You all must be thinking...
You Cat to be Kitting me right Meow? ! :3
Get the pun? No? Duck you :| kidding xD no I'm serious :|
My last rant was filled with really creepy stuffs LOL but I'm going to take this to a whole new level *coughs*
Warning - there is no explicit content so if you are a horny kid lookin for some action, move your butt and do it yourself instead of looking for it out there LOL!
Don't go and knock yourself on the head after reading it.
Don't tell me I didn't warn you ! Stuffs are going to be really weird and disgusting so don't go around telling EWW.
Ensoi mates/macchas/dudes/Shadais/ or whatever the hell you want to call yourself as.
~LE WEIRD SMUT~
In a parallel universe where Making love doesn't seem to be extraordinary /beautiful/ fabulous or whatever
Third persons P.O.V
Hmm what should I name these two horny kids as? How about Pop (female) and corn (male) ?
Babe, let's Netflix and chill? Corn asked Pop while giving her a creepy and so called seductive look.
"We don't even have Netflix! Sometimes you like an idiot corno"
"But that's why you love me" corn crept his way to pop who was busy watching Game Of thrones.
"Don't disturb me corn, can't you see that I'm busy watching GOT?"
Pop swatted corns hands that was trying to creep up to her stomach but his fingers got stuck in pop's jeans.
"The fuck are you doing?" Pop tried to set corns fingers free but the situation kept getting more tangled then ever.
The next thing you know, their blue green orbs meet and sparks flew in the sky. There was a power cut in the city but pop and corns sexual intensity had lit the city up with electrifying lights.
"Why you ain't wearing a bra? I want to remove a bra so go and wear one so that I can remove it" corn pushed a half naked pop into the room who proceeded to walk Into the restroom and revive her body for the night.
Pop shaved her armpits, cut that extra tiny hair around her nipples, trimmed her vagina hair and applied some Johnson baby lotion on her butt.
"Corny..." pop purred only to find him sleeping upside down on the couch.
"Oi khotte, uth ja" pop kicked corn on the butt that made him stumble and roll around in the carpet area.
"I find it so sexy when you speak in spanish"
"I spoke in Punjabi"
"Yeah Yeah same thing"
Corn smashed his lips to shut pop up.
*fast forward the scene by half an hour*
Pop and corn were tangled in each others hair.
Pops long lustrous hair was entangled in between Corns armpits so they had to chop of their entangled hairs using scissors.
Corn wanted to braid his armpits hair because he was jealous of pops hair but pop didn't want her hair to feel lonely hence the tanglement.
"Aren't you supposed to wear something sexy? Like lacy underwear?" Corn spoken while scanning his girlfriends bra do underwear.
"Sexy? Says the man who is wearing a brief that looks like a chaddi made out of old handkerchiefs"
While pop and corn were having a heated argument their orbs meet and they felt horny again.
"Make intercourse to me" pop screamed while corn was busy discarding the minimal piece of clothing from their bodies.
"When did you get a tattoo babe? We both could have got a tattoo of hearts on our butts together"
Pop gave an offended look to corn who ran his skilfully excellent and sharp tongue across the sparkly pink tattoo above her belly button
"It's not tattoo! It's a dark, deep swirly ink!"
Corn was delighted upon looking at his girlfriends delicious right out of the oven, hot piece meaty body.
"Your legs are better than the chicken wings I had for dinner last night"
Pop smashed her lips to shut corn up.
"Uhh babe? Where should I insert me pee-pee? Like we have so many holes in our body! Should I try it on your nose first?"
Corn looked genuinely confused and pop smirked upon looking at corns flustered face. He looked like a cute little lost puppy.
"It's always the banana in the doughnut babe"
Pop proceed to guide corn about the basics of self pleasure.
Corn had finally achieved something big in life when he tasted sweat off his girlfriends body then he drank her pee-pee mistaking it as her orgasmic cum.
"Why don't you have six packs? I always wanted my guys to have six packs!"
Corn felt offended when pop let out a sad sigh upon looking at his body for the millionth time so without giving much thought about it corn spoke the first thing that came into his mind
"I have bigger boobs than you! Like seriously I'm a man yet my man boobs fit way better in my palms! Don't you dare insult my body. So what if I don't have 6 packs? Isn't three packs enough?"
(The man's boobs and his pot belly)
"Well I hate you for liking Watermelons bikini picture. You didn't ever like my FB dp the moment I upload it"
Corn raised his arms up in surrender. He clearly had enough of this drama.
"Do whatever the hell you want to;I'm done"
Pop let out a chuckle upon corns frustration. Pop took out a voodoo doll from out of no where and bent the dolls hands behind his back that automatically made corns hands go behind his back.
"What... what are you doing?" Corn let out a pain of cry that quickly turned into pleasure when pop began to rub her fingers over the dolls body.
"I'm a witch; I fooled you so that you could sleep with me. I did this so that I could prove it to the cat that I'm capable of ruling KATDOM as her left hand!"
Pop had used corn so that her down there and his down there could synchronise in harmony. Corn had opened up pop's unopened gate of pink room. It was the best first time they both could have ever hoped for but pop had betrayed him as she only wanted his golden banana. Like a Canon ball in a catapult he felt his emotions toyed and feelings played with. He felt dirty and used but upon looking at her angelic face he forgot everything.
Corn let out a raspy breath upon hearing the new juicy information; instead of feeling angry he felt more lusted towards her then ever before. Corn was in love and had accepted pop with all her flaws.
True love can really change anyone.
"Oh baby, you love me so much that you went to such an extent? I feel so loved... so much love that I just came"
Their blue - green orbs meet and fire cracks lit up the room that caused their house to burn down.
"I told you to be careful with that candle! You literally bursted each and every fire cracker in the house"
Pop had a sullen look upon looking at the crackers that she had saved over a span of 4 years.
"The bed is still in perfect condition!"
Corn gave a suggestive look at pop. When pop noticed corn seductively licking his lips, she smashed her lips and tugged at his lip ring that created a hole in his lips when the ring fell down.
While pop and corn were busy creating popcorn the sun came up that caused corns body to sparkle and his body glistened under the beautiful rays of the sun.
"Oh babe, I forgot I was a vampire and that I can't survive the daylight. Shucks guess I have to go now"
Sadly corn couldn't make it out safely as his sparkly body bursted into flames and the ashes flew away into dust.
"Well there's goes my sex bunny but oh well I always have toys to fulfill my fantasies"
Pop gave a seductive look a her plastic banana doll then ventured into a new set of path that was unknown to man kind.
~
H
a
Ha ha
ha ha ha
Ahahahahaha
:'D I still can't believe I finally wrote this!
So I was reading a few books where they keep portraying the perfect sex/first time whatever... like hell no.
Why are you making people have high expectations?
Ok I have no experience or what so ever but for sure a person's first time is never very perfect or beautiful. It might be nice but there is some sort of awkwardness right?
I wanted to read a serious Romance book so while scrolling around I came across a book that looked so promising but after reading the first chapter my eyes began to pain.
The girl was a virgin (obviously) and the guy is an expert in bed (must be a good bed maker and bed sheet folder I guess)
This female hates him; wants to be independent, this guy gets sexually attracted to her beauty so he plans to bang and dump her but surprise surprise! After they get naked he suddenly wants to worship her and protect her so he makes love to her like never before in his life.
He feels different like it was his first time; this female here orgasms like 100 times and never once passed out :|
Do you believe that this shit will ever happen to you in real life?
What do you guys actually think about this topic? Honestly answer this question!
Ok so I know you all have different set if fantasises but what's the most weirdest thing you've ever read ?
Looong back I saw a cover of a doughnut so I thought the book must be based on something related to sweets and delicacies but it turned out to be an erotica LOL
The guy fantasises about his mom so he flies back to his country when he comes to know that his dad left the city; this mother and son duo are doing at it like hungry bunnies and out of nowhere his grandma joins them!
I felted the book and left wattpad for two weeks xD later on I was like let me read something in fiction and the title spoke about power and stuffs so I began to read the book then left wattpad for a month after reading the story.
The girl loves a guy but due to circumstances she gets adopted by her hot teacher then later on this adopted father (hot teacher) does 50 shades of grey to his daughter (student) then they get married....
??????!!!!???!!!!
Excuse me world? What's going on?
I don't know what more to say xD shit this must be awkward as duck now :p yes I deliberately wrote it as duck xD