After my trial was over, I was allowed to return to twelve. I'm not quite sure if I'd describe it as being allowed to return to twelve, more like being condemned. Though I'm not arguing, twelve is home.
One of the conditions made in allowing me to leave the Capitol was to continue being seen by Dr. Aurelius. It'll have to be done over the phone though, there's no way he'd consider moving to twelve.
Plutarch, Haymitch, and I take a hovercraft home. During the flight, Plutarch mentions something about eventually finding me a job in the Capitol. They can't now due to the fact I'm currently not allowed there. I'm a little confused after. Why Haymitch would be returning to twelve? If they can find me a role, why couldn't they find one for Haymitch? Especially since he didn't assassinate the President of the new Panem.
After dropping Plutarch off in Three, I look across the way at Haymitch.
"So why are you going back to twelve?" I ask.
"They can't seem to find a place for me in the Capitol either, sweetheart."
"Oh," I say.
That's when it hits me. If he's coming back to twelve, it's because he's been ordered to.
"You have to look after me, don't you? As my mentor?" He nods. "So, my mother isn't coming back, is she?"
"No," he says reaching into the pocket of his jacket. "She's helping build a hospital in four. She wants you to call her when you get home."
He hands me an envelope he just pulled out from his shirt pocket. I take it and look at the beautifully formed I handwriting, tracing it with my finger. I don't blame her for not coming back. Between my father, Prim, and the ashes, it would just be too difficult for her.
After what seems like an eternity, we land in Twelve. In the darkness of the night, Haymitch and I walk down the green between the houses in the Victor's Village. He helps me into my house, although I don't know why. I am perfectly capable of doing it alone.
I take a seat on the rocking chair in front of the pre-lit fireplace. Haymitch heads for the door but stops before walking out. He turns to me and starts to speak. "See you tomorrow."
I nod and turn back to look at the fire. Once I'm confident he cant hear me I mutter under my breath, "I doubt it."
I don't feel like moving from the chair to my bedroom to sleep. The rest of the house is cold, empty, and dark. I'd rather stay here by warm fire, at least that's what I tell myself. It's just an excuse for my lack of motivation to move.
It's been several days since we've returned home. I haven't changed my clothes or even showered. I don't care. It's not like I have anyone here I need to impress, or anyone who cares. It's just me. Gale didn't even come back to twelve. Heck, I don't even want to be here. I just want to be dead. I would be if Peeta hadn't knocked the nightlock pill out of my hands.
Over time I start moving to the couch to get some sleep, but it's a constant battle with my nightmares. Sometimes I'm too scared to fall asleep. Others the nightmares keep me up. A good night's rest is extremely rare. It's even harder now that I don't have Peeta to comfort me when I wake up screaming.
One night, a nightmare wins the battle I've come to know so well. I wake up trembling and sit in the rocking chair, fighting sleep for the rest of the evening.
I notice I've fallen back asleep because I'm woken up by Greasy Sae making a ruckus in the kitchen.
"Oh, good. You're up," Sae says, a little to cheerfully for my liking. "Here, I've made you eggs and toast, eat up."
I grunt in response.
She sits there and watches until she's satisfied I've eaten enough, which is barely anything. We don't talk much. Once I'm finished Sae cleans up the kitchen and does the dishes before she leaves. It wont be long until I see her again. She claims she's just being neighborly, but I'm pretty sure the capitol has hired her to watch after me. God forbid something happen to their precious Mockingjay.
She comes twice a day, once for breakfast and another for dinner. She cooks, I eat. Not much else happens.
Sometimes the phone rings on end. Haymitch never visits. I start to think he's changed his mind and left the district, but then realize he's just too drunk to function.
Several days later Greasy Sae mentions Dr. Aurelius's advice about going through the motions until something has meaning. "It's spring, you love this weather. Why don't you get out and go hunting?"
I shake my head, "Even if I wanted to, I don't have a bow."
"Oh yes you do. Go look down the hall," she says.
I get up, still in the clothes I left the capitol in, and head down the hall into the study. I find a box with my father's hunting jacket, my parent's wedding photo, the spile Haymitch sent into the quell, Peeta's locket, and the pearl he gave me on the beach. I grab the pearl and run it through my fingers like I did during my time at the hospital in thirteen.
His name escapes my mouth, "Peeta."
Tears well up in my eyes as I put the pearl back in the box and put on my father's jacket. I grab my bow and a sheath of arrows that sit on the desk next to the box.
I decide today is as good a day as any to try moving on.
I head out, intending to exit Twelve through the meadow. Although it doesn't look the same, it's been dramatically altered. A deep pit has been dug, and they're filling it with bones and ash, a mass grave for the people of Twelve killed in the bombing.
I make my way around the hole and enter the woods at my usual place, out of habit. The fence has been turned off, but stays up to keep the animals in the woods out. It's no longer meant to keep people in.
I think about going to the lake, but I'm so weak that I barley make it to the place where I would meet Gale. I sit on the rock where Cressida filmed me singing, but it's too wide without his body beside me. Several times I close my eyes and count to ten, thinking that when I open them, he will have appeared without a sound as he so often did. I have to remind myself that Gale's in two with a fancy job. Besides, he's most likely the one responsible for Prim's death. The bombs were his idea. Suddenly I feel fire inside. One minute I'm missing Gale, the next I hate him. I hate that I missed Gale. I hate him. I'm so full of rage that even my happy place isn't calming me down. I decide to just go back home and lay on the sofa.
I fall asleep but a nightmare soon follows. I wake up still half in the nightmare. I run towards the front door, out of the house, and around the corner. When I see him, I stop in my tracks.
"Peeta?" I ask. He gets up and faces me.
"Hey Katniss," he answers.
I run into his arms and pull him into my embrace, never wanting to let go. "You're back?"
"Yeah, Dr. Aurelius wouldn't let me leave the Capitol until yesterday," Peeta says in my hair.
I pull away, staring at him. He looks well. Thin and covered with burn scars like me, but his eyes have lost that clouded, tortured look.
He's frowning slightly, as he takes me in. It's then I realize what I must look like, a mess. I make a half-hearted effort to push my hair out of my eyes, finding it matted into clumps. Probably because I still haven't showered since returning to Twelve. I look at his hands and suddenly feel defensive.
"What are you doing?" I ask angrily.
"I went to the woods this morning and dug these up... For her," He says. "I thought we could plant them along the side of the house."
I look at the bushes, the clods of dirt hanging from their roots, and catch my breath as the word rose registers. I'm about to yell vicious things at him and shove him against the wall like I did after his interview during our first games, when the full name registers.
Primrose.
I give a nod of approval and hurry back to into my house, locking the door behind me.
It's been an exhausting day so I decide to lay on the couch and try and get some rest. But of course, the nightmares don't seem to agree that I need sleep. I dream about losing Prim and then Peeta. All Snow's doing. I hear Snow laugh and tell me again that it's the things we love most that destroy us. I wake up screaming. I must not have been asleep for very long because Peeta's at my front door.
"Katniss!" he screams as he bangs on the door. "Katniss! Are you ok? C'mon open the door. Katniss, please."
It takes all I have in me to get off the couch and let him in. I manage to open the door before my knees give out. But before I hit the ground, Peeta grabs me and pulls me into his arms. Whispering soothing phrases into my ear as he holds me.
"Shh, Katniss. It's alright. It wasn't real. You're safe."
That's when I hear the all too familiar hiss. My head snaps as I get up to walk into the kitchen. Peeta follows me. It takes a while before I believe he's real. How could he have gotten here? He'd have to have walked all the way from Thirteen. Maybe they kicked him out or he just couldn't stand it there without her, so he came looking.
"It was the waste of a trip. She's not here," I tell him.
"Katniss, come on," Peeta tries to get me to leave him alone, but Buttercup hisses again.
"She's not here, you can hiss all you want. You won't find Prim."
When he hears her name, he perks up and begins to meow hopefully.
"Get out!" He dodges the pillow I throw at him. "Go away! There's nothing left for you here!"
I start to shake, furious with him. Peeta grabs Buttercup and walks to the door but I continue yelling.
"She's not coming back! She's never coming back here again!"
Peeta puts the cat outside and walks toward me. When he embraces me the tears begin to pour down my checks.
"She's dead."
I start to sob uncontrollably.
"I know, Katniss. It's ok," Peeta tries to calm me down. He holds me and just lets me cry. Once I calm down, he walks me over to the sofa and tells me he should go back home.
"Peeta wait," I say and he stops in his tracks. "Stay with me?"
Peeta walks over and sits next to me.
"Always," he replies.
***
AN:
Hope you enjoyed this chapter. This is my first wattpad story and I'm super excited to start this journey! Feel free to leave a comment. I read them all and respond if I can. Thank you!