What do you love about Taehyung? Saying 'everything' would be too easy yet not close to enough.
Love is truly complicated.
At first you're blind, everything about the other person seems to be perfect in your eyes. The first weeks pass like this, you imagine that this is what love feels like. But it's not even close. It's only being blind because of admiration.
Out of sudden this image of your perfect partner seems to become blurred. Now you realise, the person you loved all along isn't the person you imagined him to be. He does things you can't cope with, it simply seems wrong to you. You don't want him to be like this, full of flaws which don't fit you. There's no other way than changing him.
And this was the mistake of your relationship. Both of you didn't know real love, what real love is about.
Love is more suffering than actually enjoying. But if you really love, all of that suffering doesn't matter at all. The weight of your beautiful moments and your mutual feelings is much heavier.
You want the best of the best for your partner. And you're ready to give everything for him. That's what love is about. And that was the lesson which the two of you were taught.
Before your breakup it hadn't really been love. One big factor was that you were unexperienced. It was the first time you had to deal with a relationship. Obviously everyone was talking about how tiring relationships were but until now you had always thought that a relationship had to make you happy. And that was your mistake. Love is about hard work and your price should be the happiness of your partner.
Taehyung had practically moved in since he spent most of the days and nights at your place. The first few days were like your very first days two years ago. Happy times, simply enjoying each others company. Until now you hadn't really talked about the past, the present nor the future. But it was important. And this tense atmosphere, that you still had to talk about it, was always floating around.
Not how you expected it at all, usual for Taehyung, he decided to talk about it while you were watching a movie. You were cuddled in his arms while he was playing with your hair. None of you were actually watching the movie.
"Can I ask you something?", his low voice sounded like the most beautiful melody you had ever heard.
You were thinking that it was water or something to eat that you had to get him. Just when you wanted to stand up and get him something he grabbed your wrist, making you fall down onto his lap.
After a bit of giggling he turned serious very quickly.
"I... I'm just wondering sometimes about how you feel. Of course I know that we both want to leave the past behind but still I wonder... how you feel. After you know... I cheated on you.", he was playing with your fingers and just like a kid he hadn't looked into your eyes once.
A slight smile was formed on your lips.
"Of course I'm hurt. But I trust you Taehyung. I trust you with all my heart. It'll take a little time until we're over our past, but we should be thankful for it, right?"
His cute smile never failed to weaken your heart. Whenever he smiled you felt happiness and a warm sensation in your heart. This must be love.
"It taught me a lot of things. So I must be grateful. But I'm even more grateful that I have you now. Sometimes I lay in bed and I can't sleep because everything seems so surreal. My girl is finally mine again. I must've been a superhero in my past life.", he laughed a little.
Taehyung loved you. And you knew that. It wasn't only the way he looked at you or the way he wrapped his arms around you whenever he got the chance - moments like these in which the two of you shared your feelings were the moments in which you felt loved.
At first your friends were sceptical, but that changed quickly. By now they were happy with you. Time by time they even got jealous since Taehyung loved to spoil you.
Pretty often he wrote letters to you during his lectures and gave them to you at lunch. Sometimes he randomly bought you flowers.
You felt that he was pressured in making you feel special.
It was 8 pm and Taehyung had promised to come at 7 pm. Even though you tried to not think about it, you got suspicious.
By 9 pm you couldn't help yourself but drive to his house. You went by car since you were scared to use the subway after the incident with Krystal.
The light in his bedroom was still on and you saw two shadows. This wasn't happening, right?
Quickly you ran upstairs, some tears already on your cheek.
It had been wonderful these past weeks. Of course it all had been a vision again. Once a cheater always a cheater. How could you crawl into his traps again?
Your vision got blurry so you didn't realise the person walking straightly towards you. Right before you collided he grabbed you by your shoulders.
"Hey, what are you doing?", Jimin's soft voice tried to calm you down.
"He-he's ch-ch-cheating again.", you started sobbing.
Jimin pulled his arms around you and hugged you tightly. For a few moments he let you sob your soul out until the point that you even felt dizzy. This felt so surreal.
"I'll go inside and beat the shit out of him, okay?", Jimin smiled at you.
All the sobbing had made you lose your coordination a bit leading to you not really knowing what was going on. You nodded lightly, not really thinking about what Jimin had said.
You were sitting down and when you were looking up Taehyung's door was open already. A loud "What the fuck" was your signal to finally wake up from this trance. You stepped onto your feet and entered Taehyung's apartment.
Taehyung was laying on the ground while Jimin was standing in front of him. The apartment was extremely messy. Taking a closer look at Taehyung you noticed bruises on his cheeks.
"Were you really cheating again?", Jimin's voice didn't sound soft anymore at all.
"No!", Taehyung screamed hiding his face under a pillow.
With wobbly legs you went into his bedroom to find nothing but clothes spread around. As you turned around you felt Taehyung's gaze at you. Your fingers were shaking and you felt like your world going under.
"You thought I cheated on you?", Taehyung's rough voice was quiet but you heard it clearly.
Ashamed you looked down to the floor. Not only were your cheeks burning, but your heart aswell.
"I'm sorry. I think it's better if I leave.", Jimin almost whispered and escaped this situation.
You were thankful that he had helped you. But you hated yourself right now too much to think about it.
"I guess you're still not over the past.", Taehyung mumbled still laying on the ground.
With slow steps you approached Taehyung. You sat down right beside him, not looking at him once.
"I'm so sorry. I was scared why you didn't come and when I got here I saw two shadows in your bedroom and I don't know. I guess you're right. I'm not over the past. I can't forget about it.", you finally looked up to him to see his emotionless expression.
His eyes were drilling into you which didn't help you feeling this ashamed.
"I guess this had to happen.", you added, forcing your eyes to the floor again.
Taehyung's loud breathing was the only audible thing. For a time which felt like a thousand years, he didn't say anything but stared at you.
"You could've messaged me.", you said after you couldn't bear the silence anymore.
His eyes were moving to your hands and back to your face. The thought of him being drunk popped up. You were aware of his alcohol problem but he seemed to have it under control since you got back together.
Then out of sudden he finally said the words he didn't dare to say.
"Krystal was here."
Immediately your eyes widened as you looked up at him. This was beyond your expectations.
Taehyung grabbed your hand and intertwined his fingers with yours.
"What did she want?", you stuttered.
Taehyung nodded at the mess spread all over the floor.
"She was angry."
"Why did you let her inside?"
"I thought she came to say sorry."
You sighed loudly and looked up at the roof. Taehyung seemed worried since he squeezed your hand a little.
"She came in and asked me if I'm with you. I said yes. And then she freaked out. Literally. She threw everything around, she was so aggressive I couldn't stop her. And in some way I understand her. So I let her let her anger out. But before she left she told me that I'm the biggest asshole and most selfish person. Also she told me that I'm a sick person because I'm addicted to alcohol. So I was about to take a few shots in order to calm myself before heading to your place. But somehow I started...", his voice suddenly cracked and you saw that his eyes got teary.
Quickly you leaned down to wipe the tear away but you couldn't stop Taehyung from crying. He put his hands in front of his face, trying to not let you see him. You put your arms around him and put him into your embrace, tightly.
Slowly he put his arms around you too.
"I'm sorry.", he was still crying.
"Stop it. You don't have to be sorry. I have to be sorry.", you hugged him even tighter.
"No! It's me why our relationship can't be as stable as we both want it to be. No matter how hard we try my fucking mistake is in the way and prevents us from being happy."
It was the most heartbreaking moment in your life when he said these words. He was right that his mistake was preventing your relationship to develop, however it was your mistake you couldn't let go of the past.
"Shut up Taehyung. It's my mistake for becoming so suspicious. I totally over-reacted. It's not your mistake, okay?", you looked him into his eyes.
"How can we ever become happy when our past is standing in the way?", he shook his head.
You smiled a little before replying:" Taehyung, you make me the luckiest girl in the world. I love you, Taehyung. I love you. And because of that, I'm willing to go through hell so that we can be together."
The smile you had been waiting for finally appeared on his face. Even though it was a weak smile, it was enough to calm you down again.
"No matter if we have to go through hell, we'll go together. So that we're at least together.", his voice still sounded weak but at least he wasn't crying anymore.
"Because when we're together, everything else doesn't matter, right?", you smiled at him.
Instead of replying he kissed you. And the kiss was even better than a reply. His soft lips were transporting you into another world. Into a world only the two of you existed. The perfect world.
Even though the future of your relationship was destined to go through many lows, you were prepared. Because it didn't matter, the only things that mattered were that you were beside each other.
Author's note :
♡♡ hi ♡♡
omg this story has reached 5k reads now *screams* thank you all so much like really wow wow wow I would have never expected this!!! *is still screaming* I hope you like these very last chapters!!
yes there are only a veeeeeery few chapters to come, it's so weird to finish this! but I'll be working on another story (with my babe jungkook) after my final exams (around the end of april)
thank you so so so so so so so so so so so so so much for reading, voting & commenting !! ♡♡♡