**trigger warning for reluctant/not-exactly-consensual sex**
Gerard tentatively knocked, hoping he wasn't disrupting anything. "Give me a minute," a gruff voice shouted from inside, thudding footsteps approaching the door.
"Ah, Gerard! I was hoping you'd come by soon; such a pretty face as yours shouldn't stay such a stranger," the man said, his tone and body language overall off-putting and slimy.
"Hey, Matt," Gerard said awkwardly, rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet.
"D'you need something?" Matt asked, comfortably sagging onto his ragged, pot-scented couch and taking a swig of beer. "You want one?"
Gerard shook his head no at the offer, leaning agaisnt the wall to make himself look a little less uncomfortable. "Uh, actually, I need more coke... I was hoping you could loan me some until I can pay you back," Gerard replied, pleading with his eyes.
"Now, Gee," Matt began, the sort-of nickname sounding incredibly disgusting coming from his lips, "You know I don't do loans..."
"I know, but I was hoping just this once..." Gerard begged, wishing more than anything he had a different option than what he knew he must do.
"You'll just have to find some other form of payment..." Matt said arrogantly, smacking Gerard's ass.
"If that's what I've got to do," Gerard mumbled, wishing he'd taken Matt up on the offer of alcohol so he'd at least be a little less aware of what was about to happen to him.
He followed Matt into the bedroom, looking around nauseously. The mattress stunk of sour milk and old beer, the fabric scratchy from years of use. Gerard stripped off his clothes, Matt attacking his neck with gross, slurping kisses that made his skin crawl. Matt's hands were fondling everywhere, Gerard trying to focus on anything else other than this man's disgusting apartment and his even more revolting actions.
Eventually, Matt grew tired of his pathetic excuse for foreplay and rolled on a condom. He wasn't considerate enough to properly prep the redhead, barely even coating his cock with lube before thrusting in. Gerard bit his lip and blinked away tears, Matt obliviously thrusting away above him.
Gerard faked moans, pretending to enjoy himself while his mind travelled elsewhere. He filled his mind with thoughts of Frank, a few genuine moans briefly falling from his lips as he thought of the short man in place of Matt. Eventually, Matt pulled out, ripping off the condom and jerking off onto Gerard's chest. Gerard held back a noise of disgust, asking Matt if he could take a shower before he left. Matt absentmindedly nodded, pulling on his boxers before heading out to his living room.
Gerard scrubbed at his skin, trying to erase the memories of what just happened. He shuddered at the thought that he actually let that man touch him, let alone fuck him. A few tears streamed down his face as he realised how pathetic he truly was: so poor he had to fuck disgusting men just to get his next fix. He put his head in his hands and let the icy water pour over him, eventually stepping out once he'd begun to shiver from the cold.
"Here, you've earned it," Matt said once Gerard had joined him in the living room, handing him a half full sandwich bag of cocaine.
"Thanks. I'll be able to pay cash next time," Gerard mumbled, heading towards the door.
"Oh, that's alright, Gee. I think I prefer this form of payment, honestly," Matt replied with a cocky grin, following Gerard to the door.
"Bye, Matt," Gerard choked out, disgust at himself once again consuming him.
------
As soon as Gerard locked the door behind himself, he sank to the floor, stinging tears filling his eyes. "How did I let it get this bad?" he whispered to himself, putting his face in his hands.
"Its not even worth it!" he angrily shouted, rising to his feet and tossing the bag of cocaine across the room as hot tears streamed down his face.
The thin plastic tore along one side, white crystals skittering across the floor. "Oh, fuck! No, no, no!" he shouted, racing over and salvaging as much as he could and transferring it to a new plastic bag.
"Oh, god, I've truly become a whore now," he murmured, dropping to his knees on the cold, tiled floor of the kitchen. Choked sobs flew from his mouth, his body shaking uncontrollably.
"I'm nothing but a pathetic whore!" he cried, curling into a ball and laying on the floor. He gently rocked back and forth and slowly calmed down, his full-body sobs relinquishing to just harsh breathing.
He eventually exhausted himself enough that he slipped into sleep, a few tears still streaming down his face.
------
He woke up after a few hours, blearily blinking his eyes. He didn't even remember leaving Matt's, so he was incredibly confused as to why he'd passed out on the kitchen floor. His right arm was pinned beneath him as he slept, his nerves tingling and his muscles stiff.
He slowly stood to his feet, sniffling and rubbing his eyes. "Why was I crying?" he muttered, rubbing at the tear streaks on his cheeks.
He looked at down at himself, confused as to why he was fully dressed in his own apartment--he hardly ever wore clothes unless he really had to. He winced as he took the first steps towards the bathroom, a deep ache in his lower back as he leaned over the sink. Yesterday's eyeliner was smudged around his eyes, making the already present dark circles from lack of sleep even darker. His hair was knotted and wild, falling around his pale face in fiery red tangles.
He splashed cold water on his face, pulling himself out of his half-asleep state. He winced as he stood back up straight, a sharp pain bringing tears to his eyes.
"Oh god, I fucked Matt for cocaine..." he groaned embarrassedly, hiding his face in his hands before dragging them through his hair in frustration. Memories of a smelly mattress and a sweaty man over him flashed through his mind, making him shudder in disgust. He trudged out of the bathroom and sagged onto his bed, the bent metal frame creaking underneath him.
"I'm too fucking sore to work tonight, please let me call out..." he murmured, dialing Pete's number and impatiently tapping his fingers while the dial tone droned in his ear.
"G, where the fuck are you?" Pete shouted, sounding quite annoyed.
"I feel like absolute shit... Is it okay if I don't work tonight?" Gerard asked, making his voice sound as pathetic as possible.
"It's Friday night, G! You know I need you here--fuck, I need everybody here!" Pete replied, his frustration clearly evident.
"Please, Pete..." Gerard begged. "I won't ask for time off for the next month, I promise."
"You have to come in, G, I'm sorry... If you feel too bad maybe I can let you go early, but I really need you to work tonight," Pete answered apologetically, his voice losing the hard edge and becoming more gentle.
"Alright, I'll be there in ten minutes..." Gerard sighed, standing to his feet. "But I won't perform tonight."
"Fine, whatever, just thank you, G," Pete replied gratefully, quickly saying goodbye before ending the call with a click.
"I've got a full stash now, might as well use it," Gerard sighed dolefully, snorting a line before quickly locking his apartment and heading out to his car.
------
"Oh, G, you look miserable, honey..." Brendon said softly when Gerard slipped through the backstage curtain, putting a gentle hand on his friend's shoulder. "Are you feeling okay?"
"I feel like absolute shit, but I need the money," Gerard replied casually, smiling sadly to show his appreciation for Brendon's concern before slipping into his dressing room.
"Ugh, I don't just feel shit, I look it too," Gerard sighed, annoyedly wiping at his eyes to make his eyeliner look more dark and alluring instead of just messy.
He quickly pulled off his clothes, scowling at the red marks Matt left on his hips and ass. "Fucking asshole, he knows I have to cover up shit like this for work," he grumbled, hissing at the sharp pain that hit him when he bent down to put on his heels. He did a few stretches before he left to find Pete, doing his best to make his movements more fluid and easy--he wouldn't make any money tonight if he was stiff and hurting.
"Thanks for coming in, G. You just have to serve drinks tonight," Pete said gently, his stressed and frustrated mood briefly going away.
"Thanks, Pete. I'll be up to performing tomorrow," Gerard replied, not wanting Pete to think he would be out of commission for a long time.
"Take all the time you need. You're a valuable asset, but I care more about your well-being than some extra dollars," Pete said before heading out of his office to go micro-manage some of the other workers. "Now, go on and help Ray or something."
Gerard smiled lightly, drifting out from behind the stage curtains and over to the bar. "Hey, G. I wasn't sure you were coming in," Ray greeted with a smile, pouring the redhead a shot of vodka.
"I wasn't planning to, but Pete begged me. I've had a rough day, Ray," Gerard sighed, easily downing the shot in one gulp.
"D'you want to talk about it?" Ray asked, polishing glasses and stacking them behind the bar.
"I'll spare you the details, but I had a particularly unpleasant client this afternoon and I'm beginning to think it wasn't worth it," Gerard answered, shifting around on the barstool to find a position that didn't cause him discomfort.
"You're not performing tonight, are you?" Ray asked in mild concern, Gerard quickly downing another shot.
"Nah, Pete's giving me a break. I'll just be serving drinks and maybe giving blowjobs," the redhead replied, giving up on finding a comfortable way to sit and just standing up. "Do you need help with anything?"
"Yeah, I've got to have all of these polished and shelved in less than ten minutes," Ray said, glancing at his watch concernedly.
"Alright, hand me a towel," Gerard replied, a grin on his face when Ray hit him in the face with the cloth.
~~~~~~
Ayy sorry this took me so long to write I just haven't had much time this past week with SOLs and projects for school and everything...
Also, sorry I made Matt a kinda bad guy :/
Anyways, thanks for reading!
-Bren