It's my turn. I wipe my eyes, just to make sure that I'm not crying. I cautiously step onto the platform that will take me up to the stage. I think of Prim's shirt tail that made her look like a duck. I think of how I feel in the woods. I think of Gale calling me 'Catnip'. I let myself believe that the world is okay and I'll be fine. I manage to smile just as the stage lights first hit me.
I walk down to where Ceaser is briskly, passing my little 'enterauge' as I do so. Ceaser greets me with a kiss on the cheek and tells me to spin for him, just as he did at the first interviews. I do and note that he changed his theme colour from the beautiful dark blue to a more gentle robin's egg blue that suits him much better in my opinion.
Ceaser tells me that I look lovely and tells me to twirl. I do just that, just like the first interview . . . when Peeta was still beside me. . . .
I feel my smile slightly falter. I look down at my feet and twirl again before I tip to one side. I giggle as Ceaser helps me steady myself again.
"Now, why don't we sit down then, eh?" Ceaser asks. The audience laughs and I do, too. I let him lead me to where I sit for the montage of the Games.
I sigh and think how Peeta could be next to me. I know that I can't do this alone. I'm too afraid to face the truth, I know I can't. But I must, for the sake of my district. For the sake of Prim, Gale, my mother, Peeta, Haymitch, and everyone else. I must be strong; there's no other option.
Before the lights dim and the crowd reduces to a deathly quiet, Ceaser asks some simple questions and adds in his own light jokes. I spot Cinna in the crowd looking up at me and I flash him my first real smile since I set foot on this stage.
Cinna smiles back and before I know it, the lights are dimming. A wave washes over the crowd, muffling their chattering of nonsense and giggles. I turn my direction toward the giant screen in front of me and Ceaser slowly backs away.
There we are, Peeta and I walking hand in hand. I smile rather sheepishly as I look up at him again. I feel my eyes starting to prickle with tears, but I won't cry yet. There's still so much more to come. . . .
The next several minutes go by painfully slowly as I watch everyone die. It's down to twelve tributes. Some more die off, and then . . . then it's Rue.
There I am, singing the Valley Song, holding Prim's hand, staring into her eyes. It's too much; I had to let a tear fall down my cheek, leaving behind a hot trail of saltwater. I know there's worse to come, and I can feel the cameras on me now. They're probably wondering why I'm crying, but they weren't there. They didn't hear all of our conversations, they didn't know how much we wanted to protect each other. She was my ally, that much they should respect.
The image on the screen changes, and I take note that they didn't show the 'Flower Incident'. By this time, I know it's coming. The worst part.
As soon as the screen shows Peeta covered in dirt, hiding in the mud, I lose it. I smile up at him while tears stream down my face. I look away from the screen; I notice that they brought down the volume on the background music so you can hear our conversation. It was that special night in the cave.
Everyone in the room had already seen this before, but that didn't stop the 'ooh' and 'ahh' sounds from coming out of their mouths. I blush nervously from the inside of my trembling hands that cover my face as I listen to Peeta's sweet voice. Had I really not loved him? Maybe it's only because he's gone. I can't help but feel that I could have learned to love him though.
All too soon, that sequence is over. Then come the deaths, myself running for the medicine, Peeta's death. I can't seem to pull me face away for this part. The tears linger on my face for so long before they drop into my lap, they turn cold upon my cheeks. I can feel thousands of eyes on me, but it didn't matter. Nothing did except the screen.
I watch as Peeta takes his last breath, the last breath I will ever see him take. The mutts are next, then my victory. I watch myself fall to the ground, remembering exactly how I had felt at that moment.
The lights came on, the crowd cheered, and out came a girl holding a glamorous crown a plush velvet pillow. I remember when Peeta's father came in right after I became a tribute, when I rubbed my hand up and down the material on the couch repetitively. He had brought me cookies. I smiled at the memory.
I sat up straighter as another girl, a younger one, walks out onto the stage and picks up the crown from the pillow. She places it on top of my head and whispers, "You've done well."
I turn to smile at her. She can't be much older than eleven or twelve, and I suddenly remember that I'll get to see my family again soon. The girl smiles back to me and turns to walk off the stage with the older girl.
I reach my hand up and touch the crown that sits on top of my head. I catch myself in the big screen in the back of the room, and the crown is much too lavish for my plain face. I continue to stare at it until Ceasar Flickerman nudges me and I stand up. He gives me a quick hug and jokes a bit more to the audience before he waves a quick good-bye to them and signs off the newscast.
I head offstage just as the anthem begins to blast.
>>------>X<------<<
I can't run off of the train fast enough. I fly over to Prim and throw my arms around her neck. We both start crying, and I whisper in her ear: "I did it for you. I did it all for you. I love you, Prim," over and over and over again.
I then toss myself at my mother. She didn't give up on Prim, I know she didn't. She couldn't have. I feel it in the way she held me and the way that I instantly hold her back in a way that I had never done before.
Cameras are everywhere, their handlers perched all over the place like vultures. That doesn't matter to me now though. The only thing that does was getting to see them all. I go to Gale next. Instead of simply hugging him, I stand out in front of him first.
"Mr. Hawthorne," I say as I straighten my back, clasp my hands together behind my back, and push out my chin.
"Ms. Everdeen," he copies my movements.
I place my hand out in front of him stiffly and I try to stop myself from laughing out at how serious he is. He holds out his hand and we both shake.
"Glad to see you again, sir."
"Good to have you back, miss."
The corners of both of our mouths slowly curl up as he opens his arms to me. I fall into him, feeling his body against mine like this for only the second time.
I pull away and head for his mother. I hug her tightly and squeeze her shoulders. All of Gale's siblings come up to me and I hug them all at once. All I want to do is stay with all of them, talking to them forever, but all I want to do is get as far away from the cameras as possible. I'd have to see them in six months' time for the Victory Tour, but that doesn't matter right now.
I quickly usher all of them out of the station, not looking back for the cameras. We finally get out of sight of it all, now we're only walking on a path back to the center of District 12. I smile and walk hand-in-hand with Prim on one side and Gale on the other. I can't help but feel happier than I have in months.
We make small talk on the way back to the Seam before I realize that I don't live there anymore. I decide to pretend like I forgot, and instantly head for Gale's little house.
We start talking faster and faster and more openly as we get farther into the Seam. I suddenly stop and let go of both Prim's and Gale's hands at once. Everyone stops and turns to look at me.
"I didn't say good-bye," I whispered hurridly. "I didn't say goodbye to Cinna, or Haymitch, or Effie, or. Or . . ."
I don't need to finish the sentence. Prim simply takes a step back to be in line with me again and holds my hand. She walks me forward, whispering to me softly about Lady and Buttercup and how much he misses his entrails. I let out a soft airily laugh that only she can get out of me.
I calm down, but there's a more awkard aura about Gale. I turn to look at him, but he's no longer trying to catch my eye. Now, he only stares ahead, his entire face a blank mask.
I can tell something is bothering him, though. His eyes always give him away, maybe not to people on the street, but the boy is truly hopeless when it comes to hiding his true emotions from me.
I make a mental note of it and continue walking forward, looking forward to a night where Prim is in my arms once again and I can hold her close, knowing I can protect her.