A/N- Warning! Suicidal instances. Read at your own risk.
As he laid there on what seemed to be a bed for two people, Medic stared at the empty wall as darkness engulfed his being.
His blank face showed no sign of emotion but his blue eyes, circled by dark rings of stress and anxiety, said otherwise. Soon, a teardrop found its way out of his glimmering eyes, down his cheek and finally unto the pillow. He groped the vast space around him and settled his hand on another pillow before pulling it close and hugging it tight.
Usually, you'd pop your head through the doorway by this hour, ask him how his day had been and if there was anything you could do to ease up the tensions of the day.
But it didn't seem like that today, nor will it ever.
Medic shook as more tears pushed their way out of his eyes. It was all his fault, and he knew it. You had been nothing but caring to him, and he...
I treated her like dirt.
All you ever asked of him was to listen. You needed his shoulder to lean on, and yet, every time you do, he always seemed to be engrossed, preoccupied, distracted.
"Medic, it was awful today! Firstly, my boss thought that-"
"I'm sorry Schatz, ve can talk later but right now, I'm very busy."
And you watched as he continued to tweak with his weapons and the medigun. It wasn't an uncommon feeling to feel second place in the doctor's heart anymore. You've loved him for a long time, and he's told you likewise, but it wasn't long before you wondered if this was only a fling for him, a spur of the moment thing, maybe even friends with benefits, whatever you'd like to call it.
Nonetheless, you still looked out for him, not wanting any force in the world to hurt him. When he is wounded, you'd treat him, he'd say his thanks and leave to finish whatever contraption he has been working on.
"Medic, please, get some rest."
"I can't Frau, zhis is important. I can't afford any delay."
"But you haven't moved from that spot for four hours! At least have something to eat."
"Nein, zhat von't be needed."
"Can I at least get you some coffee?"
"No. You can go now (Y/N)."
Thankfully, it seemed as if he also noticed that he was putting his work ahead of you, and so, Medic came to see you one night and gave you the biggest surprise you've ever gotten.
"What?"
"Vould you like to go out tomorrow night? Maybe 7 at the old restaurant?"
"Y- yeah! Alright, oh I'm so excited- thank you!"
And you leaned uo to peck him on the lips.
"I'll be waiting."
"You shouldn't wait long Schatz."
"...I never thought that we'd be doing these things anymore."
"Vhy is zhat?"
"Well, you always work...we barely have enough time for each other."
"I know, I'm sorry Schatz."
"It's alright. It was nice of you to ask me out though; I knew you still care."
"Of course I do Schatz, remember zhat even though I am avay."
And so came the big night. You excitedly got ready and made sure you were 15 minutes earlier than the designated time. Once seated, you placed your hands on the table and waited. And waited...and waited. It has been an hour already, and yet, you held on to his promise that he'll come. In the meantime, you took the liberty of playing with the napkin, checking your face in front of the mirror and ordering at least seven servings of cold water.
9:15
Still no sign of him. Devastated and heart broken, you left the restaurant, went home and took your rest bitterly that night. It was the last straw for you. For the first time, you were able to think much more clearly. You began to consider ending the relationship. You noticed that you and him haven't exactly had any intimacy for quite awhile now. You weren't hoping for a "Couple of the Year Award"...but you did hope on becoming a couple with him. This situation feels nothing like that: no emotional gratification, no exclusiveness...no time.
You sighed before dozing off to an uneasy sleep. What a miserable, pathetic night.
The next morning, Medic came fairly early and found you still asleep. He also noticed the pillow beneath you; its once vibrant colors now distorted with dried tear marks.
"I'm sorry Schatz...zhe mission took longer zhan usual. Ve had to battle machines and I svear it needed all of our-"
"Forget it."
You woke up suddenly, angry and still disappointed from the events of last night.
"(Y/N), be reasonable! Ve need zhis money-"
"I DON'T NEED MONEY! I NEVER ASKED THAT YOU WORK THIS MUCH!"
"I earn for us and you haff done nothing-"
"You never spend time with me! You love that worke more than me!"
"I don't need zhis..."
Medic shut his eyes and cringed, holding the pillow painfully tighter. He'll never forget the look of pain on your face whenever he let you down...and he'll never forget your face when he upset you with a startling news one day.
"(Y/N), I haff to go somevhere far. It's a business matter. I'll be back in a month."
"A month!? Medic, you're going to leave me again for that long?"
"It'll be quick Schatz, just trust me on this."
"I did trust you! I chose to be with you because I thought that you'd protect me, love me, take care of me...now I'm starting to regret everything."
Medic sobbed harder as he recalled the way you stormed off his sight. And whether or not you made up with him that day, he still went on the trip and left you all alone.
On the way to the airport, he seemed less focused. Your face, your tears, your voice- for once, they were the only things running in his mind. He could no longer deny the heaviness in his heart. He felt as if he has taken you for granted; all your care, your love finally made their way to clear his eyes.
I can't do this. I haff to go back. I haff to make amends...I've hurt her too much.
And so, quickly, he took the route back and excitedly awaited to see your face. He also bought your favorite flowers of choice, the same ones he got you when you two first started dating.
"Schatz! I'm here-!"
He nearly fell back at the sight that littered the front of his house. Policemen everywhere! Their vehicles' lights were blaring menacingly, the men themselves roaming around like unsettling ants.
"Vhat is going on?!"
"Do you have any relation to the woman in this house, (Y/N) (L/N)?"
"I'm her husband, vhat happened?"
"I'm sorry sir, but while you were away, escaped inmates broke into the house and attempted a robbery to the place. However, your wife saw them and tried to fight them off, but they overpowered her and hit her with a vase to the head. It caused a lethal concussion and she bled to death before the authorities could reach her. We're sorry for your loss."
And at that time, Medic's chest tightened and he tried holding his emotions in. Maybe this was the wrong address, maybe this house just looked similar to their own.
"No, my vife can't be zhat voman. She is full of life and dreams...she- she can't possibly be gone...I-I still haff not told her I'm sorry!"
"I'm sorry sir, but-"
"No, stop!" Medic cried out suddenly, trying to block the painful memory of one week ago. "I'm so sorry (Y/N)! I should haff been zhere...I could've protected you, Schatz!"
He broke down even more, covering his shame with his hands. He wetted his palms with misery and only then did he realize that his pain was nothing compared to everything he's put you through.
"I hope you can forgive me Frau...but don't vorry," he said quietly, opening the top drawer of the nightstand next to your bed and pulling out a pistol, "you von't haff to vait any longer..."
He aimed it at his temple and let out a tired, heavy sigh.
"...maybe ve can still make amends in the afterlife."
He closed his eyes and smiled sadly.
"Ich liebe dich..."