edited march 7th 2O22
I know that taking the abortion pills was for the best. I had to keep telling myself that as I sat back against the door. I was mentally kicking myself, but I put thought into it and it was what was necessary. I thought about Judith and how she'd never experience what a real childhood was like. Playing outside with your friends, riding your bikes to the end of the street and racing back. Playground and jungle gyms with your best friends on Saturday afternoons.
I was the epitome of upset. I didn't want to get rid of this baby, but knowing half of my childhood was robbed, and all of Judith's. The dangers of what a newborn screaming baby would bring over the groups. The times we weren't able to eat or drink because we were not certain of where the next round of supplies would come from or when. That was no way to live and there was a choice.
I had just about crumpled up the box as I walked out of my bathroom, only to see Carl standing there. His eyes immediately fixated on what was in my hand. "What is that?"
"What are you doing over here?"
"Don't change the subject." He walked over and I pushed his chest. "None of your business, I need you to leave. I don't want to be around you right now." I was then disrespected once again and Carl snagged the box from my hand. He immediately knew what I had just done and threw the box aside.
"You've got to be joking?"
"It's my fucking body, you have no right to lecture me. You lost all that right when you decided you wanted to cheat on me. So, again, you need to leave my room." I pointed to the door and he wouldn't budge. It was like speaking to a wall, he was so hardheaded.
"You made that decision like it has nothing to do with me. That was my baby, Ella. You could take out your anger on me, but you don't do that to something so defenseless." It took everything in me not to laugh in his face. "It doesn't have anything to do with you. You and me are not together, and what I decide is best for my body, goes. I don't need to run that by you. You got me?"
"Having a baby takes two, Ella. You said it yourself, we both said it. That was my baby too. When this happens, you give up the I's for us, you don't make those kinds of decisions without talking to me." I could see tears brimming Carl's eyes. "I don't see it that way anymore. There is no more us."
"Ella, I cannot lose you again. I'm so sorry that I cheated on you with Tegan. I was a fucking idiot."
"We argue more than we love. This can't be healthy. The world is already so scary and miserable. We can't keep doing this to one another because it's not fair to either of us. I just think what's best right now is that we go our own ways, emotionally. We are in the same group and I think it should just stay that way for now." I was almost finished but I pleaded that I needed to be alone.
"I love you so much." Carl said before he walked out of my room.
I thought about it more and what I said was true. We argued more than we love, it's not like we could give each other so much space. The space we could get, we should give. Maybe Tegan was better for him right now than I was. I just couldn't be with him right now.
Carl paced over to The Howard home, and subtly knocked. Tegan opened the door and smiled. "What are you doing over here, you?" Her soft voice sounded and Carl slightly smiled. "I came to talk to you, hopefully." Tegan welcomed him inside and they both sat on the couch. "Look, Carl, I actually do want to apologize. It's been forever since I've had any other male company that was not my dad and brother. I shouldn't have kissed a somebody that was in a relationship, that wasn't right. I can't lie and say I don't like you though. If you and Ella don't work out, I would like a chance with you. I think we could be good together."
Carl's POV
Maybe Tegan was right. She was right to apologize, maybe Ella and I really did need space. I wasn't sure if I needed it from her or just from everybody. I wasn't completely against the idea of being with Tegan though and since Ella and I weren't together anymore, there would be no harm in trying things out with Tegan.
Ella's POV
Hours had passed and finally the group was back. I ran to Daryl and Glenn in particular and received such warm hugs. I loved these men so much and knowing I still had the made me so happy. "Took you long enough, I was worried." I shoved Daryl and he proceeded to say "Nothing to worry about little one, only one that can kill Daryl is Daryl." Glenn rolled his eyes and we both laughed.
"Dad!" Carl walked through the door and hugged his dad. I said nothing but gave them both a faint smile. Carol put her hand on my shoulder and gave it a squeeze. "I'll be in my room. I'm pretty exhausted." Carol nodded her head and I made eye contact with Carl one last time before heading back up.
I sat on my bed and massaged my temples. I always got wicked migraines from crying so much, I was over it. I then heard a faint knock at the door and told whomever it was to come in. The door opened and behind it revealed Carl.
"What do you want, Carl?"
"I know that kissing Tegan and allowing it to happen again was a massive dick move on my part and I really am sorry. I won't make you be with me because I think it's probably best we take whatever space we can get and have it away from each other. I love you a lot, Ella and that will never stop."
Just like that, Carl and I were over. I didn't want to fight for this, not now, not anymore. I was exhausted from this back and forth with him. I needed air, I needed to just be away for a while. I got up from the bed and told Carl that I supported our time apart but that I wanted to be alone at this very moment.
I went downstairs and out the front door. "Where you going, little one?" Daryl called out and I ignored him. I thought to clear my head from this annoyance and my feet nearly left me behind. Before I knew it I was in the middle of the street to the neighborhood that we occupied, I sat down and crossed my legs.
I felt a hand on my shoulder and I pleaded that I wanted to be alone. Expecting it to be one of my family members, but once I heard a terrible growl I realized it wasn't. For a reason only my subconscious could explain, I didn't try and fight back. I let the walker fall onto my body and before it could take me, there was a blade through its temple.
I looked back and saw the walker lying on the ground and Ryne with his knife drenched in blood.
I stood up and crossed my arms. "Why did you do that?" I asked and he looked at me sideways. "You could say 'thank you'." He wiped his knife off on his pants and I sighed. "I wanted to be alone, that's why I came out here." I started to walk away and he stopped me.
"I know there isn't much left in this life to be excited over, but I don't think you should give up that easily. You have an entire family in there that would be devastated if something happened to you. I won't let you give up, not even over somebody like Carl."
Ryne was right and I hated it.
"He officially ended things with me, that's why I came out here. Isn't that great? He cheats on me then he tells me he thinks we should be apart." I laughed and wanted to tear up, but wouldn't because that felt pretty pathetic.
"Two fucking years, and your family comes along. It's not your fault and I am not putting blame on you at all, but it's just textbook bullshit. A new girl our age shows up and he cheats on me. It's not like we didn't have our problems before, but he never cheated on me. He always looked at me like his earth stopped moving. I sound so stupid, I just want to be alone."
I felt so dumb for rambling on to somebody I barely knew, but Ryne was really good at listening to me and I loved venting to Carol. It was just different with somebody near my age that didn't already have a biased opinion.
Before I could walk away, Ryne stopped me. "I'll let you be alone if that's what you really want, but please just do it inside. You and I both know it's not safe out here. I would feel a little better knowing you were at least crying in your room and not these random ass streets." I slightly chuckled with Ryne.
"I wish you were able to smile more often, it looks so good on you."
I felt my stomach drop. I was a sucker for cheap words, especially in such a vulnerable state. I reluctantly agreed to follow him back to the house.
"Hey, thank you for listening to me. I know there are so many other things to do now a days, but it helps to have somebody to talk to." Ryne smiled and said "For as long as I'm with your group, I'll always be here for you. I hope the energy is likewise, it wouldn't hurt to have a friend or even just somebody to talk to now a days."
We both smiled at each other.
Carl's POV
"I hope things can workout with us. I'm really interested in you." Tegan smiled and planted her lips on mine. I spread my hands out on her lower back and pulled her closer to me. I pulled back gently and we both smiled. "The feeling is mutual, Tegan."