a/n: thank you all for your lovely comments / votes on the last chapter. it means the world to me AND THANK YOU FOR GETTING CA TO ONE THOUSAND VOTES
{unedited}
T W E N T Y N I N E
"So you told him?" I inquire, breaking apart a chocolate croissant.
Katherine grins, her face brightening. She reaches into her purple purse and pulls out a black and white photo, the barely recognizable outline of a fetus visible. "He's ecstatic."
I study the image, a wide grin spreading over my face. "I take it you are too," I grin, handing the photo back. "This is so exciting. A little one! I'm sure Calinda and Liam will be popping one out too any moment."
Calinda frowns and takes a large spoonful of yogurt, ignoring my comment. Katherine passes her the photo and she smiles, but it doesn't quite reach her eyes.
"Harry and I both agreed you should be the Godmother, Elouise."
I can't help the proud smile that dawns my lips. "What? No. Are you sure?"
"Yes!" She squeals, resting one hand on her still flat stomach. "Both Harry and I can't think of anyone who would be better."
"Any talk of marriage to go with this baby carriage?" Calinda asks.
"Not yet, but it's not a big deal to me. I don't need government documentation of my love for Harry."
"I bet he proposes in the next week," Calinda murmurs, giving Katherine a warm smile.
"What am I going to do with my two best friends married off?" I complain. "You're going to be busy with married life and children and I'm going to be--"
"--going out to clubs until two a.m. and dancing with handsome actors!" Katherine interrupts, laying a hand on my shoulder. "Please, Elouise, I'm sure married life will not be so appealing once you see how many diapers and how little sleep I'm getting."
Calinda nods in agreement, her cheeks still rosy and flushed from a little too long in the sun. I admire her bronze skin, wishing I had the chance to get that nice summer glow, despite it being the beginning of December. "Speaking of handsome actors," Calinda adds with a pointed look at me.
I can't help the blush that crawls up my neck and onto my cheeks at their words. "What can I say?"
"Well you can start by telling us how he is in the sack," Katherine says bluntly.
"Well I can see pregnancy has done nothing to calm your libido," grumbles Calinda.
Katherine scoffs. "If anything, it's only increased."
"Well, this is about Elouise's libido now," Calinda teases, tilting her cuppa in my direction. "Details, now."
"It's not serious," I tell them, resting my cup and meeting their gazes. "We're just... we're both not over certain people and we can talk about it and we don't expect anything from each other. He's fun and creative and we don't have to go to every social event and pretend to be these people we're not." I smile, playing with the rings on my finger. "Like, last night, we just laid in his bed and watched John Hughes movies until we couldn't keep our eyes open. No business talk, no strategies. Just us."
"Well, I think that's good!" Calinda cheers, squeezing my fingers. "I'm happy for you, E."
"Me too," Katherine agrees. Her phone buzzes and she jumps up, slapping her hand to her forehand. "Aw, bugger. I completely forgot! Sorry girls, I've got a doctor appointment that Harry's waiting for me at." She presses a kiss to each of our cheeks, a promise to be in touch over her shoulder.
"So tell me all about the honeymoon!"
"It was beautiful. You really should consider Greece for yours, you know?"
"If I ever get married," I groan, half kidding.
She rolls her eyes. "Anyways, I wished we'd never left. Though I didn't see much of the country, just the pool and the hotel room."
"Why you little harlot," I tease before taking another bite of my croissant. As I'm chewing, a sad look befalls her face. "Are you okay?" I ask.
"Um, can I tell you something that you promise to keep between us? Just between us," she emphasizes, her tone serious.
"Of course," I tell her. It's quiet in the flat so I assume Zayn is still asleep or not home yet from Elouise.
"Liam and I have been trying really, really hard to have a baby, but we're not--" her face crumples, her eyes watering. "I'm infertile." She bursts into full sobs then, drawing her hand up to grasp at her chest, as if the pain would somehow come out of her.
"How do you know that?" I ask, pulling her head into my arms. I stroke her hair gently, hating the pain she's in.
"We got tested. We'd been trying before we even got married, and then on our honeymoon we were at it so often it was just impossible for me to still not be pregnant. So when we got back, I made Liam get tested with me. I just want a baby, El. I want to give Liam a child, and I can't."
"Oh, Calinda. You still can. Maybe it won't be genetically yours, but the child will be yours as much as one with your genes would be." I rub her back, thinking about children. Did I even want one? I'd always been good with them, especially Theo, but I'd never really wanted to be a mother. There was something scary in the possibility of leaving my child potentially motherless, the way my mother had left me. "You have so many options. Have you thought about a surrogate?"
She nods. "Yeah, and as stupid as it sounds, I just can't think of my child being birthed by someone else. I just, I want to be the only one who has that experience with him or her."
"It's not stupid, it's important to you. I understand." We sit there for a while, my hand on Calinda's back, gently rubbing circles into the area around her spine.
***
The weeks before Christmas moved quickly, in a somewhat satisfying routine of nights at Elouise, drunken, lazy nights in Hugo's bed, and weekdays helping Zayn interpret business talk and investments and whatnot. I'd be lying if I didn't miss being busy, I missed the coffee in the mornings, I missed the sharp clack of my heels against the sidewalk, bossing scared little interns around. Helping Zayn gave me that feeling of importance again. I avoided that brown paper package like a plague, keeping my mind as far as possible from all things Irish and CEO-like.
"Alright, that's it until the new year! Are you ready?" Zayn asks, slapping his laptop shut and pulling at his cashmere jumper.
I save the last of my report, shutting my laptop down as well. "Yep, though I'm abandoning you at Paddington station." I tell him as we head out of the dim office above Elouise and into the cold December night.
"Why? Another date with Hugo?"
"No, Mark's back from New York and he wants to sit down and catch up."
"Convert you to the dark side," Zayn mutters under his breath.
I elbow him. "Hey, I thought you liked Mark."
"I like him fine, I just don't want to see you as a personal assistant again, you're more important than that."
"Well, I hate to break it to you, Z, but that's basically what I do for you now."
He rolls his eyes. "Yeah but you don't work for me. If you did, well you'd be the boss."
"You wouldn't want that," I tell him as we step on to the tube, finding the compartment nearly empty. The rest of the ride is nearly empty, and I get off at Paddington, kissing Zayn's cheek as I head off.
Mark is waiting for me at the exit, a bouquet of roses in his hands and a cheeky grin on his face. I wave to him, laughing at his lavish display. He greets me with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. I embrace him tightly, inhaling the scent of his expensive cologne. He looks tired, despite the bright grin on his face.
"Oh, darling. These are for you," he hands me the bouquet as I loop my arm through his, following him towards the station exit. We emerge into the darkened street, the lights of homes and restaurants now dotting our path. Mark quickly catches me up in the world I used to roam, the world of stocks and finances, of deals worth millions and losses just as hefty. I won't lie, I miss it. And his quick recounts of the people he's been dealing with and the things he's been doing, they help fill one of the many holes. "I'm very sorry if I'm boring you. My mother says never to discuss business with a woman you're trying to woo."
"Ah, well this woman misses being in the business side of things. And, you're not wooing me."
"I'm always wooing you, Elouise." He teases, making me blush. We round another corner and he tugs me along, a sly grin on his face. "Almost there."
The restaurant, when we finally arrive, is not the place I would've expected Mark to pick out. It's almost hidden--crammed between two other buildings with a tiny boucherie on the first level. Mark tells a girl behind the counter his last name, and she smiles, asking him if he wants his usual spot.
He grabs my hand as we are lead up a set of narrow stairs and into another tiny room, this time filled with intimate couplings of tables and booths, an open window on the opposite side of the room. We are seated at a table near the bar, and Mark smiles expectantly at me after the hostess busies away, her ponytail swishing behind her. "I hope you don't mind it, I really love this place."
"I love it. It's beautiful," I assure him, my eyes falling to my menu. "Erm, Mark, I can't--I can't read Italian." I admit, my cheeks flaming.
"Neither can I," he shrugs, his voice warm and confident. "That's why the waiter orders everything for you. Wine, appetizer, entree, and dessert."
"Everything?" I ask, wide-eyed.
"Yup." He laughs at my worried face. "Don't fret, El. I've never had anything I didn't like."
I decide to trust him. Plus, how often do you find yourself in an authentic Italian restaurant completely unaware of what you're eating? The waiter comes and speaks to us for a few minutes, chatting with Mark like an old friend. I try to keep up with their quips and light-hearted banter, which is only partially english, but find myself more content to watch the interaction as an outsider. When they are finished, Mark asks for two glasses of wine before turning his attention back to me.
"How are you liking London so far, darling?"
I watch the city out of the window for a minute before turning back to him. "I love it, actually. It feels like a fresh start, like I'm where I need to be. Zayn is so happy here, and so am I. I'm meeting all sorts of people and finding all these beautiful places in the city. I've never felt more at home."
"I haven't seen you this happy in a while. London suits you, love, I knew it would."
I laugh. "You've too much faith in me."
"No, no," he counters, setting his arms on the small table. "This is simple. This city is so like you. Beauty in every detail."
"You know you're a hopeless flirt, right?"
He lifts the glass of wine to his lips, gently swirling it before taking a sip. "I do. I also want you to know that I met someone."
"That's fantastic Mark! Who is she? How did you meet?" I eagerly burst forth from my seat, leaning closer to him.
"Woah, woah, woah. One question at a time please," he chuckles. "I met her at a concert. She's younger than me, but surprisingly--or maybe unsurprisingly--more mature. She's beautiful, El. Really."
"How long have you two been seeing each other?"
"A few months. I might be rushing things, but I really think she could be the one."
I take a sip of wine then, thinking about how sure and steady his voice is. "How do you know?"
He shrugs. "I can't explain it. I just feel it. I know it. I would love for you and Zayn and your friends to join us for the New Year holiday. I know the two of you will just be the best of friends."
"Alright, I'll talk to Zayn about it. That sounds really fun, and I'm sure because you're involved it's going to be extravagant." He and I both laugh.
"A four day trip on my new yacht on the French coast. It's a huge boat, so bring all your friends. I've got a few of mine joining." He smiles eagerly. "It will be a great trip."
"Thank you for inviting me." I tell him, smiling as the waiter places a huge plate of pasta in front of me. "So tell me more about the Denton deal you just closed..."
"I knew you wouldn't let me leave without talking business, El."
***
"What the bloody hell are you doing?"
"It's Christmas, Zayn!" I nearly scream, bouncing up and down at the edge of his bed. "Come on, wake up! Santa might've come!"
"You're way too old for Santa," he grumbles, throwing a pillow at my stomach. "Go back to bed until it's not the middle of the night."
"It's nine o'clock, Zayn." I grumble, rolling my eyes. "I've already had a Christmas bath and put on the Frank Sinatra record and made you special christmas pancakes. Now it's time to do what we always do." Our christmas tradition involved stuffing ourselves until we couldn't move and then putting on our Christmas socks and cuddling on the couch watching Halloween movies. I can't remember how it started, but we always got bored with the Christmas movies (too happy) and moved onto The Nightmare Before Christmas and The Shining and Poltergeist.
He pulls my foot, sending me falling on top of him. "Alright, alright. You made breakfast?"
"Pancakes with nutmeg and cinnamon, bacon, eggs, toast, and breakfast potatoes." I kiss his cheek. "Now get your adorable little patooty out of bed!"
I dash out of his room and downstairs, Nick following excitedly at my heels. I was going overboard, I had been all week, gathering Christmas things I would never have gotten before. Like these Santa mugs, which have suddenly found themselves in my hands, filled to the brim with my special eggnog-hot chocolate. I'm distracting myself, I know it. The first Christmas without my uncle, the first Christmas without his phone call interrupting our movie marathon. My first Christmas without a little red envelope bearing my name. They always came on time, by some miracle.
"What time is everyone coming 'round?" Zayn asks as he enters the kitchen, making me jump.
"Um, around seven. Harry and Katherine won't stay long, probably. And Cal and Liam will probably spend the night."
"And Hugo is coming?"
"Probably, I invited him. But he might be doing stuff with his family."
"Are you almost done packing? Mm, this looks good, El."
I carry my plate to the living room, plopping down on the couch beside him. "Almost done. Thank you. Did you pick the movie?"
"Yep. Scream."
"One of my favorites." Zayn starts the movie and I move closer to his side, letting Nick have a piece of my toast. The snow comes down soft outside, and I still feel like any moment the phone is going to interrupt the movie's suspense. The world is quiet and soft and for a moment I find a bit of peace in knowing that phone call isn't coming.
***
"Hey! Come on in!" The quietness from early is vanished, hidden away now as I sweep Harry and Katherine into our flat, smiling at their red noses. Katherine hands Zayn a present before she hands me one as well, wrapped in the same wrapping paper. I move from her arms to Harry's, giggling lightly when his curls tickle my chin as he kisses my cheek.
"How are you doing?" He asks, his voice deep and concerned.
I nod, giving him my best smile. "I'm doing ok. Better than I thought."
He squeezes my shoulder and reaches into his back pocket. "I have something for you, actually." He hands me a red envelope, and I gasp, flipping it over to find my name in that familiar, sloppy handwriting. "He asked me to give it to you. I can read it to you if you need me to."
"No, that's ok." I mumble back, slicing the envelope open with my thumbnail. The envelope flutters to the floor without a sound and I stare at the card inside. It's tacky and busy, with boisterous lettering and bright colors. It makes me smile a little, because Uncle Steve always tried to annoy me with these damn flamboyant cards.
I crack open the card and begin to read.
Elouise-
I can't imagine how hard this Christmas is for you without me, even if our Christmases together were never more than a phone call and a Hallmark card. I asked Harry to give this to you so that you would still have your card today, even if I can't get you the phone call.
I hope you are surrounded by people who love you today. I hope you find yourself overwhelmed with the friendship of those around you today. I know it seems like your family is gone now, Elouise, but look around you--actually look around--
I do as told, taking a moment to survey my living room. Harry is playing the guitar while Calinda and Katherine play with Nick, laughing together as Zayn and Liam play FIFA on the TV, celebrating each score with loud, punctuated remarks.
--this is your family. The people here with you today will love you and guide you. They will celebrate you, they will cry with you, they will call you on Christmas and send a Hallmark card. I may not be here anymore, El, but you will find my love for you in these people, your family. So smile, baby girl. Drink too much egg nog and sing along to those ridiculously bad pop songs you like. Love and be loved, and remember that I am always watching out for you.
I love you always and Merry Christmas,
Uncle Steve
xx
I wipe the stray tear on my cheek, smiling. It was the best Christmas gift I could have gotten. It makes my heart ache for him, but I feel stronger. I twist the necklace around neck and set the card down on my coffee table, beside the Christmas flowers. Then I join my family in their various activities, sitting between Katherine and Calinda. We exchange gifts and eat more food, laughing about different stories. There is a tranquility inside of me, a happiness.
There is a completeness to me that makes me think I can handle life without Niall, that I can handle life without Uncle Steve. But it is Uncle Steve's voice that tells me I don't want to. So I leave the safe bundle of arms and blankets on the couch and call Niall. I don't really want him to answer, but I want to tell him Merry Christmas. I want to make sure he's with his family and not alone, stuck at the office.
He doesn't answer. I decide to leave a message, wondering if this whole thing is stupid. "Merry Christmas, Niall." I murmur into the receiver. "Um, it's Elouise. I just wanted to make sure you're ok, and not--fuck, this is dumb. Ok, anyways, bye--MerryChristmas."
Then I hang up the phone and continue my wonderful Christmas Eve with my family, silently debating all night wether or not Niall is included in that.
***
don't worry they are going to reunite very very SOON. (wink wink nudge nudge)
but you know we gotta let elouise grow a little bit and all that fun jazz. i miss niall though): where is he? why didn't he pick up? you shall find out >:)
thank you all so much for one thousand votes. i was amazed when i first got one hundred and now i cannot believe that there is ONE THOUSAND. im sorry for my slow updates recently, senior year is kicking my ass and i have been so busy. i can't wait until it's fudging over.
i wish i could give you all a niall horan and an uncle steve (ok his card made me cry a lil bit)
wishing you all safety and happiness,
mads xx