Ray was waiting for Landon and Lauren the next day. Lauren was ready to stand up for Landon instead of standing there and doing nothing like she did the last time.
Ray approached them. Lauren noticed that he wasn't with the other guys he was usually with. This time, Ray was alone.
"Hey guys," he said.
"Hi." Landon and Lauren said at the same time.
"Landon, may I talk to you alone? There are still a few minutes before school starts."
"Sure." he turned to Lauren and told her to wait for him, and to not worry about him. "I'll be fine."
Landon followed Ray using his cane and Ray's voice. There wasn't much he could do.
Ray made stopped and turned around to face Landon, then he began talking, "Look, Landon, you're right. The only reason why I bully you is because my dad has always been so indifferent. I was jealous of you because you had a great father. You have amazing memories and I don't. I don't expect you to, but I hope that you can forgive me. I'm sorry for all the damage that I caused you.
I know I don't have any justification for what I've done. I know that you must probably hate me, but I really am sincerely sorry. I was blinded by my own sorrow and self-pity. I'm sorry. Will you forgive me?"
Landon didn't even have to think about it, but Ray was expecting Landon to say no; Ray was readying himself for the blow.
"How can I not forgive you?" Landon said to him.
Ray was about to answer "I understand," but he was too stunned to continue. In mid-sentence, he looked up at Landon and asked, "What?"
Landon repeated what he had said to him, "How can I not forgive you? You're my friend."
Ray was in shock. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. He had expected Landon to turn him away immediately. "You're serious?"
"Yeah. I've said it twice already." he laughed.
"You don't hate me for everything I've done to you? I mean, it's been a while. Thirteen years."
"I know."
"That's it? You're not mad at me or anything."
"No. I'm not . I understand."
"But you can't possibly understand everything. I had no right to do what I did to you."
"I know, but you were trying to cope and you found bullying me as a means of trying to cope.
"But it was wrong. It was more wrong than anything I could have ever done. It was just--- geez I can't even find a word that accurately describes the degree of wrongness."
"Ray, I'm telling you, it's like it never happened."
"But you have no idea how damn guilty I feel. There are no words to describe how much of a scumbag I am."
"Ray, don't feel guilty. I know you're a good guy despite everything. If you weren't, I wouldn't have forgiven you."
"You're killing me, Landon. At least yell at me, punch me in the face, kick me if you want, embarrass me in front of everybody, I don't know. Just please do something."
Landon shrugged. "But I don't want to do anything."
Ray rolled his eyes. "Please, Landon."
Landon knew Ray was right, but he honestly felt that he had nothing he wanted to do. Ray had repented of all he did, and for him that was enough. Although he had forgiven Ray, he would never forget all the scars that Ray gave him.
Landon and Ray heard the bell ring.
"We should go. Bell rang and we don't want to be late the second day, right?" Landon announced.
"Yeah, you're right." Ray said, still not understanding why Landon had just forgiven him like that.
It was too easy, he thought as he walked towards his classroom. He looked back to see Lauren back next to Landon. There's no way he forgave me that easily. No one forgives someone this easily, he kept thinking. What do I do? The guilt is eating me alive and I would love it if he at least punched me. Then I wouldn't feel as guilty.
~~~~~~~
"He apologized to you?" Lauren asked him while they were sitting at a table during lunch.
"Yeah." Landon responded.
Lauren waited for continuation of the answer, but there was nothing.
"And?" she urged him on.
"I forgave him." he said simply.
"For everything he did to you for the last thirteen years?"
"Yeah. I know it sounds crazy, but I don't like holding on to grudges. He was my friend."
"Look, Landon, I respect your decisions, but sometimes you need to not be so nice. He put you through a lot of pain. I understand that he's your friend and that he has his own issues, but geez, he bullied you for thirteen years."
"I know. I forgave him, Lauren, but that doesn't mean I'm forgetting everything he did to me. Even if I wanted to I couldn't forget everything he did to me. How do you forget something like that?"
"He's coming." Lauren warned him.
"Hey, guys, do you mind if I sit here?" Ray asked them.
Lauren and Landon both shook their heads. At this response, Ray placed his tray on the table and sat down.
"Where are your friends?" Landon asked.
"They're--they kind of just left me when I told them that I was going to apologize to you. I guess they didn't like the whole idea of everything." Ray answered.
"Oh."
"Yeah. I'm really sorry, Landon. I mean it sincerely. I know that I caused you so much harm, I know it, but I need you to forgive me. I'm not asking to be friends again, because I honestly don't deserve a friend like you. I just need you to tell me that I'm forgiven."
"I have already forgiven you, Ray. There's nothing left to forgive."
"Thanks man. I really appreciate it." he stood up from the table and left.
"He was beyond sincere. He was so sincere it hurt me to look at his expression." Lauren commented.
"I felt it, too. I have forgiven him. I just can't forget everything else that has happened. It's going to be pretty difficult for me to forget everything he did to me. But he's my friend and as much as I am disappointed that he did all that to me, I know he's a good guy." he explained.
"You really are something else, Landon."
"You need to stop telling me that. I'm never going to believe it."
"Well, someone needs to tell you the truth."
The bell rang and they had to go back to class. "Two more classes."
~~~~~~
Ray walked home. He knew he had screwed up. It was evident. He knew Landon better than anyone, even if it had been thirteen years since they were friends. Landon hadn't changed much since then.
He knew he didn't deserve Landon's friendship or he didn't deserve Landon forgiving him.
He opened the door to his house. As always, his mother was waiting for him.
"Hey, Mom." he said.
Heather turned to look at him. She stood up and walked over to him. She gave him a hug. "Hi, Ray. How was school?"
"It was okay. I apologized to Landon for everything I did to him." he said while looking down.
"I'm glad you finally realized that you were wrong."
"Yeah, but it was thirteen years late, Mom. I don't know how he hasn't yelled at me yet. It's making me feel even more horrible. He forgave me, just like that, without saying one mean word to me. It's killing me. I need him to say something, I don't mind if he punches or kicks me or something, after all, it's what I deserve, but he just doesn't do it."
"He's too nice of a guy. He always was, Raymond. I'm sure that you won't find anyone as good as he is. I know you've made mistakes, but the important thing is that you realized how wrong you were."
"I was jealous of him, Mom. I was always jealous because his father was always there for him. I'm jealous of him because he has amazing memories about his father, while I have horrible ones even when my dad is still alive."
"I know, sweetie. I know. Your father has always had as priority his work before his family, but he does love you. I'm sure he does. He just has a weird way of showing it. He loves you in his own way."
"I know, Mom. But I don't understand why you're still with him. Why are you still here?"
"Because I love him, Raymond. And I know that he loves us. I can't abandon him, because I know eventually he's going to need me and I want to be here for him when he does."
"You're too nice, Mom. I would have left him a long time ago."
"I know you would have, but he's your father. And he always will be. There's nothing that will change that."
"I know, Mom. Sometimes I just wish he was different. Sometimes I wish he would actually show us that he cared."
With that, Ray went to his room. He sat on his bed for a while and then he looked out of his window. He saw that his father's car was missing, just like every other day. It was all he saw when he looked out his window. It was rare to see his father's car there. He hated seeing the same thing everyday.
Does he not care what we think? he thought. Are we that insignificant? We're his family, not some strangers. And yet, strangers is what I feel like we are to him.
He looked out and saw that his father had just arrived. Despite everything, Ray jumped up from his bed and ran downstairs to see his dad.
His dad walked through the door.
"Hi, Dad." he said, hoping that he would at least acknowledge his presence.
Daniel walked past him, saying he was too tired to say anything. Tears immediately flooded his eyes. He was sick and tired of the same treatment from his dad. Each day it was the same. He acted like he didn't care. He pretended that he didn't care about his father's attitude, that it didn't affect him in the way it did. But he was just lying to himself. He needed his father to acknowledge him. He needed him to say something, to actually speak to him and not just mumble it while he's walking away. Ray needed his dad to say something, anything. But he needed it more than he allowed himself to acknowledge.