S U L K Y S T I T C H
Dear Readers,
Hello, this is UnseenGoddess! I hope you enjoyed the June 2013 Spazzy Magazine Issue, and I hope you are currently enjoying this current issue too! Quick note from me before you go on to reading this month’s Sulky Stitch column, if any of you have any problems that you a concerned with, please inform me and I will personally reply as soon as I can with my advice. Any problem at all, please don’t wallow on your own with no idea what to do, come to me, and I’ll help you out on a little advice! It will be featured in the next issue and you definitely don’t need to display your own name. Possibly create your own Spazzy nickname just to remain anonymous. Doesn’t that sound like spazzyfun? This column might feel slightly depressing because of everyone’s worries piled up in one place, but seriously, it’s really meant to help others pick up their feet again. And that’s really a good feeling, for me as well as you guys. Well, let’s move on, please enjoy!
Yours Sincerely,
UnseenGoddess
Dear UnseenGoddess,
Hey, a girl told me she liked me the other day, but I already have another girl I like. I told her that, and we are really good friends so she understood. Later on, she encouraged me to confess my feelings to that girl, telling me that it was worth a shot. So I did, but it turns out, she likes another guy, so she couldn’t reciprocate my feelings. This is so ironic, right? I mean, I was shot down for the very same reason I shot down another girl. I’m not quite certain what to do now, not that I’m breaking down or anything. It’s just, both girls are close friends to me, and things seem to be a bit more awkward now than it used to be. What should I do to repair things? I really like both girls, one as a friend and one as more, but if both don’t work, I’m fine with that, and I can move on. But I’m not sure how they are taking it and I really want to remain friends with them.
From Captain Red
Dear Captain Red,
Well, this is a nice little triangle you have. Nothing is more complicated than a triangle, but you have to keep in mind, the structure of a triangle is one of the strongest. So, you have two options: breaking the triangle, or keep it going. Now, both options encourage some steps that might not be satisfying on the short-term, but trust me, the long-term results will definitely agreeable. So, you need to consider both girls’ feelings. Girl 1 (the one who confessed to you), most likely still likes you, since I assume you don’t simply get over someone right after confessing. Girl 2 (the one who you like) will most definitely still like this other boy. So, you have three options as well. The first is the easiest: FORGET BOTH; MOVE ON. Do the best you can to sustain the relationship between the girls, as harsh as it may be on Girl 1 But feelings can move on over time. What you can’t account for, though, is the present where feelings might be a bit erratic. Girl 1 may abolish all relations with you, but that really depends on how strong of a friendship you both had in the first place. You might even consider talking to her about remaining friends, and that you would support her in the next relationship. Ultimately though, you can’t ignore the feeling she might still have for you, though that doesn’t necessarily mean, bring it up every five minutes. Be conscious of her mood, if you feel that she’s not feeling well, you need to approach her. Now, option two, which I would call, the option where you move on, but stay at the same place at the same time. You’ve experienced the same way that she was turned down. This means you can definitely empathise with her. Think about it, you even mentioned it. You were turned down for the very same reason you had to give: feelings for another person. You already really like Girl 1, spend a bit more time with her, and you might begin to develop new, stronger feelings. Don’t force it though, because if in the end and you find you don’t actually like her, that would be very harsh on her. Furthermore, absolutely DON’T return faux feelings for her. I cannot stress this enough! Not only would this be punitive and unfair on her, it absolutely immoral! Don’t do it! Option three is slightly more complex, but in its own way, it’s concise since you’ve should already started on it anyway. She likes another guy; so obviously, there’s a chance he may reciprocate her feelings. Of course, there’s the very chance she doesn’t, so you might be able to swoop in and take the chance. Strange things about girls though (I’ve seen it), they never seem to move on so quickly. They wallow on their own for a bit, excessively complain to their friends, before moving on to the next. Sometimes they look back, sometimes they don’t. You’d have to make her look back. This is very, very difficult, seeing as people can be very fixated on what’s in front of them when they have the determination, especially when you’re trying to turn their gaze. So, what you need to do is remain natural around her. Smile and laugh. Try as best you can as to remain within her vision as much as you can. Don’t do anything awkward, like intimate touches that will only make her uncomfortable. What you need to get across is a feeling of “Okay, I just got turned down by you, that’s okay; I’ll respect your space.” Something along those lines. Help her get over him in a sneaky way. Eventually, she may develop some feelings for you, and this would happen a lot easier than before, since now, she is aware of your feelings. She will be more aware of you. So, in the end, you have two options to work with, apart from leaving the work and forgetting them both. Turn to Girl 1, since you can empathise with her. Girl 2, because she is now more aware of you (though I have to say now, being more aware of you is more awkward than you’d think!). However, although this is as it is, if you want to maintain good relations with both, it all boils down to you and how you act. Don’t flaunt whatever relationship you have with the other girl to the other. This may inflict conflict within both, and ultimately you. And don’t do anything that is unnatural, not until you are absolutely sure that you can without making them uncomfortable. Good luck!
Yours Truly,
UnseenGoddess
Dear UnseenGoddess,
So, my boyfriend and I have been together for approximately a year and a half now and I love him a lot. But recently, for some reason, I’ve been a lot more edgy. Maybe I’m afraid to lose him, I don’t know. Anyway, he’s been talking to my friends a lot more recently. And not talk, I mean talk. I mean flirting. I do encourage him to get along with my friends because they’re my friends and….you know. Anyway, what do you think I should do? Or am I overreacting? He’s still really sweet and everything with me but I can’t help but worry…
From, B
Dear B,
Hm…well I suppose in a relationship, it is very easy to doubt your partner, but you need to do the best you can to maintain trust. He’s probably appealing to your request to get along with you friends, or at least retain your happiness by retaining your friends’ happiness. Well, the best thing to do is trust him as much as you possibly can. In an intimate relationship, trust is the most fundamental structure that holds it up; it’s the base of the stairs. However, sometimes a twinge of sixth sense happens, though be careful not to confuse it with overreacting, just as you seem to be worried about. In order to not overreact, I suggest taking action slowly and calmly. Make sure you’re not agitated when confronting him, and I do encourage you to confront him, seeing as you seem distressed. Chances are though, you are overreacting, but you won’t know until you ask! ‘Actions speak louder than words’ is definitely true, but some people can’t dictate their actions to suit their words. Try not to come across as desperate when confronting your boyfriend, but make sure not to seem too casual either or he may not take it seriously. Hope this helps!
Yours Truly,
UnseenGoddess
Dear UnseenGoddess,
Recently, I’ve gotten a hold of my best friend’s Facebook account; he forgot to log out of it on my phone. I forgot about it, and when I found out, I was going to log out, but he was talking to someone whilst I was in the process of logging out. And it turns out he’s been doing some stuff that really worries me. He’s started up an online dating account, and numerous events happened, leading up to the distribution of ‘private’ pictures. He was discussing this with one of his male friends, and I guess that might be why he hasn’t talked to me about it since I’m a girl, even though we’re best friends. I’m really worried, because it seems he’s not talking to one girl, but three others, not including the one he’s exchanging pictures with. I don’t want to confront him about it, and I think maybe seeing a teacher might be the best thing to do, since I don’t want him to think I willingly breached his privacy. But I’m still not completely certain of what to do.
From, Lady of the Snow
To Lady of the Snow,
Please, don’t! Absolutely don’t see a teacher! Not at first anyway. Believe it or not, seeing a teacher may bring more harm than good. For one thing, the teacher will confront your friend about your concerns. He or she will not tell him that you were the one who gave the information, but eventually, it will link back to you, one way or another. Once he finds out, not from your mouth, he’s going to be undeniably enraged by your actions. True, you may have been trying to help, but it will not turn out well, no matter how many times you tell him you were trying to help. The fact is, he’ll feel betrayed for not being met first. And yes, thinking about telling him sounds very scary and perhaps difficult, but trust me on this, it’ll be totally fine. Log out of his Facebook now, if you already haven’t, and confront him later on about what you read. Something similar happened to me with my friends once, except in this case, my friend read another girl’s messages that were complete insults to her. Did not go down to well. And she went to see a teacher about it. That definitely didn’t end well. The two are now acting as complete strangers to each other, and I believe the problem laid within the limited amount of trust both allowed for each other. True, adults have their way of solving problems and are often to be relied on, however there are some things that we as teenagers must deal with on our own. Of course, with our own maturity. If things start going south, that’s when I strongly suggest seeing a teacher. It will not be your fault, you did your best to act maturely, but sometimes that may not reach others. Do your best, talk to your friend about your concerns, why you’re worried, how you want him to deal with things. But in the end, you need to realise, you can’t force your ideals upon him. Tell him, tell him the reason behind your ideals, but if in the end, he continues down his path, make sure to watch out for his back. Some people can be so fixated on what’s in front of them, that they completely forget that some things can easily bypass them. That’s your job as a best friend, to protect him from the things that only you can see. And remember, trust is absolutely essential, and in some cases, the notion of being honest can overcome the wrongness of some actions and can therefore be forgiven.
Best Regards,
UnseenGoddess