Chapter 1
Do all people usually try their talents in front of the camera? Despite the fact that many think privately they would like to become a male porn star, few have what it takes to get up in front of people on a working set in sometimes extreme heat, or cold, or other conditions and perform the way they do in their bedroom. We do have some clients who really have their minds in the right place to become a male porn star and have done very well and went on to work in other movies, but the majority of people in the adult industry enjoy watching or participating behind the cameras much more.
As for me, I have been in the adult industry for over 5 years now. My model name is Cole Torres, but my real name is Sean Carson.
Now you might ask, why would a porn star have a different name then his real one? Well you see, multiple pseudonyms are utilized for a variety of reasons including legal constraints, the appearance of having more actors working at a studio, an actor's wishing to disguise how many films he is working on or that he is doing work for another studio, etc.
My reason was because for one I didn’t want anyone to know that I was in the adult industry to begin with. Oh yeah, I might’ve left out a really important detail from you guys, before I started in the gay porn industry, I was well…. What you would call a “straight” man. And so I made up the name “Cole Torres” so that neither my family nor my friends would ever know that I was doing it.
I guess you would’ve called me the type of guy who did gay-for-pay. Yes that might be surprising for a lot of you if you thought that guys who did gay porn were just gay, but some aren’t. In fact, there is a large majority of heterosexual men who do gay porn just for the money. Because in gay porn, you get paid much more than heterosexual porn. But you want to know why that is… because it’s more painful, ha-ha.
I mean, just think about it for a short moment, if two guys were making love to each other, where would it be? Now take another short moment and think about a man and women making love… do you see the difference yet?
Now I know you guys don’t want me to be talking about all of that, so I’ll just get back to my story, on how “I” personally became a male porn star.
Well you see, I guess it all really started when I was in 6th grade, 12 years old I believe? Let’s just say that I was really young, (mostly) innocent, and supremely naïve at that age.
So let’s see, if I was born in the year of 1986 that means that it was the year of 1998 when I discovered a little something called “Porn”. I remember it like it was yesterday…
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12 year old Sean’s POV
It was a Tuesday night, and I had 5 minutes before I would be called down for dinner. I was clicking away on my computer desktop, trying to learn the tricky ways of the internet. I have used this computer for games, AIM (for chatting and emails), and music. Mom and dad don’t like me using it for anything else really, because they say that there are bad things on it that they don’t want me to see, but I was thinking to myself the other day, what could possibly be so bad that would be on the internet?
Anyways, instead of doing my daily routine of chatting with my best friend Caroline, and playing computer games, I went to go explore. I went on this internet site called google.com; it was the coolest thing ever! If you just wrote a word in the search box you could find information on whatever you want.
So instead of getting my paperback dictionary, I typed into the Google search “Dictionary” and apparently it had its own website called “Dictionary.com. I went down the list of words alphabetically looking at the words I didn’t know. Apparently, there were A LOT of words I didn’t know. And yes, I know what you’re thinking; a 12 year old boy like me is reading dictionary words on a Tuesday night for his own enjoyment. What a nerd right?
Well there’s nothing else better to do so stop hating on me! I’ve already done my homework and studied for my history test, and there’s nothing good on T.V. so what if I want to read dictionary words… wanting to learn the definitions of new words is definitely not nerdy! You’ll see! When I’m in high school and college I’m going to have the best vocabulary anyone has ever seen! I mean my parents are already impressed with the vocabulary I already have, and guess why? Because I have dedicated myself to learn these new words.
So as you lazy pants, sit and rot your brains out from watching so much T.V., I’ll just be here, on my computer making myself wiser than you. Oh yeah, I went there!
Anyways, as I was looking at all of the words, I noticed a “feeling random” button on the screen, so I clicked on it. It supposedly just gives me random words, instead of it being alphabetically. Alright, I think I can dig that. Now after a couple of already known words, I keep clicking and finally land onto a word that I didn’t know. It was a word spelled P-o-r-n.
I tried pronouncing the word out loud. It felt weird on my lips, like not natural you know. I kind of felt a tingly feeling of guilt when I said it; you know that uh oh feeling in your stomach and throat making you feel like you’ve done something wrong. But I didn’t do anything wrong did I? I was just saying a new word out loud. Maybe it just feels weird because I’m not used to saying it. I just got to learn how to get used to it.
Porn. Porn. Porn. I kept repeating in my head. Yeah, ok, I’m getting the hang of it now. Well I went back to google.com and typed in the word “porn” into the search box and a whole list of different websites came up. I didn’t exactly know which one to pick, since I didn’t exactly know what the word “porn” meant. So I just clicked on the first website, and then something weird popped onto my screen.
A video? I think a video popped onto my screen. I didn’t even know videos could play on my computer?
“Sean! It’s almost time for dinner!” my mom yelled from downstairs.
“Ok one second, I’ll be right there, I’m umm, busy right now,” I yelled back.
“Well hurry up with whatever you’re doing,” she said.
“Ok I will,” I replied.
I just kept staring at the black box. What exactly was I supposed to do with it? In the middle of the black box was this green arrow that kind of looked like the same arrow that was on my remote control, but on the remote control it was the “play” button for movies we would watch on T.V., maybe it was the same for the computer. I clicked on the green arrow, and the black box said “buffering”, I didn’t exactly know what that meant, but I just waited patiently for it to load. Once the buffering had reached 100%, the video began immediately.
Instantly a blond woman walked out from the right corner and was dressed in all black. A black lacey bra with matching panties and black fish nets on her legs, and black high heels on. I had never seen so little clothes on a girl before. The lady had really tan skin, and had bright red lipstick on, and was wearing a lot of make up on her eyes. She was at least in her mid or late 20’s.
Behind her, was a single couch, it was striped with red and white, with red fluffy pillows on it. Maybe the brand of her clothes was called “porn”, or maybe her name was called “porn”. Maybe she’s a really famous actress named Porn. Yeah, that makes sense, but why doesn’t she have a last name?
Miss Porn, sat down on the couch, and started taking off her clothes! First she took off her high heels, then her black fish nets, and then after that she took off her black laced panties. I instantly covered my eyes. WHAT WAS SHE DOING! Why would she take off her panties?! What kind of movie was this? Maybe I shouldn’t be watching this. Maybe… it was an adult movie! Like one of those rated R movies. Uh oh, I would be in such big trouble if mom and dad found out I was watching a rated R movie!
But then again… how cool would I sound to Caroline if I told her I watched a rated R movie. I bet she’s be so impressed and so jealous! Ha-ha yeah that’s what I should do, rub it in her face that I’ve seen a rated R movie and she hasn’t! That will show her for rubbing it in my face that she’s seen a PG-13 movie when she was 10, yeah… I’ll show her!
I partially uncovered my eyes, and kept watching the movie. Miss Porn was lifting her legs really high in the air and making her no-no zone very visible. I’ve never seen a girl’s private parts before, and didn’t really think about doing so today. But boy was it different then a guy’s. Like way different! For one she didn’t have a PeN!$, and well I wasn’t expecting her to or anything since she was a girl, but I didn’t know exactly what it was supposed to look like if they didn’t have one. I mean what else would you put there besides a PÉN!$?
Anyways, apparently a girl’s private parts were really hairy? I mean I didn’t know girls could grow hair down there. That’s kind of … disgusting! I mean I guess since they don’t grow beards or mustaches, the hair has got to grow somewhere right? It’s just unfortunate that it has to grow down there you know.
Miss Porn then started touching her private parts? What? What the heck is this? Why was she touching it? That’s just plain out weird! Was it itchy there or something? She then kept on touching herself and then made this unexpected squeal from her mouth. Was she tickling herself? Or was she squealing out of pain? Man this was so confusing, if it tickled or hurt why was she doing it in the first place? Women just don’t make any sense sometimes!!
She kept on with the touching and squealing and 3 minutes of the video was already played. I was wondering if I should just turn off the video and go eat dinner, but then she stopped touching herself to….remove the last fragment of clothing she had left on… her bra.
I’ve never in my life seen a girl’s βoOb!É$ either! Well actually, I probably have seen my mother’s when she was feeding me when I was a baby. I shuddered at the thought, ok that was disgusting, moving on!
Anyways this lady was doing the same routine with those too; touching and squealing seemed to be the only thing about this video. It was getting old and boring fast. But I have to say, I’ve never seen huger βoOb$ on a person before. Another minute passed by and I was sighing in boredom, when was this video going to be over with?
I looked at the remaining time, 9 minutes left, this was a pretty short movie. But then again, was the girl going to do this for the whole 9 minutes? I don’t think I want to watch that. “Thank you so much for the show Miss Porn, but I think I’m done for now,” I said inside my head moving my mouse to the “exit” button. But before I pressed it, a man walked into the picture. Wait a minute, there was another character in this movie? Finally!
He was bald and was definitely in his late 20’s. He wore a white muscle shirt, with baggy jeans, and tennis shoes. I sighed deeply, he was doing the same thing the girl was doing….undressing himself! And wow! The size of his private was huge! Like double the size of mine! I was utterly shocked at that. I wondered if mine would grow that big one day.
I wonder, are people naked in ever rated R movie? I mean why is it so necessary for them to do the movie undressed? I don’t think I would be comfortable to do that, especially if there was a girl in the room who would see my … ding dong.
The two people got together and started making out, ok so that’s something that I saw coming, I mean in every kind of video there is a kissing scene.
After a two minute make out session, I ended up covering my eyes again. For they started kissing in areas I didn’t think should be kissed. I’m not even going to describe the places of where they decided to kiss each other, because it’s too embarrassing. This was a really weird movie, and maybe that’s why it was for adults only, because they enjoyed this kind of stuff, because I swear you will NEVER see a 12 year old kid do ANY of this stuff!
Three more minutes passed, and I swear my eyes were glued to the computer screen, the girl was doing something to the guy that I would never think of a girl doing before! She was cleaning his PÉN!$ for him with her own mouth!
I’ve never seen a guy so happy in his life to ever get a washing like that. I mean he was making the same noises I make when I eat cake. The same delightful moaning sounds, I make them because cake just tastes so good that I can’t handle myself sometimes.
Now the next minute and a half was what shocked me. I literally felt my air leaving my lungs, I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t talk, I couldn’t even think at that moment. My face grew sooo burning red hot that I thought my hair was going to catch on fire! If you saw me at that moment, I bet you anything you would just see pure Terror on my face. Now for that minute and a half was something that I never ever ever wanted to see.
I finally realized what this video was. And I think I finally know what the word “Porn” means now. It was a bad video, a very very bad video. It was a…. A $Éҳ video. I felt so ashamed of myself. I just completely defiled my mind. Oh no, what happens if mom or dad finds out that I saw that! They’d kill me! Oh I wished I hadn’t seen any of that.
My body was so shaky, from the fear of my parents, from the guilt of watching the video, and from the scene I had just watched.
“Sean! Your dinner is going to get cold if you don’t come down here now!” my mom yelled up at me from the staircase.
“I-I-I I’m co-coming,” I stuttered.
“Well hurry up!” she said.
I paused the video, and minimized the screen. I walked slowly down the staircase and walked into the kitchen.
“Don’t forget to wash your hands, they must be really dirty from touching that keyboard so much,” my mom said.
If only she knew how dirty they were right now. I walked to the sink and scrubbed my hands with soap and warm water. Once I was done I sat at my dinner spot and began to eat. We were having steak and artichokes.
The dinner was very quiet, besides the clinking of silverware and the chewing of my dad. The video was still stuck in my head and was replaying itself over and over again from the beginning to the point where I paused it. It was distracting me so much that I had hardly touched any food on my plate.
“Is everything ok Sean?” my mom asked.
“Uh yeah, why would you ask that?” I replied my breathing unsteady.
“Well I don’t know, maybe because you’ve hardly touched your plate and steak is your favorite.” She answered.
“I um, I guess I’m just not that hungry tonight,” I said shaking my head.
“Are you sure you’re alright honey? You’re looking a bit pale.” She said placing the back of her hand on my forehead and cheeks.
Well yeah, her face would be pale too if she had just seen what I saw.
“You’re feeling a bit warm, maybe you should go to bed early tonight,” she suggested.
' “Yeah, maybe,” I said.
“Can I be excused?” I asked.
“Well I guess, do you want me to put your meat in a zip lock baggy? You could save it for lunch tomorrow.” She pointed out.
“Yeah sure whatever,” I said hopping out of my chair and walking out of the kitchen back upstairs, back to my room, and back to my computer. I sat down and grabbed the mouse. I popped the video back up, closed my bedroom door, and pushed play again. I watched the remaining of the video and for the last 3-4 minutes they were doing the naughty, and then at the very end like the last 40 seconds, the man, he like shot out white gooey stuff from out of his “private part”.
I didn’t even know guys could do that? I mean was it something I was able to do? I don’t know if I would want to do it though because the guy who did it in the video made it sound painful since he was groaning so much. I wondered what that white gooey stuff was. I mean I thought only pee came out. But apparently I was wrong. It was almost 8:30 at night, and I think it was the right time to go to bed.
So I exited from the video and turned off my computer. I got into my sleeping clothes and walked to my bathroom. I grabbed my toothbrush and toothpaste and squirted the toothpaste onto my toothbrush and I swear, it kind of looked like the white gooey stuff from the video, but much more… thick. My toothpaste was all white; it wasn’t like the toothpaste that had like blue or green in the middle.
I had to close my eyes to brush my teeth tonight, because I didn’t want to imagine myself brushing my teeth with that icky white gooey stuff. I spit it out once I was done and rinsed my mouth. I hopped into bed, turned off my lights, and that’s when my mom walked in.
“Hey honey, how are you feeling?” she asked walking up to my bed.
“Fine… just fine,” I answered.
“Oh that’s great to hear,” she said with a smile, well at least I pictured her smiling since I couldn’t really see her face in the darkness of my room.
“Yeah…” is all I said.
“Well goodnight sweetie,” she said kissing the top of my head.
“Goodnight,” I said back rolling over my side, so she wouldn’t notice how jittery or nervous I was.
I heard her walk out of my room and close the door behind her. Phew, I was safe. I rolled back onto my back, and I swear I had the worse time trying to fall asleep. The video was still trapped inside my brain, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get it out of my head. I think it was safe to say, that on that Tuesday night, I was definitely scarred for life!!
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Author's note: Well there you go...chapter 1!! Was it worth it? Did you like it? Well you better!! I've worked my butt off till 1:30 in the morning to write this for you do you'd better be grateful :P It was really awkward for me to write that haha... for two reasons 1. I don't really have experiance with girls so yeah it was awk haha.. and 2. That was a personal chapter... that crap was too stupid for me to make up... hahah sadly that happened to me when I was 12 years old... well not all of it, just the Porn video part... and I remember to this day how the video went, I was defintely scarred for life!!!! I mean think about it, a 12 year old by like "ME" seeing that!!! Yess... you may feel sory for me peoples!! I mean that's probably what made me become gay!! hahaha jk I was born this way baby ;D Anyways yeah..... that's a chapter of my life that I'm happy to leave behind.... by the way, I was a bit more educated then Sean was about definition of words and how to use a computer ;)
Well I hope you like the first personal chapter of mine :)