Everything was going fine after that. Lachlan apologised many times but I always told him I understood. Jerome was a bit less protective over me, now that the guys know but he still keeps a close eye on me. He won't let me play any video games though which sucks. The only things I've been doing are watching TV, reading, talking with the guys, cooking and trying to ignore all the hate comments I was getting for abandoning youtube.
I sometimes wanna yell at them saying you rather have me dead? But then I realize my fans don't know what's going on they just think I quitted without any warning. On other moments I'd be hiding in my room crying and wishing Preston and Rob weren't with me when Jerome left, that I would have died so I wouldn't feel so guilty about not being able to post video's and the hate couldn't get to me anymore. Then you also have those rare moments where I don't care about anything the fans comment and I laugh it all away, but like I said those moments are rare. Mostly the hate gets to me and I hide in my room while the others are recording and by the time they finished and come to check up on me I've already 'maned up' and started doing something else. In other words no one knows I hide in my room because of the hate, no one knows I wish Preston and Rob weren't there they're all clueless. Sometimes I get the feeling that Jerome is starting to find out what I do when I hide, but then again it's not like he comes to check up on me more because of it. It's like he forgets with the moments I'm outside my room and happy, hanging out with them, feeling slightly normal. Then they go back to recording and remind me of what I can't do, of what was taken from me. I also have these moments of feeling alone while I'm surrounded by my friends, Jerome's arm would be wrapped around me and I would be leaning on his shoulder while we where talking and making jokes and then they start talking about H3M or something new and I feel left out, alone while I'm not alone. Would lonely be a better description if I don't really feel lonely, or maybe I just don't want to admit it.
I'm wondering if there's anyone who feels the same as me, anyone who knows what I'm going through, someone I can relate to? If I found them would it help? Or would our shared misery just pull us deeper into the darkness?
Is there even a way to reverse what was done to me? Is there a way to make me normal again? A way to get rid of this curse? If there was would I even want to? I'm already so used to it.
"Mitch?" I look up from my hands, that where playing with a small plushy I got from Jerome, to see the man himselve standing in my doorway.
"Are you alright?" He asked walking in my dark room closing the door and comming to sit next to me on my bed. I just looked down again, my cheeks are wet from crying. I had managed not to sob but the silent tears kept running and I'm sure that if I opend my mounth to speak sobs would be the only sound comming out.
"Tell me what's wrong." He says in a soft voice placing a hand over my shoulders. I leaned into him and started sobbing in his chest.
"I can't do this anymore." I cry.
"What can't you do Mitch?" He asked worried.
"This... this curse, Jerome. I wish Preston and Rob weren't there when you left so I'd finally be free." I sobbed and I felt him hug me tight and rub circles on my back.
"Sssh it's alright. We'll figure it out. I promise."