I woke up around midnight.
“Shit, Tristan wake up I fell asleep!” I jumped out of his arms, which was a big mistake since it was freezing. I pulled on my clothes, wishing I had time for a shower.
“Mm, a few more minutes.” He mumbled in slumber. I shook my head and growled. It was way too far to walk.
“Wake up! My mother is probably worried!” I hit his chest and he jumped up, pinning me to the bed. His eyes were wild and his look murderous.
“Tristan it’s me. Calm down. It’s Andy.” I said in a soothing voice. He regained a look of composure and got of the bed.
“Sorry…reflexes.” But somehow I doubted a normal person had such reflexes. I nodded my head though, to please him. “I have to leave.” I gestured to my watch.
“Ok. Give me a few minutes, I’ll meet you in the car.” He tossed me the keys to his truck and I followed his orders. I took one last look before I left the room and saw his face. He looked scared and lonely. Two emotions I never witnessed Tristan having before.
The car was warm by the time he came out of the house, dressed in sweatpants and a White T.
We didn’t speak one word to each other the entire ride. The streets were empty and he didn’t even put the radio on.
“Are you mad?” I whispered as he stopped in front of my house. “Was I not…good?” I didn’t feel embarrassed asking him, just scared.
He took my hand in his and met my eyes. “You are amazing, always were and always will be. There are things you don’t know about me and I don’t want you to know. A dark side of me that I can’t hide sometimes. But when I am with you, it’s so easy to just be me. And I always want to be with you…” he kissed my finger tips and I felt a flutter in my chest.
“Too bad. Timing was just off by a few years.” I said. I felt my eyes watered and thanked God it was too dark for him to see.
“We’ll see. Things can change.” He pulled me in for a kiss. I kissed him like it was our last, since technically, it was.
“I think I love you Andy Parker.” He whispered against my lips. I couldn’t help it and felt the tears fall down. I kissed him and sobbed. Before he could say anything I ran out the door and onto my porch, not looking back. I felt my heart tug as I heard his engine roar and leave the driveway, wishing for the first time I was someone else. Someone older…. at least I would have had a chance with him…
By the time I woke up in the morning my mother was gone to work, and angry note left on the kitchen table. My sister smiled smugly as I read her heated words. At least I wasn’t grounded…
“So where were you so late?” my sister asked, eating her pop tart.
“Neruda’s.” I murmured. My voice was raw from sobbing all night and I knew my eyes were red. I did my best with makeup, but you couldn’t hide the look in my eyes.
“Wrong. Mom called Neruda’s and she said you were at detention.” She smiled. “Try again.”
“Shut up! Okay I don’t need anymore drama than I already have in my life, okay?” I screamed, my voice cracked with emotion and I felt more tears, if possible, threaten to fall. Her face dropped the smug look and she became concerned.
“Andy, are in any type of trouble?” she sat next to me and took my hand.
“It’s something you wouldn’t understand.”
“I’m not that young.”
“Yes you are…”
“Okay, maybe I am…but my teachers say I am way too mature for my age.” She smiled and I laughed hugging her. It was these rare moments that I treasured with my sister.
“Okay. School.” I muttered, swinging my bag over my shoulder. Even though I felt like shit, I looked great, as I passed the mirror. I needed to make up for the tired look in my eyes.
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I came into school, meeting Neruda at the entrance.
“Hey so your mom called last night, what happened?” she asked, not beating around the bush. I laughed at her eager attitude.
“I was just out. I forgot to call my mom. You know how she is.”
“Well with good reason. Of course she is always worried about you. She’s never home and you and your sister are alone half he time. “ Neruda opened her locker, tossing her books inside and only taking a binder out.
I nodded my head, my eyes scanning the hall.
“Is it just me or is everyone awfully quiet around here?” I whispered. Students we sulking around the hall. I saw a group of girls chewing their nails and talking in whispers. In fact everyone was silent.
“Yeah, weird. Hey kid, what is going on?” Neruda pulled aside a boy who looked to be a sophomore.
“Umm, well you know that senior Sonny? Well, the rumor is, he’s dead.” He whispered, glancing around the hall. I gasped and looked at Neruda.
“What the fuck? When did this happen?” Neruda pushed him against the locker.
“I don’t know the details, it’s just what is going around. Supposedly he went out late last night and never came back so his dad called the cops. There are a few stories going around. That he got into a gang fight a town over, that he got with some girl and her boyfriend beat him to death. No one really knows yet…” he looked at me and I felt my stomach drop. I had just argued with Sonny the other day…
Neruda let the kid go and looked me in the eye. “You ok?” she asked.
“Why wouldn’t I be…” I started towards homeroom.
“Well, you kind of knew Sonny in a weird stalker way.” I nodded my head, keeping my eyes down. Who would kill Sonny? Sure he was an ass…. but to kill someone?
I sat in my desk, not really paying attention to anyone. Tristan closed the door and stood in front of the class.
“As you all have heard, a member of our class was found dead this morning. I am not supposed to give too many details, but what I can tell you is he was shot.” I gasped and met Tristan’s eyes. He only had eyes for me….I glanced at Shirley whose face was red from anger.
“There will be grief counseling available for anyone who needs it all day. There will also me a memorial tomorrow morning before lunch. Let’s bow our heads and give a moment of silence…” I stared at the desk, too shocked to breath. He was shot? I can’t remember if I even told Tristan about Sonny harassing me…I’m sure I did. Would he do something like that…. for me? The thought made me sick.
I was zoned out the entire class and when the bell rang I grabbed my things.
“Wait, Andy!” Tristan yelled. I ran out the door before he could do anything, bumping into Shirley around the corner.
“Hey, look who it is. Teachers pet.” She smiled. “Too bad the only boy who thought you were attractive is dead, huh? Funny how things work out. Maybe you should become a lesbian.” She laughed.
“Oh you would like that wouldn’t you? Maybe you’re the dyke here Shirley. You seem to really like me since you do nothing but talk about me. Plus, you just can’t stay out of my love life? But I have to say I am flattered, but I don’t swing that way.” I gritted my teeth and pushed passed her, finding my way to the guidance office. I really needed guidance right now.
“Excuse me I need to talk to someone.” I said to the office receptionist.
“Sure honey, take a seat.” I nodded my head and sat. I was alone in the room, and other than the fan, it was silent.
“Hey Andy, how are you?” Ms. Becker came out greeting me. She was the school’s head counselor. She knew almost everyone, especially the seniors since we needed the most guidance in our last year. I smiled and shook her hand.
“I’m well. I just needed to talk.” She nodded her head in understanding and led me to her office. Ms. Becker was an older woman, probably in her late forties. She also never frowned. Her smile was contagious and all the students loved her. She looked elegant today in a black blazer suit with a pencil skirt. Her hair was up in a nice bun and she had a glittery butterfly clip in.
“Okay, so what do you want to talk about?” she sat behind her desk and I sat in the comfy leather chair across from her. I placed my bag on the floor and cracked my knuckles.
“Where do I start?” I questioned myself.
“Start with how you are feeling right now.” She said.
“I feel, confused. And scared.” I said.
“Okay, why do you feel this way?”
“I guess because. Well I trusted someone, someone who I became very close with, and now I don’t know if they are really who they say they are.” I explained.
“Is this a boy, or a girl?”
“A boy..” I said. Well he was a man but let’s leave that information out of the pot.
“And how do you feel about him?”
“I think I love him…I’m not sure. I don’t know much about him. Hardly any of his past and he makes me so mad sometimes. But when I am mad at him I still want him to hold me. When I go to sleep I think about him and when I wake up he’s the only face I want to see.” I took in a shaky breath.
“That is love honey.” She smiled at me. I frowned. “I don’t want it to be though. I don’t trust him.” I sat back in the chair.
“What don’t you trust about him?” she asked. I squeezed my eyes shut. “Whatever we talk about…is it confidential?” I asked. She looked me square in the eye.
“Well…unless I feel like you are going to hurt yourself, everything you say to me is, by law, kept here in this room.”
I debated in my head whether to tell her about the gun. “He has a gun.” I said before I really thought about it. Her eyes widened.
“I don’t think he would hurt anyone though. He is a sweet man, really nice.” I said.
“A sweet man?” she asked. I blanched and could tell my face was white as snow.
“I mean, boy, man, guy…all the same right?” I nervously twirled my hair. She nodded her head. “So you have seen this gun?” she asked.
“Just once. He never threatened me or anything. I just, I am hesitant.” I said, trying to find the best word.
“Well, I could see why you would. Does this have anything to do with what happened today with Sonny?” she asked. I nodded my head.
“I don’t think he would, but Sonny had been bothering me and I told him, the guy I am seeing, was seeing…well whatever, I told him and know I just am worried. What if he did?” I leaned closer.
“If you feel like he may have a part in the murder then you need to talk to the police Andy. This is withholding information if you don’t say something now.” She marked something in her notepad.
“No. This isn’t a confession or anything. I don’t think he did, I just needed to get it off my chest…you can’t say anything, you promised.” My voice raised a pitch and I became flustered. What have I done? Why couldn’t I keep my mouth shut?
“If the case doesn’t progress and find some sort of evidence I may have to give the police this lead Andy.” She stood, trying to comfort me. I pushed away before she could touch me. “This was a mistake.” I muttered and left, leaving her standing halfway out of her chair.
I rushed out of the office and bumped into someone.
“Sorry.” I muttered, glancing up. Isaac smiled down at me. “Hey you. You look beautiful today.” He said, looking me up and down. I smiled at him. “Thanks.” He walked me down the hall to my next class.
“So how are you? I heard about Sonny,” he said. I looked up at him and nodded my head.
“Yeah….I guess I am ok.”
“Well why wouldn’t you be? He was a jerk right.” I felt shivers go up my arms. He was a jerk, but he was dead and he deserved some sort of respect. I just stayed silent.
“Sorry, I know you knew him for a long time. I just didn’t like the way he treated you babe.” He slung an arm around my shoulder and pulled me close. I was surrounded by his scent and smiled.
“Thanks. I appreciate it.” I smiled, wrapping an arm around his waste. This just felt right…
“So, it’s Friday…what are you doing tonight?” He asked, playing with a piece of my hair. “What do you think?” I asked sarcastically.
“Well I was going to ask you out, but you know, if you are going to be like that then forget it.” He pouted and I laughed.
“Shut up! I am not doing anything. What did you have in mind?” This was the only way I could get over Tristan…I needed to move on with my life.
“Well, I was thinking dinner and a movie is so overrated. Plus I don’t want to be yelled at by any ushered anytime soon.” He laughed. I giggled and punched his arm.
“So, maybe we could go to this party down by Patch Field?” he said. I furrowed my brows. “Isn’t that where all the thugs hang out?” I asked. “Thugs? Pshh, what is this, Grease?” he laughed.
“No really, isn’t that like dangerous?” I asked. We reached my class.
“No, not when you’re with me babe. I will protect you forever and ever.” He kissed my nose and I blushed. Neruda walked by.
“Hey love birds.” She snapped her gum.
“Hey.” Isaac and I said in unison.
“So I heard you guys are going to Patch for that party? Can Jeremy and I tag along?” she asked hopeful. Isaac rolled his eyes. “Of course!” he said and I laughed at his sarcasm.
“Oh shut up, you know you guys love me.” Neruda laughed. I saw them exchange a look when they thought I wasn’t looking. What was that about?
“Okay, so see you tonight then?” Isaac turned to me, his back to Neruda. I smiled. “Of course, pick me up around nine?” I asked. “Yeah, I’ll call you before I get there.” Isaac kissed my cheek and left, giving a fake salute to Neruda as he left.
“What was that about?” I asked as we entered the class.
“What?” she asked, sitting down.
“You guys act like you’ve known each other for a long time…” I said, waiting for her to elaborate.
“No, I have known him just as long as you.” She kept her eyes averted, a sign she was lying, but I left it at that. I would find out sooner or later. For now, however, I needed to focus on class.
I started the walk home when I heard a car pull up beside me. I didn’t even need to look and see to know who it was.
“Leave me alone.” I said. He pulled over, slamming the door when he got out.
“Talk to me.” He whispered. I felt his hand on my shoulder.
“Tristan, please I have homework and then a date.” I didn’t meet his eyes.
“Isaac right?” he asked, his teeth gritted.
“Yes.”
“You hardly know him!”
“I hardly know you!” I sighed, frustrated.
“Andy, you know me. But listen to me when I tell you Isaac isn’t who he seems, ok?” he pleaded.
“How do you know who he is or what he’s like?” I felt the tears, but chocked them back.
“Because I do…”
“Did you think Sonny was a bad guy too?” my voice grew cold. He let go of my hand. “What do you mean?” his voice was deadly and I knew this accusation was crossing the line but I had to.
“Well it just kind of falls into place doesn’t it. I told you he was giving me a hard time, you have a gun. Maybe you just didn’t like the fact that he had feelings for me?” my eyes clashed with his and I knew he reached his limit.
“What the fuck are you saying, huh? That I killed him!” I felt him shake me by the shoulders and I gasped.
“I didn’t kill anybody Andy, and before you go accusing anyone, you should think twice.” His voice was like poison in my ear. He tightened his grip on my shoulder.
“You’re hurting me!” I yelled.
“Do you like it?” He pushed me against the hood of his car and I gasped at the feeling of the metal on my skin.
“Let me go!” He held on for a moment longer and let go. I moved away.
“Don’t accuse me of murder. Ever….” He said, facing the woods. I felt a tear slip from my eye as he sped off, leaving me in a trail of dust.
I bit my lip and continued my way home on wobbly legs. I loved him. I loved Tristan Taylor…I loved a murderer.