August 3, 2012
Back in Texas
I sat in the passenger's seat of my truck just thinking, as Ryan drove. The tree's whizzing by as we passed.
California had been great. Well, most of it anyways.
Despite all that had happened while we were there, I still had a great time. I still couldn't get my head around the fact that I might be pregnant.
Would Ryan even want a baby?
Was I even ready to be a mother?
What would my dad do to me? I instantly pale at the thought.
He would probably kill me in the cruelest way possible. No joke. I didn't even want to think about it.
"Are you okay, Laina?" Ryan asked. I turned to look at him, giving him a small smile.
"I'm fine. Just tired. I'm sad we have to go back." I half lied to him.
I really didn't want to go back but I wasn't tired at all. I was scared to death of what would happen after this.
Thing's could either go really bad, or really good. I wasn't sure which of the two was going to happen yet. But, I was keeping my faith in the really good option.
"Don't worry. One day, I'll buy us a place close to the ocean." He grinned.
"Us? You mean you?" I asked.
"Nope. It will be ours." He smirked causing me to giggle.
"Well, I guess we should start saving up then." I laughed shaking my head.
"I already have been." He stated. I look at him shocked. He was really serious.
"Oh." I mumble.
"I love you, Alaina. No matter what, I always will. I see a future with you. You're the one for me." I feel the tears well up in my eye's.
"I love you too, Ryan. Always." He smiles and takes my hand in his, giving it a gentle kiss on the back.
The rest of the ride was silent. We were both exhausted by the time we arrived at my house.
It was almost two a.m. when we pulled in the driveway. After unloading the horse's we decided to just head to bed.
It was seven a.m. when I woke up. Ryan, of course, was out like a light and I didn't figure he would be up anytime soon. I giggled as I escaped the hold his arms had on me.
I dressed in a pair of jeans and an old plain white t-shirt. After tucking in my shirt, I put on my belt. I looked in the mirror before exiting the room. My boobs looked slightly bigger than normal and my stomach felt bloated. My face looked like it was glowing.
I never really thought pregnant women had a glow until now.
Shaking my head, I was still in disbelief. I needed to go in town and get a pregnancy test to find out for sure. And I needed to do it while everyone was still in bed.
After quietly sneaking out of the house, I made my way to my truck.
I un-hitched the horse trailer before heading into town. For as early as it was, town was busy. It must have been the since there would be a small rodeo in town in a few weeks.
I pulled into the local pharmacy to buy some tests. I couldn't take them at home. I didn't want my dad finding out. After purchasing the tests I opened the box sticking all three of the small white sticks in my pocket and found the nearest bathroom.
I sat there in silence, trying not to bite my fingernails as the butterflies floated in my belly. I wanted to throw up. Glancing at my watch and I saw that the three minutes were finally up. Ever so slowly I walked to the sink and looked at the two sticks I had used. My heart dropped when I saw those three little pink plus signs.
Positive. All of them.
I wanted to cry, scream, punch the bathroom mirror into a million pieces. I wanted to jump for joy and cheer. Feeling all these mixed emotions at once, I could feel a headache coming on.
It wasn't that I didn't love the idea of having Ryan's baby, but it was the timing of it all. It seemed that it wasn't on my side. I still had to go to the doctor to find out if everything was okay.
How far along was I?
When will I know if it's a boy or a girl? All these things started to rush through my head.
How was I going to tell Ryan? I thought.
I would tell him after I went to the doctor. Then I could tell him everything. I smiled.
He would be happy, wouldn't he?
AUGUST 13, 2012
Austin, Texas
It had been a few weeks since I had taken the test and the doctor had me scheduled for to come in on the 28th.
He apologized for the long wait and said that he had been really busy since his work partner had been ill, causing him to have to care for his patients too.
After tending to the morning chores, I make my way into the house for breakfast before I go on a ride. My mom is sitting at the kitchen table reading the newspaper when I come in.
"What's for breakfast, mom?" I give her a small smile and look on the stove to see a plate of sausage gravy and biscuits and hash browns, pre-made on a plate.
"Mom, that's way too much food! I can't eat all that!" I tell her. She raises her eyebrows and gives me a pointed look.
"Well I just figured since you were eating for two you'd be extra hungry." She smiles and I frown.
Uh oh.
"What are you talking about?" I ask trying to play dumb. I'm such a terrible liar when it comes to her.
"Alaina, I know." She states with a smirk. My eye's go wide.
"How-?"
"Alaina, I may not seem like it but I notice much more than you think. Besides, I found the receipt for your tests in your jean pocket." I mentally face palm myself.
So stupid, Alaina. Why don't you ever do your own laundry you idiot?
"You're not mad?" I ask ashamed.
"No. I'm upset that you didn't think you could tell me, but I'm happy. I see the way you look at that boy and the way he looks at you. I used to look at your father that way. I know you're head over heels for him, and he is the same about you. He will make a good father. You need to tell him." She scolds, pointing the spatula at me.
"I plan on it after I go to the doctors. I just want to make sure everything is okay first." I assure her.
"I understand, Alaina. Just make sure you don't overdue yourself. I know how you are." She warns before leaving the kitchen.
A wave of relief hit me, my mother knows. At least she wasn't upset. I should have never doubted her.
After finishing the entire plate my mother left for me I make my way back outside towards the barn. When I begin to saddle Rebel up when he starts acting like a psycho.
"Rebel! What the hell is the matter with you? Be still!" I shout holding up my hands trying to quiet him.
Just as I'm about to walk towards and to try and calm him down, I feel a hand grab a fist full of my hair.
I yelp in pain as I'm pushed into the wooden wall of Rebel's stall. The sound of Rebel's hooves can be heard as they hit the cement as he runs down the middle of the barn and out the doors.
"So you're carrying a little bastard child, are ya'?" It was my dad and he was more than drunk this time. He was hammered beyond belief.
"I don't know what you're talking about!" I yelped as he gripped my hair harder.
Before he responded he slammed my head against the wall causing my vision to blur.
"Don't give me that shit! I heard you and your mother talking! I know everything you little whore!" He growled, throwing me onto the dirt floor.
In a blink he was sitting on my stomach with his hands around my neck.
"Dad, please stop!" I cried, gasping for air. I clawed at his hands to trying to pull them away.
I could see the anger in his eye's and I knew that he wouldn't stop no matter what I tried to do, he was out for blood this time. His intention was to kill me.
"I've been waiting so long for this. I wanna watch the life drain from your eye's! I wanna watch you die for what you did to your brother!" He sneered as he started squeezing my neck tighter and tighter.
I knew he was telling the truth. He was going to kill me. My breathing began to become more and more shallow as the moments passed.
My vision began to turn black. It wouldn't be much longer now.
Just as I thought I couldn't take one last breath, his grip was released.
All I could hear were the sounds of bare knuckles hitting skin and not long after my name being called.
Darkness, however, took over and I gladly succumbed to it.