"I've got two faces, Blurry's the one I'm not. I need your help to take him out, I need your help to take him out."
- "Goner" by Twenty One Pilots
"Alice," I call out, putting my bag on the couch in the living room. I hear her whimpering in the other room. I narrow my eyes and walk into our bedroom, at first I look at her strongly until I see what she is holding in her hand, my eyes drop to the floor, trying to think of how to handle a situation I never thought I would run into.
"Where did you get that?" I say, motioning to Scarecrow in her hands.
"Why do you have it?" She asks, her head snaps up glaring at me, playing around with the coarse fabric in her hands.
"I found it," I shrug my shoulders. And if I found it, why would I have kept it? Why would I have hidden it from her? Was I truly this stupid? Or was I really just panicking?
"Really?" She accuses. "When the patients at Arkham see you they mumble it. Are you scaring them on purpose?"
I know that I don't want her to leave, I know that I don't want her to walk out that door and never come back. I really do love her in my own way and she makes sense with me.
"Alice," I warn her. "Just put him down." My hand drops as I press my eyes together, noticing right away that I have in fact messed up by given Scarecrow a proper pronoun. I open my eyes quickly to see if she has noticed.
Her eyes widen in alarm, catching onto my mistake much more quickly than I would have hoped she would.
"Him?" She exclaims. "It isn't real."
"I understand that," I try and correct my mistake before this gets too out of hand. But I don't understand that he isn't real. He has been the most real part of my life since I was a child, who is she to tell me what's real and what isn't? Just because he hasn't talked to me in a long time doesn't mean I don't know he is still scratching at the surface.
"I need," Alice shakes her head, looking down at the floor, not wanting to meet my eyes.
"Alice," I take a step forward and she takes one back. I cock my head to one side, in questioning, as though I don't already know that she is thinking about the best way to get out of this situation without getting hurt herself.
I wouldn't hurt her, I love her, and there is no part of me that would allow that to happen.
Only there is a part of myself that isn't really me...
"I need space, I think," she stutters, her breathing increasing the more she stands in front of me.
"Please," I whisper, trying to plead with her. I really don't want her to go, I don't want to be alone and I don't think I can handle the silence again. I've been changed into someone who needs human interaction even in the smallest of ways. And she is going to go and tare that from me all over something I truly can't control. "I'm not that person."
"Then get rid of it," she throws Scarecrow at me, I catch and place him on the bed as she pushes past me to go to the closet.
"Come on," I huff, going to catch her arm only to have her slap my hand away. She flips around to face me, anger burning in at the surface of her eyes but fear showing behind them. She is afraid of me, but not of me, of Scarecrow as everyone else who came before her.
And I know now that I never wanted her to look at me that way, as though she doesn't even know who I am. She does know me, she knows what I've allowed her to know, which is more than most. Only, she doesn't see it that way, she sees me as being a liar. Which I was a liar in every respect, I should have told her about the experiments, only she isn't very understanding... What am I saying?
"Don't come near me ever again," she hisses. "You're fucking insane and demented."
I raise my eyebrows, that isn't what I would classify myself as being. I put my hands up, to show her I'm not going to touch her again. She nods, thinking that she has one the full argument and she walks to our shared closet, starting to pile up clothes. I stand there watching, knowing that I have to memorize every part of her if I want to keep her as a memory and not as a nightmare.
She slams the closet door shut with most of her clothes shoved into the bag, looking up at me with her hazel eyes, they soften for a moment and silent pleading is evident. Only I don't know what more to tell her, I can't deny who I really am. She wouldn't believe me, the evidence was right in her hands. I can't lie to her. I can't tell her that I can ever truly get rid of Scarecrow, because I know that it's a lie. I promised her I would never lie to her.
"I'm not," I say finding my voice.
Alice rolls her eyes.
"Did you drug me?" She asks as she walks into the bathroom, I cross my arms, closing my eyes and thinking back to every interaction we ever had, there were close calls but I never drew a syringe out on her.
"No, I never did." Though there were many times when I wish I had as well.
"Who knows about this?" She asks stepping out of the bathroom. "You know what," she puts her hands up, "I don't care."
Alice shoves more of her belongings into her duffle bag, hosting it over her shoulder, leaving the bedroom and walks down the hallway.
"Please, let me explain everything." I follow her out of the bedroom to try one more time to reason with her.
"Explain?" She screeches. "You're a monster." And the first knife stabs my half beating heart at her words. "A sick bastard who hurts people for his own sick enjoyment, what part did I miss?" She spins around and forcefully pushes me back. My eyes grow wide at her sudden outburst.
'I knew it.' Scarecrows voice hisses in my head, dormant for almost a year and now he decides to make his presence known. 'She would understand.'
'She wouldn't,' I reply, somewhat believing that my statement is in fact a lie and she would understand me. Well us. But I am never going to let Scarecrow know that I have the sinking feeling that Cassandra is probably the only female relationship I will be able to maintain for the rest of my life. 'I missed you.'
'Shut up, I don't do touchy feely.'
"I'm going to tell the board about this. You are going to have your license revoked," she screams. A switch in my brain flips on, my emotions start to fizzle out of my body. I start to feel numb, knowing that Scarecrow will soon enough cloud my senses and allow me to subside. I smirk, licking my lips, this is going to be fun, like all those times before. The more human side of me fades, letting in the darkness and allowing it to fill me with rage.
'No good little bitch," Scarecrow snarls.
"No you won't," I respond to her, "Because you aren't going anywhere," I forcefully grab onto her arm, twisting it back, she drops her bag at the sudden physical contact. I move her around so that my arm is around her throat, not hard enough to cut off her breathing, just enough to render her defenseless.
"Johnny let me go," she whimpers, looking up at me. Her finger nails dig into my skin, drawing blood that flows down from my hand and onto the hardwood floor. "I won't turn you in. We can just get you help." And that is her last ditch effort to try and save herself, I know she doesn't mean it. I knew the moment that she found Scarecrow she would and could no longer love me. And that broke my heart. She broke my heart.
"I don't need help Alice. I'm perfectly sane."
And I let her go, her body falling to the floor in a clump.
I look up from my work, the memory of Alice coming unexpected. I push away from the table and stand, running my fingers through my hair. I look down at my hands, seeing the faded scars from that night etched onto my skin, a permanent reminder of what I did to her. As if my memory doesn't serve it enough.
"Everything okay Doctor Crane?" Rose asks looking up from her work across the room. I turn my head giving her a light smile.
"Yes, I'm just tired, staring at all of these equations and papers gets taxing after a while."
She smiles, flipping her blond hair over her shoulder and peering through her dark black framed glasses.
"Do you want to go and get dinner?"
I raise my eyebrows in surprise. Her eyes widen,
"I meant, you know, dinner but not like dinner, like two people going out, not going out, just simply two friends, who are not ever going to be together, going out and getting something to eat, together." She smiles at me, her face reddening.
"I understood it when you said it originally."
"Oh," she blushes. "Well right," she pushes her glasses up.
"And I'm already in a committed with relationship with my girlfriend."
"Yeah, no," she smiles, looking to her left with her eyes, "Of course you have a girlfriend, you're very attractive." Her eyes widen again, I look down, trying to hide a smile on my face. I normally never find anything like this funny but I know that if Cassandra was standing in the room she would be laughing, or at least trying to hide a growing smile from appearing on her face and that very idea alone made me smile.
"Excuse me?" I keep testing out how uncomfortable I can make Rose, while shaking off the memories of Alice that since coming here and being completely alone has increased with every day.
"I mean, according to beauty standards I'm not sure. I'm sure that half the women in this office are head over heels in love with you. Not that I am... I mean, I..."
"Rose, please," I sigh.
"But I was-." She tries to reason with me again, only I know I will just be fighting her on another point. I wish these conversations between us didn't always end like this.
My phone rings, cutting her sentence off.
"Sorry," I say to her and pick it up, "Doctor Crane speaking." Rose's shoulders slump and when she thinks I'm not looking, puts her elbows on the table and smacks her hand to her head, muttering about what an idiot she is.
"I like hearing that," Cassandras voice fills my ears, a smile heard through the phone. "Are you busy?" Even if I was busy I would drop everything just to speak to her.
"No, I was just about ready to take a break," I look over to Rose, who is standing upright, the only evidence of the whole encounter being the slight reddening of her cheeks. When she sees that my eyes are on her, she looks up and nods her head, swishing me out with her hand.
"Are you okay? You don't sound it." Cassandras voice is riddled with concern.
"Cara," I groan, grabbing my jacket from the swivel chair and put it over my arm. As I walk out the door I grab my bag from the lab table, slinging it over my shoulder.
"No, I am not just going to do that," she snaps, I notice with a slight sadness, that she is in a public area, or at least with other people, noises can be heard in the background, a mixture of yelling, laughing and speaking.
I sigh, running my fingers through my hair and closing my eyes, "I just miss you that's all it is."
And I don't want to worry her, I don't want her jumping on the next plane here just to babysit me because I can't handle being without her, because I can't fully handle Scarecrow, because I didn't tell her that I haven't been able to. I don't want to worry her. I don't want her to feel as though she has to be my lifeline, I have always been independent and the idea of being so heavily codependent on another person now angers me.
She sighs too, "I miss you more."
"That really isn't possible I can assure you of that," I say walking down the white walled hallway and down the stairs to the main office.
"How are you doing?" She insist, bringing the topic back right where I don't want to go. At least she knows me well enough to pick up on the tone of my voice, only I don't think there is a difference.
"I'm fine, honestly." But I'm not fine, and I really want to tell her everything about my memories of Alice and how I'm worried that they keep coming back no matter how hard I try and push them away. I know that talking about my past with Alice hurts her, so I don't talk. I just write it all down and for a while it was working now the memories repeat themselves and just become more vivid.
"Oswald said you are having bad dreams again and Edward said you are having Scarecrow spend a lot of hours in the lab." It wasn't my voice that gave it away, it was my best friends, and as usual they tell Cassandra everything. Oswald because he has taken such a fondness to her sweet character and loving nature with a slight hint of darkness and Edward because well, I honestly think he has a blind loyalty to her as a result of the fact they dated, that's the only reason I can think he would still feel the need to tell her anything. I close my eyes and swear, really? They had to go and tell her everything? They couldn't leave it alone?
"Yes, that's all true."
She laughs, her laugh warming my heart and relaxing my stiffening muscles.
"When are you cleared for flying?" I salute the guard at the main desk.
He nods, "Have a good night Doctor Crane." I give him a weak smile and open the doors to the parking lot.
"Another week," she sighs. "I swear the doctors in Gotham are completely bonkers." Another week without her? I have to somehow manage not to lose my head? That is going to be harder than I thought.
I pause, fishing out my car keys from my pant pocket. A smile grows on my face at Cassandra's words and her irony.
"Oh," she laughs, picking up on the mistake she made. "I didn't mean you. Clearly."
I roll my eyes at her childlike behavior and youthful speaking.
"Don't roll your eyes at me," she whispers.
"I wasn't," I say denying that my eyes have in fact rolled more than I believe I am even privy to, unlocking the car door and slipping inside.
"You so were," she jokingly accuses, "I know you."
"I wasn't."
"Liar."
"Nope."
"See you never say nope so clearly you are lying."
"What do you mean I never say nope?"
"Stop saying it, I hate that word coming out of your mouth."
"You can't be serious?"
"Oh but I am" and with that the two of us break out into a long laughing fit, hers filling the car now that I have her on speaker phone. She stops laughing and heavily sighs.
"Jonathan, I don't want to lose you again."
"I can't do this without him."
"I don't believe that." I hear noise in the background, the noise grows as she pulls the phone away from her ear. "What?" Her tone is angered, whoever she is speaking to has gotten on her nerves for as long as she has been in there company.
"It's just one more thing," Edward says, why am I not surprised it was him? "Naomi is having a fit." She's over her house? And Edward is there? Is he finally moving in? Did he mention this to me and I wasn't paying attention. It could have been one of those any times that I put the phone down and forgot that I was talking to someone.
"Eddie," she whines. "I told her the light green one if she has to go with green."
"You know she has to choose green," Edward says slightly offended.
"And the bedroom?"
"Purple of course. Is that even a question?"
"It's a question of your taste," she responds. I snort, shaking my head at her in amusement.
"Yeah it's so funny Crane, what would you make your house be? Tan," Edward screams through the phone as though I can't hear him.
"I hate tan," I roll my eyes. Cassandra laughs and her laughter grows more as I assume she sees the expression on Edward's face.
"Come on Cassandra," I hear Bruce's voice. And he's there too? I mean I hate to say I'm surprised, Naomi is damn near obsessed with the man.
"I don't need your shit, I'll be there in a minute," she hisses. She puts the phone back to her ear, "Naomi is redoing her apartment so she has everyone over to help her redecorate."
"Really?" I ask, turning on the car and backing up from my parking spot.
"She doesn't really-," Cassandra pauses, "She's happy and Edward is really happy too."
"I know he never shuts up," I roll my eyes and I'm truly glad that he is happy. I guess the only reason that it angers me so much is because he doesn't have any road block in his head, he doesn't have an alter ego that pushes and pulls on his mind. His mind is cleared and clean. Mine is a bird's nest, only to come untangled whenever I finally feel at peace. He can have a truly normal life with whoever he chooses, I really can't.
I hear a scream erupt from her voice and then laughter, the phone clatters the floor,
"Sorry Johnny boy," Edwards's voice comes through the phone. "She needs to focus."
"Yeah, yeah," I roll my eyes. "Just take care of her."
"Oh you'll see her soon lover boy. So behave," Edward warns us both. "Ow," Edward hisses to someone off the phone. "Why did you hit me?"
There is a slight struggle for the phone, breathing, grunting and the rustling of clothes. Finally I hear his sigh of defeat.
"I love you so much," Cassandra says, taking back the phone.
I chuckle softly, "I love you more, now go. I'll talk to you soon."
"Promise?"
"I promise."
"I'm going to miss you," she whisper, leaning into me and kissing my shoulder blade, her lips leaving a tingling sensation on my skin, calming my nerves. I move into her more, afraid that she will disappear.
"It isn't as though I'm move half way across the world," I remind tell her. She rolls her eyes at my comment, not impressed with that I had to say back.
"Being without you for even a minute is pain enough you know?"
"Trust me I know."
"I know we don't talk about college enough," she says, tracing patterns on my chest. "But some of my best memories are with you."
I smile, blushing lightly, "It was the first time I understood what it meant to be loved in any capacity."
She looks up at me, her brown eyes catching the light of the setting sun making them have a gold tint.
"I can't top that."
"What can I say having a tragic childhood pays off sometimes?" She playfully shoves my shoulder and I let out a soft chuckle, causing her to wrap her arm back around my chest and snuggle into my body more.
The memory wavers to a new one.
"Jonathan?" Alice calls from the other room, I look up from my papers as she enters our bedroom.
"Are you sure Cassandra and you were just friends in college?" She holds up a picture of Cassandra and me in college, her arms wrapped around my neck, kissing my cheek.
It was one of the coldest days of the year and we had a snow day. She knocked on my door at seven in the morning, bundled in snow gear, holding a carrot in one hand, raising her eyebrows. Her friend from college, Julia, was with us when that picture was taken, Cassandra had been so cold that her lips were turning blue.
"What else could we be?"
"Dating?"
"We were best friends. Inseparable, wherever she was, I was, wherever I was, she was. No one thought we were dating though, she had a whole mess of boyfriends in college," I sigh, looking back down at my file, thinking this has to be the end of the conversation.
"Just a friend?" She asks, leaning up against the door.
After that she tackled me into a large hug, so unexpected that I was thrown backwards, having her land on top of me, she pulled away, her cheeks and nose bright red. She pushed my hair away from my eyes and whispered, "You have the most beautiful eyes, I have ever seen." I remember leaning up and her leaning down, inches from kissing one another, just to have Julia scream out, "Why are you two not dating already?" Which made Cassandra roll her eyes and me to pull away from her.
"Isn't that what I said?" I put down my papers, and glance up at her. "And we have never been as close since my senior year of college, if that helps" I look back down at my papers.
"What happened? Did you two get into a fight or something?"
I sigh, rolling my eyes and looking up at Alice in a bland expression, "It was a slightly unspoken fight."
"Yet she has a drawer in your apartment?"
My eyes grow wide as I try to recall why there would be an issue with my best friend having a drawer in my apartment, "When she comes and visits Gotham she tends to stay with me."
"Well that has to come to a halt. Tell her to come and clean out her drawer alright?" Alice slams down the picture of Cassandra and me and angrily storms out of the room.
I push myself away from my desk and rub my eyes under my glasses, she can't honestly be serious?
I switch on the light in my temporary apartment.
"We start trails tomorrow," Scarecrow sings.
I look over to the couch where he is sitting. I haven't told her, nor have I told anymore that for the most part I have now been starting to imagine Scarecrow as being a real person, or maybe it was him, who was the first to picture me, when I wasn't around.
"If I told her she would be on the next flight here. I don't want to worry her," I take off my jacket and put it on the hook.
"You don't want to worry her?" He raises his eyebrow and laughs. "You're letting me almost completely back in and she doesn't have to worry?"
"Should she be worried?" I roll my eyebrow and walk to the kitchen to get a glass of water, he follows behind me, not letting up on me.
I know he isn't there, he can't physically be there, because I made him up, he has never been real, the only issue is, I keep telling myself that, but there he stands, his arms folded over his chest and resting his head on the door frame a bored expression on his face.
"I think she should be more worried about Rose and you," he sighs. I stop reaching for a glass and turn to look at him, grumbling in displeasure. "What?" He asks, smirking, I roll my eyes and turn back around.
"Nothing is going on there," I grab a clear glass from the counter and fill it with water.
"Not yet."
"Not ever," I snap glaring at him.
"Right," he clicks his tongue, "Like I don't know every single little idea and thought that crosses your mind."
"Those are not my thoughts, they are yours." I shut off the water, that has now overflown from the cup.
"Say what you will," he holds up his hands.
I go to say something only to be cut off by my text tone, I look down and read it, rolling my eyes.
"It's Cassandra."
Scarecrow rolls his eyes, "We share the same mind. I know who it is. I'll leave you two alone." And with that he is gone.
I throw the glass and it slams up against the wall, I place my elbows on the counter and breathe in deeply.
'Real mature, Crane.'
"Shut up," I scream out loud. I push myself away from the counter and walk back into the hallway, pulling out my laptop. I walk into my room and place the laptop on the wooden desk in the corner. Once it loads I put in my password.
"Cassandra?" I question, putting the phone on speaker. A large rustling of fabric and the sound of her closet door is herd through the phone. "What are you doing?"
"I'm putting on clothes," her voice sounds distant, meaning she must be in the closet changing.
"Why didn't you already have them on?" I open up some of my Word documents with my notes in them, my hands have started cramping and I find it sometimes easier to type them than write them by hand, that and Scarecrows handwriting is disgusting.
"They were covered in paint. Before you ask, Edward threw paint at me and well I tried to hit him back, only I hit Oswald, Oswald hit Naomi."
"Who hit Bruce?" I smile, thinking off all my friends covered in different paint samples, running around a cramped apartment and screaming insults at one another.
"I didn't hit Bruce, I painted his hair white," she giggles at the memory "And he got back at me by dipping my hair in green. I still have some dye in it, I swear."
"Is Naomi really that naive?"
"No, she isn't. I think she just wants some normality in her life. I can respect that. I have to go up to Connecticut and be with my mother. My sister and her stupid husband took my dad's side. Yet my mom can easily forgive her. And that stupid stupid baby shower that my sister is having. I have to come up for because God help me if the not favorite child isn't there. My Dad is already going to be pissed that Bruce isn't coming up with me for any of it. But I don't see how he can nor do I see how he should anymore. My mom's mad that Edward isn't coming up, I understand that one, I had to tell her he has a girlfriend and of course she now wants to meet her."
"You need to calm down," I sigh, I can't handle her rambling right now. She always works herself into an anxiety attack when she does this. She sighs and I hear here counting to ten before speaking again.
"Please tell me you can come with me?"
I raise my eyebrows, "I'm sorry? Did you tell your parents that we are together and not you and Bruce?"
"My mother and my grandmother. I don't speak to my father or my sister. You understand that don't you?"
I roll my eyes, "I don't have family to understand that."
She moans, and I hear the sound of the bed creaking under her small weight. "Johnny, you met my father and he put the fear of God into you. You can say what you want, I remember that."
And so did I, Cassandra wanted me to meet her mother alone, telling me that she would love me as much as she already did. I remember she took my hand and intertwined our fingers together, pulling me to the direction they were all in. When we made it a foot away, she paused, making her crash into me. She turned and placed her hand on my chest, making my already red face from her touching my hand grow deeper at the idea that only an inch of fabric covered my bare flesh from her long fingers touching and said, 'My Dads there, he is going to scare you that's what he does. Please don't take it personally.'
"What exactly do you remember about it," I question her, knowing that she might remember the situation very differently than I do.
"You were red as a cherry and then went pale as a ghost. You couldn't speak a string of sentences until he was gone."
"That was because you were touching me, I knew that your father had seen you touching me. As we were shaking hands he pulled me in and told me not to go near you, that you were just playing with me like you always did with every other guy."
"You see why I hate my dad?"
"Be happy you have family Cassandra."
"I am happy I have family. I'm just happier with the family I've created in Gotham." After a moment she adds, "I miss you."
"I'm right here." I sigh, running my fingers through my hair, knowing that if Cassandra and I were Skyping she would be upset with me for growing out my hair and not shaving. But I just don't see the point of caring when I have no one to impress, not like I have to impress her. I just know that she's a creature of habit, the same way I am that if she was to cut her hair short or dye it I would be uncomfortable. It isn't that I wouldn't love her anyway, it was that I knew her and I knew that her outside matched her inside and I didn't want to see it change.
"Not how I meant. I'm so sorry about my father. You see now why I want nothing to do with him? And my sister is just better than me."
"Really?"
"Well, I mean, Bruce makes my father happy. Even though Bruce has been nothing but a total dick in his company on purpose, since he understood how shitty my dad was to me."
"It's the money?"
"It's the money. Which I understand, when I stripped my last name and my father froze all of my mother's accounts. I knew what it was like to have nothing. I never want to go back that again. But I don't need a mansion, I don't need fourteen cars, I don't need three different houses. I just need a house, one car, seven cats and an unlimited amount of movies and books."
"Is that why your parents are getting a divorce?"
"That and my dad is cheating on my mom with like three other women. I hate cheaters. If you aren't happy just go, no one is asking you to stay in a place where you aren't happy."
"It sometimes isn't as easy as that," I say hollowly.
"You have to stop that." Her voice raises, in anger.
"What?" I sit upright in the chair, hoping that this conversation wouldn't lead to an argument.
"I took it off yesterday while I was with Bruce and he put out his hand."
"What?" Oh... Bruce made her give the ring back? Why? Had he finally given up?
"It was his mothers," her voice chokes out. "But really it was his father's grandmothers. The ring means so much to his family and." She pauses and swallows her tears, "They meant a great deal to me."
'Feel like a dick now? She didn't care about her engagement to Bruce. She loved the ring because of what it meant to her and his family. I'm sure she saw his mother wearing it, heard the stories, I'm sure she was even told by the mother that one day she would be wearing the exact same thing.'
"He didn't even wait to give me the engagement ring, he just gave me his mothers. His mom," she stops again. "Anyway, I just want you to stop with the whole I still haven't made up my mind bullshit. I have and it's you."
'You know at this point with how annoying and petty you have been I think she is better off with Bruce.'
'Wow, I thought that you liked her.'
'I do but that doesn't mean you aren't being annoying about this. And anyway you like Rose.'
'I don't.'
"Who's Rose?" My eyes grow wide at Cassandra's question.
"What?"
"I've been reading over the files that Mr. Mohegan has been sending me and I just wondered who she was. I don't remember meeting her at the original meeting, nor do I remember saying that I wanted another person added to the study."
"I requested it."
"Yes, no I can read that thank you," she sighs, "I just don't recall telling him that was alright."
This makes me sit up straight, "Why would you have to?"
'Pick me, pick me! I know the answer to this one!'
'Shut your mouth.'
'I really don't have one when you think about it.'
"I'm the one who got you approved, my footage, I'm also the only one allowed to talk to Scarecrow throughout the whole process. Oh and when were you planning on telling me that testing started tomorrow?"
'You are so totally fucked.'
'I got that.'
"Today."
"When you knew I couldn't fly yet? You said we are going to do this?"
"I don't need to hold my hand throughout this process," I roll my eyes and grumble.
"Well are you planning on causing terror to this city? I'm not sure how The Green Arrow will like that."
"I don't care about some vigilante and his stupid moral code."
"Are you afraid of Oliver Queen then?"
I roll my eyes, "What is he Cassandra another trust fund rich, playboy asshole? Does he dress up in armor and go fighting through the city at night like Bruce? Or is that only his stupidity."
"No and if even that was true I'm not at liberty to tell you.
"Not at liberty, what are you part of their little group?"
She says nothing.
"You are? How? Don't they know?" I start to grow more agitated.
"Know what exactly?" She raises her voice, "That my boyfriend tried to kill a bunch of people? Oh yeah trust me that was brought up, I was almost thrown out."
"Why would you want to even be a part of their group?"
"Because maybe I have to keep the people I love safe and everyone else from people who want to kill others," she sighs.
"That isn't your job Cara."
"I am personally responsible for helping Bruce kill your test experiments. So yeah it is."
I lean forward, "Excuse me?"
"What?"
"They have you cleaning up my mess? That's hilarious."
"Is it?" She snaps, her voice growing more irritated as I stop taking the conversation seriously.
"Yeah, it is," I roll my eyes, "I don't need you doing anything for me or Bruce. I can take care of it myself."
"Bullshit," she growls, "You know I think I'm going to go. You are acting so out of character."
"What about you?"
"Me?" Her voice raises, in shock.
"When did you start questioning everything I did? I didn't need you to save me from The White Queen and I don't need you to come here either."
"You were going insane. You were selling your fear toxin as a cheap high. So why are you even going to try and lie to me? I saw the files."
And with that my eyebrows raise, "Stop."
"No," she screams. "If you don't want to have this conversation then maybe you shouldn't have pushed me."
I stand up and walk away from the phone and put my hands behind my head.
"Twenty more test subjects, ten dead all in one year. Jonathan that is an issue."
I run my fingers through my hair. As though I don't already know that what I was doing was wrong, as if I haven't told Scarecrow to stop as if I haven't tried my hardest to bring those so close to death back from it.
"Those are people lives."
"I know," I snap at her, turning my body back around to yell at the phone as though she is really the one sitting there.
"Does he know?"
"He doesn't care."
There is a pause on the phone.
"Well don't think that if you and him fuck up this experiment I won't hall your ass to Arkham. There are no third chances."
"Is that a threat?" I knit my eyebrows, is she really that worried that something could go wrong? Would she really put me in that hell hole just to protect other people? I mean logically it makes sense, but something stops me from not feeling like my heart has been crushed a little at her words.
"Does it need to be?"
"Oh, some girlfriend you are."
"I have a moral high ground," she screams.
"A moral high ground? Cassandra, you aren't better or worse than anyone else on this earth. We are all just people."
"That has nothing to do with killing people."
"Don't lecture me about what's wrong or right Cassandra, no one said that I was a good person, no one said that I was going to change my ways and I'm not going to change for you."
"Scarecrow," her voice cracks and I'm left with my mouth hanging open.
'You can't even tell when I take over. That's quite funny.'
'You just scared her.'
'I may love her but I don't like when she starts to poke holes into who we are as people. Don't make me fight with her and don't make me have to make the hard choices.'
"What?" I ask playing innocent as Scarecrow scratches through my mind, yelling insults, I close my eyes and swallow.
"Jonathan, do you not have complete control over him?"
'Maybe if you two spent less time having sex, she would have noticed. But she didn't notice because for the most part, as long as I appear to be you she could care less.'
'You know that isn't true.'
"You never asked."
"What the fuck? I never asked, you told me we had nothing to worry about," she screams.
'When did I have that conversation with her?'
'You didn't. I did.'
"You never had that conversation with me did you?"
I shake my head, "Cassandra."
"It's fine. We will figure it out when I come over in a week."
'You're already be gone again, at this rate.'
"Yeah sure."
She smiles, "I'm going to go to bed okay? I'll talk to you tomorrow alright?"
'Told you she doesn't care about you.'
"I love you."
"I love you too."
Authors Note: Gahhh, I had two tests this week but I could not stay away from writing these two chapters, I have edited this one about three times and I'm still not entirely trilled. Please accept this as an attempt to write in Jonathan's POV.
The next chapter after this is Cassandra meeting Oliver Queen and Alexander comes back. I gave him some character because in my mind I have two paths with him and I'm not sure where I want to go just yet.
Oh and if no one noticed, this is the first chapter that Jonathan has called Cassandra his girlfriend. I don't know why I've waited this long for him to say it. I think I just feel like they are so much more to one another than all that. oh and lets just talk about the way he said it, "And I'm already in a committed relationship with my girlfriend."
randomersrus I want to formally thank you on here for liking all of my chapters of this and the first book. You are such a wonderful human being and I can't thank you enough.
Song List: "Numb" by Linkin Park
As always I love you all, I would be lost without you all.
XOXO
See you in a second!