to drink, you like apple or orange juice?" Mrs. Rivers asks. "She likes apple, and Mrs. Rivers can I have my pill? I'm am feeling very anxious." Paul says.
Mrs. Rivers gives me a apple juice box and brings out a bag of pills. She takes out a container of white pills and gives one to Paul.
"Okay well, I am going to the office. Are you sure you don't want me to call your parent?"
I say yes and she leaves.
Paul sits next to me on the nurse bed, "Widow, you been crying since Friday right?"
"I have eye bags worse than an old lay right?"
"Yes, I guess you know what happen between Jackson and Rachel."
Wait, he doesn't know that I kissed James?
I just nod. I don't want to replay that scene anymore.
"I wanted to tell you before anyone could. I don't know what happen for Jackson to do that, but there is no excuse. I don't think it was the alcohol." Paul says.
Okay wait, he doesn't know that Jackson kissed Rachel before? So Jackson hasn't been honest with Paul either huh?
"Paul I don't wanna talk about it. I just want to move on, for this day to be over." I say.
"Okay, I just want to tell you something else. I punched Jackson, I got super mad of how he was behaving. He was being a jerk to all of us, especially James. James wasn't even near him or provoking Jackson! They almost got into a fight," Paul says. He starts explaining everything that happen that night. How Jackson was babbling about being single and that he didn't even know me.
"He didn't just kiss Rachel but was flirting with some other girls. I have never seen him like that, did anything happen between you guys?" Paul asks me.
"I don't want to talk about it Paul. I guess what you have to know is that I don't care about him anymore. We aren't a couple so."
He gets up and stands in front of me. He cups my face with his hand, "Well, if you want to talk about it, I'm here. You don't have to worry about me telling anything to Jackson, we aren't talking."
I just nod. I can't help it but to hug him. Some tears escape, rolling down my cheeks onto Paul's t-shirt. He is so warm, he kind of relaxes me a bit. He pets my hair and says it's okay. For some reason I believe him when he told me that.
I pull away, "Maybe we should get back to class now. We still have like 40 minutes of class, so."
He gives me a sincere smile and agrees. He gets my hand and we walk to the class.
We walk in, only some eyes see us, and we sit. Mrs. Jefferson asks if I am okay; I just say yes. I am feeling kind of sick but it's more of a heartbreak pain.
The class finishes, Paul walks me to my next class. He tells me that Jessica is absent so if I want to eat lunch with him. I say okay and head inside the class.
The next periods past really fast and by the time I know it is lunch time.
I go ahead and get a chicken burger with fries. I have to eat something if not I will be fainting. I look for Paul as I walk through the cafeteria. I hear people saying my name and others pointing at my direction.
I see Jackson eating with Rachel, Susana and John. He looks at me and says hi with his eyes. I just ignore him and walk to Paul. He is siting in a booth reading a textbook.
"Hi," I say.
"Hey Wid, sit. I was just studying for History." he says. He moves everything to the side and puts it away.
I start eating my food, and darn it's so delicious!
Paul starts to chuckle and telling me I'm going to choke. When I wanted to take another bite, I realize I ate the burger. Darn that was fast.
"You gonna eat your apple?" Paul asks. I say no and give it to him. I finish eating my fries and drink my milk.
"Are you going to the game tomorrow?" Paul suddenly asks to break the silence.
"Nope, I'm sorry. I don't feel like going out for a while. But hope you win though,"
He lightly smiles, "Okay, ima win the game for you. I don't know if this will make you happy but I am the captain for this game."
"That's good, you are really a good captain. Just don't boss the guys too much, I see how you get when you are losing."
"Heh, yeah, thanks for the advice Widow. I try not to get angry," he chuckles and gets my hand.
"You know, if you weren't this quiet, I may actually take you out on a date."
I chuckle nervously, "Okay, I guess that's a compliment. Thanks I guess." he notices my awkwardness and chuckles.
The bell rings and he walks to me to the class.
....
Finally I arrive to my last class. I see James siting on top of the lab table. He smiles and says hello.
"How you been?" he asks. I sit down and take a look at him. He has a small bruise on his eye.
"Good, what about you? Did Jackson hit you?" I ask. He sits on the chair and nods. He told what Paul told me. He thought I didn't know anything so he gave the info very slowly.
I tell him I knew that before the dance even began. I didn't give him details but I told him we got into a fight before. "Did he know we kissed?" he asks.
"Yes, I guess that's why he punched you and began bothering you at the dance. I am sorry about that."
"Don't need to apologize, I kinda figured he might know. Almost the whole school saw us so,"
I lightly smile and kiss him on the cheek. He smiles and tells me he is here for me.
The class begins and we get into preparing our science project. James is quiet throughout the class, just random comments about the project.
Finally the bell rings and I head to the parking lot. Joe texts me telling me he can't make it. Either get a ride or wait for him till he gets out of work.
I stand there looking like a dummy searching for someone I know. I get startled by a car's honk.
"Hey! Need a ride sweetie?" Briana screams. She parks her truck in front of me. James is hiding, seems to be embarrassed.
"I wont ask again Widow! Need a ride?" she screams again. Well don't want to walk in the cold so I say yes. James gets out and I sit between them. As she drives, Briana asks me about me. Where you from? What subject you like? Do you like sports? And so on.
"So how did you met this kid? I can't believe a pretty girl like you knows my brother," Briana says.
"Hey! First, I know lots of pretty girls and second believe this big sister: Widow likes me." James says.
"Whoa! Okay, sorry Widow, my brother thinks everybody likes him,"
Briana is like James. They have the same humor and way of thinking. Besides she seems nice, and really smart. I like her.
"Okay well I guess this is your house?" James asks. I look and yep were here.
"Thanks Briana. It was nice to met you." I say. I get out and wave bye to her. She smiles and waves back. James walks me to the door, "Hey, I will text you later. We gotta talk about that kiss."
I just nod and walk in the house. I hear the truck drive away. I go to my room and do some homework.
I constantly think about Jackson. I can't focus on anything without reminding me of him. Why did he do that? And then he acts like if he is really worried about me?
I am not going to lie, I begin cry again. It hurts, I never thought breaking up with someone or being cheat on can hurt this bad.
Joe arrives later with pizza and chips.
"So, Jackson didn't bother you? You sure you can go through this?" he asks.
"Yes, I can. You don't have to worry, I have friends. Jess, Paul, James, Lulu and Mike. Even little Garrett like me, he prefers me more than Rachel, so."
"That's good, I actually like that, you having friends. Just tell me everything from now on, and I will do the same."
Joe kisses my cheek, "Be strong, this is just a phase."
Heh, a phase huh? Well I just want to get through this.
James texts me later and he tells me that he still like me.
U still with Jackson?- JAMES
no I am not..-WIDOW
Can I do anything to make u feel better?- JAMES
Heh just be my friend, I am not ready to be with someone in a serious matter so ..heh- WIDOW
Of course I will be here.. u know that :) but the kiss, it was amazing. U didn't feel anything??- JAMES
I felt loved and care for but no.. im sorry..-WIDOW
This is what I didn't want to do, hurt his feelings. I know that I use him to make Jackson feel the same but I don't see myself with him.
Ok, answer this: is there any chance we can ever be together??- JAMES
I don't know James..just let time pass ok? I don't want to loose you though, please- Widow
I don't want to loose you either, but I guess I can wait a while. Well see you in school, goodnight- JAMES
.....
The week goes on fast, nothing really has changed. Jackson still doesn't talk to me, Rachel has return to her bitchy self and I am going back to being a total loser. Except that I still have the rest of the team on my side. Even Mike is angry at Jackson for acting like a jerk. He only sees Jackson as his teammate and nothing else.
Jessica got the flu so she won't be coming to school for another week. That really sucks!
It's Friday, and I am siting between James and Mike. Paul is siting in front of us, acting like a total idiot. He is pretending to be Jessica since Mike kept complaining about missing her.
"Oh, and Mike is so sexy! With his big muscles and big lips, muah!" Paul says with his girly voice.
"Shut up dude! You are so annoying." Mike says. James keeps chuckling and making sure Mike gets more annoyed.
I can't believe I am stuck with this guys for another week. But heck, I am actually having a good time even though I am still sad about everything.
"Okay, well I gotta go guys and Widow. Hope you all have a nice weekend." Mike says.
"bye!" we all say. James decides to go early to class since he has a test, so I get stuck with Paul. Which isn't really a bad thing, we are getting closer. He is a very fun guy to be with around with.
The bell rings, and we head to class. When I am in Spanish class, Paul texts me.
HEY WANNA GO TO A PARY WITH ME? TONIGHT?-Paul
WHICH PARTY?- Me
ONE OF THE TEAM IS THROWING A PARTY. ITS HIS BDAY SO- Paul
I kind of think about it, Joe wouldn't say no if I ask. He kind of feels sorry for me right now. Besides Paul is just a friend, and Joe seems to like him.
OKAY SURE WHATEVER. TEXT ME AFTERSCHOOL.-Me
As soon as I send that text, time goes way faster.
Joe comes for me after school, and I ask him if I can go to the party. He just asks the basic questions and says okay. I thank him and go get ready. I text Paul the answer and he tells me he be here at eight.
I take a quick shower and eat a cereal bar. I search my closet to see what to wear. Don't want anything slutty or too quiet. I decide to go with a gray skirt and a white wide strap shirt.
I put some eyeliner and red lipstick. I straightened my hair some more and put a red bracelet on. I look for some shoes but decide to wear my old shoes. I don't want to walk in high heels all night. I look a last look in the mirror, not bad at all. I think I look cute.
I hear my phone ring: Paul
"Hey, I'm outside. You ready?" he asks.
"Yeah let me just get my coat." I hang up and look for a coat. I get it and run outside. Joe says goodbye and opens the door.
I get in the car, "Hey."
"Wow, you look pretty. The shoes are awesome by the way." I look down, "Yeah, I don't like high heels too much. I look bad?" I ask.
"No, like I said, you look nice."