{Chapter Eleven}
The fact that it's been nearly a month since I've began this project, leaving me with only a week left of the project, feels weird. It's not the fact that the project is nearly over, it's more the fact that I've been with Ian for what seems like more than a mere two weeks. I feel like I've known him my whole life when in reality it hasn't been more than a month.
"How do you feel about him now?" Lydia questions and I glance at her from my bed in confusion.
"Who?"
"Jer." I sigh, shutting my eyes tightly as I try unsuccessfully to not picture him.
"Lydia," I start in irritation. We had previously agreed not to talk about Jer; if not because talking about him leads to me thinking about him, then because I'm supposed to be getting over him and talking about him only makes that harder.
"I'm sorry, I just want to know. I mean you are with Ian right now so shouldn't you be thinking of him, and not some other guy." I can't say that I don't agree with her, she has a good point.
"I don't know." I reply honestly because as much as I want to stop feeling something for Jer, I can't. I can't just stop, it doesn't work that way. I can only hope to get over him while the time passes.
"Levy," she starts and my eyes dart to her. She looks hesitant to say the next part and drops her eyes. "That's not right." She finishes in a whisper and I sigh in aggravation.
"Do you think I don't know that? Do you think I want these feelings for Jer? Do you think I don't know how unfair this is to Ian?" I demand with anger pulsing through me. I'm not mad at Lydia, I'm mad at myself because she's right. I run a hand down my face before running it through my hair and finally I look at Lydia.
"Look, I need to get my homework done for English. I'll see you later." I state. She looks reluctant to leave but gets off my bed anyway and walks to my bedroom door.
"I'll talk to you later." I nod at that and she leaves without another word. I sigh heavily and slump back in my chair.
After a few minutes I decide to do more work on my paper to get my mind off of everything. So I take out my notebook that I've designated for the notes I've taken at my mom's work. I flip a couple pages into where I left off and after I open the document in my computer I begin to write more of the paper.
~ ~ ~
I sigh at last when I've finished the next part of the paper but then realize I don't have anything else to occupy my time with. I stare at my computer screen for more than ten minutes as I try to think of something to do, other than think. I drum my fingers on my laptop, tapping a few random keys and listening to clicking before I stop to pull my phone out of my pocket.
I unlock it and decide to ask Jess if she wants to hang out, considering Ian is busy with his dad. Though, that only reminds me that I still haven't met Ian's step mom. And he never really talks about her either, it makes me wonder where she is, considering I've been to his house a couple times and haven't seen a single sign of her in the house. I don't get a chance to think any more about it because Jess replies to my message with an agreement and tells me to meet her at the mall.
I roll my eyes with a small sigh at that because I really don't want to go to the mall but I pack my things nonetheless. I grab my wallet and keys before I leave the house, calling out that I'm going out to whoever is home. I slide in my car and after I let it warm up I head to the mall.
"Levy!" Jess yells from across the food court when she sees me. I roll my eyes but go over there, ignoring the numerous sets of eyes following me.
"Jess, you didn't have to shout, I already saw you." I explain, taking in her appearance. She's wearing a short pink dress that compliments her curvy figure with silver heels and her blond hair pulled back in a high ponytail.
"I just wanted to make sure. So why did you want to meet?" she questions and my brows raise in surprise.
"Why do I have to have a motive? I just want to spend time with you. You're my friend." I add. Though my words don't feel true, probably because I just needed to keep my mind off of Ian and Jer. I do have an ulterior motive and it makes me feel bad but I ignore it when Jess grins brightly.
"Oh great. We can go shopping then." She adds and I sigh. I don't bother to argue but instead follow her through the mall, stopping when she stops. She thankfully just leads me to a couple makeup and jewelry stores before her phone begins to ring.
"Mom, what's up?" she answers immediately. She nods along to the person on the other end before sighing heavily. "Okay, I'll be there in a bit. Love you." She adds before hanging up. She sighs once more and puts down the box of perfume she was looking at before turning to me.
"What was that about?" I ask and she just rolls her eyes.
"My parents are having a dinner with some people and they're dragging me along. I have to get going now though but I'll see you tomorrow at school." She adds before giving me a quick hug and leaving me alone in the perfume shop. I sigh, dropping my head in realization that I'm alone.
I leave the store and while I'm walking I realize this seems to keep happening. I go to the mall, shop with a girl and then end up being alone in the end. I walk through the mall aimlessly before I decide to go back to the food court and get something to eat. I order a burger and sit down at an empty table. I rest my elbows on the sticky table until my order is called and then I eat slowly.
I watch the people around me in little interest. A mom tries to feed her squirming child while attempting to keep her other child in his seat. A couple seems to be ignoring the loud chatter as they have a sickly romantic lunch, staring at each other rather than actually eating. And of course the many fellow lonely people scattered around just eating.
"I'm beginning to think you're following me." A voice muses and I nearly groan. Of course, the one person I don't want to think about is the one I run into.
"Jer, hey, what are you doing here?" I ask. He glances around in amusement as if the answer is obvious.
"I was grabbing something to eat." He replies with a chuckle. He glances down at the empty seat and arcs a brow, silently asking if he can sit so I shrug.
"I mean in the mall." I clarify but he shrugs.
"I needed to buy some more cologne, it's only sold at one of the specialty stores here." He explains. I nod in understanding and go quiet while I wish I could stop my mind from going to bad places. I shouldn't be thinking of Jer, I should think of Ian.
"What about you? What are you doing here?" he returns and I shrug.
"I was with a friend, she had to leave though." I reply. He nods and seems to take in my appearance before tilting a brow.
"What's wrong?" I huff and roll my eyes, dropping my head in my hands.
"Nothing, just teen drama crap." I lie, assuming telling him that he is one of my problems would not be a good idea.
"Oh come on, it's more than that. Even if it's trivial it's obviously bugging you." He adds and I feel his hand grab one of mine. I lift my head to meet his gold eyes and try to ignore the tingles that run through me at his touch.
"It's not important." I mumble but I can't stop looking at his eyes. They're so intense, full of something. It's obvious he wants to know what's bugging me but I can't understand why. Why does he care if something is bugging me? It doesn't make sense.
"Levy," he starts softly and I drop my eyes from his at the intense emotions running through his eyes. Instead I look at his hand on top of mine, the black ink contrasting against his pale hands. I bite my lip hard as I try not to think anymore into this, as I try to keep my mind from wondering how his lips would feel against mine, how it would feel to be in his arms.
No.
I can't think about that. I can't. I have to stop, I have Ian. And Ian is amazing. Yet my brain barely lets me think of him more than a brief second before I meet Jer's eyes once more. He tilts his head to the side as if in confusion, or curiosity.
"What are you thinking? I get the feeling it's distressing." He adds and I groan because although I don't know Jer very well, I not only feel comfortable around him but I also feel the need to tell him everything I'm thinking.
"Nothing." I lie. He looks skeptical as he arcs a brow and I try not to look at his eyes because I know if I do I'll either do something I regret or tell him something that I'll regret.
"Why don't you want to tell me?" he asks instead of probing me about telling him as I thought he would.
"I just don't want to ruin everything." I admit awkwardly, dropping my eyes to the table as I try to keep my thoughts on Ian. Ian, my boyfriend, the person I'm supposed to have these feelings for. Not Jer, my mom's boss.
"Ruin what?" Jer prompts and I sigh heavily before I meet his eyes once more. I realize when I meet his beautiful golden eyes, how small the table is, and how close we are. I swallow hard as I try to push my urges back, try to think of Ian, but it doesn't seem to work as I find myself moving closer to Jer. I don't know if he noticed me moving closer but if he did he obviously had no objection. What I do know, however, is that when my lips connect to his, it felt right.