{Jonathan}
Tuesday, December 20.
It's been two years.
Two years, to the day.
Two year ago, on this very day, I lost Ally.
And it's odd, because I don't fully remember that night.
I remember the sight of seeing a massive semi-truck come rolling towards us.
I remember the excruciating pain in my arm.
I remember Patrick crying on the pavement.
But worst of all, I remember watching Ally die on the pavement.
In front of me, as I held her hand.
I remember being at the hospital, waiting for the official news on her condition.
But everything after that, is all a blur.
Christ, even the next couple months after that, seem like a blur.
But the one thing that has remained forever vivid in my mind, was the feeling.
The emptiness.
The hurt.
I remember all of that, all too well.
I think it's partially because I still experience those feelings quite often.
I swallow, as I adjust my tie.
It's about 6:00 in the evening, and I am going out for dinner tonight with Patrick and Chaunette.
Every year on this exact day since Ally died, the three of us have gone out for dinner together.
The three of us all shared a special bond with Ally, in a way that no one else did.
Chaunette had the bond of being best friends.
And there is nothing more valued than true friendship.
They were inseparable.
They were soulmates.
Patrick and Ally had a relationship that could never be described.
It was one of a kind.
The two of them shared a relationship that was priceless.
And I know that Patrick misses her, immensely.
And Ally and I?
We shared true love.
In my opinion, we still do.
We just can't be with one another anymore.
So, basically, tonight, I am going out for dinner with Chaunette and Patrick, at a really nice restaurant in Downtown Chicago.
Just the three of us.
We did it last year, and we plan to do it every year.
I put my dress shoes on, and take a quick glance in the mirror.
I throw my dark jacket on, and then head out of my apartment.
I make my way down the elevator, and to the underground parking lot.
The restaurant isn't far from my apartment, but it's not within walking distance
Plus, it's no longer summer.
It's actually, quite the opposite.
I make my way over to my car, and get in, turning the ignition on.
I let my car heat up for a few minutes, before backing out of my spot, and leaving my apartment building.
I emerge onto the streets of Downtown Chicago, and the entire city is officially Christmas themed.
Christmas lights are hung up everywhere, there are Christmas trees set up, and stores have their Christmas sales in their windows.
Christmas is definitely one of the best holidays, if not the best holiday.
There is a light blanket of snow over The Windy City, and the city lights as well as streetlights are illuminating the streets.
The streets of Downtown are not too busy, as it is only Tuesday night, but they aren't completely bare either.
I drive past Trump Tower, and continue down the road.
I tap my steering wheel as I drive, hoping that I make it to the restaurant on time.
Chaunette, Patrick, and I agreed on around 6:00, and it's just after six.
Within a few minutes, I have reached the restaurant.
I can tell that it's fairly busy inside, and the fancy restaurant has Christmas lights set up in and around it.
It's one of the many nice restaurants in this part of Downtown.
I park my car, and turn off the ignition.
I then get out, and make my way to the entrance of the restaurant.
I can hear light jazz coming from inside, and I see well-dressed people chatting with one another through the windows.
I've been to this restaurant a few times, but I don't remember it all that well.
I swing open the door, and the warm air greets me, as well as the smell of good food.
This place is Italian, and Italian is one of my favorite types of food.
The sound of busy chatter grows louder as I make my way over to where the hostess is standing.
"How can I help you?" She asks, looking up at me.
She has short blonde hair, and is pretty short herself.
"I have a reservation for three. I believe it's under the last name, Toews." I say, smiling.
She nods, looking up at me.
"Of course. Right this way." She smiles, grabbing a menu as she walks.
I follow her through the crowded restaurant, and she leads me over to a circular table in the corner.
I notice Chaunette already sitting there, but Patrick isn't there yet.
Figures.
He always complains about people being late, but he's always the goof that's late, himself.
I thank the hostess, and walk over to the table.
"Hello Chaun." I say, smiling down at her.
She looks up at me from her chair.
Her blonde hair is curled, and she is wearing a black, three-quartered sleeve dress, with a pair of black high-heels.
"Jonathan!" She says, smiling.
She gets up, and hugs me for a moment.
I hug her back.
"Hey Chaun. You look nice." I laugh.
I sit down next to her, taking off my jacket as I do so.
"Thanks Jonathan. What a game last night!" Chaunette laughs, crossing her arms on the table.
"Oh, I know! It was insane!" I laugh, shaking my head.
The Blackhawks played the Columbus Blue Jackets last night at the United Center, and we pulled off a win with a goal in the dying seconds of the third period.
"What a time to score a goal." Chaunette winks, smiling.
With just under a second remaining in the third period, I scored the game-winning goal.
"Yeah, I wanted to make it dramatic." I joke, laughing.
She laughs, shaking her head.
Right then, another voice comes into the conversation.
"Nah, Tazer just sucks and couldn't score until the end of the third." The one and only, Patrick Kane says, as he smiles at Chaunette and I from beside the table.
He has obviously, just arrived for dinner.
"Nice of you to join us, Kaner." I mutter, laughing.
Chaunette laughs, as Patrick sits down on the other side of her.
Patrick is wearing a dark suit, similar to the one that I am wearing tonight.
"I'm always fashionably late." Patrick shrugs, his mouth partly open.
"You're a child, Patrick." Chaunette rolls her eyes, playfully.
"Funny, because I'm actually older than you." Patrick reminds her, raising his eyebrows.
I laugh, shaking my head.
Chaunette, Patrick, and I continue to small talk for a while, catching up with each other as we do so.
"What's Abby up to tonight?" Chaunette asks, looking over at Patrick.
"She's just hanging out, watching TV. How about Shawzy?" He asks, laughing.
"He invited Saader over, so I'm kind of scared for what our apartment is going to look like when I get home." She says, laughing.
"Oh God, you're screwed." I laugh, shaking my head.
"I know." Chaunette says, her eyes flickering over to meet mine.
We all laugh, before Chaunette speaks once again.
"So, Jonathan, have you been talking to Natalie recently?" Chaunette asks, her head tilted slightly.
I clench my jaw.
To be honest, I haven't even seen Natalie in forever, much less talked to her.
I miss her, but I feel so guilty for what I did, I can't convince myself to talk to her.
I shake my head, slowly.
"Unfortunately, no. I miss her, though." I shrug, looking down at my hands.
Chaunette nods, smiling down at her lap.
"That's alright." She says, quietly.
I nod, swallowing.
Patrick then changes the subject to our plans for Christmas.
I'm heading back to Winnipeg in a few days, for the short Christmas break.
Chaunette and Andrew are going back to Belleville for Christmas, as that is where both of their families are.
And Kaner and Abby are both staying here, as they are having dinner at Abby's parents' house for Christmas.
Of course, the rest of the Kane family is coming down to Chicago for Christmas as well.
The three of us continue to small talk with each other for a while.
Obviously, I've been spending a lot of time with Kaner, as the season is on, but I haven't seen Chaunette in a while, and it's nice to hear her stories about Shawzy's off-ice antics.
After about ten minutes, a waitress takes our orders for drinks, and then our drinks arrive all at the same time.
After the waitress gives us our drinks, and then leaves, Patrick speaks.
"Jonny, I think you should make a toast." Patrick nods, his blue eyes finding mine from across the table.
I nod, raising my drink.
I take a deep breath, before speaking.
"I guess we all know why we are here tonight. I don't really think I have to explain that," I say, swallowing.
Chaunette nods, biting her lip.
Patrick's eyes are looking down at his lap.
"I want to thank both of you for coming out and having this dinner with me. Chaunette, over the past two years, you have been an incredible support system for me, and I thank-you beyond immensely for that, because I know that this loss was extremely tough on you as well. But you were always there for me, even when you needed someone too." I say, nodding.
Chaunette smiles, her eyes pained.
"And Patrick, I don't think I could have survived without you. I know that this loss took a toll on you, and I just want to say that I am glad we both had to face the same challenge. You are my best friend, Kaner, and I could not have gotten through this without you." I say, nodding.
He nods, and his blue eyes appear to be slightly glossy.
"So this toast is to Ally. This toast is to the one girl that will forever have my heart. To the absolute love of my life, thank-you for showing me life in a different way. In a way that I never could have shown myself, had you not been here." I finish, swallowing.
I can feel my eyes burning slightly.
I look over at Chaunette, and she has her eyes closed.
A small tear rolls down her cheek, but she quickly wipes it away.
Patrick's eyes are staring at his hands, and I notice a small tear rolling down his face.
"To Ally," Chaunette says, looking up.
"To Ally." Pat adds, looking up as well.
The three of us clink our drinks together, and then we all take a sip.
The red wine that we had gotten a bottle of is delicious, and the liquid moves down my throat quickly.
"That's good wine, damn." Chaunette laughs, as she finishes her sip.
"I agree." Pat laughs, shaking his head, as he sets the wine glass down carefully.
"Good choice, Jonny." Pat says, looking over at me.
I had been the one to suggest the wine.
"Thanks." I smile, scratching the back of my neck.
With that, the three of us continue to talk with each other, until the waitress comes to take our orders.
We all decide on different things, and each order our meals.
Within half an hour of ordering, our food has come, and we all eat, continuing to talk about all things as we do so.
The food is amazing, and the conversations even better.
We talk about the Blackhawks, Christmas, some of the other guys on the team... just a really wide range of things, generally speaking.
We finish up our food within forty-five minutes, but continue to talk even after we finish our food.
Eventually, the topic of Ally comes up again.
Each of us reflect on the night that it all happened.
I had never found out how Chaunette had heard the tragic news.
But tonight, she told both Patrick and I.
It was late on this exact day, two years ago.
They were at the bar that Ally, Patrick, and I were supposed to be meeting them at, and Chaun got a phone call.
Patrick had been the one to call her and tell her while we were at the hospital, waiting for further news on Ally's condition.
The weirdest thing was that Patrick doesn't even remember calling Chaunette.
He was so in-shock, that he doesn't even remember calling her to tell her.
But Chaun remembers the way Patrick sounded on the phone.
She said that she had never heard someone sound so feared and fragile.
Like they were going to break down any second.
Immediately, her and Andrew rushed to the hospital.
And the rest, is history.
Chaunette then tells Patrick and I about all the times that her and Ally hung out, and how Ally would go on and on about her feelings for me.
"I still remember the day she told me that she had started liking you. We were shopping together, and I basically made her tell me who she had a crush on." Chaunette laughs, running a hand through her hair.
Pat laughs, shaking his head.
"Yeah, that's Ally for you," He smiles, looking down at his lap.
"She always loved talking about love. Especially when she had truly found it." Pat says, shaking his head.
Chaunette laughs.
"That's very true. She would never stop talking about you, Jonathan." She says, her eyes still looking down at her hands.
I smile, biting my lower lip.
Chaunette then looks up at me, her brown eyes glossy.
"Jonathan, she talked about you like you put the stars in the sky." Chaunette says, her jaw clenched and her light brown eyes shining.
I nod, looking down at my lap.
"She looked at you like that too." Patrick adds, looking right at me from across the table.
I stare straight back at him, as the tears burn behind my eyes.
I won't cry.
Not tonight.
Tonight is not supposed to be one that is sad; but one that celebrates the remembrance of an angel.
My angel.
Chaunette and Patrick stare at me expectantly, both of their eyes watching me carefully.
After a few brief moments, I speak.
"It's been exactly two years since I lost Ally. And I know that I say this a lot, but I can never put enough emphasis on it," I explain, as I clench my jaw.
Patrick nods, his eyes still watching me.
"It's still her. It will always be her." I say, quietly.
Chaunette looks down, biting her lip to keep herself from crying.
Patrick swallows, as he looks down at his lap.
I take a deep breath, before finishing.
"It will always be her, because in one fraction of a moment, I fell in the kind of love that takes a lifetime to get over."