I stay sitting there for a minute but when Luke doesn't respond I get up from my seat and head back to his room. I open my suitcase and grab some clothes for the day before getting in the shower.
I spend a long time in there today just trying to clear my head. When I get out, someone knocks on the door.
"We're going to the beach today. Dress accordingly." I hear his foot steps walk away and I wrap myself in a towel before walking across the hall to get my bathing suit and different clothes.
I put on the bikini and study myself in the mirror. One voice in my head is still saying I'm too fat, that I can still lose weight. That one has been there for weeks. But now there's a new one. One saying I'm done with not eating. That I don't look healthy. I notice the distinct curve of my ribs and my hips poking out just above the top of my bikini bottoms. There's a big gap between the string of my top and the skin below my collar bone, showing how much it's sticking out. The bathing suit itself looks bigger on my body. I had to tighten all the knots more than usual for it to stay up.
I sigh before putting on a pair of jean shorts and a loose tank top before putting my hair into a French braid and walking back to Luke's room.
I search through my suitcase for the beach bag I had brought before filling it with all my necessities. An extra pair of clothes, sunscreen, two pairs of sunglasses (I lose them a lot), a towel, and some mascara and concealer. I walk out to the kitchen and throw a few water bottles in the bag as well before meeting Luke in the living room.
"Who's coming?" Luke stands up and grabs his keys since he's already dressed and ready before leading us both out to the car.
"Just us and Ashton. He said Bryana might be coming." I can pretty much feel my face go pale.
"Bryana as in the prettiest most perfect person I've ever seen?" Luke laughs at my description and gets in the car, not answering.
"You've seen her before Luke. I'll look like a potato standing next to her."
"You don't look like a potato."
"Standing next to her I will."
"She has things about her that make her attractive, but you do too. You may like the way she looks, but I'll always love the way you look." I notice his sharp intake of breath at the end and the way his eyes go wide for a second before nervously glancing at me.
"What?" It comes out a lot quieter than I would've expected, like a shy little girl talking to an adult while hiding behind her mom's legs (in other words, me).
Luke sighs before a look of relaxation comes onto his face, coming into terms with what he said I'm guessing. "You've always been gorgeous, Ivory. Everyone sees it. Everyone but you."
I stubbornly cross my arms and look out the window. I'm not mad at him. How could I be? It just caught me by surprise. Just two weeks ago, we hated each other. Okay maybe not at first but we weren't exactly the best of friends.
My thoughts wander off before landing on one specific thing.
"Shit!" I yell, making Luke jump and hit the brakes harder than I'm guessing he meant to.
"What the hell?" He looks over at me with wide eyes and puts his hand over his heart.
"What day is it today?"
"Monday. Why?"
"I didn't post a video this week! I don't even have one ready." I hit my forehead with my hand before rambling on. "Maybe I can just vlog for a few days. I might've thrown my camera in here." I begin pulling things out of my bag in search of the small blogging camera. "I know it's in here."
"Ivory." I barely hear him and just keep searching. "Ivory." I ignore him again. "Ivory calm down. I'm sure your viewers will understand." My finger grazes a smooth surface inside the bag and I pull the silver camera out.
"I found it!" I hold it up in the air to show my success before turning it on. "Please be charged. Please be charged." The camera turns on and the battery isn't even flashing at me. Thank the heavens above I actually charged it for once. I press the record button and begin.
"Hey guys! I'm here in Australia with little Lucas." I turn the camera to face him and he waves but pays attention to the road. "We're just on our way to the beach right now. I haven't actually been outside yet so I'm not sure how warm it is but the weather's been treating us nice." I look out the window and see the sun shining down on everything without a cloud in sight. "I'm gonna post on Twitter but I'm not gonna have an actual video for this week so I'm just gonna start vlogging a bunch to make up for it. I'll see you guys at the beach." I wink at the camera before turning it off and putting it back into my bag.
"Better?" Luke asks, still not turning away from the road.
"Better."
----------
The beach has always been one of my favorite places to be. It's a place of relaxation, just listening to the waves and getting a tan as the warm sun beats down on you. But Luke wasn't allowing that today.
"I want to go surfing." Luke complains, surfboard in his arms.
"Then go. You don't need me. I don't even know how."
"I don't want to be alone." Ashton has yet to show up, but we did find out Bryana isn't actually coming.
"Don't be a baby." I open my eyes and look through my sunglasses at the puppy dog face he's giving me. "I can't surf Luke." I groan but end up sitting up, pulling my sunglasses off my head and putting them, along with my phone, in the beach bag.
I cautiously stand up and wrap my arms around my stomach as Luke goes running towards the water.
"I don't understand why I have to stand in the water while you surf." I reach the water and it's actually pretty warm, inviting me to go farther in.
"I can't actually surf." I stop in my spot with the water up to my knees and stare at him.
"You're kidding right." The biggest grin spreads across his face as I slap his shoulder. "You made me get up to surf with you and you don't even know how?"
"I've done it once or twice but I'm not especially good." I shake my head and he wraps his arm around my waist, looking over my head at something behind me. I turn my head around and see a group of around four people taking pictures. I immediately turn back around and move to the other side of Luke so his body is blocking mine.
"I thought you said no one knew we were coming here." My hands begin to shake as I plunge them into the water so Luke doesn't notice.
"Well obviously it's not like I told everyone where we we were planning on going. Someone here probably saw us and tweeted or something. It's fine." I bite down on my lip and look around Luke's shoulder to see the people taking pictures. They're just standing there, waiting for us to do something.
"Just ignore them." His lips meet the top of my forehead as he says it. The action makes me freeze but he doesn't seem phased. It's like it was a normal action. Like it was supposed to happen. It felt right.
"Sit on top and I'll push you out farther." He motions to the surfboard and helps me sit on top with my legs dangling over the sides. He grabs on to the front of the board and pulls me deeper into the water.
He stops when it reaches his shoulders, a point where I would end up drowning if I got off this board (which I'm not planning on doing).
"A lot of people like you, you know." Luke looks straight into my eyes as he says this. I almost wish he would stop bringing these things up. I'm fighting my own battle and nothing anyone else does can help me.
I decide to ignore his comment and look down at my hand as it moves through the water. Luke continues holding on to the nose of the board and sighs after realizing I'm not going to respond.
"Can we go back to our stuff?" I look back at our stuff, partially just making sure it's still there. "I want to try and get a tan today and I don't tan very easily. Plus I don't want to get salt water in my hair cause I just washed it earlier." Luke doesn't say anything but pulls the board back towards the sand.
When we reach a reasonable depth, I hop off the board and Luke takes my hand in one of his and wraps his other arm around the board. Us holding hands in public has almost become a normal thing. Obviously we didn't do it out at lunch the other day but when we go on outings like these, it's just natural.
We reach all of our things and I put my sunglasses back on and grab my phone and book before laying down on my back on the towel.
"Ash isn't coming. He decided to spend some time with his family instead."
"That's fine. I figured you guys would want to do that instead of being stuck with me all week. Although I know you all are going to miss me next week when you're here and I'm in California." Luke doesn't respond but I do get a small laugh out of him.
"The paps are still here." Luke groans and lays down next to me on his own towel as I open up my book, ready to tune everything else out.
"I'm hoping that if I ignore them enough, they'll go away."
"I wish it was that easy."