© Copyright Nicole Nelson, 2011
Grace's POV-
Just as Brandon had so annoyingly predicted a few days before, Paul made no effort to conceal his overzealousness to take things a step further between us when I climbed into his cherry red Cherokee Saturday morning. He had invited me to yet another celebratory football party Friday night but I had missed so many in my high school career that it would almost be awkward to show up to one now so I graciously declined. Apparently he felt the need to make up for the time we lost in our one night apart because he towered over the consol that separated the driver’s seat from the passenger, pressing his lips onto mine.
Initially I eagerly kissed back but seeing as we were parked in front of my house, I put my hand on his shoulder and lightly pushed him back to his own side of the car when his lips began to venture down my neck and his hands began to venture up my thigh. My parents weren’t home but ever since I was banned from dating, I couldn’t take any chances of the neighbors sighting us and mentioning it to them in passing. After letting out an exaggerated sigh, he sat upright and backed out the driveway.
“So where are we going?” I asked, wondering what he had planned for the day.
“You’ll see.” He replied and cranked up the radio drowning out any hope we had for a conversation with the deafening music.
My curiosity was at an all time high when we pulled onto the busy freeway going northbound, leaving behind our small town. Twenty minutes later we were squeezing in between a rusty old minivan and a pearly white Camry on the side of a bustling city street. Paul slid a few coins in the parking meter and snaked his arm around my waist while we strolled up the sidewalk. I peered inside the glass storefronts at beautifully dressed mannequins as we neared the corner.
“Um…When are you going to tell me where we’re going?” I questioned, trying not to sound too whiney despite the fact that I was a control freak and hated not knowing what was going on.
“It’s a surprise. You’re gonna love it.” He looked down with an arrogant smirk and winked, oblivious to how I felt about surprises.
We walked a few more minutes and suddenly were lost in a crowd of boisterous people, all wearing black and silver. I noticed the mass amount of San Antonio Spurs t-shirts; jerseys; signs.
Suddenly it dawned on me. We must be going to the basketball game. That was his big surprise. Not only did I hate surprises, I hated basketball. Had he known anything about me, anything at all, he would have known that. Brandon knew that. He never would have dragged me all the way to San Antonio to go to some stupid basketball game without even telling me what we were doing at some point along the way.
He pulled the two folded tickets from his pocket, reinforcing that he, in fact, did bring me to a basketball game. Not wanting to offend him, I put on the biggest smile I could muster up and put my arm around his waist.
At least he tried. I told myself to suppress the disappointment and avoid sounding like a complete and total brat. At least he tried.
“Paul, you shouldn’t have.”
“Well, I remember you talking about basketball so I knew you’d like it.”
Yeah, I sure did talk about it. Too bad it was about how much I despised it.
On that note, we took our tickets and found the end of the line to enter the stadium. Paul’s hand was placed firmly on my butt as if they had some sort of magnetic connection to each other. I couldn’t have been happier to find our seats and put an end to his constant touching, however temporary that end may be.
He's cute. Other girls would kill to be taken somewhere, anywhere, with him. I reminded myself.
While he was jumping to his feet and cheering on the Spurs, I sat unenthused, mulling over what to do about his unconcealed desires. Clearly, he wanted to move forward physically and guys like Paul didn’t wait around for girls like me to be ready. They moved on to girls like Brooke who were already raring to go at any given time.
Just like Alex had done.
Just like Brandon did to girls.
Just like every guy I assumed.
And the last thing I wanted was another “Alex” incident or to end up like one of my best friends many horror stories.
Brandon had no right to judge either Alex or Paul the way he so often did given that he had been with nearly every girl in town as well. Guys like the three of them had needs and even though I wasn’t quite ready yet, I would either have to give in to Paul’s needs soon or risk losing him entirely, right? Which, honestly wouldn’t be too heartbreaking of a loss. He’s an alright guy, if you like your men egotistical, but I could certainly live without his pushiness and inconsideration but as I said before, he is extremely cute.
Was I ready to give everything to him?
Was he someone I could fall in love with in time?
As I sat on there on that cold bench in a stadium full of people with Paul’s arm wrapped around my shoulders, calculating what I had to do to stay his girlfriend, I had never felt more alone. At times like these I wished I could pull my cell out and text Kristy seeking advice or text Brandon to come pick me up and save me from this confusing mess I was in. I reminded myself that Brandon was moving away at the end of the school year and Kristy was busy and stood up next to my date to cheer for the stupid basketball team.
* * *
On our way home I was so thankful to be out of there I wasn’t even bothered by being stuck in post-game traffic. When we finally reached our quaint hometown a couple hours later, I almost didn’t even notice we weren’t heading to my house.
“Where are we going?” I asked after a long drawn out yawn, hoping he was just taking the long way to my street.
“To my house.” He replied, unmindful that I may be ready to conclude our date.
Too worn-out to debate, I settled into my seat and drowsily rested my head against the glass window. Who knew, maybe he had arranged for me to meet his family or he could have a dreamy candle-lit dinner prepared for me with rose petals sprinkled across his bed. I reasoned that a first official date was a relationship landmark and if I demanded he bring me home now I might spoil the romance he had mapped out.
I got the notion that meeting the family wasn’t on his agenda after I was shaken awake and rushed straight to his bedroom to avoid being seen by his older sister who was napping on the living room couch. In between a series of brusque kisses he informed me that his parents would be out late and, assuming his sister didn’t wake up, we had some alone time.
Caught up in the moment, I enthusiastically showered him with kisses in return and his arms wrapped around me, lifting my shirt up just far enough for his arms to wrap around my bare skin. He took a step forward causing me to take a step back until my back was pressed firmly against the bedroom door and he swiftly reached the knob and turned the lock. The longer we kissed, the more disappointed I got that I didn’t feel more of a rush. I wanted a passion like the myriad of romance movies I had seen in my life and this certainly seemed like a letdown in comparison.
His hands ventured from the place they had been resting, rubbing in motions I supposed were meant to be seductive. Still wrapped in each other’s embrace, he led the way to his bed and backed me into the mattress, leaving me no choice but to sit down. He sat next to me and towered over me, causing me to lie on my back. As he climbed on top of me I closed my eyes and continued numbly kissing him in hopes that the feelings I dreamed of would soon engulf me. I hoped I could take a step closer to being in love with him that night.
Those hopes came crashing down when his slimy tongue slid inside my mouth filling me with nothing but repulsion. Apparently, he wasn’t having the same struggle to become engaged in our activities and didn’t seem to even notice my lack of interest. I broke free from our sloppy lip lock just as I heard the sound of his jeans being unzipped.
“What are you doing?” Was all I could think to ask.
I mean, did he really think we were going to go all the way on our first date? Within the first five minutes of kissing? The very first time I had ever really made out with anyone?
“We have to hurry or my parents will get home.” He informed me as he nibbled on my neck.
“Um…I don’t know…I don’t really think I’m ready yet…” I stumbled over the words trying to get them out.
I felt his body go slightly limp from disheartenment but he made no move to get off me. My body was pinned under his crushing weight and I was barely able to take in a full breath but, once again, he didn’t seem to be very attentive to me or my needs.
“It’s not that big of a deal.”
I could feel him attempting to pull my lower body closer to his and grab the clasp to my jeans. I put my hand over his, stopping him before he proceeded any further in disrobing us.
“It is to me.” I whispered, suddenly self-conscious.
“I thought you wanted to make me happy.”
“I do...but...” I said after a moment of speechlessness.
Was that all I had to offer him that would bring happiness?
“Look,” he sighed heavily, making no effort to hide his irritation, “There are plenty of girls who would love to be in my bed right now.”
There was a subtle threat in his voice that chilled me. I laid underneath him dumbfounded until he slowly retreated to the other side of the bed and continued speaking with an unfamiliarly malicious undertone.
“I’m going to bring you home. I hope you get ready to move things to the next step soon. I can’t stay in this relationship if it’s stuck in a rut.”
A rut? We hadn’t even been dating a month yet. This was not the way I had imagined my first love to treat me.
And I suddenly realized Paul could never be my first love. Because that spot had already been taken years ago without me even realizing it. In the midst of all this, I was discovering feelings I was beginning to see I had feltall along. Not for Paul; for Brandon.
I had been comparing Paul’s every move to Brandon's. Brandon wouldn’t treat me this way; Brandon wouldn’t talk to me that way; Brandon this and Brandon that. He had invaded my mind without meaning to and captured my heart without knowing it. Quite frankly, Paul just didn’t measure up to him. I worried no one would be able to and it would serve me with a life full of lonesomeness and eternal virginity. I would end up an old hag with like 16 cats who lived all alone in this stupid town for the rest of my life while Brandon lived in Ohio with a gorgeous wife, a job in the NFL, a perfectly sculpted body, two perfect children and a beautiful mansion.
Can't wait for that daydream to come true. I thought to myself bitterly as Paul and I got in his car and rode back to my house in silence with him sulking and me on the verge of tears.