Hey guys! An update again. The upcoming chapters would focus more on Cara's feelings so its a bit dramatic. I hope you understand. Its part of the plot. So there will be no CaKe moments as for the next few chapter. Enjoy! Please vote and comment!
-A
Cara's POV
"Cara?"
"Cara.."
"Cara.." I felt someone poking my cheek.
I hardly opened my eyes because of the stray of sunlight illuminating the car window andI found Joe looking at me with a sad smile on his face.
I felt a pang of hurt in my chest as I remembered the picture that Joe had showed me a while ago.
A picture that took the life out of me.
A picture that portrays that in life you can't always have what you want or worse what you love.
A picture of Harry and Kendall kissing in the lips.
I just force to smile at him and turn my head to look around. What? We're at his house already?
"You fell asleep while sobbing." He explained as if sensing the confusion in my face.
"How long have I been sleeping?"
He looked at his watch and answered "For about an hour now since we arrived."
"What?! You didn't even wake me up! Jonas!" I exclaimed at him in disbelief but he just laughed at me. "You're too tired to be disturbed Cara. I was thinking on carrying you outside but that would be too much. So I just stayed here with you for an hour."
I chuckled a bit at his dry humor. "You're impossible!" I said while shaking my head.
"Well I guess I am, now let's go and talk things out. Shall we? " He jokingly said while opening the car door for me.
I just nodded my head and we went inside his house.
----------------------------------------------------
"You wanna talk about it now?" He asked me as soon as we sat down at his sofa.
I looked at him with my eyebrow furrowed but he just smirked at me.
"How about, getting your visitor something to drink first." I mock him which made him laugh a bit.
"Okay! Okay! A bottle of red wine?" He enthusiastically asked.
"Mate! We're not on a date or something! I could use some shots. Why don't you bring out the best brandy you got." I challenge him while wiggling my brows.
I could really use some alchohol right now. Maybe the pain would go away even just for a day.
"Jesus. Don't get yourself drunk Delevingne! My girlfriend would kill me if she finds out!" He exclaimed.
"Yeah! Yeah! What ever! Go and get some drinks." I demanded. He just shook his head and made his way to the kitchen.
"You're the best Joe!" I complimented him while giving a thumbs up. He just nodded his head not minding what I just said.
As soon as Joe was out of sight i was again reminded of the sad truth I just learned a while ago.
But like what other people say 'The truth will set you free'.
But how? How can you let go of something that makes you the happiest?
How can you let go of someone who makes your heart beats for a reason?
How can I let Kendall go?
My thoughts was disturbed by the ringing of my phone.
The moment I answered the call, Poppy's worried voice welcome me.
"Cara?! Where are you? Are you okay? Why the hell are you not enswering my call?! " She asked continously not minding me not answering a single question.
I can't help but to smile with my sisters reaction. She cares so much about me. And I thank her for that.
Atleast someone cares about me.
"I'm okay Poppy, i'm here at Joe Jonas house. I think i'll stay here for the night." I explained.
"You got me worried Cara! Have you seen the news? Ken-"
I didn't even let her finish as I cut her off immediately. "Please Poppy, i don't wanna hear another word about that." I said with a hint of hurt in my voice.
I don't wanna be bitter or something but its hurts so much.
It hurts so damn much.
"Okay, I'm sorry about that, but Cara what are you going to do now?" She sadly asked me. I know she's hurting for me too.
"I don't know. I really don't have any idea what I'm going to do." I honestly said to my sister.
I don't really know what to do with my life anymore.
I'm torn in between telling her the truth or just hiding it forever.
If I tell her everything, things will never be the same again. I might lose her and she might just hate me for that and end our friendship. I don't want that to happen. It would kill me a million times over and over again.
And if I would keep this a secret, i will live a life full of lies. I will live every single day of my life seeing Kendall being happy with him. I will live everyday being slowly killed by the fact that I am inlove with someone whose madly inlove with someone else.
In the end my two choices has the same outcome. I would just end up getting killed by either telling her everything and losing her or keeping it a secret and love her secretly, which would both end up on hanging myself on the corner of my room because i can't live with the pain anymore.
"Why don't you just come home as soon as possible? Then we'll have our vacation together. Let's meet Mom and Dad and join them for a week or even a month if you want." Poppy said encourangingly which brought me back from my deep thoughts.
"I don't know Pop. I know i need time to let things cool down but I can't last another day without seeing her again. I can't stand this anymore. Atleast I wanna see her before going home" I explained before taking a deep sigh.
Life is full of shit! Why can't life be less complicated?!
"Why don't you just tell her how you feel?" She asked me which made my eyebrow furrow.
"Can you hear yourself Poppy? She's already in a relationship! I ain't a homewrecker!" I frustratedly said as I massage my temple.
"You can't make it a secret forever! You can't hide it forever! You're lying to yourself and to Kendall too. I didn't say that you'll take her away from him. What I mean is atleast tell her how you feel!" She argued.
"And if I tell her what would happen?! It would just ruin my relationship with her! You know that I can't lose Kendall! I can't! I just cant!" I fight back as the tears that i'm holding started to rush down.
"Stop being negative! Just please atleast be honest to yourself once and for all!" Poppy exclaimed.
"You just don't know how hard this is for me! You're not the one who fell inlove with your bestfriend in the first place!" I argued again as I start to sob because of this talk turning into a fight.
"You're making it hard for yourself! For Christ sake Cara! What you need to do is just tell her and accept everything that's gonna happen after! If she won't accept you then let her be! We've been through this the night before you left and now we're going through it again! "
"This is useless!" I angrily shouted as I get a grip of my hair.
This is just so frustrating! Everything is just so fucking frustrating!
After a long minutes of silence Poppy broke it.
"I'm sorry for shouting, i know you needed time to think." She calmly said.
"I'm sorry too. I just don't know what to do right now Pop." I said as i wipe the tears in my eyes.
"I understand. Just call me if you need anything and come home as soon as possible. Don't do anything stupid coz I swear to God i'm going to take the first flight to LA just to rip your head off. I need to go now, i'll see you soon Cara! Always remember that i'm here for you. Love you!"
I smiled when I heard my sister. She really is the best.
"Alright, I'll see you soon. Take care Pop. Love you!" I said before hanging up.
"I guess you're ready to talk about it now?" Jonas suddenly appeared holding a bottle of brandy and two shot glasses.
I looked at him intently as if asking him if he heard me and Poppy talking. He just smirked at me and went straight the table to put the bottle down.
"Are you eavesdropping?!" I asked him enough to get his attention.
"Cara, you're practically shouting and my house is not that big for me not to hear a single thing. Besides, that's why you're here right? For us to talk about your situation." He answered while pouring me a shot.
I just rolled my eyes at him and nodded my head.
"So just to be clear babe, Its Kendall right? Because I swear to all the Gods out there that I'm gonna kill you if its Gigi." He said while giving me the shot.
I chuckled at what he just said and took the shot straight without hesitating. "You're one hell of a funny guy mate!"
"So its Kendall right?" He again asked me seriously without minding what I just said.
"You're one hell of a possesive boyfriend! I didn't know you have this side of yours." I teased.
"When it comes to Gigi babe, I am! So its Kendall right?" He asked me for the third time.
I just smiled and nodded my head. "You heard it right Joe, I'm deeply, madly and seriously inlove with Kendall Nicole Jenner."
He just smiled at me and offered a toast. "Congratulations babe!" He exclaimed.
"But she's deeply madly and seriously inlove with someone else." I sadly continued as liquid starts to form in my eyes again for God knows how many times today.
I saw him look at me with pity then he put down his shot glass and went to sit beside me.
"It's okay babe! Cheer up! I know that everything will be okay." He comforted me, wrapping an arm around my shoulder.
"It's just so fucking ironic!" I sob while hiding my face with my palms.
"Ssshh..Cara, everything happens for a reason." He said with a concern tone.
"I just don't know what to do now Joe. I was planning to tell her everything! I fucking plan to have a romantic date with her and the first thing that welcomed me is the news that she's officialy taken! I know its not her fault but I just felt fucking useless! I'm a fucking coward!" I manage to say while still crying hard. Earlier I already texted Karlie telling her that the date would not pursue because some thing had happened and she said that its okay, that she would just tell Taylor about it. She even asked me if i'm okay. I told her that I am, even though i'm not. I have enough people worrying about me already.
"You're not a coward okay?! Just let it all out Cara. I'm not good at this but i'm here to hear you out."
I cried harder when i felt Joe hugging me.
"I just want all of this to end!"
"Why didn't I told her everything when I got the chance!" I said while gasping for air because of crying too much.
"Sssshhh..you needed time Cara, being inlove with your bestfriend is not easy! I know that you have your own reasons why you did all the waiting. But you still have the chance! You can always tell her." He said while still rubbing my back.
I just shook my head. "How? How would I tell her? What if she would end our friendship? What if she won't accept it? How can I live without her? Wha-" I was rumbling words and crying at the same time when Joe interrupted me.
"When did you got so negative? What happened to the Cara I met 3 years ago?" He asked with a confused look on his face.
I just shrugged my shoulder. "I don't know Joe. She seem just disappeared. That Cara is gone now."
"I'm this messed up version of myself now." I sadly continued as I wipe the tears thats running down my face.
"Don't say that Cara! You know its in there! You just have to bring it out again. Just be your old self babe. Be possitive on things, be the Cara who inspired everyone to be true to themselves, be that Cara again babe and I swear everything will be fine."
He reassured me while fixing the strands of my hair that had been covering my eyes.
"I don't know Joe, i don't know if i still have that in me."
"Just think of the positive things that might happen if you'll tell everything to her. Don't leave with regrets Cara. Do what makes you happy and fuck everything else! You can't live with that forever. It would be your burden."
I just turn my gaze at him and he smiled at me and nodded his head as if encouraging me to do the right thing. "Just tell her Cara." He seriously said.
"I just feel bad about this. I don't want to ruin them Joe." I said sadly.
Its true. I don't want to ruin their relationship.
"You're not ruining them! You'll just tell everything to Kendall." He argued.
"Its the same thing Joe."
"Its not Cara. If Kendall feel the same way about you, then Harry should thank you. Why? Because you just grab his ass out of a relationship that wouldn't work in the first place. How can it work if Kendall is not inlove with him at all. You get what I mean?" He explained.
"I don't know Joe. I guess i'll just wait for the right time."
Maybe Poppy and Joe are right! I need to atleast tell Kendall how I truly feel for her without expecting anything in return.
I just need to find the right time and right place to tell her everything.
I'll tell her the truth when that time comes and i'll accept whatever the consiquences is. I'm done hiding and lying. I want to be free.
I want to tell her everything but I think i need to wait for the right time. I respect Kendall and her relationship with Harry.
I love her that much.
Just fucking messed up once Styles and i'll grab the chance.
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