I hold her leather sketchbook in my hands, flipping through the endless amount of pages filled with her detailed drawings. I pause on the one of Ky, thinking back to the time that I teased her about drawing my brother.
"You got everything right on," I'd murmured. She jumped, her face pink with blush. Giggling, I said, "don't fall for my brother. He's a sweetheart, but a real idiot."
She had laughed nervously. "I-I'm not falling for anyone. He's sitting right there, so I figured I'd finish up the drawing I started."
I flip to the next page. Looking through her sketchbook, the one she's had ever since we first arrived at the Central Building, is something I never thought I'd do. Of course I've been curious to see what's in here, but I've never had the courage to ask. It seemed too private, too close to her to go digging through. Now she isn't here to oppose.
I flip to a more recent page in her book. A hand is outstretched, reaching toward the viewer. A diamond sits right in the middle of the palm, tainted a rust color. A yukos diamond.
"Going through her book?" Grey murmurs above me. I glance up at his gray eyes; take in the stony look on his face.
I don't know when he got here, or back for that matter. I gently close the book, setting it beside me. "Are you okay?"
Grey doesn't reply, only gazes down at the sketchbook resting against the log I am sitting on. I stare up at him, still waiting for his answer, before a feeling grips me.
"Where were you, by the way?"
His eyes avert to me, but he still doesn't reply.
"You've got to be kidding. Don't do this. Don't be that cold man you were when you first met me. I don't want to go back there."
"Well," he finally mutters. "I don't think you have a choice."
I scoff. "You never answered my question. Where were you? You missed Merida's funeral, for God's sake! You trained her! I know she didn't support you in the end, but didn't you care about her at all? Couldn't you give her that respect?"
"There wouldn't have been a funeral at all if you-"
I stop him, feeling a coldness rush through my veins. "Don't even finish that sentence."
"Why not?"
"You can't be blaming me."
"Why not?"
"Why? Holt was the one with the gun!"
Grey groans, causing me to step back. "You stick yourself in places you don't belong, and then it reflects on the rest of us. You always need a knight to come in and save you. You could've helped yourself last night if you wanted to."
"In case you haven't heard, Holt had a gun to my head! If I had done anything, use my elements, Sutikka, called out, he would have killed me! So no, Grey, I could not have helped myself last night. And by the way, you weren't there with us. You were in the woods somewhere. You could've been my knight, but you weren't. When I told you what happened, you walked off. You didn't ask if I was even okay."
"What, did I need to make sure your PTSD was in check?"
My heart turns to stone, almost crumbling in its very spot. I huff out a shaky breath. "Screw you."
I turn on my heel to walk away, but his hand grabs hold of my arm to stop me. "Wait."
I shake his hand off, shooting him an icy glare. "Get off me, Grey."
"I'm sorry," he whispers.
I cross my arms, shielding myself from the cold. "What's going on with you?"
He swallows, his eyes darting to anything but me. I try to figure out what could be so interesting about a horde of trees and the endless rows of tents in the clearing. "It's just..." he begins, narrowing his eyes as he tries to find the right thing to say. "Do you realize how many people care about you? You're beautiful, and strong, but you try to prove it when people already know how beautiful and strong you are. You'd take a poison arrow for Neveah, be a punching bag for Luci, and take a bullet for everyone else. You jump in front of everyone to show how strong you are, and then you get hurt. And then you hurt other people, because they get hurt anyway, or they're sick to death with worry. I know you were only trying to protect Jeremy, but you shouldn't have sacrificed yourself for him. Have some care for your own life!"
"Grey, I didn't leap in front of Jeremy. He leaped in front of me."
"What?"
I sigh, rubbing my temples in attempt to avert the oncoming headache from having to retell the story again.
"Holt came into my tent, gun in hand, in attempt to kill me. He knew Jeremy could tell something was up with him, and he knew that it would be his last chance to kill me before he was taken into...I don't know...custody? So he plotted to do it that night, and then go."
"How do you know?"
"He told me, when he held me around the neck and pressed a gun to my head," I snap, anger filling my body once more. "When he threatened to break me, just like everyone else who resisted him!"
Grey clenches his jaw, trying to suppress his new rage.
"Jeremy saw him go in my tent and came to save me. Holt shot him; said he took care of a supporter, supporter of yukos, I'm guessing. I woke up because his blood soaked my fingers, and because I heard the shot of a gun only feet from my face.
"Once he fired the gun, he knew people would start to wake up. So, he dragged me from my tent like a dog on a leash. He bragged about Jeremy, telling me that there was no way that he survived from that range. Then he second guessed his desire to kill me, saying that I would live if I killed you. So, maybe in that aspect, Grey, I didn't value my life above yours. But I did not jump into this. I was pulled, literally, by the hair. I swear I told you all this, so where were you then, too? Hm? Were you too pissed at me to even listen to what I was saying?"
I freeze when tears start to stream from his sad, gray eyes. Gray was already a sad enough color, but Grey made them safe, warm. "I'm sorry," he sniffs, not bothering to wipe his tears. "I can't keep myself together much longer. I have to find Gryphon, I have to protect you all, we have to win this war. I need everyone to stop getting hurt! I need people to stop dying!"
Putting my anger aside, I wrap my arms around his shaking frame. I rest my face on his shoulder, closing my eyes. "Why weren't you there for her?"
Grey takes a breathe, enveloping me in his broad arms in return. "I was looking for him, to kill him."
I gaze up at his face, his expression genuine. His eyes were stones again, hatred swimming in the orbs. "Grey?"
"Hm?" he replies, meeting my eyes.
"Don't do anything reckless."
"What?"
"I see it in your eyes. That storm, it's familiar. I'm angry too, but think about it. He could be with...how many people? One against 2 is still a disadvantage."
"You underestimate me."
"Do I? You were shot in the arm with an arrow against the SnakeClan."
"Whatever," Grey frowns. "I let my guard down for a second. I'm fine now."
"Riiight. Remember that finger I broke, Mr. Slow-healing-yukos?"
"Remember how scared you used to be of me? Don't you think there's a reason I don't show you what I can do?"
"I'm not scared anymore," I reply, pulling him down so that we were sitting. He pulls me into his lap, and I find myself suddenly very tired. "Maybe I want to see."
"No," he sighs. "Maybe I don't want you to see."
"Just don't do anything reckless," I whisper, playing with my hands in my lap.
"How are you so calm, Kirbena?"
"I don't know. I'm furious, actually. Terrified. I'm reminded of Nixon once again. I have added Holt to the list of things I should fear. I miss Merida. I'm scared for everyone else. I dread the thought of seeing his face again, knowing what he intended to do."
"Then how are you not showing it?"
"I think I'm tired of being the victim. I want to be called a survivor now."
Grey smiles, small and quick, gazing into the distance. "Definitely strong."
I raise myself to kiss him, bringing my lips to his. I let us mold together like puzzle pieces, wrapping my arms around his broad neck. He holds me tightly, tangling his hands in my long brown hair. I pull back and rest my forehead on his, relishing in the warmth that spreads through me. "You are too."
"I'm sorry..." he sighs, tucking a strand of my hair behind my ear. "I shouldn't have said those things to you."
"I know you are," I whisper, pulling away to cup the side of his face. "You care, that's all."
"I really do," he smiles, pulling me into another kiss.
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Again, sorry for such a late update. I've had awful writers block, and it's finally starting to clear up! :3
I haven't edited this chapter much, so please ignore any grammar or spelling mistakes! Love y'all!
-mrmcafee