May 22, 2015
Souix Falls,North Dakota
The sun is so bright on my face. My eyes burn as I open them. The light too much for my pounding head.
Why didn't I close the blinds? I let out a small whimper of distress.
I just want to lay in bed all day and not talk to anyone. I don't know if I can bear to face Ryan again after last night. In all honesty, I really don't want to. How can you face someone after something like that?
Something so heartbreaking.
I turn my head and glance at the clock, it's only eight in the morning. I groan in frustration and get out of the king sized bed.
Slowly, I trudge to the bathroom and shower, then do my make-up and hair. They dark circles under my eyes are difficult for me to cover today.
My eyes have a puffiness as if they are swollen from all the tears that I spilled last night.
I dress in a long sleeved black plaid shirt and wranglers again and slip on my brown boots. It's only nine in the morning now and I know Andrew isn't awake yet and I am not in the mood to put up with him. He can find his own damn ride today.
Jerk.
I pick up my black stetson cowboy hat and put it on my head. I grab everything I need and head out the door. I take about five steps down the hallway towards the elevator when I hear him behind me.
"Laina." I scream loudly as I turn around, putting my hand on my chest.
"Ryan, what the hell!? You know I hate that!" I glare at him.
Although he smiles, I can still see the pain in his eyes. They look red as if he had been crying. Swollen and puffy just like mine.
"You wanna get some breakfast with me?" He quickly asks and I just nod my head not trusting my voice.
He looks so good in a blue button up shirt and wrangler jeans with his boots. His white cowboy hat bringing out his bright gray eyes.
Gah! Stop it! I want to pull my hair out. Why, even when he looks miserable, he looks excellent? It's not fucking fair.
The ride in the elevator is tense and awkward. Not one of us knows what to say to each other. It is so frustrating but nice at the same time.
What would I even begin to say?
We walk out through the lobby of the hotel and walk down the street to a small diner Andrew and I had visted the morning before. It has an older look to it but is nice. We take a seat and order our food. I try my best not to look at him. I feel like it's our first date all over again and I am squirming in my seat.
"Nice to know I still have this effect on you." He smirks.
"Shut up." I mumble and I try to hold back my smile.
"This is nice. I missed this." He says seriously.
"Don't, Ryan. Please don't." I shake my head. "Don't bring back the memories I've tried so long to forget." I beg.
I don't feel like reminiscing right now.
He sighs, clenching his jaw. I'm not trying to make him mad I just don't think I'm ready to really forgive him yet.
"When did you start bull riding, Laina?" He asks changing the subject. I don't answer until the waiter leaves after setting our coffee's down on the table.
"I rode before I met you. But after you left and she died, then my mom, I really got into it. It was my therapy." It was more than that. Bull riding was what brought me back to life again after feeling dead for so long.
"What was her name?" He asks. I can feel my lip start to quiver but hold in my tears. The look in his eyes kills me.
"Paisley Renae Adams." I say truthfully. He looks at me shocked as if I've grown a second head.
"You gave her my last name?" He says in awe as he looks down at the table, playing with his napkin.
"I did. I called you Ryan, and your number had been changed. I wanted you to meet her so bad. Or at least know about her. I tried the best I could." I tell him, closing my eyes tightly.
I don't even hear him get out of his side of the booth and come sit next to me. He puts his arm around me. I lean my head against him and he kisses the side of my head.
"I'm so sorry, Ryan. I wanted to tell you. I needed you. I was terrified." My face is soaked in tears again.
"No baby, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. If I had known, I would have came. Hell, I would have never left in the first place. I didn't want to leave, baby. I swear it. I loved you more than you'll ever know. I still love you." He holds my face in his hands and kisses my tears away.
My heart stopped in that very moment. He didn't want to leave? Why did he?
Wait, he loved me? I wiped my face and nose with my hands cleaning up what Ryan didn't.
"Then why did you leave?" I asked quietly, looking at his face. He smiles sadly and kisses my forehead gently.
"Let's not worry about that right now. We need to get to the arena. They are having a meeting with everyone. Why didn't you tell me you rode bulls when we first met?" He asks curiously, as the waiter brings us our food.
"I don't know. Nobody ever knew except my parents. I knew you wouldn't let me if I had told you. You were always over protective of me." I sniffled and let out a small laugh as I pour maple syrup over my pancakes before cutting them up.
"I still am. You better tell that friend of yours to watch himself." He growls, before taking a bite of bacon.
"The great Ryan Adams jealous? Who'd ever thought he was so insecure?" I tease.
"I am not insecure! I just do not share well. You are mine. He wants in your panties. I can tell." I roll my eyes and eat some more of my food.
"Who cares?" I shrug. "He is so busy searching for buckle bunnies he hardly notices me. He even recommend I go on a search for some jackelopes. Besides, you and I are not together." I warn him.
"Jackelopes? What the hell is that?" He asks raising his eyebrows in question.
"Apparently, it's a male version of a buckle bunny. He said I needed to find one and get a good romp in the hay." I tell him, finishing what's left on my plate. After I'm finished, I get up and walk up to the counter and pay the bill for breakfast.
When I look back at Ryan he's still sitting in his seat. Just by the look on his face, I know he is mad. Not mad, furious. I quickly leave the tip on the table and walk out the door.
I know Ryan will follow.
I yelp when I feel his two hands grab my waist and pull me against his chest.
"You need a jackelope, huh?" He asks breathing in my ear, making me breathless.
"No. You know I'm not that type of girl." I state truthfully.
"Good. Like I said, Miss Jackson, I don't share."
"We are not together, Ryan! My last name is not Jackson anymore." I snap. He lets me go and takes my hand as we walk back to our trucks.
"We will be." He says confidently. "Why did you change your last name?" So many questions.
"I didn't want the same last name as that monster, so I changed it to my mother's maiden name." I feel my jaw clenching at the thought of him.
"Now I know why I never knew you rode bulls until now. I heard stories about you. Mostly dirty ones. You do realize almost all the bull riders want to fuck your brains out right?"He grumbles irritably. I just shrug my shoulders. I could honestly care less what they think or want. They all usually leave me alone. Andrew tells me everything they say though and it's absolutely disgusting.
"I am a woman in a man's world, Ryan. What did you expect?"
"Well, now I'm going to have to kick their asses all the time when they say shit."
"Whatever you say, Ryan." I have to laugh at his possessiveness. I missed it. Even though I shouldn't even be missing anything about him.
Could I take that chance of him possibly breaking my heart again?
You know you want to, my subconscious smirks.
Do I? I retort.
We drive separately to the arena and walk to the meeting together. Ryan insists on holding my hand the entire time, refusing to let go. My knuckles cracked and popped when I tried to pull away from his death grip.
While the two of us sit quietly in our chairs, Andrew gives Ryan the stink eye. Burning imaginary holes into the back of his head the entire meeting.
I swear I feel like I'm in the middle of a pissing contest. Two alpha males trying to mark what belongs to them. We sit for an hour and listen to the people in charge talk about today's events.
Apparently, they are having steer wrestling and roping going on today. Then tomorrow, after everything is done, we are signing autographs for fans. I love my fans, but most of them are men, and very inappropriate.
You'd be amazed how many we have even though we aren't professional riders.
"I really don't want you riding, Laina." Ryan says as we walk out of the room, pulling me to a stop. I am in no mood to fight about this.
"Well I am, and I don't want to fight about this Ryan. You are not my boss." I demand. He sighs almost defeatedly.
"Don't think I don't know about that bull Smith & Wesson. I know what he almost did to you." He all but snarls.
Damn these men knew their gossip. That bull still haunts me in my dreams. I was lucky his horn had only pierced my left shoulder and had not done any serious damage. It was more of a scratch in my opinion.
"If I would've known then that you were the one that had gotten hurt, I would've stopped you then. I would have spanked your little ass so hard, you wouldn't have been able to sit for weeks." I feel my face flush at his words. Everyone is staring and listening to us. Already adding a new story to talk about behind our backs. He said, she said bullshit.
"And I can assure you, another blow to the jaw would've made you remember a few things."I hiss. I could see his body tense at my words.
I was not that eighteen year old girl anymore that he was going to boss around. He could sure as hell try but I was going to put up on hell of a fight.
"We can talk about this later. This conversation is not over." He says pointing his finger at me before storming off in the opposite direction.
"What the fuck was that all about?" Andrew asks walking up beside me, slinging his arm over my shoulder.
"You don't wanna know." I reply with a sigh, and lay my head on his shoulder. I'm about to get a headache from all this shit.
"Wait, did you find yourself a jackelope?" He questions, with a smile, but it doesn't quite reach his eyes.
"Something like that." I laugh forcefully. "So what bull did you draw for today?" I ask trying to change the subject.
"Redneck Crazy. Not the best, but hopefully my ride can make up for a high score. Who did you draw?"
"I'm not sure yet I am going to find out right now to check. Wanna come?" I smile at him warmly.
"Oh, I would love to come. Why don't we go somewhere and you can help me." He says huskily. I smack him in the shoulder and rip his arm off of my shoulders.
"You are so gross! Freaking pervert!" I scoff, walking away and hear him laughing behind me and gives my butt a smack. I yelp loudly, holding the stinging flesh. He is asking for an ass whooping!
We reach a small board with our names on it and I look for my name. When I see the bull I have to ride today, my heart stops. I know Andrew can sense my panic.
"You have got to be kidding me? Smith & Wesson!" He almost shouts the name as if it tastes like vinegar on his tongue. "Are you okay, Lane?" He asks concerned when he see's my now pale face. His hand rubs my back trying to soothe me.
"I'll let you know after my ride." I say with a broken voice and practically run away screaming.
I hurry back to where Rebel is, and try to distract myself by tending to him. I cannot believe this. This is going to suck. This day is just getting better and better, I think to myself.
[*]
The calf roping is finally over and the bull riding is about to start. I start getting my gear on. My black chaps, protective vest, dull spurs, and leather gloves.
After I've gotten everything situated, I pick up my braided rope. My hands are trembling so bad I can barely hold on to it. I'm not sure yet whether it's from the shock, or fear of what may happen.
I haven't seen Ryan since earlier and I know he is mad at me but I don't have time to worry about it. This day has been very stressful already, and the worst part is yet to come.
I patiently sit alone watching the other riders take their turns until the time comes for me to ride. I really don't want to be around anyone but can still feel all of the eye's burning into my back. Their worry for me seeping into my skin.
"Lane Stokes, your up next!" Dave yells.
I can feel my heart rate start to pick up. I swear it's going to burst out of my chest. I walk over to the chute and look the devil bull in the eye. He is as mean as I remember, with his one horn and beady black eyes. I swear those black eyes can see right into my very soul.
I step over the fence sitting myself on the animal's large back. The bull jolts forward a bit making my heart stop beating in its place. A few guys help me adjust my rope as I calm myself down.
I am about to panic. I feel like I could faint. I can feel the blood draining from my face. My breathing is erratic, getting more and more shallow at the moments pass by.
"It's okay, baby. Trust me." Soothing, reassuring words hit my ears. I look up and meet those gray eyes.
His hand caresses my cheek and he gives me a small, forced smile. All my fears seem to disappear for a moment, and I nod, not being able to find the right words to say back.
With one last pull of the rope I adjust my hand and get myself in position.
"Let 'er buck!" I scream.
The gate flies open and the bull blows out of the confined space. He is ruthless. I match his spins and spur his sides with all I have. This bull is not happy, and every spur to his sides makes him buck harder. Furious with every kick I give him.
When the buzzer fills my ears, I'm terrified to let go. Reluctantly, I release the hold on my rope. My worst fear comes true when my hand gets caught.
Everything feels like chaos. My body hanging like a rag doll, being drug in circles.
A few of the rodeo clowns are trying to help distract the bull from spinning so I can free my hand from the rope but it is not working. The bull keeps turning like crazy, jerking my arm so hard I fear it may rip right off. My feet aren't even touching the ground for the most part. This bull wants a piece of me, and he is determined to make sure he gets it. His head reaching around my way to try and throw me around in the air. It isn't until he changes directions and spins the other way that I escape.
With one last tug my hand breaks free and his back legs hit my body me sending me flying backwards.
My back hits the dirt and the wind is knocked out of me as I roll a few times. Somersaulting over and over like an acrobat at the circus until coming to a stop. I lay there for a few seconds before I get up, catching the breath that had been lost from my lungs. My right arm won't move.
It's been pulled out of socket.
A rodeo clown gives me a shove off the dirt, breaking me out of my shock, yelling for me to run. When I see the worried look in his eye's I take off towards the fence, and in that moment, I know the bull is coming after me. Eye's set on their target.
I can hear Andrew and Ryan screaming my name as I run. I can hardly hear them, all I can seem to hear is my own breathing and rapid heartbeat. The ground shaking behind me, the bull getting closer and closer with every vibration of the earth.
Ryan is standing, leaning over the top of the fence, his arm extended out for me to grab. I take a leap of faith and grab it, pulling my legs up high underneath me. The fence jerks beneath me as the bull hits it with his head. I let out a yelp of fear as the metal fence clanks together. I barely made it.
"Laina!! Baby, are you okay?!" Ryan asks, in a worried tone looking me over for any injuries as he lifts me over the fence. I shake my head.
"My arm has been pulled out of socket!" I groan holding it with my other arm as he sets me down on the ground.
"She okay?" I hear Andrew ask from behind Ryan. "She's okay but I am going to need your help." Andrew gives Ryan a questioning look.
"Er- okay.." He agrees, unsure of what he has just got himself into.
"You grab hold of her while I pop her shoulder back in." Ryan orders lowly in his ear, thinking I can't hear him.
Wait, what? I quickly shake my head.
"No, please don't!" I beg, backing away from them quickly. I turn and get ready to run. Andrew quickly grabs me by the waist before I can get away, while Ryan takes my arm and begins pulling and rotating it.
Next, I hear a loud pop and I scream. Ryan pulls me into his chest, wrapping his arms around me.
"Sshh... It's okay, baby. I got you. I've got you." He whispers gently in my ear as a few tears stream down my cheeks. My arm aching from the pain.
"Lane Sykes, with a score of 91.6. Like I said boys, that is one hell of a woman." I gasp at the announcement. Ryan's eye's go wide.
That's the highest score I've ever gotten.
"Oh my God." I squeal, my hurt shoulder forgotten for a moment. Oh my Lord, I feel like a teenage girl squawking as I jump up and down like an idiot.
"He's right you know?" Ryan comments.
"Huh?" I ask confused.
"You are one hell of a woman and you're all mine." His confession makes me blush and Andrew gives him a scowl.
"That's something that we need to discuss I think, don't you?" I ask. He just shrugs.
"Not to me, you have always been mine, Laina. I've never been with anyone since you." He admits. Whoa! Andrew takes that as a sign to leave the two of us alone.
"Never?" I ask dumbfounded.
"Never." He states.
{*}
After Ryan's little confession, he insisted I go get checked out by our EMT's we have on stand by. I was furious because I wanted to watch him ride. I was just lucky I could here the scores being announced so I had the general idea of how it went.
"Ryan Adams with a score of 90.2."
Damn, that man is going to give me a run for my money. He is right behind me in points. I can't help but smile, he never did like to lose when he competed. I always told him you still get prizes from first to third place, but he wouldn't hear any of it.
"Ms. Stokes? Would you like something for your shoulder?" The EMT man asks.
"No, but do you mind if I sit and rest for a few minutes?"
"Not at all, sit as long as you like." He says walking away.
I feel so tired all of the sudden. The stress of today has finally caught up with me.