Hope (Harry Styles)

14.

Oh a third update today... Only cause I love you! :-P

Fix You- Coldplay

We sat, again, in silence. My body curled up against his as I rest my head against his chest, his heartbeat loud and steady. The air around us was thick, from the coming storm and from the fact that Harry was leaving tomorrow morning. The end of our last conversation seemed to be weighing on us, making the fact that we will most likely never see each other again more obvious. Our lives were just in different places, moving at different rates. It wasn't like one of us could just drop everything and move and pick our lives back up in a different country. It wasn't that easy. And we talked about that, that maybe after we are done with college, that one of us could make the big move but realized how big of a decision that was to make and that it wasn't one we could make right now. Who knows where our lives will lead us six months down the road, a year down the road, it's impossible to know. We just had to hold on and let fate decide.

I don't know how long we sat there, the sun was still up but it was now obstructed by more clouds than before, signaling incoming rain. I guess the weather was in tune with our mood. Harry shifted beneath me, his hand reaching up to stroke my hair, brushing it back off my face. The gesture is so sweet and loving and his touch so gentle it made my heart hurt. It was so unfair, that I would meet someone who is everything I've been looking for just for him to be taken away from me. Maybe this was my punishment for not being a good enough friend to Hope and keeping her from getting into that car.

"Hey Harry?" I say softly, keeping my voice low. I remembered something he said during our conversation, something about me helping him get back to the person he was and I wanted to ask him about that.

"Yeah?" He tilts his head so he could look at me and I shift so I'm sitting up again, facing him like I was earlier.

"So, earlier you mentioned something about me helping you get back to who you used to be, what did you mean by that?" I ask, watching his small smile falter just a little, a deep V forming between his eyebrows. I can tell that my question made him uncomfortable and I feel bad for asking and I was just about to tell him that he didn't need to answer when he spoke.

"It's kind of a long story," he trails off, looking unsure.

"We have all night," I urge him, wanting him to open up to me. I know if the tables were turned and he asked me about Hope, I knew I'd talk with him about it, even though it would be hard too. He deserved it, after dealing with my crazy up and down moods and dealing with all the craziness with Sean, explaining the reason behind all of that was the least I could do.

He smirks, nodding. He pinches his bottom lip between his fingers, eyes moving back and forth between mine. "Well, you know how important family is to me," I nod when he pauses, "well, there was this one night, last year, I had a huge fight with my mum, I can't even remember what it was over now that I think of it, just something stupid. And my sister Gemma was getting on my case about school and other random shit, and I just stormed out of the house and went to the party that was going on that night. I got completely pissed, I mean I was unable to walk straight and I could hardly see. I was just so upset about the argument with my mother and Gemma that I used alcohol to drown it all out. After I was completely trashed, I had the sudden urge to apologize to my mum and Gemma. That a simple phone call wouldn't do, that I needed to go home and apologize. I can't explain it, I just really wanted to go home and see them," I stiffen, thinking I know where this is going. My breaths come out quicker, trying to keep pace with my steadily increasing heart rate. I nod, urging him to continue.

"Well, me being a complete dumbass, decided that I was going to drive. Everyone begged and begged, some tried to physically stop me but failed. Nothing was going to stop me. I was determined and not thinking clearly and wasn't going to let anything stop me. I got in that car and Started driving, my vision was blurry and I grew incredibly tired, the alcohol in my system making it hard to keep my eyes open. I remember wanting to close them for just a second, just one second," he takes a deep breath before continuing, I squeeze his hand, " I was jolted awake when my car hit the guardrail, making my car spin out of control and hit a tree, stopping me. I walked away with just a few scratches and some bruises. How that happen is beyond me, I deserved a lot worse for being so selfish and so careless." His voice broke at the end and it broke my heart seeing him so torn up about this. I can understand why he was so upset with what happened, having a near death experience can do that to someone, but seeing him so upset had me wondering if someone else was involved in the accident.