21. I Will Learn to Listen: Charlotte's Pov
*cover made by me
*lots of time-lapsing in this chapter
*this chapter is a little shorter
QOTC- who watched the Gravity Falls season finale?
Finally letting my tears fall, I whisper, "I already am."
'He listened this time.' I tell my wolf, expecting her to forgive Xander for the way he's been acting recently.
'Walk away.' she tells me instead. 'It took mate an entire week to notice, he didn't even notice that our scent changed. We told him three times and he's just figuring it out.'
"You're pregnant." Xander states. His eyes drift down to my torso and then back up to meet my eyes. "When did you find out?"
"Last week." I answer, crossing my arms. My wolf is angry at him, I am too, but I'm more hurt than angry. The first time I told him that I was pregnant was bad enough, the two times after that just deepened the wound.
I was a nervous wreck when I told him the first time. I was afraid that he wouldn't want the baby and that he would be that I became pregnant. "Why didn't you tell me until today?" Xander asks in an annoyed tone. I try to stop my tears from falling, but it only makes my vision cloudy. I told him three times that I'm pregnant and each time, he didn't even acknowledge the words that came out of my mouth. And after figuring out why I was ignoring him, he's annoyed at me.
"I-I told you and hour after I f-found out." I tell him, taking a few steps backwards to put some distance between us. "And a few days after that... And then l-last night too."
"What?" Xander's angry expression turns into shock, confusion, and then back to angry. He runs a hand through his hair and let's out a frustrated groan. When I see him lift his arm, I flinch and instinctively tense to brace myself for a hit. No matter how comfortable I am with people, I'll always be afraid when they get mad. It's just in my nature.
'He won't hit us.' my wolf reminds me. 'No matter what, he won't physically hurt us.'
I don't miss how she said that Xander won't physically hurt us, she didn't say the same for emotional pain. "I didn't listen." Xander mutters more to himself than to me. "That's why you haven't been sleeping in the room."
I take deep breaths to calm myself down as I watch him out all of the pieces together. "I'm such a bad mate." I feel tempted to give him a hug and apologize for ignoring him, but I refuse to be that kind of mate.
I am no longer under the control of Alpha Jones, I don't have to apologize for things that aren't my fault anymore. I won't be the girl who lets her mate do whatever he wants. Standing still, I watch as Xander reaches out to hold me, but then he retracts his hand. "I'm sorry." he mutters, his expression turning back into an angry one. He gives me one last look then shifts into his wolf-form and runs outside.
I feel less comfortable and less safe without him in the house, but I know that I'm not in any danger. Xander wouldn't leave our unborn child and I unprotected, I know that he'll still stay close by. 'Mate should've listened to us the first time.' my wolf growls. 'He should've paid attention. We told him three times and our scent already changed, he should've noticed.'
Sadly enough, I agree with her. Xander should've noticed that I'm pregnant, but he didn't. 'Give mate the silent-treatment. It'll drive him crazy, don't let him touch us either. We have to make him suffer for a bit.'
'Why?' I ask, understanding why she wants to make our mate know that we're mad at him, but not understanding the suffering part-
'You need to stop being nice to him.' my wolf tells me. 'Mate doesn't deserve our sympathy.'
Going up to Xander and I's bedroom, I fill a backpack up with clothes and take my tooth brush out of the connected bathroom. 'Mate should've known that we were pregnant before we did.' my wolf says. It's true; male wolves are usually the first ones to know when their mates are pregnant. The male wolf in the relationship knows immediately when the female's scent changes, the female won't figure out on her own until at least two weeks into the pregnancy.
I look out of our bedroom to make sure that Xander isn't looking and walk into the closet. I take one of his t-shirts that I usually wear to sleep and stuff it inside of the backpack. He won't notice that it's missing, right? It's just one shirt.
I also go into the office to grab some of the papers that contain things that Xander and I need to fill out for Lunar Shadow. I may be mad at him, but that doesn't mean that our pack has to suffer. Xander and I both have jobs that we can't take breaks from, there are a lot of wolves who depend on the two of us leading this pack correctly. 'We might need the laptop to submit claims.' my wolf reminds.
'No.' I tell her. 'Xander uses it more than we do. He needs it more.'
Knowing that he won't come back into the house for at least another hour, I drop the backpack inside of the guest bedroom and head down to the kitchen for something to drink. 'Orange juice. Orange juice. Orange juice.' my wolf chants. We've been craving orange juice all day, the only thing is that I know I'll make multiple trips from the bedroom to get some.
*** (an hour and thirty minutes later)
Xander's Pov
'I'm so stupid.' I think to myself as I run laps around the house. Shifting into my wolf-form and running has always helped me clear my head. I just can't be too far from Charlotte.
If something happens, I need to be close enough to protect her. 'This is all your fault.' I wolf growls. Even though he's blaming me for something, I'm happy to hear him speak.
'I know.' I agree with him. I remember my wolf telling me that Charlotte smelled different. He constantly gave me hints and signs that she was pregnant, but I never listened to either of them.
Stopping under the window of the guest bedroom that I know Charlotte is sleeping in, I look up and try to see if she's in there or not. I'm not being a stalker at all, I'm just trying to find where she is. After I'm sure that she's not outside of the house, I go inside and shift back into my human-form.
The first thing I do after putting on some clothes is go into the kitchen to make some food; not only for myself, but for Charlotte also. Being pregnant, she'll need to start eating a lot more. When female werewolves are pregnant, they have to eat even more than a full-grown Alpha would eat to give birth to a healthy baby. With her natural eating habits, I know that we'll have to start tracking meals and weight. Even though pregnant wolves eat a lot, they don't ever look like they're gaining much.
"I'm sorry, sweetheart." I apologize when I see Charlotte walk into the kitchen. I'm surprised that she even came out of the room knowing that I was down here; I expected for her to avoid me at all costs.
Charlotte opens her mouth to say something, but she closes it and walks over to the fridge instead. I know that her wolf is angrier at me, Charlotte is mainly hurt that I've been neglecting her lately. "Here." I say, handing her a cup to pour her orange juice in. We stare at each other for a couple of seconds, waiting for someone to make a move. Charlotte cautiously reaches out for the cup and I try to take the opportunity to touch her hand, but I fail to do so. She made sure to avoid making skin-to-skin contact with me.
"Let me pour it for you." I try to take the plastic bottle of orange juice from her hand and pour it for her, but she uses her other arm to push me away. I would be lying if I said it didn't hurt. She didn't injure me or anything, it just hurt to feel her push me away. She didn't want to be in my arms or close to me.
"I'm making soup if you want some." I watch as she shakes her head and sits by the dining table with her glass of orange juice. "Are you sure you don't want any? You should eat something."
'Mate already made her own food and ate it.' my wolf informs me. 'She washed her plate when we walked in, now she's just drinking her orange juice.'
Knowing that I didn't pay attention again, I shut my mouth and just wait for my canned soup to boil over the stove. "Goodnight." I call out as Charlotte gets up and leaves the kitchen. It hurts me even more when she doesn't reply. We always end the day with "good night" and "I love you". But I guess that isn't the case tonight.
"I screwed up." I run a hand through my hair and let out a sigh when I know that she's out of earshot.
'Mate is mad at you, not me. I talked to her wolf already. They know that I had no part in this.' my wolf states. 'But we don't get to touch her unless they forgive you. Stupid human.'
Looking at my empty bowl that was previously filled with soup, I angrily dump it into the sink and head up to Charlotte and I's room. I'm angry at myself for not listening the first time she told me about our unborn child and I'm frustrated because I didn't notice her scent change; but mostly, I'm furious that I was the one who emotionally hurt my mate. When I promised that I would never hurt her, I meant physically and emotionally.
Once inside our room, sleeping isn't even something I want to do. Laying down on the bed won't be the same without Charlotte in my arms and I sure as hell won't get any sleep either. She took some clothes, her stuff in the bathroom is gone, and one of the pillows on the bed is missing. Noticing a white wire on the floor, I unplug it and use my phone to text her, 'You forgot your charger.'.
I don't get a reply, but I see the word "read" under my message. The little dots shows me that she's about to text back, but then it disappears.
<A/N I just really wanted to try out that update> 😆
Walking across the hall to the guest bedroom, I knock on the door and say, "I know you don't want to talk to me, that's okay. I'll just leave your phone charger outside the door and go back to our room."
Before I set the wire down on the floor, Charlotte opens the door and takes the charger from me. She didn't yank it out of my hand or anything rude, she just took it and closed the door again. I don't know why, but her actions annoyed me.
Maybe it's because she wasn't nervous or scared of facing me. Maybe it's because her actions were so casual, she didn't even act like ignoring me is a big deal. "Sweetheart, I'm sorry." I knock on the door, not caring that she knows that I already caved. I do not handle the silent-treatment very well, especially when Charlotte is the one giving it to me.
Banging on the door until she comes out isn't an option; I know that it'll scare her and that it still won't make her want to be around me. "Charlotte." I press my palms against the door, wishing that it would magically disappear. "I'm sorry, I should've listened to you."
Closing my eyes, I try to focus on the sounds that are coming from inside the room.
Music. Not anything loud like a stereo, but not anything extremely quiet either.
Knowing that she most likely has her earbuds in on full blast to block me out, I slowly drag myself to our bedroom with my head hanging low. I know that all couples fight, but I didn't know that our first fight would be this bad. Charlotte is pregnant and I'm suppose to be the one who takes care of her. There are people who will do anything to hurt her and prevent our child from being born.
'I'm sorry.' I text even though I know that I won't get a reply. The word "read" shows up under my message and the three little dots shows up then disappears again just like earlier.
<A/N I spent an entire hour just looking for that gif> 😂😂
Three hours later at 1:02am, I still don't get a reply from Charlotte and I can't go to sleep with her being so far from me. "Fuck this." I growl, throwing the tv remote at the wall and watching as the broken plastic pieces fall on the floor. Grabbing to pillows and a blanket long enough to cover my entire length of my body, I lay down on outside of the guest room where Charlotte is sleeping.
With one pillow under my head and one in my arms, I try my best to fall asleep.
***
Charlotte's Pov
"Good morning." Xander greets as I enter the kitchen. There's already a tall glass of orange juice on the way table along with some eggs and bacon. Naturally, I open my mouth to thank him for making me breakfast, but my wolf growls to remind me that we aren't suppose to speak to him.
I slowly drink the orange juice, not really feeling hungry or thirsty at all.
Judging by the dark circles under his eyes, I know that he didn't get a goodnights sleep either. And by the way he's angrily stabbing his eggs with a fork, I can tell that he isn't happy either. 'Don't let mate know that we miss him.' my wolf instructs. 'He'll expect us to come running back to him if he knows that.'
'We need him though.' I say, remembering how I kept waking up to nightmares. It took two hours to get rid of all the evidence that I cried last night. I didn't realize how much Xander helped me sleep at night.
'We need mate, but he needs us more.' my wolf counters.
"I didn't sleep at all last night." Xander admits, breaking the awkward silence between us. I notice that his hair is sticking up in all directions from running his hand through it so much and some of his knuckles are split. He sees the curious spark in my eyes and explains, "I went to the gym down in the basement."
The word "basement" sends shivers down my spine, but I continue to listen to my mate talk. "I needed to distract myself. I was-" he pauses, the corners of his mouth turning down slightly. "I am still mad at myself for not listening to you. I didn't listen all of those times you told me that you're pregnant...."
He stares at me, waiting for a reply, but I don't plan on saying anything. I see hurt and anger flash through his eyes once he realizes what I'm doing. "I know that it's just your wolf who's mad at me. I want you both to know that in sorry." he reaches out for my hand before remembering that I won't let him touch me. In my opinion, I'm being a bitchy mate, but I have to respect my wolf's choices as well as mine. We work as one, never separated.
"I brought all of my paperwork from the cells to the office." Xander tells me, referring to the at-home office we have. "There are people out there who will do everything they can to hurt you and to prevent our pup from being born. As much as you may hate may me right now, I won't leave you unprotected."
I nervously advert my eyes from Xander and look around the kitchen, the solid colored walls suddenly becoming the most interesting thing in the world. Xander thinks that I hate him, I don't like that. I will never be able to hate him. 'Just pretend we do.' my wolf says. 'Mate needs to listen more.'
"Eat your food." Xander pushes my plate of food closer to me. I nibble on a little bit of the bacon, but the rest of the food doesn't seem appealing. I want to finish my food, but the smell of everything is hurting my head and I feel too tired to eat.
Knowing that I can't skip meals anymore, I finish the rest of the bacon on my plate and try not to throw up. It isn't morning-sickness, that isn't suppose to start until two weeks into pregnancy. 'We're three weeks pregnant.' my wolf reminds me. 'Remember the note we wrote for Xander?'
Last night, I took out a piece of paper and wrote a note to Xander about an upcoming ultrasound appointment with Dr. Kale. If he notices it before the day of the appointment, then I know that he's trying to be more attentive. The ultrasound is next week, I'm going to place the note in the office on top of his desk tomorrow. It's a plan that my wolf and I both agree on.
If Xander is surprised on the day of the ultrasound and doesn't notice the note, then he'll have to do something else. "Am I allowed to hold your hand?" he asks, with a defeated look in his eyes. He thinks that it's only been two days that I didn't sleep in the same room as him, but it's actually been an entire week. After the first time he didn't pay attention when I told him about my pregnancy, I started sleeping in the guest room. "Please, sweetheart?" he pleads, holding out his hand.
I haven't let him hold or touch me for three days, many couples have gone much longer without even seeing each other. "Please." Xander whispers. I look at his outstretched arm and debate on whether to do it or not. My wolf and I are both longing to feel the sparks that we always feel whenever we hold hands with our mate, but we don't want him to think that we're forgiving him yet.
Looking back up into my mate's eyes, I see the hurt and desperateness that's held in them. "I'm sorry for not listening." I hear him call out as I turn my back and walk upstairs without saying anything.
*** (two days later)
'He doesn't care.' I whimper to my wolf, remembering how Xander exited his office earlier. He didn't even look for me or say anything about the note that I placed on his desk. I know that he read it; when I went into the office to grab more paperwork, the note was gone. He might not even care that we have our first ultrasound soon.
'Don't think like that.' my wolf tells me even though she knows that it's true. Xander did read our note, I just don't know what he did with it. Maybe he threw it away, maybe he's trying to cancel the appointment right now.
Xander stopped acting sad and vulnerable around me, he just keeps his expression neutral. I feel guilty for starting this whole silent-treatment thing with him, but I have my wolf constantly reminding me that it isn't our fault. It's him who should've listened to us; not the other way around.
*** (four days later)
Xander's Pov
I can't do this anymore.
'We can't do this anymore.' my wolf states. We tried acting like being ignored by Charlotte doesn't faze us, but it only seems to hurt us even more. Charlotte wants me to be more attentive, I just don't know how to prove it to her.
I haven't held her. I haven't kissed her. I haven't touched her for more than a week already.
Knowing that she's in the bathroom taking a shower, I walk into the guest bedroom and lay down on the bed that she's been sleeping on. Closing my eyes and inhaling her scent, I wait for her to come back. It doesn't seem like she's going to forgive me any time soon, so I'm taking matters into my own hands.
I thought that things were going well before this all happened; Charlotte stopped hurting herself, she started to understand that I would never physically hurt her, and she told me that she was ready to complete the mating process. We were both happy, but then I ruined it by not listening.
And now it's time that I actually do something to fix it.
Heading the light footsteps of my mate, I open my eyes and see her standing near the wooden door frame. "I need to say some things to you." I tell her. "This is driving me crazy."
"Sweetheart, I can't go any longer without hearing your voice or holding you. It was wrong of me to try to give you the silent-treatment too and I'm sorry for. I'm also sorry for not listening to you when you told me about being pregnant." I see her eyes glaze over, but I continue speaking. I need to get all of this out. "Let me make it up to you, sweetheart. Just tell me what I need to do and I'll do it."
Once I say this, Charlotte shakes her head and points out of the door, signaling that she wants me out of this room. "I can't do that." I don't move off of the bed like Charlotte told me to. "I need you to know that I'm sorry. I'm being serious."
I sit there for a full minute and just stare into her glassy eyes before getting up to leave. She doesn't say or do anything, she just patiently waits for me to get away from her. "Charlotte, I'm sorry." I repeat for what seems like the millionth time, but she still doesn't give me a response.
*** (tomorrow)
Charlotte's Pov
"SWEETHEART, WAKE UP!!!" Xander's voice immediately wakes me up. I pull the covers above my head, trying to block out the sounds of him banging on the door.
I only got three hours of sleep last night, being woken up early is something that I don't want to be; especially by Xander. Last night he asked me what he had to do to prove that he could be more attentive when the answer was left inside his office; a place he goes into everyday.
As I think about how he completely missed the note that I left on his desk, I'm shocked when Xander yells, "Get dressed! The ultrasound is in an hour!"
$:@(&/""/&:$-)-)/$:$@;("("("(&$;$:/))-)-&:@;"(@($:)-@/$,!,?/&/@;!:&/@/@&/;$"-
"I'm a lost boy, from Neverland."
-Ruth B.
QOTC- who's read The Testing book series?
I just want to say that this chapter is shorter because I have other things planned for My Broken Luna and Charlotte being mad at Xander doesn't fit into any of them. Plus, I had to post a Friday (it's 12am Saturday here in Texas, but shhhh) chapter to get in the weekly Friday updates instead of Sunday ones.
Sorry for the crappy chapter!
I will be adding Adventures with Brody and Into the Marshmallows to the ends of chapters. A few of you AMAZING readers asked me how to read them and it's just after the authors note.
That's all for now! (An Adventure with Brody will be added soon, look on my message board for when I add it)
In really tired right now...
Don't forget to leave a vote!
xoxo Priscilla