“Louis William Tomlinson!” I hear her voice before she storms into the dressing room and I turn around, giving my back on her. Why is she back so soon? Did Dave already leave? Couldn’t he stay any longer with her?
Harry already came but I refused to talk to him and I won’t talk to her either.
“Whatever you have to say, I don’t care,” I say calmly, scrolling down twitter but it’s not helping, it’s making me madder at everything. Why do I follow people? Seriously, why are humans so annoying? It’s not only girls, it’s everyone!
Instead of saying something, she takes the back of my chair and makes it turn so now we’re face-to-face, and very close. Her eyes are sparkling but very differently from any time before, now I see anger in her brown orbs and for a moment I remember that time when we argued in the bus… the first time I kissed her back. She looked at me with the same anger and frustration.
“What’s your fucking problem? You didn’t have to be that rude to Dave!” she spats and the fact that she is standing up for him makes me so angry I actually feel my blood boiling in my veins. I’m so mad that I don’t even notice when the lads also walk into the dressing room.
“Why? Because he’s your boyfriend so I have to be nice to him?” I retort glaring daggers at her and she actually pushes my chair, but as I’m on it, it doesn’t move that much.
“You are so stupid sometimes! I swear, I don’t even understand why I like you in the first place,” Kay mumbles running her hands through her hair, clearly frustrated with all this.
“Evidently, you don’t like me that much because you found someone new very quickly,” I accuse and when she looks at me, I actually feel thousands of daggers through my body, and they kind of hurt.
“What are you talking about? We were just talking!” I roll my eyes. Sure, just talking. That looked a lot like flirting to me. “And why do you care, uh?” she steps forwards again, closing the distance between us. “You always say how you don’t like me and how much you don’t care about whatever I do, so why do you seem so upset that I’m hanging out with another guy. Uh? Tell me,” demands Kay and I take a sharp breath. “If you don’t care, then you shouldn’t mind whether I date someone else or not.”
That’s true, I shouldn’t care. I shouldn’t even be this mad about it! But I am, I’m so angry that she found this new guy and that she is yelling at me because I was rude to him. I hate that she smiled at him and that they may date. I despise the thought of Kay going after someone else. What if she just kisses him like she kisses me? Thinking of that makes me want to scream.
“I don’t care,” I lie but my voice is so strangled that no one would believe me.
“Horseshit! And you know it. And you know what’s your problem? You’re jealous and you can’t even accept that. One day you only push me away and then next you make a scene. Well, get a grip you idiot because I have limits!”
My eyed widen at her words. What? Is she threating me?
“Just go with him! I don’t care!” I shout back. What does she think she is? Does she actually believe I care if she stops nagging me? That’s all I want! For her to finally leave me alone.
“Fine! I’m glad I accepted to go out with him today, then. There you have it, your dream came true, you arsehole!” she shouts and I feel how my blood now freezes. From that burning rage to a paralysing surprise.
So he actually asked her out…
I breathe in slowly, trying to calm down and she is glaring daggers at me, breathing heavily as well, her cheeks flushed with anger, but she is also challenging me to say something. But I can’t say anything! I can only picture her with that guy, having fun, laughing and enjoying each other’s company. I can only imagine her ignoring me, never again coming to my side, taking my hand or stealing a kiss. Never again pushing down my buttons, never again trying to make me fall. And at the image of that, I feel a hole in my chest and it aches.
“I’m the biggest idiot here… for liking you the way I do,” she whispers stepping back and then turning on her heels, walking out of the dressing room and I’m still in shock, still blinking and trying to process what just happened.
“Louis?” Harry asks and I don’t react until I feel his hand on my shoulder. “Lou, you okay?”
“Yes,” I breathe out, although I still feel the hole in my chest. “Did I… did I actually pushed her away?” I ask looking at the curly-haired boy.
“I dunno… I think so.” He looks as confused as I feel. “But I don’t think that’s a good thing. Maybe you should apologise, Lou. Dave is not a bad guy and you were really rude and Kay is right. If you don’t like her, then why do you act so jealous?”
Why am I so jealous? Why does it hurt to imagine Kay with someone else if I don’t like her? I know she is too big of a risk and I just can take that. I can’t be with her… but maybe I want to be with her. Maybe I want to give in and more than I ever thought possible and the fact that someone else may take the risk to be with her hurts me. It feels like a sword through my guts.
Ugh, she makes everything so difficult and confusing. And I feel so torn, because a part of me wants to go after her and stop her from going out with Davide; that same part of me wants to kiss her senseless and make her never want to look at someone else. But the other part of me, that hurt and bitter part of me wants to yell at her to never come back because I don’t need her.
But you do… you need her oh so much, my inner voice says and I know that part of me is with the side that wants to go after her.
I honestly feel like two people in one body.
“At least give him a chance. If Kay dates him, she works for us so we’ll kinda see him,” Liam points out and I swear I want to throw at him the chair I’m sitting on for saying that. “Apologise for being rude.”
I groan but I don’t reply. I know I was rude and I didn’t eve give him a chance to properly introduce himself, I just hated him since I saw him with Kay. I should apologise, but I hate him for being with Kay, for asking her out and for making me feel jealous when I shouldn’t.
Well, I don’t think I’ll see him again. We won’t be in Rome for too long.
+ + + + +
As we have the afternoon for us, I decide to go for a swim because being on my own in my room makes me feel miserable. Niall is with Alex and Zayn and Harry went out, Liam is always on his phone and he is no fun anymore. He doesn’t tell us whom he is texting to, but something tells me it’s Tammy and it’s really confusing. I thought she didn’t like him. What did it actually happen during that week he spent with her?
Anyways, I go to the pool because swimming will do me some good and I really need to clear my head from all I’ve been thinking, which is Kay. She is all I have in my mind and I hate I can’t stop thinking of her. Is she with Davide now? Are they having fun? Is she thinking of me?
I feel this urge to bang my head against the wall again. And it’s even worse when I’m walking down the lobby and I hear her. Why is it so easy to recognise her voice? Her laughter? I hate that. But I hate even more that I have to turn around and look for her until my eyes find her, but I regret immediately what I’ve done when I see her with Davide, laughing as they make their way to the lift.
She sees me as well and she loses her smile, and Davide also looks uncomfortable when he spots me.
You know what I hate the most about this? How great they look together. Like Eleanor and Eric look together, but seeing Kay with Dave hurts even more than what it hurt to see El with Eric.
“Louis,” she says and only then I realise I walked towards her.
She doesn’t say anything else and for a moment no one utters a single word, but the air has been charged with electricity and it is really uncomfortable to be around us.
“Did you have fun on your date?” I ask and I sound so bitter. God!
“In fact, yes we did. Dave is an incredible guy and so funny and nice,” she says and smiles at him, which makes my blood boil again. He smiles at her and I swear I want to punch him in the face.
He says something in Italian that makes her giggle and I clench my fists, ready to hurt him, but I remember the lads telling me I have to give him a chance and if I want to prove how much I don’t care about Kay —although I clearly do and for which I’m the biggest idiot ever— I have to apologise.
“Uh— Dave I— I’m sorry for before, you know,” I say and I swear I almost choke in my words, but I kind of feel better when I see the impressed expression on Kay’s face.
“Non ti preoccupare, capita a tutti di avere una giornata storta!” he says with a smile and a shrug and I look at Kay for a translation.
“He says it’s not a problem and we all have bad days sometimes,” she translates for me and I try to smile at Dave, but I really can’t. And I hate that Kay smiles at him so sweetly. I don’t want her to look at him, I don’t want her to see how much better he is for not being a rude moron.
“What if we let all this behind and start over?” I suggest and Kay translates for us and Dave’s smile grows wider.
“He would very much like that,” Kay translates after he speaks in Italian. She is a very fast and good translator.
I really want to show Kay that he is not big deal, that she doesn’t have to smile and look at him with such goggling eyes because he is just a regular bloke. And she is not paying me any attention now, she only smiles at him. And I know I’m contradicting myself here and I should just say goodbye and walk away, but I don’t like that she is paying attention to him and forgetting about me. She has told me so many times how much she likes me and how much she wants me, but then he appears and she forgets everything? I want to show her that I can better than Davide.
“Do you like football?” I ask, my mind working as fast as it can.
Both of them look at me surprised and Kay doesn’t need to translate, he understands perfectly what I ask him, because he nods although he still looks confused.
“Let’s play, a friendly match,” I say and Kay translates, but she is looking at me with a frown. “Your friends against us. We’re always looking for a good game.”
“’Certo! Con molto piacere!” he exclaims and I’m pretty sure it means he likes the idea.
“Nice,” I agree and Kay still looks at me suspiciously, but she translates everything as we arrange the details for our game. I’ll show her that I can be better than him, because I’ll win, that’s for sure.
-:-:-:-
I have to tell you a secret... You know how Dave is actually an italian singer? Well, he is part of this project. My friend Cris and I have been planning this for a long time! That's why I tell you he is adorable! He sent me a video a few weeks ago saying thanks <3. He is SO SWEET! So he is conscious about all this and your reaction towards him and everything. That's why I tell you to follow him because he is really talented and he needs to be known outside Italy (reason why I'm promoting him). So go and follow him on twitter @Davide_Off and tell him you're reading Bitter & Sassy. Isn't it great that the popstar is part of the fan fiction like this?
And for that, this dedication goes to Cris for managing everything with his management team and always translating for Dave and I! I love you, my sexy Italian friend. She is translating this story into Italian <3
Bel, xx
PS: At the sidebar another video of Dave, this time omy favourite song of his.