I didn't talk to Blake for a whole week.
I could tell that it was really bothering him, and I felt bad. I didn't want him to think that we had broken up, but I just couldn't face him right away.
Luckily, we were both busy after school. I had rehearsals and he had football. So that made it seem like I was avoiding him a little less.
But I felt even worse about ignoring him when I realized his birthday was coming up really soon.
I had totally forgotten, and it made me feel like the worst girlfriend in the world. Of course, I was already kind if acting like the worst girlfriend ever, so I guess it was in my character.
I hadn't celebrated his birthday last year. Of course, we hadn't been as close back then, but I still felt bad. And now that this was his eighteenth birthday, I wasn't going to miss it for anything.
I was sitting at my kitchen island after dinner on Saturday, trying to think of what I could do. His birthday was on a Monday, so maybe I could have had the party on the Sunday beforehand. But where could it be held?
There was always Blake's apartment, but I didn't know how it'd be a surprise if we had it there.
This was a lot harder than I thought it would be...
"What's up?" she asked as she made her way over to the fridge.
"Nothing," I shrugged. "Just thinking about what I could do for Blake's birthday. I think I might throw a party."
"So, you're not dating anymore, yet your planning his birthday party." Morgan blinked at me and I said nothing. "Wow, you're the best ex-girlfriend anyone could ask for."
I rolled my eyes at my older sister. "We're still friends, you know."
The look Morgan was giving me worried me just a little bit. Did she know something was up?
"I still think it's odd that you're going out with Derrick," she finally sighed, and I let out a breath I hadn't known I had been holding. "He's like a brother to me."
"That's because, technically, he is your brother," I pointed out, but Morgan simply waved this fact away.
"If he's my brother, he's your brother too." She hopped up from her seat and made her way over to our cupboards. "I just don't know why you'd date someone like Derrick after dating someone like Blake. They're two completely different people. And both you and Derrick were so happy in your past relationships."
I didn't even want to think about Derrick and Leslie right then. I had no idea where they stood, and I was sure they didn't either. I was pretty sure they hadn't talked to each other all week, and I couldn't help but be reminded of Blake. At least we weren't the only couple that wasn't on speaking terms, even though that really sucked.
"Yeah, well, feelings change," I simply shrugged, not sure if there was anything else I could say about it. And really, there wasn't. "People change."
I didn't want to think about anything changing right then. Who knew what was going to happen in the future? I think I knew better than anyone that anything was capable of happening.
"But, it's just..." Morgan started now, looking unsure. I waited for her to continue, and she took so long that I almost thought she had forgotten what she was going to say. "I just feel like you rushed into another relationship after everything that happened with Blake. Yeah, I know that you really didn't rush because it's already been a few months, but for you... that might as well have been two days."
I didn't understand. "What do you mean?"
"I mean, you and Blake were so... close," she continued, as if that was the only word she could think of to explain the two of us together. "You were really in love. Like, in love in love. What you guys had was... I can't even explain. Movies probably couldn't even explain it. You were just... so close, and I knew that there wasn't anyone else for you, or for him. And after locking yourself away for four months while he was unconscious, I just think that it's kind of weird that you have another boyfriend so soon. Even if it has been a couple of months."
I didn't know what I was supposed to say. I knew she was right, but at the same time, I wasn't really dating Derrick. I was still dating Blake. I didn't want to have to think about ever having to go through a time where I had to get over him.
"I know it's weird," I whispered now. "It's still weird. I see Blake every day, and I remember all the things we did together and all the things we've been through. Sometimes I forget that we're not even together anymore. Sometimes it feels like everything that happened since he jumped off the bridge had been a dream. But I know that it wasn't. I knew that everything we've gone through was real. And I had to accept all of that. No one wants Blake and me together anymore, so... we can't be together. Both of us had to move on or else we would have just kept hurting."
My sister looked so sad, and it broke my heart. Why was she looking at me like that?
"Well, just so you know, Leah," she started now, her voice quiet. "I'm still rooting for you and Blake. I'd be perfectly fine with you two still dating. I don't know why anyone would ever say that your relationship is unhealthy. You two just loved each other so much. They couldn't see that, but I could."
Now would have been the perfect time to tell her. I could confess; I could tell her the truth about how I wasn't dating Derrick. I could finally tell someone that I was still dating Blake, and Thomas wouldn't be the only one that knew. I wanted to tell her, but my throat was now tightening up.
I cleared my throat. I could tell Morgan anything. Sure, she might have been angry at the fact that Derrick and I were tricking her, and at the fact I had lied and said that Blake and I had broken up, but she'd get over that quickly. She'd be on my side, unlike everyone else.
This was it. I was going to tell her, right then and there.
The doorbell rang then, and I almost shouted. I had no idea who it might have been, but that wasn't what mattered. My mom was out with a few of her friends, my dad was upstairs, and I was pretty sure Kyle was over at Derrick's. Who could be coming over so late?
When I saw Morgan wasn't about to get up, I sighed. "I guess I'll get it then..."
I grumbled to myself as I made my way to the front door. I just really hoped that it wasn't someone trying to sell something.
I opened the door to someone I definitely wasn't expecting to see.
My eyes widened at him. "Derrick? What are you doing here?"
"Hey," he greeted simply, almost sheepishly.
"Oh, no," I suddenly heard Morgan groan from behind me, and we both looked over at her. Of course, she heard that Derrick was at the door so she decided to follow. Se wagged her finger at us. "You two aren't fooling around upstairs together."
I blanched. "Alright, Morgan."
"And just to make sure," she continued on, as if she hasn't even heard me. "I'm going upstairs, and that's where I'll be. And you better not do anything down here because you don't know when Mom is going to come home and you don't know when Dad or I will come downstairs."
"Alright, Morgan, I—"
"And if I catch you doing anything, I'll forbid you from ever seeing each other ever again and I'll get Mom and Dad to—"
"Okay, Morgan!" I practically shouted at her. "I get it! We won't do anything!"
She gave us one last warning look before making her way up the stairs. Derrick and I didn't say anything to each other until we heard her bedroom door slam shut.
"I think she hates me," was the first thing Derrick said as he came inside and I shut the door behind him.
I let out a sigh as we both sat on my couch. "No, I think she just hates the idea of me being with anyone but Blake."
Derrick nodded. "That could be it, too..."
"Do you think it was such a great idea to prank our siblings now?" I asked him snippily. "Because I can't leave the house without Morgan or Kyle asking if I'm going to go see you."
"It's the same when they're over at my house and I leave for somewhere." Derrick nodded in agreement. "I thought that it would be funny to screw with them, but now it's just backfiring."
"Kyle always shouts after me to use protection," I informed him now.
"He does that to you, too?" he asked. "He always says that to me!"
"Did he do it before he thought we were dating?"
"Yeah..."
I didn't think Derrick or I were ever going to understand why this was such a big deal to our older brother and sister. It was probably because we didn't have any younger siblings.
"So... I broke up with Leslie," Derrick informed me now, and my eyes widened at him. "I thought that it was the best thing to do."
I didn't know if I agreed or disagreed. They both loved each other so much, but I understood why Derrick would feel kind of betrayed. But now I felt kind of bad for Leslie...
"She saw it coming, considering we haven't spoken to each other in a week," he continued now, and I couldn't help but frown because this reminded me of what was going on between Blake and me right then. "I feel really bad for hurting her. She was crying."
Damn it, why did everything have to go wrong? It seemed like the only happy couple was Cassie and Sean, and that was just atrocious!
I just hoped that Leslie wasn't angry at me. I was the one that had told Derrick how she felt, and now they were broken up because of it. She didn't seem angry at me at all the past week, but that was before the two of them had broken up.
This was all starting to become too stressful for me. First I had Blake to deal with, then Mona and Christian, and now everything with Derrick and Leslie. I wished they could have just stayed together, because then everything would have been so much easier for all of us.
I still had to talk to Jane about Thomas, I remembered. When was I supposed to find the time for that?
"I don't really know what to say," I told him honestly now. "I mean, I thought you two were really good for each other."
He frowned. "I thought that about you and Blake, too."
I frowned now as well. Blake and I were really good together, but something was going wrong now. I didn't know if it was Mona, or Christian, or just us. Something was just... off.
We didn't trust each other. He thought I was going to go off with Christian, and I thought he was going to go off with Mona. We were both worried that the other person was going to leave and we were fighting over it. We were both worried about the same thing...
Leslie and Derrick broke up because she didn't trust him. I didn't want that to be the same for Blake and me.
I didn't want Blake to think I was breaking up with him. He must have been worried sick. I was not going to let us turn into Leslie and Derrick.
"Well, I just came over here to tell you about Leslie and me," Derrick now sighed as he stood up from my couch and turned toward the door. "I was going to call, but I felt like this was the type of thing I should do in person."
I blinked at him. "It's not like you're breaking up with me."
He rolled his eyes, and I followed him to the door. Just as I opened it, Morgan made her way back downstairs.
"Goodbye, darling," Derrick sighed dramatically, and Morgan made a face. "I'll miss you so!"
I leaned in closer to him and Morgan went back into the kitchen. That was good, because now she most likely thought I was making out with Derrick and now I didn't really have to. "Don't you think that's a little too much?" I whispered.
He smirked. "Maybe. Have some fun with it, will you?"
"Oh, honey, I'm going to miss you so much!" I called out now, making sure to be extra loud so Morgan could hear. "I spend every second of everyday thinking about you!"
"Oh, Leah!"
"Oh, Derrick!"
"Get a room!" was all Morgan shouted from the kitchen, and Derrick and I couldn't help but burst out laughing at her.
He now flicked a piece of my hair out of my face. "See you later."
After I shut the door, I laid on the couch and just thought for about an hour. Thought about Blake, thought what had happened at the party the Saturday before, and just thought about our relationship in general. Blake and I were going through so much just so we could stay together, even if it was in secret.
We couldn't break up. Not after everything we've been through.
I decided then and there that I was going to be with Blake, even if it meant we had go date in secret and I was going to have to fight with Mona.
I jumped off the couch and back into the kitchen, where Morgan now was eating a bagel.
"Where are you going?" she asked me as I swiped my car keys from the counter.
I didn't even look at her. "To spend the night at Derrick's."
"You really can't keep your hands off each other, can you?" she demanded, but I ignored her and continued on my way outside and to my car.
I practically sped all the way to his apartment and sprinted up the stairs. I didn't want to be away from him any longer.
I knocked three times, really hoping he'd let me in once he saw that it was me. He had every right to refuse; I had ignored him for a whole week.
His eyes widened when he opened the door and saw that it was me. "Leah..."
"I'm sorry," I apologized, talking a mile a minute. "I shouldn't have avoided you for so long, but it's just that... I just... I get really jealous when you're with Mona, and I understand that you feel the same way when it comes to Christian, but I was just so mad that you were telling me I couldn't see him anymore when you still got to see Mona and I just really think that I—"
"Leah, Leah, you've got to breathe," he advised me, leading me into his apartment and shutting the door behind us. "Just take a deep breath."
Snowflake yapped from his spot on the ground. I picked him up. "I'm sorry," I apologized now. "I'm sorry for fighting with you and ignoring you."
Blake looked like he didn't know what he was supposed to say, and I didn't blame him. After I hadn't talked to him for a week, he probably thought I wasn't ever going to talk to him ever again.
"Leah," he finally sighed. "I'm the one that should be saying sorry. I shouldn't have told you that you couldn't see Christian anymore. I was jealous. I was so jealous because he's... and I'm... You know. He just seems like the perfect guy for you, while I'm... not."
I petted Snowflake's head one more time before placing him down on the floor. I took a step forward and wrapped my arms around Blake's neck and buried my head into his chest.
"You're perfect," I mumbled. "You're perfect for me. There's no one else on this whole planet that could make me change my mind, especially not Christian."
His arms now wrapped around my waist, and he held me to him tightly, as if he thought this would be the last time he'd ever be able to hold me. And for all I knew, he could have thought all week that he never be able to hold me again.
I never wanted him to let me go. I wanted him to hold onto me forever and protect me from everything. But unfortunately, I knew he couldn't. And we still had a lot of things that we were going to have to face.
He pulled away from me now, his dark hair falling into his eyes as he looked down at me. I reached up, brushing it out of his face. How could I ever doubt his love for me? He told me he loved me whenever he could, and he assured me that nothing was ever going to happen between him and Mona. I was just going to have to trust him.
But he was going to have to trust me with Christian, too. I didn't think either of us had anything to worry about.
I stretched up on my toes now and pressed my lips to his. He wasn't expecting this right away, but he quickly melted into this kiss as his hands made their way onto my back and under my shirt. His hands were warm; I didn't want him to pull them away from me.
He slipped his tongue into my mouth, which was something I was not expecting. Usually, I was the one that had to deepen the kiss. Blake always thought doing things like this was embarrassing, but now, something was... different. He was taking charge earlier than usual. And I liked it.
My shirt was off in the next three seconds, discarded on the floor like a piece of trash. I now ran my hands under his shirt and up his stomach and chest, appreciating every inch of him before I pulled his shirt over his head as well, letting it join mine on the floor.
Lowering his hands, he lifted me up and I locked my ankles behind his back, my legs now wrapping around him. Our tongues continued to battle and I tangled my fingers through his hair.
He took a step behind him, and his back was now against the wall. He pulled his lips from mine and started trailing kisses down my jaw, all the way down my neck and to my chest. He nipped and sucked at the sensitive skin, and I let out a moan.
This only encouraged him to keep going. He went back up my neck, stopping at a certain spot when I let out a whimper. He had found my weak spot, once again. It had been so long since he had kissed me there, especially like this, but he was making up for lost time as he sucked at the spot, making me shiver.
I was going to have a mark there for a while, I was sure. Not that I minded. I'd just have to wear turtlenecks for a little while.
He now unclasped my bra. It was about to fall from my shoulders when Snowflake yapped from the floor once again. Blake and I pulled away from each other, breathless. We looked down at the dog, who was staring up at us innocently, and I felt my cheeks grow hot with embarrassment.
I knew it was just a dog, but it was still something watching us make out. It was kind of weird.
"Let's go to your room," I suggested, whispering this into his ear as my ankles continued to stay locked behind his back. "But we've got to keep Snowflake out here so he doesn't interrupt."
Blake's eyebrows rose on his forehead. "That's what we've decided to call him?"
I blinked. "I thought we agreed that Snowflake was okay."
"You can't call a male dog Snowflake," Blake said now.
"Yes, you can!" I assured.
"Well, I'm calling him Flakey then."
"Are we really discussing this now?"
Blake now looked down and remembered that my legs were wrapped around him. "Oh, yeah."
His headphones were off; this was what we had been waiting for. And now, we had the perfect opportunity to do so. It was Saturday night, my family thought I was at Derrick's, and it was too late for Carrie to just randomly pop in now. It was finally time. Finally time to become one again.
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So... that was really awkward and uncomfortable for me to write. But I thought you guys would enjoy it, so... yeah. I wrote it. I really hoped you guys liked it so I wasn't wasting my time and embarrassing myself. xP
Yay! An update in less than a week! :D
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