Is There Somewhere- Halsey
Abby's POV
I laid in bed wide awake, staring at the dull material of my tent. I couldn't shut my mind off. I kept thinking about running into Harry our first night here and spending time with him the last few days and getting to know him. How this all seems like some dream I'm about to wake up from. Or some nightmare because clearly dreams don't end where the guy you are falling for leaves you.
It's a mixture of the adrenalin still coursing through me from tonight, playing the guitar and singing, having a good time and knowing how much I'm going to miss Harry that is keeping me awake. And maybe the fact that we decided that we weren't going to do a late night walk like we have been since he has to get up early and pack everything up. And just knowing that he was a mile away from me, laying in his own tent sleeping and dreaming of who knows what, bugged me. I had a urge to just walk over there and stay with him. I mean, this is our last night together.
I jolt out of bed, knowing that is exactly what I want to do. I quickly grab a pair of my short yoga shorts and a plain teal tank top, getting dressed faster than I ever have before thanks to my newfound determination. I wasn't go to just stay in my tent, trying and failing at falling asleep, I wasn't going to waste what little time we have together. I threw on my flip flops and grabbed my flashlight and barged out of my tent, forgetting for a second that my friends were all sleeping. Slowing down a little, as quietly as I could, I zipped my tent back up and made my way down the beach, towards Harry.
The night was cool and I cursed myself for not bringing a sweater. Harry's sweater, the one he gave me earlier today. I really hope he doesn't ask for it back and I am definitely not reminding him that I have it. If I don't get to be with him after this, then at least I'll have something of his.
The wind whipped my hair around as I walked as quickly as I could, trying not to fall on any rocks. Occasionally a loon would call out, scaring me half to death. I remember when I was little and when we were here, I got scared that there was a wolf outside our tent, but come to find out it was just a loon. Still to this day I still get a little freaked out. Besides the loons, the only sound was the lapping of the waves created by the wind, and the rustling of trees, and the occasional course from me when I would trip on a rock. When I finally make it to the sand on Harry campsite, I slow down just a little, not wanting to wake anyone up. I hear a rustling up ahead and something that sounded like a low grunt....
Oh. My. God.
I cover my face for a second, hoping I could just disappear and forget what I just heard. I don't know if it was Liam and Danielle or Louis and Eleanor but either way, I wish I could erase the last few minutes from my mind. Determined even more to get to Harry, I continue my way down the beach. I finally get to his tent, the sounds from before just as easy to hear over here then it was right next to their tent. I shake my head, determined to ignore it. I stood there staring at Harry's tent, not sure what I should do, it's not like I could knock and calling out to him may alert everyone.
"Abby?" I whip to my right, my flashlight landing on a pair of legs, tattoos adorning his ankles. I instantly relax when I realize it was just Harry.
"Hey," I smile shyly at him, hoping I'm not bothering him by being here.
"What are you doing here? Are you alright?" He asks, stepping closer to me and cupping both sides of my face. His eyes danced back and forth between mine, concern etched in his every feature.
"I'm fine, I just...missed you. I couldn't sleep and I didn't want to waste these last moments together by being so far away," I admit honestly, placing my hands against his chest, making sure to point the flashlight down so I don't blind him.
"I missed you too, love, and I couldn't sleep either," he tells me just as we hear another moan from a couple tents down, this time a little louder. "But who could sleep when. you have Louis and Eleanor going at it like rabbits. I swear they have no decency," he said he last part a lot louder than the soft whispers we were speaking in before, clearly he wanted them to hear how annoyed he was.
"Yeah, I couldn't help but hear when I walked by," I said, continuing to whisper. "What were you doing anyway?" I asked, remembering how he came from the direction of the woods.
"I was going to the bathroom," he smirks at me, clearly remembering the first night we met.
"You seem to have a thing for going in the woods," I joke.
"Well, it's easier than having to walk all the way up to the outhouse," he explains, not embarrassed at all to be talking about this.
"You guys do seem to have it easier when it comes to that," I tell him. We were still standing close, Harry's arms now around me. I shivered as a gust of wind swept past us, causing Harry to tighten his hold on me.
"Let's go inside, yeah?" He tells me, letting me go so he could unzip his tent, managing to get it unzipped without it getting caught. I slip off my sandals and step inside, not wanting to get his tent covered in sand, I knew how much of a pain it was trying to get out.
I sat on the edge of his mattress, taking a deep breath, trying to calm the sudden nervousness I felt. I guess I wasn't sure what to expect, or know what I should do next. I just know that I wanted to be in his arms, savoring the warmth and the safely they brought. I wanted to commit every single thing about him to memory so I wouldn't forget him when he left. Not that I would anyways. It's hard to forget someone like Harry.
"Come here," Harry said softly. I didn't even realize he had sat down next to me, too lost in my own thoughts to feel him next to me. I followed his order and moved to lay next to him, moving so we are comfortable. I rest my head on his chest just as his arm rests against my shoulders. I absentmindedly trace random patterns on his chest as we lay there in silence. It was a comfortable silence, the both of us just happy and content to be here with each other.
As I lay there watching his chest rise and fall with each breath, I know that I have been forever changed by this man. That because of him I know that it wasn't my fault Hope had passed. I now feel like I'm able to breath and that my heart doesn't hurt nearly as much as it did. I can now admit that I need to talk with someone and am willing to go do that once I get back to Boston. It's like he gave me the courage and the strength to overcome my guilt, to open my eyes to the truth. I will be forever grateful to him for that.
"I'm really going to miss you Abigail," his words causing my heart to sink even further. I couldn't say anything, I could only nod as my voice got caught in my throat. A tear fell from my eyes and landed with a silent splash against Harry's chest. I knew he felt it when his arms tightened around me and when he hooked a finger under my chin and tilted my face up to his. "Don't cry baby, it's breaking my heart. I'm sick to my stomach just knowing that there might not be a future for us," his voice catches at the end and the only thing I could think to do was cover his lips with mine.
The kiss started out innocent but the pull we felt towards each other was to much to ignore and the kiss deepened. Not quite as slow as our first time, but still not rushed, we both ended up naked, bodies pressed together In a desperate need to be closer. Our mouths and hands exploring, searching for sensitive and favorite spots to be touched. Our breathing was shallow, coming out in short gasps, pleasure coursing through us. Our moans stifled by deep passionate kisses as our bodies moved together, finding a release that only the other could give.
~~~~~~
I Was Made For Loving You- Tori Kelly ft. Ed Sheeran (I think this song is so perfect for their situation right now and if you haven't heard this I highly recommend that you listen to it right now! It's so good!) I also recommend listening to it while reading this next part, it's kind of what I want the mood to be. :)
"Should we wake them?"
"Probably, we need to start packing."
"Maybe we should just give them a little more time?"
"Yeah, this is already going to be heard enough, let's just give them some more time."
I laid there with my eyes closed, listening to Louis, Eleanor and Niall whisper about us. I refused to open my eyes, thinking that if I keep them close I can keep this dream going just a little longer. My whole body was filled with dread, my limbs feeling as heavy as my heart felt.
Harry stirred beside me, letting out an annoyed sign, hearing everyone whisper.
"Just give us a minute and we will be out," Harry snapped. There were a few mumbles outside the tent before we heard them walking off. Harry rubbed his eyes before opening them and looking at me. "Morning." He gives me a small smile.
"Morning," I say, returning his smile. With all the thoughts of having to say goodbye to Harry soon, I didn't even have time to be worried about how bad I probably look right now.
"You look beautiful in the morning, by the way," he tells me as if reading my mind. I playfully roll my eyes, trying to hide my smile.
"Thanks," I snuggle in closer to him. "Maybe if we close our eyes tight enough, all of this will go away and you won't have to leave," I pout, resting my head against his chest, feeling his arms wrap around me.
"I will try anything if it means I don't have to leave today," Harry says, voice sullen.
"It's so unfair, that we would find each other just to be ripped apart a few days later," sadness leaking through my every word, mirroring my mood.
"Do you regret anything that has happened between us? Do you wish we didn't get so close?" I can tell he's worried that I will regret everything that has happened between us and I want to make sure he knows that I don't regret anything.
I shift my body so I'm propped up by one of my elbows and looking down at Harry. "I don't regret anything at all. How could I? Meeting you and seeing what a great man you are, and how much you have helped me has been exceptional. More than anything I have ever experienced. I don't want it to end," I tell him, watching his eyes soften and the worry on his face vanish.
"I feel the same way. You are a remarkable woman Abby, so full of talent and so full of fire. Don't let anyone every put that out," he tells me. I collapse against him once more, laying with him just a little longer before he tells me, reluctantly, that he needs to start packing.
Instead of sitting there and watching him pack and letting my mind run rampant, I help deflate the air mattress, packing that up while he packed his clothes and other belongings. We would occasional stop and share a quick kiss, or we would find ways to touch each other, neither one of us ready for this to end.
Once all of his things were packed and the inside his tent was as clean as it could get, we step outside, the sun blinding us as it bounced off the water. Once my eyes adjusted I noticed that everyone else already had their tents taken down and it was like a slap in the face that this was real, that they were really leaving.
That Harry was really leaving.
I couldn't dwell on that for much longer before Louis and Eleanor came walking up to us. I felt my cheeks redden when I remembered what we heard last night. If Louis and Eleanor knew that we heard they didn't show it, they just went about acting normally.
"There you two are. Here Harry, I'll help you take down your tent," Louis says, slapping Harry on the back, shooting me a sad smile. Eleanor takes my hand and pulls me off towards Danielle, Liam and Niall, who were all sitting around on coolers since all their beach chairs were packed up. Actually, it looks like all their stuff is packed up already. I tried to make my smile as convincing as I could. I look back at Harry and Louis real quick, fighting the urge to go back over to Harry.
"Oh Abby! So good to see you! We are going to miss you!" Danielle stands up and envelops me in a hug. I raise my heavy arms and hug her back.
"I'm going to miss you guys too," I tell her honestly. I was going to miss them, all of them. They are a great group of people and I'm so glad that I have gotten the chance to meet them.
"We all need to exchange numbers so we can stay in touch! Oh! And if you ever come to England, you better make sure you see us!" Eleanor says, her mood a little more chipper than mine. I agreed though and we all spent the next few minutes exchanging numbers.
The heaviness in my heart only grew more and more the longer I stood there and watched Harry and the guys load their boat up. At some point my friends all showed up, even Sean. I haven't spoken to him since that day he hit Harry but I know that another conversation is needed to make sure we are on the same page. Violet and Megan were chatting up Eleanor and Danielle, all making sure to stay in touch and talking about getting together again soon. I heard them all talking and laughing but I couldn't bring myself to join them, not matter how hard Violet and Megan tried.
I watch as all the boys make their way back to where us girls were sitting. Harry kept his eyes towards the ground, completely oblivious to the guys laughter around him. This was it, this was going to be good bye. In the matter of minutes I will have to say good bye to someone I have become so attached to, someone I've come to have strong feelings for. I feel a drop in my heart, like it has skipped a beat, and i feel my stomach knot up.
I hug everyone in a daze, saying good bye and promising to stay in touch, my voice monotone and not really holding any conviction. No one drew any attention to my lack of smiles and laughs, or how Harry and I withdrew from everyone once we finished saying bye.
Once we were far enough away to have some privacy, or as much privacy as you could get while you were on a beach, Harry pulled me into him, hugging me close. Harrys reluctancy to let me go only made holding back my tears that much harder. I didn't try and hide them though, letting them soak into Harry's shirt as I laid my head against his chest.
"You have my number right?" I nod against his chest. "Good. I have yours and I will text you as soon as i get service, even though I know you won't get it for awhile."
"Okay, good. I will text you back as soon as I am able," I tell him, my voice barely a whisper.
"I want you to know how much I care about you. That this wasn't just some weekend fling for me," he tilts my head up and his beautiful green eyes lock on my sad brown ones, "I am never going to forget you, Abigail, my beautiful, beautiful girl."
My breath hitches, cut off by a sob wracking my chest, "I'll never forget you either Harry," my voice betraying me and cutting out. I hold onto him like my life depended on it, like it was the last time I was going to see him.
"This isn't goodbye forever, we will see each other again. Promise me we will see each other again," he begs me and all I can do is nod, not trusting my voice. "Say it. Abby, I need you to tell me that we will see each other again." I see the desperation in his eyes, I can feel it rolling off of his as he cups my face.
"I promise. We will see each other again," I tell him, knowing full well it's something neither of us can really promise. We don't know what the future holds for us, we don't know where we will be in days, weeks, months down the road. So I make the best promise I could, a promise that I will hope and pray with all my might that we will see each other again.
He kisses me one last time, our lips molding perfectly together. I cling to him, pressing into him more, needed to show him that he has been everything to me these past few days. Showing him that he wasn't just a weekend fling for me either. I could care less that our friends were mere feet from us, that they probably had a perfect view of our misery. All I could care about at this exact moment was savoring this perfect last kiss, savoring the feel of Harry's soft, full lips against mine and savoring the taste of him.
Someone cleared their throat behind us and we slowly and reluctantly break apart. Liam stood behind us, closer than the rest of the group, he looked at us and let out a soft sigh before speaking.
"I'm sorry mate, but we should get going. We have a plane to catch," Liam says apologetically. Harry nods and hold up his pointer finger, asking for one more minute. Liam nods and walks back off to the rest of the group.
"Remember, I'll text you as soon as I can. And I will call you when I can and we can skype or FaceTime," Harry reassures me, gently brushing back the stray hair from my face.
"I'll remember," I tell him, standing up on my toes, a task quite harder to do in sand, and press my lips to his once more. Harry grabs my hand and we make out way back to everyone. We say another quick goodbye before Harry and his friends head off to climb in their boat.
I walk with Harry all the way to the water, going in up to my shins. Harry leans down and kisses me quickly before walking off towards the boat, letting our hands drop, just like my heart. I stay there in the water while they turn their boat around, and when they start to take off. Harry turns around and looks at me, waving one last time. I bring my hand up in a small wave, letting it drop back to my side when the sight of him was getting smaller and smaller, until I couldn't even make out their boat anymore.
I walk back to the beach, my movements sluggish and heavy. Once I'm back on the sand, I fall to my knees, unable to stand any longer. I felt weak and vulnerable and completely lost. In a matter of days my whole life was changed. A boy stumbled his way into my life and showed me how to live again. How am I suppose to continue to live when my strength just sped away on a boat?
I'm thankful Josh held Violet back when we tried making her way over to me, understanding my need for some time alone. I needed time to process this.
I needed time to come to terms with the fact that I was most likely never going to see Harry again.
Oh my god guys, this chapter just about killed me to write. I'm pretty much crying right now and my stomach is all in knots :( I hope the sadness I was trying to convey came through, as well as their desperation. This took me a lot longer to write only because I wanted it to be absolutely percent for you guys. And FYI, I know it kind of feels like the end of the book but I can assure you it is not! I have more plans for this book and it's far from being over! Please comment and let me know what you think and don't forget to vote!
And a shout out to jmar1104 for being absolutely amazing and such a huge supporter!! Your kind words and words of encouragement mean the world to me and I can't thank you enough! everyone should check out her books! She is an awesome writer and her books are amazing!! Xx