24. Wish You Felt Better
Lieutenant Jee knocked on a door. There was no answer.
"Sir", he called through the metal door, "It's Lieutenant Jee. May I enter?"
Jee and Iroh went back a long time. They had met for the first time seven years ago when Iroh had still been one of the leading generals of the Fire Nation. Although they had only talked briefly, the Lieutenant had immediately been impressed by the General's strategic wit and understanding of both, his own troops and the enemy troops alike.
Although Iroh's decision to end his 600 day siege on Ba Sing Se had made him rather unpopular among most circles, Jee had never thought the man worse for it. On the contrary, even.
There's no dishonor in facing the facts and admitting your enemy is better than you. Especially not when the alternative is to keep fighting until all your men are gone.
Jee hadn't known Iroh very well before been put on this assignment, but his respect towards the old General had only increased, if anything, as the Lieutenant had spent three years watching how the man patiently guided a difficult teenager through endless rocky patches.
Though, now that Jee knew more of Zuko's past, he understood Iroh's attitude towards the Prince much better. He wasn't a spoiled Royal prat like Jee had sometimes thought when Zuko had really gotten on his nerves.
The Prince has had a really hard life. He's been through stuff that most grown men couldn't have handled. After Zuko's own family abandoned him in such a traumatizing way, the kid needed someone to look after him.
So, although this loving and peaceful old man hadn't exactly matched Jee's previous idea of General Iroh, he and the entire crew had nothing but respect toward the old man. Also, Jee knew that the Dragon of the West was nowhere near as harmless as he lead people on.
The Dragon of the...
Jee gulped. He really hoped that it was just a nickname.
"Come in", Iroh's voice finally answered from Prince Zuko's room. His tone wasn't cold or uninviting, but the mere shortness of his statement told Jee that the old General wasn't in his usual chatty mood. Not that Jee was surprised by this.
The Lieutenant himself had been worried and upset upon learning that Prince Zuko was back but that he wasn't well.
Jee had immediately asked if Iroh wanted them to find a healer for the boy, but Iroh's only answer had been a quizzical: "Thank you for the suggestion but it wont' be necessary. This isn't a natural illness."
After that Iroh had ordered Jee to call all the crew back from their search. This hadn't taken very long, because the news of Zuko's return had spread fast. All the crew was now back and ready for further orders. Except that there hadn't been any.
The old General hadn't left his nephew's side since coming back.
The crew weren't expected to look for a healer or find a healing facility. They weren't going after the Avatar while Zuko was ill. In short, they had no orders or obvious destinations.
Which had left a lot of time for gossiping.
Jee wasn't sure what to make of this story about Prince Zuko being a dragon. It sounded impossible. People didn't just turn into dragons or vice versa. And still...
When the water spirit had attacked the ship during the storm it had mentioned something remarkably similar. The spirit's words had been least of their problems at the time, but despite the howling wind, everyone on deck had heard that particular part.
"Please don't tell me you actually thought you could just casually turn into a dragon and still fly under everyone's radar?
One way or the other, something strange was definitely going on.
Juva and Li weren't liars, and they weren't known for exaggerating either. The looks on the men's faces after returning with Iroh and Zuko had been very... emotional. If they were lying about what they had seen, they were both such good actors they could easily join a traveling circus and perform on Fire Festivals.
Personally, Jee hadn't made up his mind yet. He trusted that Iroh would give them an explanation soon, and if Iroh said the rumors had no foundation, Jee would believe him.
Lieutenant Jee opened the door and stepped in. He bowed deeply at the old man sitting by his nephew's bed, wiping the teenager's forehead with a wet cloth.
Iroh looked Jee in the eye and nodded, but then he turned his attention back to the young Prince.
Zuko was in restless sleep. Jee could see that the Prince's left shoulder had been bandaged thoroughly.
"Sir. How is the Prince?" Jee started.
The question wasn't just about being sensitive or polite: several crew members had come to Jee to ask how Zuko was, and since everyone knew he'd gone to see Iroh, the Lieutenant wanted to have some answer to give to the men when he returned.
Also, Jee would've been lying if he'd said he wasn't personally quite attached to the Prince as well. So asking how Zuko was had nothing to do with manners, really.
"His shoulder has taken quite the banging, but Sergeant Cho patched it up", Iroh said, "It's the illness that really worries me. He has a high fever."
The man's voice was even despite all the concern it held: "There isn't much I or anyone else can do for Zuko right now, other than be here for him. Still, my nephew is a fighter, and I believe that he will fight his way through this."
"Do you know where this illness has come from?" Jee asked, "If it's the same one that's been going around, we have medicine for it..."
But Iroh shook his head: "I fear this isn't a natural illness."
Jee gulped. He didn't want to upset Iroh with questions, but he had to now: "Is it... is it to do with this... dragon... thing?"
That question seemed to startle Iroh a bit. He looked at the Lieutenant again, but looked more surprised than angry.
"... No. I don't think it is", Iroh finally said, his tone unreadable.
Which was as good as conforming that there reallywas a dragon thing going on but the disease just happened to be unrelated.
"When I say this isn't a natural illness", Iroh went on, "I mean that it is an illness of spirit, not body."
His words worried Jee: "I didn't know an illness of spirit could manifest in such a... tangible way."
"Body and spirit are tightly connected. When one is suffering, it always affects both", Iroh's logic was hard to argue with.
"I suspect that this isn't an entirely new wound but an old wound that has reopened. Why it has happened now, after all these years, I do not know", Iroh's voice was resigned.
"Wait. You mean that you know exactly... oh. Right. You suspect that this is to do with... what happened three years ago", Jee put two and two together.
Iroh nodded: "An assault like the one my nephew was put through wounds a man on a deeper level than just flesh."
Jee nodded. He understood.
Being hurt by someone that close to you, someone you would've trusted with your life, leaves scars in the spirit, and those scars often last longer than physical injuries.
"After the Agni Kai my nephew lost everything. We all cope with loss in different ways. Some cry, some scream, some become bitter or angry. Zuko found his own method of coping. He took all his pain, frustration and disappointment and turned it into determination."
"Even after everything Ozai put him through, my nephew never stopped believing in him. The only way Zuko could cope with his banishment was by believing that it was necessary. That he had deserved it. That his father had been right", now Iroh's voice had a new layer to it. Hate.
"Zuko was still angry at his father, but he didn't know how to deal with that anger, so he ended up taking it out on others close to him. You and the rest of the crew have had to stand your share of my nephew's moods, and for this I apologize. But despite how sure and driven Zuko appears on the outside, he is still very young and confused. Very vulnerable."
"As I told you earlier today, my nephew has been going through many changes in his life lately. Now something has pierced through his armor of indifference so badly that the feelings he's been storing up inside have manifested as physical symptoms."
Iroh sighed: "So, as much as it pains me to see Zuko suffer like this, on the long run this could be a good thing. Letting go of everything you believe in is by no standards easy, but once it's been done, once Zuko has dealt with all his confusion and anger, he can finally start to heal."
"So far he has been trying to become the kind of Prince his father wants him to be. Soon, I hope, Zuko will be free to find his own way and grow into the kind of man he was always meant to be."
Jee nodded, mainly because he wasn't sure what to say. He felt a twinge of guilt for all the times he'd been especially rude or indifferent to the boy, while Iroh had held his patience.
"I think I understand and even agree with you on everything you just said", Jee finally answered, "Everything but one thing."
Iroh turned to look at him: "And what's that?"
"Zuko didn't loose everything when he was banished. He still has you", Jee said sincerely.
General Iroh looked mildly surprised by Jee's words, but soon his face got serious once more and he nodded.
Turning to tend to Zuko again, Iroh said: "I will not abandon my nephew."
Everyone who knew Iroh at all could have vouched for that. Even the Prince must have known it, even though he trusted hardly anyone.
Jee couldn't blame Zuko for his general distrust towards everyone. Not now that he knew the reason for it.
There were only so many times a man needed to be betrayed and abandoned before he would learn to trust no one.
No even us, his crew, Jee realized. Zuko couldn't risk trusting again because he would have also risked being let down again.
That's why he's kept all his secrets to himself.
All, including... Jee wasn't sure how to finish his sentence, not even inside his head.
"I just wished that was enough", Iroh sighed, "As much as I might consider Zuko a son, I am not his father, and I never will be. Sometimes it feels that years of understanding and patience from me isn't enough to mend the damage Ozai caused in few moments."
"Then again", Iroh added, "To be entirely truthful, Ozai's influence on Zuko was affecting my nephew's stability even long before the Agni Kai."
Normally Jee would have been shocked to hear anyone speak of the Fire Lord in such a criticizing tone. Undermining the Fire Lord's authority could be punishable by death.
Not even a Fire Lord's brother should have been allowed to imply that Ozai's influence was ever anegative thing, not even if they were only speaking of Ozai's parental skills, not his qualifications as a leader of a nation.
Now, however, Jee nodded.
Fire Lord or not, no one should have done to their own son the things that had been done to Zuko.
Although Jee had had his doubts about the Fire Lord's infinite wisdom and righteousness even before having been assigned to this useless mission, he had still never truly questioned the Fire Lord.
Surely, a leader of the greatest nation in the world was a wise and just ruler and had his people's best interest in mind when deciding things. That was something every soldier had to believe in. The moment you started questioning the people giving you your orders, you also began to question all the things you had done when following those orders.
When at war, the troops needed to have faith that even if they couldn't see the wisdom behind some of the decisions made, there still was a good reason for them. Someone greater than any one man was leading them, and that someone knew what he was doing.
Believing in anything else was demoralizing, and claiming anything else treason.
Lieutenant Jee had once during his otherwise promising military career made the mistake of questioning his orders. He had been told to lead his men to try one more time to take on a Earth Kingdom fortress they had been fighting for days. Jee had with all his heart believed that one more attack would have only resulted in the death of all of his men.
Therefore he had gone against his orders. Complimentary to that one mistake, he had been demoted and eventually ordered to serve under the banished Prince on his hopeless quest.
Lieutenant Jee's faith in his nation's leadership had faltered that day, but questioning the field generals was still different from questioning the Fire Lord.
But after the story General Iroh had shared with him and the rest of the crew that morning, Jee found it very hard to have faith in the Fire Lord's righteousness. Or even respect the man.
Zuko moved a bit, turning restlessly from one side to the other.
The boy had been brought aboard the ship wearing dark non-descriptive clothing (not an unusual look on the Prince), but now he was shirtless, the bandages supporting his shoulder the only thing covering his bare torso.
Zuko was lying under a thick blanket, but still enough of his skin was exposed that Jee could see a great number of bruises and scars on the boy. Most of them were old scars from years of relentless training and fighting, some looked fresher.
Beads of sweat were falling down Zuko's face. He was even paler than usually. He didn't look well at all.
"Is there...", Lieutenant Jee hesitated a moment before saying, "Is there a risk that Prince Zuko will not recover from this illness?"
Jee didn't want to add to the General's worry, but he had to know.
"All battles, even that of the spirit, have their risks. Inner conflict and grief can be enough to drown a person's will to live", Iroh admitted solemnly, but also added, "Then again, my nephew is a fighter. He has many times fought his way out of situations worst than this. I very strongly believe he will not only come out of this but that he will come out of this stronger than before."
Jee nodded. Everyone aboard the ship could agree that Prince Zuko was determinant to the point of unreasonable. Someone like that wasn't easy to snuff out, try as you may.
Still, Jee felt genuine worry for the Prince. Despite all the young man had been through, he had turned out a good kid, even a good leader.
The boy could be a bit rude from time to time, but deep down Prince Zuko, just like his uncle, cared for the safety of the men under him. There just weren't enough leaders like that in the Fire Nation Army.
It was a real shame that the Prince was unlikely to ever become the Fire Lord.
On another thought, if there truly was nothing anyone could do to help Zuko right now, Jee could think of matters that could be dealt with and needed to be addressed right now.
"General Iroh", the Lieutenant began, "I think you should have a word with the crew. Many of them are... concerned. And confused."
The General turned to look at Jee. He looked very tired, but he nodded.
"You are right. As much as I'd prefer not to leave my nephew's side, explanations are due", Iroh wiped Zuko's forehead one more time, "I am certain Zuko would prefer to be the one to tell the tale, but since he is not in a position to do that, it is necessary for me to step up."
Iroh rose from his chair and straightened his robes.
"Also, the story might be a bit clearer when told by me", Iroh added in a lighter tone, "My nephew has many virtues, but the art of story telling is certainly not one of them."
"I am going to go look for Cho to come and monitor Zuko"; Iroh continued, "Would you stay with him until Cho arrives?"
"I can look after the Prince the whole time", Jee answered, "In fact I insist."
The Lieutenant would have been kidding himself if he'd said he wasn't very curious to hear what the General had to say, but after having forced Iroh to leave his nephew's bedside, the least he could do was to take it up from here.
Iroh smiled a tired but genuine smile back at the Lieutenant and nodded.
ooo
Seaman Juva was a bit overwhelmed by the attention he and Li had been getting since their return. When he'd seen the dragon turn into Prince Zuko, he had known things were weird, but he hadn't expected to be personally drawn in to the weirdness.
Thankfully Iroh had called all the men who weren't on guard duty to gather in the dining hall. They would finally get some real answers and everyone would stop bugging Juva about this.
Although the Seaman had been shocked at the time, now the fact that Prince Zuko was a dragon had sank in, and Juva was more worried for the boy than curious about his... condition. He had no idea how it was possible or why it had happened, but he knew that it had. Juva didn't question what he'd seen with his own eyes.
Zuko was a dragon, but more importantly, Zuko was unwell, and Juva wished there was more he could do to help.
Almost everyone was at the dining hall by now. Iroh hadn't shown up yet, so the room was quite loud as people all around Juva compared their theories on what was going on.
"Zuko isn't a dragon. I'm sure it was some kind of visual trick, maybe a spirit's doing", one voice told knowingly.
"Don't be ridiculous. It's not just what happened todaythat proves that the Prince really is a dragon. It also explains the weird behavior, and what the water spirit said..." another argued.
"Sure, and that shapeshifter seemed like such an upright guy that no way was it lying to us", someone commented with sarcasm.
"Well, if you are so sure the kid is dragon then do share with the rest of us how exactly that is possible. That someone from the royal line isn't a human at all. You'd think someone would've noticed something was funny with the kid when he hatched..."
"No, no, no. You aren't seeing the bigger picture here. My guess is that everyone in the royal line is actually a dragon. That's why they are so much better firebenders than anyone else."
Disbelieving silence followed the last speaker.
"What?" Oki asked as everyone stared at him, "It would explain a lot."
"Juva", someone called over the table, "You were there, right? What do you think? Was there something in Iroh's reaction that indicated he is actually a dragon as well?"
The man who had asked the question laughed but Juva didn't. The Seaman tried hard to think of something, anything, that would surely prove that Oki's theory was rubbish.
"Well", Juva said thoughtfully, "Iroh looked mainly justworried because Zuko was injured but... I'd be lying if I'd say he looked surprised when the dragon burst into flames and turned into Prince Zuko. He didn't look too scared, either. Just worried."
Everyone sitting near-by fell silent again, but now the mood was a lot less disbelieving. A lot of people appeared to be considering it.
"You know", Seaman Xu broke the silence, "I saw the dragon, too. It was flying above the canopy. I only saw it briefly but to me it looked pretty... big. And if that was just a teenager then can you imagine what General Iroh would look like. As a dragon, I mean."
Another silence followed as everyone pictured what Dragon Iroh would look like.
The Dragon of the West, Juva realized and shivered.
A door opened and Iroh stepped in, almost as if summoned by the mentioning of his name. The room fell very silent as people turned their attention to the old General.
"Thank you for coming here", Iroh began and smiled at the crew. His smile wasn't as wide as usually, his face slightly shadowed by worry.
"I'm sorry for having kept you waiting this long. I understand many of you are rather anxious to hear where we are at. I do not have all the answers, I'm afraid, but I will try to answer your questions the best I can."
"How's the Prince doing?" one the seamen asked.
Iroh smiled a sad smile: "My nephew is very ill, but everything that can be done has been done to ensure his recovery. Hopefully he'll be back on his feet in no time."
Many of the crew members nodded, relieved.
"I can also assure you that Zuko's illness is not contagious. Nor is it anything to do with his recent transformation."
You could have heard a needle drop.
"I understand that Seamen Juva and Li have already filled you in on the rather unbelievable yet true events that happened this morning", Iroh's brows furrowed a bit, "The timing of this coming out is a bit unfortunate for I am sure Zuko himself would have wanted to be here to explain this to you personally. But, the situation being what it is, it falls on me to speak on his behalf."
Iroh cleared his throat before continuing: "The short answer to a question I'm sure almost all of you are thinking about is yes, Zuko can turn into a dragon. As unusual and even unbelievable as this may sound, it's quite real."
"Another answer would be that no, he hasn't always been able to. This ability is very new to him."
"So it's true then", Seaman Xu gasped, "Members of the royal family can turn into dragons."
Iroh blinked, looking completely baffled.
"I... What?... No!" Iroh said and shook his head vigorously, looking almost worried, "Members of the royal family can't turn into dragons. I'm not sure where you got that impression but it isn't the case. Zuko's transformation isn't so much to do with his family or other physical features. It is a spiritual connection."
"You see, in spirit my nephew has always had a special bond to the original firebenders. These past few years he has become more and more aware of this connection, and a few weeks ago certain unforeseeable events lead Zuko to form a whole different level of connection."
"While my nephew and I were scouting the areas around Kemi town, Zuko came across an ancient Dragon shrine on the mountains. As it was only a few days from the Winter Solstice, the time when the veil between our world and the Spirit world is at its thinnest, an old Dragon Spirit entered the mortal realm to have a word with the young Prince."
"Only Zuko and the said spirit know the exact details of this encounter, but from my nephew's description I have gathered that the spirit and Zuko got along rather well. So well, in fact, that the spirit decided to, in a sense, adoptZuko. A rather radical event, consequences of which are only now unraveling."
"However, it is my understanding that this kind of transformation is not automatically a bad thing. Just very rare."
Juva thought Iroh had to be right about this kind of transformation being rare since not he nor anyone else in the room had ever heard of such a thing. And he guessed Iroh had a point on it not being a bad thing, too.
The fact that Prince Zuko happened to be exceptionally dragon-like could hardly be held against him since it was something all firebenders, in a sense, aspired to be.
Iroh took a deep breath before continuing: "The reason we haven't told any of this to any of you sooner is that, although I see nothing to be ashamed of in my nephew's recent change, I fear others might see it differently. Our nation's policy towards dragons has been... inconsistent, you might say, these past hundred years."
"On one hand, dragons are the original firebenders and thus they have and always will have a special significance to our culture and bending. However, as I'm sure you are all aware of, this respect towards our spiritual ancestors hasn't always manifested in pleasant or even very respectful ways."
Iroh kept a small break to let his words sink in: "There are people who wish my nephew harm, and if they learned of his condition, they would gladly spin it around so that the logical conclusion would be that he should be locked up or worse. Much worse."
"So the fact that we haven't told you of this before doesn't we don't trust you. You have been loyal to my nephew for almost three years. He trusts you and so do I. However, before I or Prince Zuko knew more of what was going on, we decided that the less people knew of this the less likely it was that the word would reach the wrong ears."
Juva felt both insulted and ashamed.
Insulted because, although Iroh and Zuko had no requirement to give them information on anything other than need-to-know basis, an irrational part of him felt like saying this was something so important that they should have been told of it.
Juva also felt ashamed because he knew that Iroh and Zuko hadn't told them because the crew's past actions had given them no reason to trust them to keep their mouths shut.
Hell, it was from us that Zhao learned that the Avatar had returned, and Zhao is definitely on top of the list of Zuko's enemies who would use this kind of information against him.
"I hope that once we understand this connection better it will be okay to let people know of it. For now, however, I believe it would be for the best if no one outside this ship's crew learned anything of any of the things I have told you here today. My nephew's safety could hang in the balance."
The old General spoke this bluntly only when he really meant what he was saying. Today his tone left absolutely no room for arguments.
Not that that's surprising. I doubt anything is more important to Iroh than Zuko's safety, Juva thought.
"General Iroh", Juva got up and spoke before stopping to consider whether that was wise or not, "I am sorry that I have spread sensitive information without prior permission to do so, and I swear on my honor that I will not tell anyone else of Zuko's condition."
Juva was a bit surprised by his own words and courage. Still, he had meant what he'd said.
As the man looked around he noticed he wasn't the only one who felt the same way. Several other men had gotten up and bowed at the old General. Slowly everyone caught on the drift and got up, in doing so promising their co-operation.
Soon every man in the room was on his feet.
A news of this magnitude and significance couldn't stay a secret forever, but it would be safe with them.
ooo
'I let the Avatar go'.
Iroh had been thinking Zuko's last words before falling unconscious over and over in his head while sitting next to his nephew's bed.
Iroh was rather sure that this statement was the key to why Zuko had fallen so ill right now. He also had a strong hunch that the Prince had meant more with his words than just that he had successfully helped the Avatar to escape from Zhao, as he had planned to do.
Zuko hadn't said that he'd helped the Avatar to escape but was then unable to apprehend the monk himself. He hadn't said that the Air Nomad got away. He had said he'd let the Avatar go.
The Avatar getting away was something that would've frustrated his nephew, but it wouldn't have caused as severe a response as a spiritual illness. Letting the Avatar go was a different story, though.
Although helping Zuko to let go of his obsession to catch the Avatar had been on Uncle's to-do list for a long time, this wasn't how he had intended it to happen. Iroh had planned to break Zuko's unwavering trust in Ozai's righteousness slowly over a long period of time to avoid exactly something like this from happening.
Still, after all the things Zuko has learned of his past after finding Ursa, perhaps it was just a matter of time before he came to all the right conclusions about his mission on his very own.
So, although things were happening much faster than Iroh had planned or anticipated, the situation wasn't entirely unwanted. Sudden or not, the main point was that Zuko had been ready for this.
After almost two days of illness Zuko's fever had finally broken, and although the Prince was still unconscious, some color had already returned to his cheeks.
Zuko would pull through, and that was the main point. All else could wait.
ooo
Zuko opened his eyes. His surroundings were dark, so it took the teenager a few moments to realize that he was in his room on board the ship.
Zuko supported his upper body with his elbows to get a better look around himself and noticed he wasn't alone in the room.
Uncle had nodded off next to Zuko's bed and was now snoring. Dark shadows had formed under Iroh's eyes, making him look much more tired and old than usually.
Zuko got up very quietly. He didn't want to wake Uncle, who had undoubtedly been up all night to looking after him.
Wow, Zuko realized, It is night time. I can't feel the sun outside the ship so it must be. But it was morning when I found Uncle. How long was I out?
Zuko's memories of what had happened after he had left the Avatar in the village by the volcano were hazy at best, but now that he was thinking about it, he was pretty sure there had been other people there when he had found Uncle.
The crew. At least some of his crew had been present.
That hadn't worried Zuko at the time. He had been in such hurry to go home that he would've landed on the deck of the ship without a second thought if that was were Uncle had been.
Now, however, he felt a small twinge of doubt. How much trouble had his unthinking move caused and to whom?
Zuko's worries lessened a bit as he thought things through and came to the conclusion that if something awful had happened while he was out of it, the situation wouldn't have been this calm now.
Zuko had been brought to his room and the low hum of the engine told him they were on the move again. Both things indicated that the truth coming out the way it had hadn't caused irreparable damage to his relationship with his crew.
They hadn't abandoned him just because he wasn't quite what he was supposed to be like.
Zuko felt hungry and a bit dizzy, but he wasn't tired. Not physically or mentally.
The Prince walked over to the door, opened it and soundlessly slipped to the corridor. Even though the passages were dark, Zuko had no difficulty to make his way to the bathroom.
Zuko locked the door behind him and then lit a few candles placed around the walls with his firebending. He was pleased to notice that although he was still in recovering, his firebending was almost to its usual level already. Lighting the candles was only a barely noticeably strain on his inner fire.
The bathroom was, in one word, nice.
Most rooms on board the ship were well-maintained but it would have been a stretch to call them pretty or pleasant. Space was scarce and thus used functionally.
Although the ship was the only home Zuko had known in almost three years, next to no thought or effort had been put into its decor. Even Zuko's own room had very few possessions in it.
There were two exceptions to the rule: Iroh's room, which was filled with all sorts of more or less useless objects the old man had horded on his travels, and the bathroom.
If it had been up to Zuko, the bathroom would've been just as bleak as the rest of the rooms. However, although Iroh had been willing to compromise on many comforts when he'd chosen to go with Zuko in his banishment, a pleasant hot bath hadn't been one of them.
So, naturally, Uncle was to be thanked for the colorful tiles and other decorations covering the walls and floor.
An elegant basin filled with water was raised on a counter. Zuko walked over to it.
The water was a bit cold to Zuko's touch but he didn't bother with heating it up. He splashed some cool water on his face and neck and felt immediately more awake.
While drying his face with a towel, Zuko noticed his hair could use a shave. There was a short, yet noticeable stubble on the usually bold area surrounding his phoenix tail.
Zuko's hair grew like weed. He had shaved it so many times in the last three years that he could've done the maneuver blindfolded while hanging upside down from the ceiling without having to worry about accidentally cutting himself.
Still, over the years he'd grown used to cutting his hair here, in the bathroom, in front of a rather large mirror hanging on the wall behind the basin, so his shaving equipment was already in place.
The Prince opened a drawer on the counter and pulled out a small, sharp knife.
The mirror, like almost everything else in the room, had been put there by Uncle in the first months of Zuko's banishment. He suspected that the old man had purchased it to ensure that the teenager couldn't avoid seeing his own reflection whenever he stepped inside this room.
On the first few times after taking his bandages off, looking in the mirror had nearly made the young man cry. Not because the scar was so ugly, which it sort was, but more because it was a constant reminder of his shame.
Over time Zuko had slowly gotten over it, though. These days he rarely paid any attention to the red area around his left eye.
Now Zuko stopped to look at the scar more closely. The left side of his face looked much the same as it had almost three years ago when he'd seen it for the first time after the Agni Kai.
The scar was a darker shade of read where the blast had burnt him the worst. The surrounding areas weren't as badly damaged, but all in all the scar covered nearly half of the left side of his face, all the way from his nose to his ear.
The scar reached past his hairline, and the small stubble showcased that no hair grew on the scarred area.
Zuko turned his attention from his eye to his hair. The healers had shaved a considerable proportion of it when treating his eye right after the Agni Kai. After taking the bandages off Zuko had been hard-pressed to think of a what to do with it.
On one hand, Zuko's half-shaved head had looked ridiculous, putting extra emphasis on the damaged side of his face. On the other hand, he hadn't wanted to shave his head entirely.
For a firebender, long hair was a proof of one's skills. It told everyone that the bender was so precise that he could bend without accidentally setting his hair or clothes on fire.
Also, all members of the royal family sported a top knot. Shaving his head would've set Zuko even further apart from his family than his father's banishment already had.
In the end Zuko had gone with a compromise. He'd shaved most of his head to re-establish symmetry, but he hadn't touched his precious phoenix tail, which could be worn as a top knot once he returned to Fire Nation.
Come to think of it, a big part of Zuko's life had revolved around that day when he would return home. After his return he would have time to think about all sorts of stuff. Stuff like decor or making friends or leading the Fire Nation to be better than it ever was.
He would do all those things. Things normal people did. After he'd succeeded in in his mission. Always later, never now.
Except that now Zuko wasn't going home. At least not to the place he had once called that.
In other words, he was free to start doing things today, not later.
Zuko looked at his hair.
Oddly enough, instead of trying to hide the scar, Zuko had ended up leaving it as exposed as humanly possible. Since he couldn't hide it, trying to do so would've only let people know just how ashamed of it he was.
So instead he had worn it proudly like a battle scar.
Zuko was already very accustomed to his unusual hairdo, but today it looked odd to him. As he looked at himself in the mirror, he couldn't help but to be surprised at how much he had changed.
He looked nothing like that ten-year-old round-eyed child he had once been, and it wasn't because of the scar or the hair.
He looked angry and sad and tired. He looked scary.
It's not what you're wearing but how you wear it.
Zuko lifted the blade but stopped mid-movement to consider what he was doing.
Suddenly the fact that he had been doing the same thing for three years didn't mean a thing. The only question that mattered was whether he wanted to shave his head today and, if so, why.
Zuko didn't want to hide, but what was the worst that could happen if he let his hair grow? People would see that no hair grew on the damaged area of the face?
Suddenly his hairdo, his warrior's hairdo, wasn't serving its purpose. He was still hiding behind it, hiding his shame. Not behind hair but behind a scary mask that drew people's attention away from the scar to the overall intimidation.
Instead of hiding the scar he had grown an attitude to match it.
A bitter young man. That's what I look like.
Zuko made his cut without hesitation.
ooo
A small thump woke Iroh from his sleep. Even through the haze he immediately grasped the most important thing about his surroundings: Zuko wasn't on his bed.
Uncle blinked, now wide awake. He turned to look at direction the sound had come from.
By the door stood a young, pale man.
"Sorry. I didn't mean to wake you", Zuko said and smiled apologetically.
Iroh's jaw hang open. For once in his life, he wasn't sure what to say, so instead he got up, walked over to his nephew and hugged the young man tightly.
"You okay?" Zuko sounded a bit worried.
"Me?" Uncle almost laughed as he pulled back from the boy, "I'm fine. I'm just happy that you're back."
"I was only gone a moment", Zuko sounded still a bit worried, obviously trying to determine what exactly had happened to cause such an overwhelming response.
"Oh, I know", Uncle assured him with a wide smile on his face and tears in his eyes, "I know."
Iroh would've wanted to hold on to his nephew or at the very least guide him back to bed, but he didn't. The boy had known how to stand on his own two feet for a long time now.
"So, a new style?" Uncle raised an eyebrow.
"Yeah. Thought I'd try something different for a change", the teenager shrugged, "You like it?"
"Suits you", Iroh said and ran his hand through Zuko's short hair. The boy didn't flinch away from the touch, not even when Iroh brushed the scarred side.
()()()
A/N
The notion that the crew would think Zuko's condition is a ROYAL secret came from Schwann.
Team Avatar's reactions on Uncle's story and more on Zuko's new heading in the next chapter.
BTW I have now revised the spelling on the previous chapter (which it definitely needed). It's probably still not perfect but it should be better :)