April 3019 TA
Haldir had barely said a word to anybody, beyond the few words he had spoken to Aragorn, Gimli, and the hobbits the day before. Beyond that, he had murmured 'Your Majesty' when he first saw Thranduil and he had spoken a few words to Legolas when they were alone. Other than that, he had become mute. At this point, it was only Thranduil and Haldir sitting with Almiel.
"What is keeping you here?" Thranduil suddenly asked, softly. Haldir glanced up at him.
"Nothing," Haldir finally answered. "I-I thought I would join her."
Thranduil's eyes glanced over him. "Not necessarily, there are a few of us that stay." Haldir sighed.
"Perhaps, but I have neither child nor kingdom to keep me here." Haldir said. Thranduil cocked his head slightly.
"Hmmm, but, if I am right, you never married." Haldir's eyes fell.
"No. She refused." He sighed again. "I thought it would not matter." Thranduil sighed this time.
"If I were honest, I did not either." Haldir's eyes rose to meet his. "Why linger over her body?" Thranduil asked. "Why not sail?" Haldir sighed.
"I will, but the next ship does not leave until the Ring bearers do. It will not be for a while at least."
Thranduil's eyes turned into a mixture of compassion and pity. If anyone could understand each other, they could. They had already been through another mourning period together.
Thranduil sighed. "Do you really wish to Sail? You told me what your father told you. Were you not determined to never Sail?"
Haldir took a shaky breath. "I know." He said. His hand tightened on Almiel's arm and then loosened once more. "Things changed. What do I have to stay for?"
"Your brothers still live. Is not Orophin married now?"
Haldir nodded slowly. "Yes."
"Will you stay for them? Legolas is staying for a little while at least." Haldir looked at him, but this time remained silent again. Suddenly Thranduil stood, and Haldir's eyes revealed confusion. The King walked over to Haldir, grabbed him by the arm and pulled him up. "Come on," he said, beginning to steer him out the door.
"Your Majesty," Haldir started, partially trying to fight the king off.
Thranduil glanced at him, and then pushed him out of the tent. He was older, and Haldir found far stronger. Thranduil glanced around and then pushed Haldir towards the woods. Haldir soon stopped trying to fight, going along with this mad king's idea. When Thranduil finally stopped, Haldir glanced at him warily. "You know, Legolas has been trying to dispel rumors of your madness and-."
Thranduil raised an eyebrow. "I am not mad." He said quite simply. "You are the one going mad."
Haldir looked caught off guard. "I don't think-."
"You have not said hardly a word to anyone, except to me these past ten minutes. You have left her side even less, though somewhat admirable, you cannot drown yourself there. She is not there anymore, surely you of all people can feel that." Haldir stared at him silently. Thranduil stepped closer. "Would she want you to Sail?" Haldir's composure was breaking. He stumbled backwards and collapsed onto a larger rock behind him.
Then he glanced at the King. "Did I ever tell you everything my father said before he left?" Thranduil shook his head slowly. "I did not think so." Haldir said and then stared off, lost in a deep memory. "He said, 'You have my blessing. Not just in this, in all things. You have much to do here, ion nin. Do not sail unless you have nothing left. Do not be like me in this. If you have anything to stay for, stay. You are braver than I am, child. You will be blessed someday with love.' 'How do you know that?' I asked him. He told me that it was, 'Because there are some things a father knows. Your life is yet long before you. When the time comes, you will know what to do.' The words ring with such irony that you perhaps do not understand. Ever since November, every time we spoke, and even when she spoke to Legolas, she always told us we would know, we would know what to do when the time came. She also said I would know when that time came. Well, the time must have come and passed, and now I can only hope she will be released." Haldir ended, voice breaking.
Legolas had told his father that he had yet to see the Marchwarden cry yet. Ever since he had awoken, he had been stoic in his grief, much like his own father. At first, Legolas thought perhaps Haldir was disillusioned, and thought she was not really dead, but later, when it became clear he did realize the truth, Legolas could hardly fathom why. Thranduil now thought he might know.
"What if the time has not come yet?" Thranduil asked softly, moving to sit on a rock across from the Marchwarden.
Haldir looked at him. "And I am the mad one? She is no longer here. Even Galadriel said there was something she knew that none of us did, something she saw in the Mirror. Gandalf told Legolas that as well when he despaired. I know not what she could have seen, but if it was something that could have saved her, I suppose it's lost now."
"Or maybe it was not." Thranduil said. "You were left here, when by everything I know you should have died then as well. Something has kept you here, and maybe that is what she saw. Maybe the time is yet approaching, and that is why you never knew what to do." Then he sighed. "I do know, however, that no matter what happens Almiel never would have wanted any of us to sail just for her. You knew her gift side of her better than I did, and you should know that is true. She spoke to me after you asked her to marry you. She asked me what would happen to me if she died. I thought about it afterword, knowing very well it could come true. I have lived through losing a lot, from my own parents when they sailed to Almiel now. I loved all of them, but now I find that there is still a lot worth living for here. Not just a kingdom, but more than that."
Haldir sighed. "All well and good, but I have lost whatever Middle-Earth might have had for me."
Thranduil's eyes saddened. "Do not give up hope," Thranduil said softly to him as he stood to leave. "Never give up hope." He said leaving Haldir alone.
*
Haldir was still quiet a week later, but at least he would talk to Thranduil and Legolas when they spoke to him. Thranduil was with him when they heard shouts through the camp. Neither of them moved, it probably did not concern them. If it did, someone would come for them.
Legolas, however, was outside and he looked in the direction of the shouts. I wonder...
*
Aragorn was the first to respond to the shouts, quite obviously. Apparently there was an entourage approaching. His heart sank when he saw the standard of the nation that had sent ambassadors. They already begun receiving ambassadors from other lands. It only made sense that this nation would now show itself. With his heart sinking even more, he noticed two figures he recognized and knew they would be broken hearted.
So approaches Eryn Lasgalen, Aragorn thought, Thranduil had told him what their nation was now called the other day. Aragorn hailed them and they rode up to him before dismounting their horses. Aragorn nodded in return to their greeting and then he spoke. "I heard you had been left in charge." He said to Tawarthion who looked down.
"Well yes, but I declared myself the ambassador my King wanted and left Idhrenion in charge- it should have been his job anyway." Aragorn laughed slightly, not feeling able to quite meet the Elf's eyes. "I would rather be an ambassador than leader." Aragorn nodded hesitantly.
Then he turned, "Captain," he said nodding. Taenron smiled and nodded back. "I am not as surprised to see you." Taenron's smile widened.
"We are supposed to guard the king are we not? He is fortunate I did not bring the entirety of the Guard, only five including myself."
I would not call this fortunate. "Well, I hope he feels the same." Aragorn said. "Come," he had to keep his voice from breaking on that word, not wanting to hear the true grief of the Elves. He slowed as he neared the place where he knew the half-masted standard of the king would be raised above their tent, and the Elves behind him did not fail to notice.
"Is there something you are nervous about?" Tawarthion asked. Aragorn stopped and turned.
"Actually," he started. "There is."
"What is it?" Taenron asked.
Aragorn sighed. "You will see." He said and he walked the remaining way until it was visible before he stepped out of the way. The Elves were first shocked into silence, and then Taenron let out a hiss. "I take my leave," Aragorn said.
"Wait!" Tawarthion cried, already in distress, "Who?" Aragorn only shook his head and walked away. None of the Elves moved, too scared, too stressed. Then their Prince appeared.
Taenron practically fell at his feet. "Your Highness we thought!"
"I am glad you live!"
"You are alive!"
All of them expressing their sentiment in one way or another made Legolas slightly uncomfortable. He remained silent. Finally Tawarthion spoke for all of them. "But Your Highness, he left after the war was over, how?" That was when the Elvenking emerged from the tent and all breathed a sigh of relief.
"Why is the flag in such a way?" Taenron asked. All of them quite naïve, none of them even gave thought that their Princess would be dead. "There is no reason for it. Is it because of the burning, because the healing process is already going quite well?" Thranduil motioned for them to stand, but he was quiet as well. They stood, and Tawarthion stepped closer.
"Your Majesty?" He asked. Thranduil glanced back at the tent.
"There is reason for it." Thranduil said, and all of the Elves suddenly became deathly quiet. Thranduil clenched his jaw once, and then sighed. "It is-." He saw the looks of anxious anticipation on their faces and his heart started breaking again, knowing how close these particular Elves were to the royal family, much less Almiel. He sighed.
"Come," he said. The six Elves followed him slowly, now sure they would not like what they saw. Thranduil reached the tent and put his hand on the flap. Then he glanced at everyone gathered. "This is my warning, brace yourselves." Thranduil said and then pushed aside the tent flap. Haldir had left, knowing the Elves of Eryn Lasgalen would need space. Legolas stood by his father.
Tawarthion was the first to see who lay inside the tent. His face lost all color and his legs felt weak. He stumbled inside the tent, kneeling next to the low lying table in grief. Then there was a cry of the Guard member behind him, and the two after. Taenron and the last Guard member were the last to see, and it was Taenron who blanched and looked like he would be sick.
"It cannot be," He choked out, collapsing to the ground. Thranduil watched them all in compassion as they were all kneeling around the table in utter defeat. Most of them were still in shock, not able to quite comprehend the site before them, but tears were already streaming down his Captain's face. Thranduil motioned with his head toward Legolas, and they left the mourning alone. At that moment, a morbid desire entered his heart for someone to try something in that tent again. Five dangerous Guard members emotionally unstable, with a newly enforced desire to protect their king's family would make quite the scene if anything happened. Then the moment passed, and he was grieved for his kingdom, not just himself. He had known this would happen, they did not.
Then both Legolas and Thranduil turned slightly as they heard the first of their kin's true mourning, which involved a lot of wailing. Thranduil closed his eyes, a tear tracing his cheek. "Come, let us leave them be." He said to his son. Legolas nodded, his own eyes moist, before following his father out of the camp. There they listened as the Elves mourning continued.
*
Everyone who heard it was first shocked, then thought someone was dying, then realized what had happened as they heard the news. The Elves of Eryn Lasgalen had come. That was when they closed their eyes, and realized the true mourning of the Elves was great. They were supposed to be immortal, after all.
The hobbits had actually looked frightened when they first heard it, thinking someone was dying. "No one's dying." Elladan said, who was sitting with them and his brother and Gimli.
"But what is that?" Pippin asked.
"The entourage was Elves," Elrohir said darkly.
"But aren't Elves usually happy?" Sam asked.
"They are from Mirkwood." Gimli said shortly. The hobbits all gained faces of comprehension on their faces.
Elrohir sighed as he listened. "This will only hurt the royal family more. It will not be long before the entire nation knows now." He said to his brother.
"I know," Elladan said shortly. His fist pounded the table as he got up and walked off. Elrohir sighed again.
"I don't understand." Merry said. "Elves seem to be so joyous, even after discovering the death of a friend. Legolas seemed happy even in the midst of war. Even after we all thought Gandalf was dead, their songs for him were not like this." He said, glancing in the direction of the wailing.
"These are not Lórien Elves. That is true, it is very somber, and solemn, in Lórien if an Elf dies. These are Mirkwood- Eryn Lasgalen- Elves. They are known for their passionate nature, and they are not as unemotional as most Elves. As for joyousness, no Elf feels that. Not in death of their own kin," Elrohir said, "Much less their much beloved and long awaited Princess." He continued. He paused, glancing at them. "You all are mortal, so you don't understand."
"What's that mean?" Pippin asked.
"Elves aren't meant to die, lads." Gimli said, his voice low. He partially understood, Dwarves being so long lived, but he had also been around Legolas enough, especially in the Battle of Helm's Deep, that he knew that much. Frodo was staring in the direction of the entourage.
"Is this what it means to be immortal?" He asked softly.
"Unfortunately," Elrohir said before he also rose and left the table.
*
Haldir was wandering the forest, still able to hear the wailing. Inside, his own heart was wailing. His emotions were chaotic, if only on the inside. Thranduil and Legolas had both wondered at his stoicism, but he only maintained it because if he did not, he would fall apart at the seams. Inside, there was anger, doubt, love, grief, depression, emptiness, and about every emotion you could feel save for happiness and joy. Somewhere, he was still deeply in love that had not faded, but with it came a black hole that was sucking in everything except for the desire to see her again. To hold her, and to tell her he loved her.
That was where the anger came in. She had been so adamant. So stubborn that he had to trust her, that she had never even let him say those few words. They could have spent her last days reveling in those words, but instead she had left him with all he could have said bottled inside.
There was no guarantee she would be in Valinor when he arrived either. It was that that caused the doubt and depression, knowing he may never see her again, until the Second Singing, by which time all thought of love for another as his spouse would fade, and only leave him with love for his creator. Or so the legends said. Some said they would still love those they had loved, but in a way that was purely unromantic. Others disagreed. To Haldir, at that time, it mattered not, because by the time he got there, possibly millennia in the future, the black hole would have left him an empty shell. Regardless of whether he eventually sailed or not.
In any case, left with this, it was to no one's surprise, if they had known any of it, that he sank to his knees, cradling his stomach which threatened to empty itself. He had lost father and mother both, came close to losing his siblings, had watched another family lose everything, until now he was so close to fading he could see it, but not close enough for it to actually happen.
Why?! His mind screamed. Why did you give me this, only to leave me with nothing?! We could have had years- centuries. Instead...
His heart ached. I could never even tell her! The mental shout was apparently so loud that the trees around him shook in response. He did not bother responding, for his body was exhausted. He fell from his knees to lying on his stomach, one cheek pressed into the ground. I loved her so much. He thought, before his body was totally shut down, and left him to sleep.