Significantly shorter chapter and also a bit choppy. Very sorry; wasn't quite sure how to structure this one...
But I hope you enjoy it nonetheless! :)
“Now it’s my turn for a question.” Luke said, softly.
“Seems fair.” I said, reluctantly. “What do you want to know?”
“Why do you run away from me?”
I froze, not expecting that question. “I…um.”
Luke’s brows settled into a puzzled frown. “Is it something I’ve done to hurt you? Have I made you feel like you couldn’t trust me? If you tell me, Del, I promise you I’ll make it up to you. I never want you to feel that way about me, like you can’t talk to me.”
“Luke.” I cut off his ramble with a single word. I smiled wryly. “It’s not your fault, ok? I promise.”
He copied my small smile at the reuse of his earlier words. “Ok.”
I took a deep breath, aware that I was going to reveal another ugly secret I’d kept. One that I’d kept completely to myself.
One I hadn’t even told Jules.
“When I was dating my ex…” I bit my lip, bowing my head to face the ground.
“No.” Luke whispered, tilting my head back up. “I want to see your eyes when you tell me. Your eyes are so beautiful, so expressive. Please look at me, Del.”
I put my hand over his wrist and stroked the back of his hand with my thumb as I continued. “When I was dating my ex…we fought a lot. He told me it was normal, that couples in love fought a lot, but made up. His idea of ‘making up’ was me admitting I was wrong. I hated it. We would say hurtful things to each other, only with the intention to hurt. He had a thick skin and would shrug it off, but I couldn’t always.” I forced down a sob. “There are only so many times a girl can take being called useless and ugly and nothing. But he told me it was love and I believed him. I believed him because he was the only constant in my life, the only thing that was always there. He hurt me, yes, but he also took away the pain of losing my mum. That’s why I don’t like confrontation.”
“That’s not all, Del.” Luke said, cupping my cheek tenderly. “I know it’s not. You can trust me.”
How could he always tell?
“When an argument got too heated…” I choked out. “Which was almost always, he would…he would…hurt me. He’d hit me. He’d hit me and tell me it was my fault for being stupid. He said this is what love was, and I just had to deal with it. Some part of me knew it wasn’t, because my dad had never hit my mum and they were in love. But all I knew was that my mum was dead and my dad was depressed and all I had was my ex to keep me from falling into complete nothingness. It was my fault he hit me, because I was stupid enough to believe it was supposed to happen.”
Then I was crying, jerking out of Luke’s grip and hiding my face in my hands.
Two larger hands gently pulled mine away and took their place, cupping my cheeks carefully and tenderly, holding me close.
I wrapped my hands around his strong wrists and held Luke’s gaze.
“It is not your fault, Delilah.” Luke said, fiercely. “It’s not your fault. Ok? Promise me that you know that. Promise me.”
“I can’t.”
“You are beautiful. And I wish I could have saved you from all of this, if only I hadn’t let myself get so caught up in Alison…”
“Stop it. Stop.” I said, putting a hand over his mouth. He looked at me, his eyes full of guilt. “Stop, Luke. I knew you’d do this. You always find a way to blame yourself. But it’s not your fault, this is something I have to take the blame for.”
“No.” The fierceness of his voice surprised me. “No. If it’s not my fault then it sure as hell isn’t yours.”
Luke pulled me close to his chest and I was more than happy to relax against him, fitting perfectly into his arms as though he was the missing puzzle piece to the full picture of me.
“I’ll kill him.” He promised into my hair.
I smiled slightly. “The last thing I want you to have is a murder rap.”
He chuckled and held me tighter. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that.”
“It’s not you fault, Luke. You promised. Please don’t.”
“Can I sing you a song?” Luke murmured, after a few minutes.
I pulled away, smiling. “Please.”
Luke got to his feet and picked up his guitar, returning to me and sitting down gingerly, being careful not to jostle his acoustic baby.
I shuffled into a comfortable position, close enough so I could rest my hand on his knee and far enough away that he could still play the guitar without being too distracted.
I recognised the tune he was strumming and a smile lifted my mouth. It was a favourite song of mine.
“You've got that smile,
That only heaven can make.
I pray to God everyday,
That you keep that smile.
Yeah, you are my dream,
There's not a thing I won't do.
I'd give my life up for you,
'Cause you are my dream.”
Luke’s eyes left the guitar in his hands and lifted to meet mine, leaving me instantly adrift in the sea of blue.
“And baby, everything that I have is yours,
You will never go cold or hungry.
I'll be there when you're insecure,
Let you know that you're always lovely.
Girl, 'cause you are the only thing that I got right now.”
His words were so beautifully sincere, the innocence of his eyes trying to convince me that he was being truthful.
“One day when the sky is falling,
I'll be standing right next to you,
Right next to you.
Nothing will ever come between us,
'Cause I'll be standing right next to you,
Right next to you.”
‘Right next to you.’ I mouthed along in time. He smiled.
“If you had my child
You would make my life complete
Just to have your eyes on a little me.
That'd be mine forever”
I tightened my grip on his knee, stroking circles with my thumb.
“And baby, everything that I have is yours
You will never go cold or hungry
I'll be there when you're insecure
Let you know that you're always lovely
Girl, 'cause you are the only thing that I got right now”
Tears of joy filled my eyes.
“One day when the sky is falling,
I'll be standing right next to you,
Right next to you.
Nothing will ever come between us,
I'll be standing right next to you,
Right next to you.”
An odd feeling stirred and swelled inside my chest and the pit of my stomach. A familiar feeling, one I had experienced only once before, when I was a young girl living in Sydney with a mother and a father and a best friend called Luke.
“We're made for one another
Me and you
And I have no fear
I know we'll make it through
One day when the sky is falling
I'll be standing right next to you
Ohh, ohh, ohh, ohhhhh”
This feeling tinted my cheeks pink, made my mouth curl into a shy smile and made my heart pound a million miles an hour.
I adored the feeling, reveled in it.
“One day when the sky is falling,
I'll be standing right next to you,
Right next to you.
Nothing will ever come between us,
I'll be standing right next to you,
Right next to you.”
Was it love? Did I love Luke Hemmings?
“You've got that smile,
That only heaven can make.
I pray to God everyday,
To keep you forever.”
He put down his guitar slowly and smiled shyly at me. “What do you say, Del? Will you be my girl?”
“Of course.” I nodded and grinned, squeezing his knee. “Of course.”
Luke gave me an answering grin and leaned forward, holding my face carefully and pressing his lips to mine.
“Does this make you my boyfriend?” I asked, pulling away and breathing heavily.
“Only if it makes you my girlfriend.” Luke teased.
I shrugged. “I can live with that. I kind of like the idea of you being mine.”
“Not as much as I love the idea of you being mine.”
We lay back on the picnic blanket, my head on Luke’s chest and our hands entwined as we watched the stars.
“No more secrets.” Luke whispered.
I closed my eyes and listened to his heartbeat. “No more secrets.”
I was glad he couldn’t see my eyes, and detect the small, carefully hidden lie in their depths.
“No more secrets.”
*
I tossed and turned in the tiny bunk bed.
Over the last few nights, I had gotten so used to sleeping with Luke that now I was struggling to sleep at all.
I picked up my phone and scrolled to his number, chewing my lip uneasily. I didn’t want him to know how needy and insecure I was, but I needed to sleep.
Before I could press anything, though, my screen changed and the phone vibrated in my hand.
Luke Calling
I answered. “Hey.”
“Can’t sleep?” Luke asked, his voice hoarse with exhaustion.
“I’m fine, Luke. Go to sleep.”
“You’re not fine.”
“Don’t tell me what I am and am not.” I teased. “Sleep now.”
“Let me sing you to sleep, ok?”
“No, you’re tired and need to rest.”
“Which I can’t do unless I know you’re ok.”
I huffed out a breath of air. “I just don’t want to affect your show tomorrow night.”
“The only thing that’s affecting me right now is that my girlfriend is ok.”
I felt my toes curl in pleasure at his words.
Girlfriend. The very title was as beautiful as song lyrics.
“I’m ok.” I said, my mouth curving into a smile.
“Then why aren’t you asleep?”
“I was thinking about our date.”
I blushed as soon as the words left my mouth. Had they been too cheesy?
There was a pause and then Luke said: “I’m almost blushing right now. You’re too cute, Del.”
I laughed softly. “Go to sleep, babe.”
“Alright.” Luke gave in with a yawn. “Don’t hang up.”
“I won’t.” I promised.
I waited until I could hear the deep breaths that signified his sleep and ended the call, closing my eyes and letting sleep envelop me.
*
“You hung up on me last night!” Luke pouted, when we all met for breakfast first thing in the morning.
I ruffled his blonde hair. “Your phone would have lost all its credit.”
“Don’t care.” He kissed my cheek. “If you ever hang up on me, I will keep calling you back until you answer.”
“Stalker!” Jules sang as she sashayed past.
“And proud of it!” Luke called back, taking my hand.
*
We arrived at Carlyle Hall, Hobart at approximately two-thirty-pm.
More than a little weary, we all trooped out of the bus and inside to the stage for sound check.
I shivered at the slight chill in the Tasmanian air. I’d gotten so used to the dry Aussie summer, but Tasmania was cooler.
Luke wrapped an arm around my shoulders and I relaxed into his body heat.
That night was back to normal.
The Tasmanian fans were a little more reserved than the other fans we had encountered, and it was a refreshing change.
Coco sung, I sung and then the boys sung.
We all snuggled and watched Toy Story together in our bus before retreating to our bunks.
I slept back in Luke’s arms and tried not to think of the dwindling days before this incredible tour was all over.